The Zinnia Blooms
by LythTaeraneth
Summary: A fun yet perceptive story of the marauders' formative years. Their lives get a bit messy and we know how that is. Perhaps, however, there's something in the middle we've been missing. Mild AU. OC Protagonist. now with beta. Formerly"Love is Misery's Mask
1. Express

Disclaimer: The only character of importance who is really mine is Lycaon, the plot is mine . . . for the most part you know the drill.

Author's Note: This story is currently under construction--getting a sort of face lift. The basic content will remain the same but I am going through the chapters with Enjie Yekcam, my beta, to clean things up. I try to update weekly—Saturdays—but I must admit that I'm not very good at that. All, the same I hope you enjoy the story as much I do and know that I always want to hear from you.

* * *

As of September 29, 2003 this has more correct formatting

As of January 25, 2004 I am editing Lycaon and the bias against Hufflepuffs.

As of July 1, 2004 . . . I am ripping my hair out. Yes, it's true, J.K Rowling released in an obscure area of her site that Sirius Black's eyes are, indeed, gray. So, I hope she's happy; she's just made forfeit about 1/3 of the Sirius/Remus fics out there. So, yeah, I'm changing this.

As of February 8, 2005 . . . yes, again. This time it's for the ages. And some things I just want to change. Ex. combining many of the earlier, shorter chapters.

As of April 23,2008 I cant resist. I wasn't satisfied with several aspects of this chapter and had to make it more palatable to my now more mature self.

* * *

The Zinnia Blooms-- The Express

* * *

The girl stood rooted to the pavement in front of the train to Hogwarts, her hair in a ponytail that managed to whip into her eyes—eyes whose abnormal color she was sometimes painfully aware of; she had never liked them. They were too dark, too secretive—and as she ran through worst-case-scenarios such flaws came to mind.

There was an odd sort of nervousness that sat deep in her stomach as she watched the movement on Platform 9 3/4. When her parents had asked her why she was so nervous she had said simply that it was going to be odd to be away from home so much.

_At least_, she thought, _I'm from a decent line of witches and wizards_.

Her family was pure enough; meaning there was no record of anything else. She found little comfort or meaning in this fact, unlike some of the people with whom she knew she'd be forced to be in contact with now. The Saers were a respected but not prestigious 

line. That is to say they were respected in that no one meddled in their affairs or so much as mentioned them in passing, except for around weddings, which were to muggle-borns and half-bloods more and more. Then there was talk. All the same, they were mostly pureblood. She tried to find the good in at least that _one_ thing.

"Come now, Ly, dear. You really should get on the train now or else there'll be no compartments left."

It had been her mother's idea to name her Lycaon, but it was such a mouthful that Ly had quickly become her nickname. Every now and then the sound of it—_lie_ –struck her as symbolic. Of what, she wasn't sure.

She looked around at what were soon to be her schoolmates. She saw tall kids, short kids, thin kids, fat kids . . .

_Blimey_, she thought, _I sound like that cracked up muggle book Mum bought for Elizabeth_.

At this thought she glanced at the bored little girl swinging from her father's arms—with a Hershey's chocolate bar poking out of her pocket. Lycaon's parents were _nuts _for all things muggle, mostly because Mr. Saer enjoyed taking things apart.

Ly forced a smile. "You're right, Mum. I'd better go, or I'll end up wandering the entire time."

Her parents both smiled and each gave her a big hug, which she hoped desperately no one would taunt her about. Elizabeth let go of Mr. Saer to squeeze her sister's arm, and then Lycaon was ready to go. She walked away and heard her mother shout from behind her.

"Don't forget to write!" Lycaon knew the voice to be her mother's—the gentle lilt, the accent, the enunciation, and . . . everything. She was going to miss it. Just before she got on the train, with her owl Eros hooting wildly, she turned and waved.

"Don't worry! I'll send you novels!" She gave a smile, knowing she wouldn't do any such thing, and heaved her trunk onto the train as her gut finished churning.

Ly walked down and, as the frantic noise of the other occupants diminished, she found an empty compartment which was to her liking. She wasn't in a hurry to meet anyone. Past experiences left much reason to let that wait. She put up her trunks with quite some difficulty ("Why am I so short and puny!?") and sat beside the window.

There were students and parents all around. She knew that some were first years like herself, and some looked substantially older and more self-assured. She saw a man dressed in black with a woman whom she supposed was his wife, also dressed in black. She fleetingly wondered if they were in mourning. They both looked rather severe, but the young boy they had with them, who seemed to be around her age, didn't seem to care one wit about what they were saying. She smiled.

She saw a chubby boy with a chubby mother and a chubby father and wondered whether or not he was as nervous as she was. _Not to judge, of course, _she thought with some remorse.

There was also a rather thin boy with beaming parents, his mother was fussing over him, and it was clear that he didn't want her to. Gangly. That was a good description. She saw tons of other kids and described many to herself. It was an excellent way to pass time. Besides, now that she was on the train she wasn't so sure about coming and needed a distraction. The multitudes of students and the grandness of the experience felt . . . overwhelming. All the same, she doubted anything could be as bad as the last five years of school. She'd be better in the future, though, and so would her experiences.

There were girls who looked near her age, but just watching them filled her stomach with dread. Would they be pleasant? Were they the sort that would enjoy her company? _What exactly __**is**__ the sort that would enjoy my company? _Oh well, she'd managed before and could find her way now. Of course, it might not be wise to send that tidbit back home. No, her mother would worry, and her father would judge. It would save time in explanations to simply omit it.

She checked her watch; she'd been sitting there for a while.

Suddenly there was a knock, but, doing the only thing she could call _dignified_ at the moment, she didn't jump. Jumping and flinching didn't stop anything from happening, after all.

When she said nothing the door slid open to reveal the boy with black-clad parents. Up close she could see that he was rather cute. He had black hair that fell a bit short of his shoulders and gray eyes. They reminded Lycaon of a thunderstorm in more ways than one.

"I didn't think anyone was in here. You really need to speak up. Mind if I sit down?" He needn't have bothered asking because it was rather clear that he intended to do exactly as he pleased.

"No, of course not," there was a touch of sarcasm, but he seemed not to notice. He nodded and grunted thanks as he heaved his overlarge trunk into the compartment.

_Behave, Ly!_ She berated herself. _You're. Going. To. Be. __**Different**__._

"ARGH! Bloody hell!" He then looked at Lycaon. "My mother made me over-pack. The woman doesn't _realize_ that I can have the same couple of uniforms and robes washed so that I can re-wear them," he went on by way of explanation.

Lycaon laughed, partially because he was funny and partially because she felt thatshe needed to actually make some kind of interaction with this boy she was to be stuck with for several more hours. The train set out of the station.

"So what's your name?" He asked as he sat down across from her.

"Lycaon Saer."

She stuck out her hand, and he shook it.

"Sirius Black," the boy said with a knowing, self-satisfied smirk. That name seemed terribly familiar, even though she didn't really associate with other wizarding families often. He opened the window, and a head popped through the open door of the compartment.

"You two don't mind if I join, do you?" This boy, too, had black hair but, unlike Sirius', his was short and disheveled as though it hadn't been combed_**,**_ and behind his glasses his eyes were hazel smiles.

"Naw, Go ahead," Sirius gestured to a seat, and the new boy nodded.

_I'm glad my opinion is so valuable._ Then Ly scolded herself again. Sirius was, obviously, just a . . . well… he was _something_.

"Thanks. The name's James Potter, by the way."

He struggled to push his trunk away and not trip over Sirius', which had been abandoned on the floor.

Ly had begun to feel overwhelmed again. _Perhaps I should excuse myself?_

"I'm Lycaon Saer," she said for what she knew wasn't even close to the last time.

"Sirius Black."

It was then that she realized who the Blacks were. They were a rich, fretfully stuck-up, pure blood family; and yet Sirius didn't _seem _that way. She looked over at the dark, moody boy by the window. The sunlight caught in his hair and highlighted his haughty expression.

Or maybe he _was_ that way. As James sat down on the seat by Lycaon, Sirius began to throw his clothes out of the window. James looked at Sirius as though he was mad, which, to Lycaon's knowledge, he just might have been.

"And what in Merlin's name do you think you're doing?" James asked.

This earned a smirk from Sirius.

"Well, I think I'm throwing these stupid clothes out the window," Sirius replied simply. Lycaon knew that James was still puzzled.

"His mum made him over-pack."

Ly crossed her arms lightly to hide the nervousness that made her hands shake.

"Oh_**,**_" said the bespectacled boy with a slow blink and shake of his head.

As Lycaon and James soon found out, Sirius' family expected him to be a Slytherin, marry a pure blood girl who was also in Slytherin and have pure blood children who also got into Slytherin. A very tall order for such a young boy.

"Blimey," James had said. "That's no good. No fun at all. It'd be interesting to see what they'd do if you _didn't _get into Slytherin."

Sirius had just laughed. "Are you kidding? They'd disown me!"

They had all laughed, if a little tensely, half knowing that his family would consider it.

Lycaon felt as though she actually had a chance at these two blokes being her friends. It was simultaneously terrifying and liberating. She began to realize that part of her had been hoping that no one would even talk to her—that she could somehow slip under the radar for the next seven years. _Just be brave, Ly._ "Well how about you, James? What house do you think you'll end up in?"

A large grin spread over James' face. "Gryffindor all the way. I'm not bookish enough to be in Ravenclaw or . . . well . . . Hufflepuff-y enough for Hufflepuff, and the other option is just _not_ the one for me."

Lycaon smiled weakly. "I'm not too sure where I'll end up. I suppose I can be rather bookish, so maybe Ravenclaw."

James laughed, still thrilled by his own prospects. "You never know, I've heard of some unexpected sortings that turned out to be right."

Lycaon turned to Sirius, feeling encouraged. "Hey, Sirius, if you wanted to get disowned all you'd have to do is get sorted into Gryffindor."

"That'd do it," he agreed. "But can you imagine the look on my parents' faces when they found out?" He laughed, and the others joined.

They were still laughing when the snack cart came by.

"Oh good, I haven't eaten anything today," Lycaon said as she pulled a small bag out of her sleeve. "This will be the first time in a long time I won't have to share with anyone," She glanced then at the boys. Perhaps they were moochers? She didn't know.

Sirius put up his hands in surrender. "We'll get our own, we swear!"

Ly just smiled. While that wasn't quite what she meant to do_**,**_ it seemed to work. Very quickly she grew into this new, accidental persona.

They ate the snacks, sometimes joking and sometimes just sitting in companionable silence. Ly mostly listened as James and Sirius related the greater parts of their lives to one another. All of them had come to the platform in their uniforms so they didn't need to change, merely put their robes on over-top. The train ride was longer than they had bargained for.

"I'm going to learn all sorts of stuff this year, you know," Sirius said casually. "I'll make sure to put all my jinxes to good use, too."

A smirk crossed his face_**,**_ and Lycaon found herself more interested than she had been this entire time, but whether it was in what Sirius was saying or the way he was saying it she couldn't tell.

James merely laughed, but Sirius wasn't finished.

"You realize, of course, that there will be all sorts of opportunities once we've learned some magic."

A mischievous glint shone in his eye.

"Like what?" James asked, though clearly already getting the gist.

"Well," he said nonchalantly, "I hear that Peeves the Poltergeist does a good job causing problems at the school . . . but," the glint returned, "we could cause mayhem."

Lycaon liked the intensity of the idea. She liked the vivacity it implied. Both James and she smiled widely.

"I like the idea of it, don't you?" Sirius grinned winningly.

"Well then," James seemed rather pleased with the idea. "We'll have to work on that once we get to school."

"But," Lycaon interrupted, "we really have to wait and see about class schedules and houses before we can work anything out. I think it'd be much less conspicuous to be spending time together if we were in the same house, though."

The two boys nodded in sad agreement. _Way to be the bearer of bad news, Ly._

Regardless, they talked and laughed the entire way to Hogwarts. At one point, James even dared Lycaon to plant a horde of dung-bombs in the compartment across from theirs, which happened to be full of 7th year Slytherins, including a sinister looking boy with long, white blonde hair. Actually, James had dared Sirius to do it, but he had 

declined seeing as he would probably be in more contact with them, and he valued his life to some degree.

"Well," James had said, "if _you _won't do it, I'm sure Lycaon will."

Lycaon internally cried out, her mind running circles and comparing pros and cons. Before her conscious mind even decided, though, her tongue was acting. It was as if she only knew one word.

"Sure."

Both of the boys looked at her in shock. She was just an up-and-coming witch who didn't even know how to use the wand in her pocket, and she was about to pull a prank on a bunch of Slytherins who were even of age to do magic whenever they so pleased. She was sure that in their eyes, that took some guts; but the minute Lycaon said it she was filled with nothing but regret. She wasn't the kind to go looking for trouble—it normally came to her. However, she simply couldn't back down now, could she? She wasn't prepared to lose face with so tentative of friendships forming. She wanted to be better—stronger. She couldn't quail now.

Lycaon took the handful of dung-bombs—courtesy of James—and walked outside of the compartment, knowing that the boys were watching her and knowing that they were no match for all those 7th years if she were to need backup.

Lycaon wasn't so stupid as to make it obvious, though. Even she had moments of celerity. There was a crack in the door, that's the only reason James had even suggested it. She stood with her back to the wall right by the door. The boys were practically gaping at her, and she was smirking to hide the fact that her stomach was roiling as she threw the dung bombs, one by one, in quick succession.

There was a series of loud pops followed by a series of disgusted groans. With one swift movement Lycaon was back in her own compartment with the door shut behind her and her new friends grinning appreciatively.

"Smooth, very smooth," Sirius said, seemingly impressed.

"This year should be interesting!" James was smiling broadly. "Guts like that will get you into Gryffindor."

"That's not up to us to decide," Lycaon just shrugged, trying to shake off the dangerous combination of nerves and adrenaline that pounded through her.

There was a good deal of loud swearing from outside, and James and Sirius laughed loudly. The boy with long blonde hair opened the door and glared at them.

"And what, pray tell, is so amusing?"

James looked dumbfounded, and Sirius looked vaguely sickened. Thankfully, Lycaon kept her head on minutely straight.

"James told a funny story, that's all," Her voice seemed more monotone than nervous, luckily. "Apparently, he accidentally made a pie explode all over the Minister of Magic when he was younger."

"How amusing," the young man sneered, "but one more outburst you'll all have detention when we get to Hogwarts."

It was then that Lycaon noticed a badge on his robes.

"And," the boy continued, "I look forward to seeing you in Slytherin, Sirius."

His sneer became more pronounced, and he left, slamming the compartment door shut behind him.

"Oh, bloody hell!" Sirius got up and locked it.

"You know that git, Sirius?" James asked incredulously.

"Yeah," Sirius replied darkly. "He's marrying one of my cousins in a few years."

He looked as though he had a bad taste in his mouth_**,**_ and Lycaon patted him on the shoulder.

"My condolences."

They somehow got rather deeply involved into the subject of relatives after that. That conversation—which became especially interesting when Sirius and James realized how closely related they were—carried them all the way to Hogwarts.

As they spoke, though, Ly began to feel that, more and more, she was growing into the part she was playing. She was imperfect_**,**_ and she still didn't quite fit, but she very much liked the idea of becoming this Lycaon.

. . .

When they got to Hogwarts they were greeted by a giant of a man: a relatively young, but nonetheless giant man.

"All Righ', All Righ'! Firs' years this way, firs' years over here**.**"

All of the first years obeyed, fearing the wrath of this huge man, although he seemed totally affable.

"Folla' me!"

Once again there was utter obedience. They reached a lake where there were boats waiting on the shores.

"All righ' now. We're gonna all get in these 'ere boats an', well no more 'an four teh a boat firs' off, an' then we're gonna go up to the castle. No 'orseplay or nothin', jus' let the boats take yeh over."

Naturally, Lycaon got into the same boat as her new friends. James looked around as the small mass of first years scattered into the boats all around them. One of these was a pudgy blonde boy whom Lycaon thought rather resembled a large blonde hamster. When she pointed this out to the boys they laughed and suddenly Lycaon felt sorry about it.

James then seemed transfixed.

Lycaon frowned and tried to follow his line of vision. After a moment she narrowed the possibilities down to a single red-head who looked unsure of where to go.

"What's wrong with James?" Sirius asked.

"A girl_**,**_" Lycaon answered with a small smile.

"Oh. Well, ask her to come over here, James!" He slapped the back of the other black-haired boy.

"Oy!" James called out, waving. "Oy, you can ride with us!"

The red-head seemed not to notice James in the least. Lycaon shook her head.

"Oy!" He cried out louder.

She looked over questioningly, and James grinned rather idiotically.

"Oy-" He suddenly looked troubled. "Bullocks, I have no idea what her name is." He bit his lip. "Yeah, yeah you –"

"Call her carrot-top," Sirius suggested.

"Come here!" He jumped waving more excitedly, having apparently made eye contact.

"James, you're going to frighten her," Lycaon said. She found herself stiffening as the boat rocked. They were only in shallow water, and Ly understood that. Her nerves seemed not to.

The red-head was walking over, however, and James was captivated with her and her alone.

"Let me give you hand_**,**_" he said as she began getting into the boat.

"No, I have it," she smiled.

"No, no, let me!" He grabbed her hand.

"I'm fine—"

"Come on—"

"The boat, James—"

"Will you _stop_—"

"Mates—!"

"What—?"

"Oh no!"

"AH!"

"Bloody hell!" Lycaon stood up, very wet. "I'm never sitting in the same boat as James again," She vowed.

"Me neither!" The red-head snarled, even wetter.

"I'm sorry!" James tried to stand up but lost his balance, splashing the girl even further.

"UGH!" The girl threw her hands in the air and stormed off.

James sighed heavily, muttered, and then kicked the boat.

"I think she likes you," Sirius grinned, less wet than Lycaon, James, or the red-head; having been able to catch himself.

"Merlin's beard! What'd I tell yeh about 'orseplayin'? I'll get yeh some blanket when we get across th' lake. I'd give yeh me coat_**,**_ but I already gave it teh somebody_**,**_" the gigantic man set his mighty fists to his hips.

"We'll be fine!" Sirius smiled and threw an arm around both James and Ly.

The man gave them a look but shook his head, righted their boat, and left.

They sat down in the boat and shivered a little. The red-head appeared to have found who she was looking for, an awkward looking boy, and from the filthy looks she was giving sending in their direction she seemed to think that James had in some way _meant _to soak her to the bone. Lycaon just shook her head in amazement.

"At this rate, all we'll have is each other, and we won't even be in the same house," Ly said.

"Do you know how they sort us anyway?" Sirius looked around as the boats all started moving.

"I don't know," Lycaon slipped into cognition. "My mum said they use a 'Sorting Hat'. She told me that she begged not to put her into Ravenclaw even though it really wanted to, and it put her in Hufflepuff instead."

Sirius surveyed her steadily. "Do you think _I _could ask it not to put me into Slytherin?"

"Well," Lycaon weighed the question carefully, "you could, but I guess it's the hat's decision in the end. But," she looked at him quizzically, "why on Earth wouldn't you want to be in Slytherin? Sure some of the people there aren't that nice but-" James snorted derisively.

"What an understatement," He muttered.

Lycaon poked his shoulder, and he let out an exaggerated cry of protest but the obliged by shutting up. She shook her head.

"_But_ . . . there's nothing that _wrong_ with it. Plus, you said it yourself, that's what your parents want for you."

Sirius leaned forward, rather close to Lycaon as _she_ had leaned forward somewhere along the line.

"Ah, but there you are. _I_ don't want what my _parents_ want. I don't care about 'Toujours Pur', and I really don't give a _damn _about being in Slytherin."

Lycaon just smiled and leaned back, hiding the unnerved feeling in her gut.

"Well I do have to wonder: how do you plan to get by once they disown you?"

Sirius waved his hand dismissively. "Aw, they couldn't do that. I'll just make up a clever excuse," He looked away, towards the increasingly beautiful view of the castle.

They all stared determinedly forward as they were led to a waiting area. They didn't speak before they entered the hall where they would most likely be split. They were each preparing themselves for what lay ahead.

Lycaon didn't want to be alone—not when she was so close to whatever these boys were, but she _knew_ they would be split, and it would be all she could do not to cry. She wasn't a baby, and she couldn't do that anymore. She couldn't quail now.

. . .

Sirius wanted more than anything else to be the black sheep in his family. He wanted to disappoint his family. He wanted to disgrace them. Such were the thoughts running through his head.

If not for the fact that, as Lycaon had so _graciously_ pointed out, he couldn't live on his own at this age; he wouldn't have even minded getting blasted off the family tree. But he didn't have a chance and he didn't feel very much like setting himself up for disappointment.

If there was anything Sirius hated more than giving his family precisely what they wanted, it was not getting what _he_ wanted. So he might as well start wanting what he was going to get anyway.

. . .

James had what he acknowledged as childish and yet all-too-real fears. Then he had irrational fears.

He dreaded, for example, being put in Slytherin. Oh _Merlin, _but he wanted to be put in Gryffindor! He came from a thoroughly Gryffindor background. Born and raised.

But what if?

Ravenclaw wouldn't be that bad. Heck, if he got into Ravenclaw—If they all got into Ravenclaw–that could work. Sirius' parents couldn't be angry with him for being intelligent . . . Lycaon had said that was her most likely option.

If only it were all up to him they would all be together. If it were all up to him, though, a lot of things would be different, wouldn't they? Something inside of him told him that it was hopeless but something louder told him that giving up wasn't his style.

. . .

Lycaon had gone through this numerous times already. Hogwarts was supposed be a new experience—she was supposed to make all sorts of new friends. She, however, had made her friends: Sirius and James. Three was a big enough number for her. Could she honestly expect more? She mentally reprimanded herself for setting herself up for failure. She wasn't hideous. She didn't smell. She hoped she wasn't too annoying. She was just plain with plain brown hair and . . . freakishly dark eyes. Eyes that no one liked in a face that was nothing spectacular.

With these depressing thoughts she entered the great hall with a stern-looking witch. Everyone else around her was quaking like a leaf in mid-autumn. She stood there, not with James and Sirius together in a group, but together in mind. They were as solid as a rock and completely resolute in their thoughts: be strong in this. Along with a subtext of 'this is a train-wreck', of course.

* * *

NOTE: O-kay! So here you have what used to be chapter one and two combined and improved. If, at this point, you are at all confused about Lycaon go read my one-shot 'Of Lycaon Amarantha Saer'. All shall be explained. There were some things that, originally, Lycaon was supposed to do that I gave to Sirius. There were also some scenes I outright re-wrote. How James met Lily, for example. I like this so far. I'm now pleased with this. A quick character guide:

Lycaon's mother- Mrs. Saer; Lycaon's Father- Mr. Saer; Lycaon's Sister- Elizabeth Saer; Bearded, large, gigantic, etc. man- Hagrid; Stern-looking witch- McGonagall.

And Lycaon is pronounced Lie-kay-on. Lie as in 'you told a **lie**'. Kay as in 'o**kay**'. On as in 'The book is **on** the table'. My pen name, on the other hand is pronounced 'lith'. As in 'mono**lith**'. I just happen to like to put the 'LY' combination wherever I can.

Thank you for your patronage!


	2. House and Home

Disclaimer: Yadda, Yadda . . .The only character that is really mine is Lycaon (other, less important characters not mentioned in the books are also mine), the plot is mine. The usual.

Thanks for being here!

* * *

The Zinnia Blooms--House and Home

* * *

The First Years shook, watching as the stern-looking witch brought out a stool with a hat (which Sirius assumed was _the_ hat) on it. It was far uglier than he had anticipated. Sirius could feel his insides churning at the very thought of the power that rag had over him. He hated it for its authority almost as much he hated his parents for placing so much weight upon the hat's judgment. Why the bloody hell did his parents have to be such _gits_?

The Sorting Hat opened the rip that seemed to serve as a mouth and began to sing:

"I admit that I'm not pretty  
But I'm as witty as you'll ever know  
And I'll put you in your houses  
For this is how it goes:  
For Gryffindor, the brave of heart  
For Slytherin, the cunning  
For Ravenclaw, the greatly smart  
For Hufflepuff, those whose loyalty is stunning  
All will have an equal chance  
In this school that you're now in  
I'll put you in your rightful place  
Where others like yourself will reign  
So put me on and let me search  
Just who you are inside  
I promise it's not painful  
So you really needn't hide."

The hat stopped singing and the hall erupted with clapping. The stern looking witch stood by the stool, and, when the clapping died down, she called out the first name.

"Abott, Richard."

A small, young boy with dirty blonde hair stepped forward. He sat with the hat on his head for a moment.

"Hufflepuff!"

Sirius cursed his father for the millionth time. Why couldn't his name start with 'W' or 'T' or something? Why 'B'? Why did he have to get up on that _ruddy_ stool?

"Bradford, William."

He had missed the 'A' sortings all together in his unhappiness.

Sirius watched as the boy tried to smile, and went to the hat, his hands shaking lightly. _Ponce._

"Ravenclaw!" The hat shouted roughly.

Bradford smiled good-naturedly as he made his way towards his House members, and Sirius took a deep breath in preparation.

"Black, Sirius."

He walked to the stool, proud that he wasn't shaking, and sat down, putting the wretched hat over his head_. I don't think I'll be able to stand their smug faces if I get put in Slytherin_.

'Ah, it's another Black! I think Slytherin would suit you nicely. You'd be with your cousins . . .'

Sirius could hear a little voice in his head and knew it was the hat, which currently rested upon his shoulders.

'NO! Anything but Slytherin! Just not Slytherin! Wait a minute—Am I begging a _hat_? I am still a Black.'

There was a chuckling in his head.

'Oh yes, you most certainly are. But why are you so intent on not being in Slytherin? I can see right here that it's what your parents want, but . . . ah, _there_ we are; you are a _rebel_. Oh, yes, Mr. Black, I see it clearly now, and what's this about . . . dung bombs? Well, never mind. There's plenty else here. It's…'

"Gryffindor!"

The hat shouted those three simple syllables into the room, and Sirius was so ecstatic that he completely lost composure. He laughed as he joined the Gryffindor table. He'd done it: he'd won.

. . .

Lycaon could swear that her heart was beating in the most irregular way. What was done was done; Gryffindor was the ticket. She needed to be in Gryffindor.

There was a mindless blur of names and sortings and cheers but she heard a shout of Gryffindor and looked up. The red-head from the lake was walking proudly to the table. This hardly concerned Ly.

_How am I going to get into Gryffindor? I'm so . . . I'm not brave_. She bit her lip. _I must be. I must be what I must be so that I can do the things I want_.

Another shout of Gryffindor rang out. A blonde.

Ly shook her head and was gone again. _I have to be there; I have to be there . . . I don't want to be alone—not again. Not when I'm so close. Not when I have so much at my fingertips_. Another shout of "Gryffindor!" roused her. A thin, tired-looking boy—appearing almost too tall to be a first year—was making his way to the table. His hair was strange in that it was grayish brown, and as he walked Dumbledore smiled down on him fondly.

Dazedly, Ly listened to more sortings. Mary Ouneyan was, evidently, a Gryffindor. Additionally, a Peter Pettigrew, who she recognized as the blonde hamster, was also, rather surprisingly, put into Gryffindor; he shook as though small earthquakes rattled his bones.

"Potter, James." She watched as he strode to the stool, looking a bit cocky, and sat down putting the hat over his head. It was there for but a moment before shouting "Gryffindor!" at the very top of its lungs, that is, of course, if it even had lungs.

There were only a few more names before her own. She didn't pay attention to any of them anymore. Nothing mattered but James, Sirius, and herself in Gryffindor. Finally she heard her name.

"Saer, Lycaon."

She walked over to the stool not feeling very confident, but refusing to let it show—even _if_ her world was spinning slightly. She sat the hat on her head, but it slid to her shoulders. Feelingly completely ridiculous, she waited for some painful something somewhere in the region of her brain stem.

'Hmm.'

She could hear something that seemed to be precisely where she had expected to feel pain.

'Indeed, you are a difficult one to place . . . it's a tie between Ravenclaw and Gryffindor if you care to know. Actually, though, I suppose you'd be just fine in Slytherin. Merlin, would you look at that? Well three way tie, I suppose.'

It _was_ inside her head. It was the hat, thank Merlin. For a moment she had considered studying Occlumency if people were trying to steal into her brain. Not that there was much that needed protecting up there.

The voice spoke again. 'Well you are definitely very intelligent, but you're also very bold. You may not see it yourself, but you're very bold. You're straight-forward with your attacks and slightly opinionated.'

'Hey! I resent that!'

'That's _exactly_ what I mean. So, I think it will have to be…'

"Gryffindor!"

She felt herself grinning widely. It was done. She put the hat back on the stool and went over to the Gryffindor table, beaming. She sat across from Sirius, right next to the boy with the odd-colored hair, so that she could still talk to both of them. She decided that, however odd his hair color was, it was just fine by her; they were housemates now. They watched the others get sorted. Right after Lycaon was one Severus Snape.

Lycaon watched the boy approach the stool and realized that he was the boy from the lake that the red-head had ended up with. He was small and pale with black hair that, though semi-long like Sirius', held no charm or grace. The boy placed the hat upon his head, and, after a moment of deliberation, it let out a bellow of Slytherin.

"Odd," Sirius remarked. "I don't know any Snapes."

"Do you know every wizard in Britain?" Ly asked, unable to help herself in her exuberance.

"No, but I _do_ know practically every Pureblood family in Britain."

"Maybe he's not pure," James suggested with a shrug. "Sometimes even muggle-borns get into Slytherin, you know." The subject must have lost interest for James, then, because he turned his attention to Ly. "Have you got a nickname, by any chance? It'll get tiring if we call you Lycaon all the time."

Lycaon nodded. "Yeah, it's Ly. Everyone complains about the length, so my mum uses that."

He smiled. "Excellent!"

At this point one particularly bad-off Hufflepuff went to the table with the hat still on and had to run to put it back while the rest of Great Hall laughed, somewhat inconsiderately. Lycaon wondered how often relieved first years actually did that.

When they had all been sorted, Dumbledore stood. "Now, now, students, settle down. I have something very important that I must convey to you." He was smiling broadly. "It's time to eat!" And, on cue, the plates became full of food.

Lycaon's sense of wonder manifested itself in a thoughtless grin.

"He's a great man, that Dumbledore. Definitely knows when it's right to talk." James began to pile food onto his plate.

Lycaon gathered up her meal just as eagerly as the boys. Though there wasn't quite malice there, Ly felt some of the other girls eyeing her suspiciously. It was happening already—they were deciding that she could never be one of them.

Ly needed a distraction.

Sirius and James were deep in some conversation, and so Lycaon looked around the table. The blonde hamster of a boy was talking excitedly to a very bored looking girl right next to him, but the other boy was completely and utterly alone. She never _had_ liked to see lonely people; it seemed unnatural.

"Hey, you, what's your name?"

It may not have been the most tactful thing to say but it was better than not being talked to. She knew that much.

He looked up, apparently trying to tell if he was the one being spoken to. She smiled. He was sitting to the right of Sirius which only made him look more lost. Next to Sirius' larger-than-life antics, anyone would seem smaller.

"Yes," that one word got his attention. "I was talking to you."

He looked at her, a bit blankly.

"What's your name?"

He was like a person waking, and it was as if everything said to him had to be translated before it could be processed.

"Oh," he blinked and his eyes had more life when they opened. "I'm Remus Lupin."

She nodded and smiled, recognizing that now he was fully conscious.

"I'm Lycaon Saer."

. . .

Remus smiled back at this girl. He felt so out of place, but displaying that would only serve to make him appear more awkward.

"It's nice to meet you, Lycaon."

Maybe it was pathetic, but he had already planned out a series of questions to ask his new housemates. That's right; he had a formula for conversation.

_I'm hopeless._

"So, where are you from?" His voice was just audible above the din and babble around them.

"Just outside of London myself. What about you?" Her voice was clear despite the noise.

_See how much stronger all these people are, Remus? God, why am I in Gryffindor? _

He waved his hand dismissively.

"Way out in the middle of nowhere in a muggle town."

To this she smiled again. She had a reassuring smile.

"That sounds nice. But then I take it you're not muggle-born."

He couldn't help but smiling, albeit a little weakly.

"No, my mum and dad were both magical, but they're not pure."

She seemed to notice the inconsistency of tense but she didn't say anything about it.

"Well, I come from a mostly pure blood family. It probably won't be that way at all soon. Unfortunately, I'm related to about a seventh of Slytherin as is, though." There was a small grimace there.

"Oy, Ly! Why didn't you tell me you were pure?" The boy Remus had been sitting next to spoke up. His eyes were dancing.

Lycaon looked at him incredulously. "I thought you knew every pure-blood family in Britain?"

"Practically," he replied defensively.

"Oh, does it even matter?"

"Well, not really," they were staring at each other in a stand-offish way, "but these are the sort of things that you _tell_ to your _friends_." The boy feigned looking hurt which earned him a biscuit lobbed half-heartedly at his head. He dodged it smoothly, and Lycaon turned back to Remus.

"Remus, meet Sirius Black." She gestured to him. "Sirius, this is Remus Lupin."

Sirius gained a slanted sort of grin that was fit to make girls squeal and nodded to him.

"Nice to meet you." Remus said and nodded back politely. "So, how much homework do you think we'll have the first week?"

Another tick on his list of questions to use.

"I don't think we'll have any." Sirius seemed not at all worried.

"I wouldn't bet on that." Ly put some more delectables onto her plate. "I hear the professors expect a lot of the students."

Sirius smirked. "From who? Your mum?"

Lycaon bristled which made her look rather menacing, but if Sirius noticed, Remus couldn't detect it.

"Well, wasn't my mum correct about the hat? It would serve you well to show a little more gratitude, Sirius!" Her tone was quiet and dangerous, but her eyes were on her plate.

Sirius seemed to detect the mixture of indignity and confusion in her and quailed ever so slightly but, considering the situation, hid it rather well with a charming grin.

"Aw, come on, Ly! You know I'm too sexy to be mad at."

Lycaon gave him one last glare and then resumed eating.

He just laughed and nudged Remus in the ribs.

"She loves us," he whispered jokingly and they both laughed.

"I can tell."

Remus had to admit, he _was_ feeling a lot more comfortable.

. . .

Lycaon forgave Sirius rather quickly. James asking if a little kiss from Sirius would make it all better was enough to make her drop it. They were all just friends, but she had spent nearly all day with he and James and she was beginning to fancy Sirius a little. Emotions really were quite troublesome. She felt bad about being so harsh with him for that crack on her mother, but not bad enough to apologize. Certainly not. She had been teased too much to act as if the fault was her own.

She had already noticed things about her soon to be roommates. Apparently, she wasn't the only one who had eyes for Sirius. There was your stereotypically blue-eyed blonde who kept throwing furtive glances at him. Sirius didn't seem to notice, though, and James was busy throwing much more noticeable looks at the red-head whom he had drenched in the lake.

"Hey, James, do you think we'll have many classes with those _lovely_ Slytherins?" She asked.

James was staring torpidly at the red-head. The fact that his chin was resting in his palm was probably about the only thing that kept him from drooling.

Lycaon raised an eyebrow at him.

"James, this is the first time all day that you've missed a chance to rag on the Slytherins. Are you feeling alright?" Lycaon inquired further.

Sirius was now looking at James, seemingly confused. He waved his hand in front of James' face, at which point it was held in a death grip to the table.

"Ah, bloody hell, Mate! Let go of my hand! GAH, GERROF!" He finally pulled his hand back from the still dazed James and rubbed it. "He's awful strong for such a scrawny little kid."

Lycaon was trying to figure out was going on, and when she realized it, she smiled every bit as mischievously as if she were pulling a prank.

"Don't you get it, Sirius? James is infatuated with that girl he tried to help into the boat earlier."

Sirius chuckled and looked at the girl as well. "I can't blame him. At least he picked a pretty one to fawn over."

Lycaon laughed quietly. "Boys . . ."

Remus looked up. "Hey! I'm a boy, and I'm not in on this."

Lycaon surveyed him. "True," she paused. "Oh well." She shrugged it off and heard Remus sigh. _I love messing with these blokes._

. . .

As Lycaon and Sirius attempted to prod James from his stupor, Remus watched them and thought suddenly of how he wouldn't have a chance with any of the girls here for the entirety of these seven upcoming years. He could tell they'd be groveling at Sirius' feet. There was one girl down the table who seemed to be considering it.

Lycaon seemed like one of those girls who was just one of the guys. She wasn't unattractive, really, but she wasn't pretty either. Her large, dark eyes drew one in at the same time that they shut one out. They did something to make her seem less human, somehow.

Both she and Sirius seemed rather mischievous, but James had been in his daze so long that Remus hadn't really gotten to tell much about him. If he had spent the entire day with these two, however, then he was probably ever bit as much of a troublemaker. He was in for it if James and Sirius were his roommates for all seven years. There _was_ one more boy, though.

"Lycaon?"

She looked up from the scene of Sirius poking the despondent James in the head repeatedly.

"Yes, Remus?"

"Are we going to ignore that boy right next to you all year, or are you going to make conversation with him?"

Lycaon looked straight at him for a moment, not breaking eye contact. As her deep green eyes stared into his blue-gray ones Remus began to panic, it was as if she was looking through him and into him; she blinked and the spell was broken, her head snapping up. Everyone has one physical feature which sets them apart, inexplicably, and for Ly, Remus knew, it was her eyes.

. . .

"Okay," she said with resolve. After a moment of debating whether or not to bother with the blonde hamster of a boy she had decided to go along with it. She was halfway considering poking him in the head but then thought better of it. He was staring, depressed, at what had to be his fourth helping of food and it would have only made him feel worse if she did poke him. She stuck her face down by the table instead, more on level with his slouching.

"Hey." She knew her voice was clearly audible and she didn't bother lowering it. "What on Earth are you so glum about?"

He looked up, seemingly fearful. Remus may have been a little shy at first . . . but at least he hadn't been fearful.

"Uh . . ."

She wasn't that intimidating at all, was she?

"Erm . . ."

She hoped not. That wasn't the purpose of the bravado she adopted. What kind of person stuttered at a casual time like this? It wasn't complicated stuff.

"Look, if that was too hard of a question then forgive me. How about this: What's your name?"

He looked a little more cheery, but consequently even more like a blonde hamster.

"I'm Peter. Peter Pettigrew!"

She stuck out her hand and he began shaking it wildly with an overly tight grasp. "GAH! GERROF!" She pulled her hand back. "Merlin! I'm Lycaon Saer and if you ever, _ever_ grasp my hand like that again I'll be forced to hurt you back."

He blushed furiously and nodded his head.

"Okay, Lycaon."

She sighed, knowing this was a lost cause if she didn't employ some more patience but unsure of where to find it. _Remember, Ly, at the very least you need his cooperation._

. . .

Unable to rouse James from his daze, Sirius looked around. Remus Lupin was talking to a rather chubby girl with russet colored hair beside him. From what he overheard her name was Mary Ouneyan. He looked over at Lycaon who, for reasons that completely eluded him, was struggling through a conversation with the fat blonde boy right next to her. Pettigrew was his name.

What was with all these Gryffindors? At least James was cool . . . and Lupin wasn't so bad. Most of girls, with exception Mary of course, were fairly pretty. And, Ly, of course. He laughed inwardly_. I almost forgot that Ly was even a girl._

He turned back to James. Was he _ever_ going to stop staring at that red-head? She wasn't _that_ great. He grabbed James' shoulder and shook it.

"JAMES! Snap out of it mate!"

James looked as though he had just woken up. "Huh? What? What's going on?"

Sirius shook his head. How could he be so crazy about that girl? They were eleven years old and he had barely even spoken to her, for Godric's sake.

"You've been _gawking_ at that girl the whole time." Sirius growled agitatedly.

"Oh," James was suddenly more alert. "I'll have to work on that."

Sirius rolled his eyes.

"The way you look at her, you'd think she was a Veela."

"Naw, her hair is nicer," James said, very nearly resuming his daze.

Sirius raised one eye brow at his friend. _A tad obsessive, are we?_ He shook James again and James had to work very hard to keep his glasses from falling off.

"ARGH! GERROF! Alright, alright; I'll give it up."

He shook his head.

"Merlin, mate. What's wrong with you?" Sirius was utterly baffled. "I mean, she's just a girl. You don't see any other blokes in this room drooling over a girl like that!"

"Oh, come on, Sirius." Lycaon's voice was suddenly directed at him. "Wouldn't you rather have him drooling over a girl than a bloke?"

Sirius turned his head and stared at her smirking face, but before he could say anything she spoke again.

"But of course, there could be something you're keeping from us."

. . .

Lycaon just couldn't help herself; she smiled impishly. He was looking at her incredulously, and the others were looking on; Remus and James with amusement but Pettigrew with an unreadable expression from the angle she was at.

"Ah, but that would be such a tremendous blow to all the girls here at Hogwarts! Why on Earth would I do such a thing when they'll be falling at the feet of the great Sirius Black?"

Lycaon rolled her eyes. He may have had one of the biggest egos ever, but he had recovered smoothly.

"You're a complete prat, Sirius." She laughed, signaling an end to it as she decided to introduce Peter to Remus, despite her growing partiality to throwing Peter into the lake.

. . .

Sirius took it that the conversation was over when Lycaon started to introduce Pettigrew and Lupin. Why she was bothering with Peter was beyond him. _Probably feels sorry for him or something_, he rationalized to himself. Then he realized that some of the people in the room were staring at the head table.

Dumbledore was simply standing there, smiling benignly, waiting for everyone to quiet down. He cleared his throat and everyone looked up. Strange how such a quiet thing could get the attention of every person in the hall.

"Now students," he said in a pleasant voice with annoyingly twinkling eyes. "I trust that you all have stuffed yourselves on our wonderful food, so we may now get on with a few start-of-the-term announcements."

He scanned over the room and Sirius could have sworn that he beamed over at their table especially.

"Now, as always, the Forbidden Forest is precisely that: forbidden. And under no circumstance are you to enter it unless you wish a very unfortunate accident upon yourself."

_Well_, thought Sirius, _we'll have to do that_.

"Secondly, we have a new addition to the school grounds: the Whomping Willow. Professor Sprout suggests that you all stay a good distance away from this most valuable tree, as it can sometimes get rather violent. Particularly at the adolescent stage which it is currently in."

Again with that unnatural twinkle!

"And on Mr. Filch's door is the ever-growing list of items which are banned from the halls. Now, if Prefects will please stand-"

They did so.

"And lead the students from your house out of the Great Hall, it will be much appreciated. I wish you all a good night's rest for your first day of lessons."

. . .

The Prefects began to holler for their First Years to follow them, and the little group of James, Sirius, Remus, Lycaon and Peter all did as they were told—if only because they 

had no reason not to. Everyone was full, content and subdued, except for the Gryffindor girls. They still managed to be so annoyingly giggly that Lycaon was sure that she'd have to leave the dorm just to get sleep. The next seven years were going to be quite an adventure.

* * *

Note: If you have any problems with me, let me know! Please, read on and review. I really like knowing what I'm doing right and wrong. I can handle a flame like a pro but I adore constructive criticism. This piece is all about experimentation so I need you to let me know when I go too far. Hopefully you won't find much, though, as the wonderful Enjie Yekcam already beta'd this chapter.

--Lyth


	3. Of Acquaintances and Art Forms

blank

Disclaimer: As though anyone is dumb enough to believe that I own much of this . . . the plot and Lycaon(and some other, minor characters) alone are mine.

Author's Note: Thank you to those who reviewed. This chapter is now completely finalized and perfected (to the best of my abilities with the assistance of the wonderful Enjie Yekcam). Thanks for being here!

The Zinnia Blooms—Of Acquaintances and Art Forms

Lycaon dreaded the moment that she would have to go to her new room with her new roommates. She wasn't sure what bothered her more: the fact that they wouldn't like her or the fact that she cared that they wouldn't like her.

So Ly managed to get the boys, as she had begun to refer to them, to sit with her in the Common. The Prefects had gone up to bed already—the lazy pricks—and so the boys saw no problem with staying up a little late; though Ly _did_ have a sneaking suspicion that James and Sirius didn't much care where the Prefects were.

She had asked James and Sirius if they would stay down in the common with her for a while and they had agreed, not looking the least bit sleepy. She had, without much thought, invited Peter as well. He had been there and it took far more to endure the awkwardness of excluding him than to invite him to stay, as well.

Inside the Common, the students diverged, ready for a night's rest. Lupin seemed particularly unnerved—_perhaps we've been too much for him_?--and made for the boys dormitories straight away, but Lycaon decided that she'd like to invite him. He was at least as enjoyable as Peter and, although his conversation had been a little stilted, there was something endearing about him. Somehow his lonely face made her feel connected to him, and she needed more of that if she was to face the girls tonight.

. . .

"Remus Lupin!"

He could hear someone calling his name, perhaps a little too happily, and stopped dead in his tracks. It was a girl. He had only told two girls his name, one of which was Mary, who had a very distinct voice, so he knew it could only be the other: Lycaon Saer.

He was learning to dread that name.

He turned.

"Yes?"

Lycaon was stood before him, completely nonchalant, leaning on the back of one of the comfortable chairs. The surrounding seats were filled with Peter, James and Sirius.

"Do you want to join us? We're going to stay out here for a little while."

He looked from the unsure twist of her lips to the soft, barely-understood thoughts in her eyes. _What harm could it do?_

"Sure."

He walked over as Lycaon slid into the chair gracelessly.

"Excellent!"

Although Remus doubted she meant to make him uncomfortable, Lycaon's sudden movements and somewhat exaggerated reactions put him on edge.

Remus sat down and looked at the others. They were all looking around at each other. Except for Peter. He was watching his fidgeting hands.

Sirius let out a large yawn.

"So, when do you lot think we should take our first trip into the Forbidden Forest?"

Remus felt himself frown.

_Is he __**insane**__?_ _Didn't he hear what Dumbledore said?_

_**Of course**__ he heard_, a voice chided in his head. _That's why he's going to do it._

"Well," James was speaking now. "I think we ought to wait about two weeks."

"Why?" Lycaon asked in her deceptively soft voice, which seemed to contradict her strong presence. "I say we can get ourselves acquainted with the grounds, but we don't have to wait terribly long."

Peter fidgeted some more.

"Are you sure you want to go to the forest?" Peter asked. "Dumbledore said-"

"Dumbledore practically asked us to go," interrupted Sirius.

"I don't know," continued Peter.

"Well, then don't come," Sirius said, impatience getting the better of him.

"I really think everyone should go," said Lycaon, her brow furrowed.

"Agreed," James asserted. "Listen, mates, we're definitely going, and all of us are going." He scanned the group over his glasses, commanding all attention. "We just need to be reasonable about when. It's no fun if we get caught or get killed."

Lycaon's head snapped toward him and her dark eyes, which he had begun to find unsettling, regarded him carefully. She was sizing him up, and it was _most_ uncomfortable.

"What do you think, Remus?"

Remus was caught off guard. There appeared to be no safe answer, no logical solution to these illogical individuals.

"Well," he looked to James, "I think that we need to prepared, but," he looked to Lycaon, "I think we can get ready in a week."

This answer seemed to please them both. On the couch that Sirius had all to himself he lay nodding slowly.

"Well, the sooner the better. I actually want to get to know that forest, not just go there because Dumbledore said we couldn't."

Lycaon rolled her eyes. "Oh, yes, because we all know you're too mature for that."

. . .

They all laughed at this, except, of course, for Sirius. He wasn't sure whether he should be genuinely offended or genuinely honored. It really depended: were they truly making fun, or was this something friends normally did? For the moment he was going to assume the latter.

At any rate, Sirius decided he might just like having a friend who was also a girl. Maybe she could help them understand the mystery that was womankind. Like the whys and wherefores of female tantrums.

And the importance of shoes.

The lot of them stayed up a little bit later, and, in time, their raucous laughter roused a Prefect. She had very sandy blonde hair and muddy brown eyes which did nothing for her case of being a complete nuisance.

If she wasn't even pretty then what good was she?

"What are you doing up at this hour?" Her shrieks were horrible enough to almost rival his mother's. "And you're First Years, no less! You have your first classes here tomorrow. Don't you think you ought to take it a little more seriously?"

James stood authoritatively, his hand outstretched as a sign of peace but his mouth curved into a defiant half-grin.

"Don't you think you're taking this a little too seriously?"

The girl's face turned bright red with emotions Sirius couldn't quite identify.

"Too seriously? Do not take me so lightly. I know this school—I am a Prefect! What do you know?"

"Well, I think I know quite a bit about serious matters," Sirius said, without much forethought. "I am Sirius Black, after all."

Although some of his friends chuckled the Prefect was not at all amused.

"What do you lot take me for? Have you no respect? You little cretins, I'll show you a thing or two! A couple of detentions-"

"Whoa!" James interrupted. "That's not really necessary, is it?"

"With a bunch of filthy brats like you, yes!"

She was appalling, but before Sirius could even think of anything more to say Ly was at the ready.

"Oh, would you just stop?"

She stood and suddenly made her presence felt. This seemed to alarm the Prefect as much as it alarmed Sirius.

"We'll go to bed, but you'll wake the rest of the house with your screeching."

The Prefect looked ready to make a retort but Ly stopped her with the lift of a singular forefinger.

"And, for the record," said Ly, "you have _no right_ to speak to us that way."

She turned on her heel, her ponytail catching the Prefect in the face smartly, and walked towards the girl's dormitories with the boys watching after her, reactions varied. Just upon reaching the bottom of the stairs she turned back, and in a much more jovial manner, waved to them.

"G'night, mates!"

With that she turned once more and ran up the stairs at a fast rate of long practice.

Sirius was left on the couch, flabbergasted.

Maybe she wouldn't be the best choice to help them understand girls; she was too confusing herself. And, now that he thought of it, Sirius supposed she wasn't very much like other girls, anyway.

The Prefect stood before the fire in shock as Sirius began to laugh quietly. The three of them had certainly taken her down a notch.

"YOU HEARD ME!" The Prefect's indignant shriek startled him. "Get to bed!"

She glowered at them, and, unwilling to engage in further confrontation, the boys scuttled off.

. . .

Lycaon had to pause to catch her breath almost immediately. She had hardly taken a breath during that whole exchange, so tense was she. Her hands felt weak but she noted a change: they didn't shake. Something of the magic of Hogwarts seem to be protecting and strengthening her.

She managed composure by the time she reached the First Year girls' dorm and, upon entering, was a little disappointed to find every last one of them still awake. From the looks of it all the beds were taken—but, no, there was one more.

Her bed was a conveniently placed separate from the others and much closer to the door. She doubted, however, that these light-sleeping girls would fail to wake just to spite her. Ly would have to take great care not to rouse them when she did sneak out.

She nodded to the girls but avoided making eye contact, rushing towards her bed.

"Hello."

She was there in two strides and began to pull out her pajamas. _Ducks! What possessed me to bring duck pajamas?_ No matter. She pulled her curtains closed and changed, aware of the other girls in the room whispering.

She choked down a groan. _What could they possibly be saying now?_ Lycaon left her curtains decidedly closed and slipped into bed. She didn't want to chat with those people. It would be like every other time, and they would be like every other group of girls before them. They would find her weird and give her uncomfortable looks, and it would never ever end.

So she would ignore them.

But _they_ just wouldn't let that happen.

Her curtains were pried open, with no regard for privacy, by the red head.

Lycaon stared directly at her, still lying on her back.

"Hello, may I help you?"

The girl raised one eyebrow, a feat which Lycaon had never quite perfected, though her attempts gave the same affect.

"Well, we were all just getting to know each other. We wanted-" there was a cough, "_I_ wanted you to join us."

Lycaon sat up. _Oh, wonderful, they already don't want me around_, she thought to herself.

"Sure, I just thought that tomorrow might be a better day, but," she shrugged, "there's no reason not to get it out of the way."

She knew instantly that she'd said something wrong because the red head was wearing a very forced smile. _Bugger__, I can't even get along with them_.

"Alright. Well, I'm Lily Evans." She stuck out her hand and Lycaon shook it.

"I'm Lycaon Saer, but if it's easier you can call me Ly."

Lily's smile looked a little more genuine. "Great."

Lily returned to her bed while Lycaon pulled her curtains completely out of the way, and the other girls took this as a cue of some sort.

The girl that Pettigrew had been boring, who had light brown hair and blue eyes –Why was Ly always identifying by eye and hair color?—piped up with her name.

"I'm Amy Weathern."

The blonde girl from down the table was next.

"I'm Crystal Henley."

The name was said in tone that reminded Ly of the way Sirius had introduced himself. This, inexplicably, upset her.

The next girl was, unlike the others, chubby, with red-brown hair and what Ly was pretty sure were brown eyes.

"Mary Ouneyan!"

At least she was cheery, with a certain earnestness in her demeanor.

Although she wasn't sure what kind of impression she was making Lycaon had a feeling that Crystal returned any initial dislike Ly may have felt. There was something in the lazy droop of her lashes over her cold, blue eyes and the disinterested arc of her pale brows which Ly took immediate issue with. There was something like her father's desire for control in this girl, and Lycaon did not like it at all.

The introductions were over but Ly was far from sleep, and she knew it.

_Damn these girlish customs. _

. . .

The boys were all up in the room, discussing—what else—the look on that Prefect's face.

"She looked like someone just spilled a bucket of dragon dung on her!" That was what James had to say.

"If Ly hadn't said it I would have!" Sirius laughed, jumping up and down on his bed.

James laughed some more.

"I see you're rather fond of using that nickname Sirius. Has someone got a crush on Lycaon?"

"Oh, completely," he returned sarcastically.

Sirius then laughed and sent a pillow at James' head; it hit him in the face.

Remus appeared from behind his curtains, now in his pajamas, laughing quietly.

Peter was giggling in a childish fashion and was clearly audible through the curtain as he changed. When he came out, he too was met with a pillow in the face from Sirius.

"So help me Peter, if you ever make that noise again, I'll have to strangle you."

It was half a joke and half a threat, and Peter laughed nervously, bobbing his head up and down in submission.

"Sure thing, Sirius."

James shook his head and it was Sirius' turn to be hit with a pillow.

"Honestly, Sirius, you're going to frighten him," he said exasperatedly.

"He already has," Peter squeaked.

Sirius rolled his eyes as he flopped down onto his bed.

"I thought they kept all the losers out of Hogwarts." He muttered under his breath and Remus, who had the bed next to him, chuckled in the way one does when he knows that he shouldn't.

"What? What's funny?" Peter asked anxiously.

"Nothing, Peter; nothing at all."

. . .

Lycaon smiled and, whenever one of the other girls said something that was supposed to be funny, laughed. Just below the surface, she was trying to feel out the situation.

Lily, while somewhat of a know it all, was decent and fairly nice. She was muggle-born and absolutely fascinated with Hogwarts and everything to do with the wizarding world, though her pale Slytherin friend had told her a thing or two.

Amy was half and half: her mum was muggle-born and her dad, they figured out, was some incredibly distant relative of Lycaon's mother which made them related, too.

Mary was more thoroughly mixed, her father a half-blood and her mother a muggle-born.

Crystal was a pureblood.

_Figures_, thought Lycaon.

Crystal made it very clear that she was simply superior and asserted this by taking control of the conversation.

"Did you see that boy down the table? He was so cute!"

Lycaon gave her a quizzical look.

"Which one? James, Sirius, Remus or Peter?"

Crystal looked slightly abashed—which gave Lycaon considerable satisfaction--and then sat up, dignified, like girls do. In fact, it was in the same as a cat or of all those many statues one can see of the Egyptian goddess Bastet.

"Obviously I don't know what his name was. I meant the one with the longer black hair."

Lycaon nodded, choosing to ignore the nasty tone.

"His name is Sirius Black. The one with the shorter black hair is James Potter; the one with the brownish hair is Remus Lupin—"

"I knew that!" Mary inserted excitedly.

Lycaon managed another forced smile. "And the blond is Peter Pettigrew."

Amy nodded at the last name.

"Yeah, Peter's a tad annoying."

She blushed upon hearing her own words, and Lycaon found this charming.

"I don't want to be mean, but I can't help but think it. I tried to be nice, really I did."

Lycaon laughed, but whole-heartedly this time. "You're not the only one, Amy."

"Well," Lily did the dignified-sitting bit, "I'm not sure that I like them."

Lycaon lay down on her stomach, feeling somewhat more at ease. "Aw, come now, Lily. James was only trying to be helpful."

Lily crossed her arms, not seeming to buy in it at all.

"What, does he think I can't take care of myself? Does he think it's an _honor_ for me that he helped be into a boat?"

Lycaon just shook her head. "He's really not that bad, Lily. James just likes you. He was staring at you all through the feast, in case you didn't notice."

Lily put her arms back at her sides, her hands clenched into fists—a further sign of displeasure. _Oh, Merlin! I've made it worse_.

"Oh, so now he feels free to stare at me like I'm some kind of display?"

Lycaon put up her hands as though she could create a physical barrier for Lily's growing rage.

"That wasn't the idea at all, and you _know_ that! He just . . . likes you."

Lily still looked murderous, and the other girls were trying to figure out what they were arguing about. The situation few more and more unpleasant by the second.

"He wasn't thinking about anything but himself."

"Actually, I beg to differ: he wasn't thinking about anything but _you_."

Lily blushed.

"Well, if you say he's not that bad then I'll take your word on it for now—but so help me if he pulls anything like that again!"

_That_, Lycaon supposed, _is as good as I can do for James_. If he really liked Lily he'd have to take care of it himself, but she could throw in a good word for him once in a while.

. . .

The next morning Lycaon was awakened by a certain someone's _unbelievably_ cheery ways.

"Everyone, wake up!" Lily said in a sing-song voice.

The other girls all got up grudgingly but Lycaon could only manage to groan and roll over, thankful that her curtains were drawn shut.

Lily took even that small pleasure from her. When she pulled them open she was positively sunny. She had to have been awake for hours already.

"Get up, Sleepy-head!"

Lycaon sat up, knowing that her hair largely resembled a bush of dark brown Merlin-only-knew-what, especially compared to Lily's sleek red hair.

"Lily, have you no shame?"

"You're not exactly a morning person, are you?"

Lily seemed a little put off.

"You're too much of one." Lycaon growled and clambered out of bed, one of her legs asleep therefore making it very hard to balance. She glared at Lily. "I'm going to get dressed."

Her uniform was pulled out and the curtain closed again, right in Lily's face. When she came out she was much as disheveled as before. After washing her face, brushing her teeth, and brushing her hair, she looked the better for it.

Lycaon soon gave up scowling at Lily—it took too much energy—and decided to go into the commons for a little bit, not quite hungry yet. She grabbed her school bag with all her supplies in it and headed to the common where she collapsed onto a couch, just until she could find the strength to go any further.

. . .

In the boys dormitories James was having a pleasant dream when a high pitched beeping ripped him out of the lovely semi-consciousness of the sleeping world and back into the dorm.

Remus rolled out of his bed and onto the floor, and James sat up with a jolt.

Sirius, however, was laying on his stomach in bed, attempting to shut out the noise with his pillow.

"Sorry, mates!" Peter squeaked while untangling himself. "I'm awake!" He said to the Wizard's World™ alarm clock and it stopped it's beeping.

The other inhabitants of the room, with the exception of Remus, were glaring at him. Remus couldn't have glared at Peter if he wanted to. He was sprawled out on the floor, twisted in his sheets with his face buried in the carpet.

All in all it was a fairly pathetic scene.

Sirius made to roll over and resume sleep but Remus was already up and determined to bring the others with him.

"Come on, mates. We have our first classes today."

With a groan James slid out of bed and made a mental note to destroy Peter's alarm clock as soon as humanly possible. Maybe he could do it while the little bugger was at breakfast? At any rate they all got dressed—Sirius more reluctantly than the others—grabbed their bags and went down into the commons, mainly because they had to go through there to get to breakfast. They were pretty-well starving.

. . .

By the time they had all headed down to the commons they were all awake, but Sirius was unable focus fully. He was hungry, and that did a great deal to distract him.

As they came to the bottom of the stairs from the boys dormitories he spotted Lycaon taking up most of a couch. He looked at the other boys, who seemed not to note the opportunity, and winked.

Sirius ran upstairs and was back in a flash with a cup of water. As stealthily as possible, he tip-toed over to where Lycaon was laying.

When he was about a foot away from the couch something happened that nearly had him jumping out of his skin.

"Sirius Black, if you pour that water on me I'll be _forced_ to retaliate."

He threw the cup over his shoulder.

"Ly, are you a seer? Because I don't know how you managed to hear me."

James and Remus were cracking up in the background. Sirius glanced quickly behind him to see that Peter had gotten hit with the stray cup.

Lycaon sat up and seemed to be considering him.

"Actually, you were completely audible, but, even if you _had_ snuck up quietly, you still think too loudly."

And with that she got up and headed off to the Great Hall leaving behind a bemused Sirius and an amused James and Remus.

Peter was simply mortified.

Peter ran up to the dormitory to change into dry clothes and the other three headed slowly down the hall.

"What do you think she meant when she said that I 'think too loudly'?" Sirius asked his friends.

"I don't know, she's very strange, that one," replied Remus.

James just shrugged but by that time Peter had caught up to them, panting heavily.

"Maybe she's Telepathic."

The other three looked backwards at him, surprised by his presence and puzzled by his statement.

"Peter, that is quite possibly the stupidest thing you have said yet." Sirius shook his head. "Only muggles believe in that nonsense."

_And yet_ . . . he thought to himself. _No, that's stupid._ _Ly couldn't possibly read my mind. That's silly muggle thinking._

_. . ._

Lycaon sat in the Great Hall, munching on some toast with orange marmalade and drinking her pumpkin juice. She was very fond of the food at Hogwarts.

Naturally Ly couldn't hear Sirius' thoughts, but he was _highly_ predictable.

And it didn't hurt that she had seen a reflection across the common as he was sneaking up on her.

As she laughed lightly the quartet trooped in. Quite a group they made, too. Sirius and James were in the front, both with their entirely different black hair, and Remus and Peter in the back.

Remus was _definitely_ looking a little weak and sickly. Ly wondered if perhaps he wasn't naturally frail. It would be _dreadful_ if he missed the beginning of school. Poor bloke, being sick was terrible, and she had a feeling that Hogwarts schooling wasn't the kind that you skipped when it was at all within your power.

The boys settled themselves at the table, and, watching them, Lycaon felt rather as though she had a guard with James and Sirius sitting across from her and Remus and Peter beside. Sirius looked at her intently while Remus and James started a conversation of their own.

"So, what did you mean when you said that I think too loud?"

Lycaon just laughed. _He's certainly bothered by it, isn't he?_

"Nothing, Sirius; you're just so predictable. How could I not expect that?"

"That's all?" He stared at her blankly.

"That's all." Lycaon nodded, and, she had to admit, Sirius _did_ look slightly put off.

"Oh, alright then." Sirius looked down at his plate, grey eyes at peace. Then he suddenly looked up. "Say, what class do we have first?"

Lycaon shrugged and rummaged through her bag for her schedule.

"Ah, here we are. Transfiguration with McGonagall, she's our Head of House. She's the woman who called us up to the stool last night."

Sirius nodded, at this point eating breakfast.

"Da'j good duh mo," he managed with his mouth full.

In the wake of his oddity Ly could only furrow her brow and smile.

. . .

Once they had all eaten Remus looked at his watch. His father had given it to him, or, actually, his father had left it to him. Mum and Dad had left everything to him, even if that wasn't much. It had a blue face with gold hands and little golden stars where the numbers should have been. No moon, thank God.

"Come on, mates, we have just enough time to get to class," he informed them.

The lot slung their bags over their shoulders and headed out, except for Ly. She had, Remus noticed, chosen to hold it out ahead of her and kick it as she walked.

She most certainly was an odd one. _Does she realize that she looks like a complete lunatic?_

The little voice in his head responded again. _'Maybe, probably, definitely._'

It would figure that he'd end up with a crazy girl hanging around with him. Then again, he wasn't so normal himself. He chastised himself immediately.

_I can't keep thinking like that_. _I'm_ _only different every now and then, more or less once a month_. In fact, it was only three days away, on the 5th. _Lord spare me_, he thought miserably.

How on earth would he be able to keep this from his roommates? Where was he going to transform? Dumbledore had said that he had it all worked out, but he hadn't told Remus just how. Remus only had the power to sigh and worry.

. . .

Lycaon heard a sigh and recognized it as having certain vocal traits of Remus'. She lagged behind a little bit and fell in step with him.

"What's wrong, Remus? You don't look so good."

She watched for any signs from him. _Maybe I should send him to the nurse?_

He looked up and fear briefly skittered through his eyes, further puzzling her. He looked away and ran his hand briefly through the silvery-brown hair which went just beyond his ears.

"I haven't been getting a lot of sleep lately. Just anxious about school, you know."

Lycaon nodded, even though something in Remus' voice betrayed him as lying. _But about what?_ She contained her sigh.

"You just need to relax. You're here, it's the first day of school, and it's not like you're going keel over dead because of it."

A weak smiled played over his lips and Ly felt that she had done at least a little something right if he was smiling.

So they headed into Transfiguration to find the brisk woman from the night before standing in front of the partially assembled class.

The group of them all sat towards the front. There were three to a table so, actually, in the front was, from right to left, Peter, James and Sirius. On the table behind them were Lycaon and Remus. The Gryffindor girls, who for some reason didn't—and probably never would—include Lycaon, filed in soon after.

Crystal was, naturally, in lead of the pack—truly that's all it could be called with such a looming presence. They seated themselves on the tables to the left of the boys. Well, mostly; Amy sat down on the left side of Lycaon and smiled pleasantly.

Crystal smiled more like a viper and in the direction of Sirius. Lily turned around in her seat and waved happily to someone in the back.

Ly rolled her eyes, part from frustration and part from something vaguely identifiable as bitterness. _Why? Just . . . why?_

As though they shared the same mind, Amy heaved a sigh as Crystal and Mary began to whisper excitedly to one another.

"I wish they would stop," Amy lamented, mostly to herself.

"I second that motion," Ly said with her friendliest smile.

"I heard that," hissed Crystal.

Amy blushed in reply and Ly simply made a face that she hoped said 'what of it?'

Beside Ly, Remus chuckled softly, but she couldn't muster that affability. _Honestly, who died a painful death and left Henley the throne?_

The last stragglers entered and then Minerva McGonagall cleared her throat.

"Now, students, I am Professor McGonagall and I will be teaching you the art of Transfiguration." She started her obviously well-used speech.

_She's probably used the same one since she started teaching. If nothing's broken why fix it, right?_

"Transfiguration is quite possibly the most complex and dangerous art you will be learning at Hogwarts. Anyone who decides to do what they are not supposed to in my class will be made to suffer the consequences. This is your only warning."

She stared across the room over her glasses and the students squirmed under her gaze. Ly wasn't quite sure whether to be amused or impressed.

"Now, I would appreciate it if you would read the first five pages of your text book. I'm going to take roll just to be sure that everyone is where they should be. Jonathan Amerigo?"

The Slytherin confirmed his presence and she moved on while the class quietly read their books. Minerva paced up and down the middle aisle calling a name, finding the student while she lowered the list sufficiently out of her gaze. As Lycaon's eyes wandered away from McGonagall she saw something change in James' posture.

James turned to Sirius as he finished assuring the professor of his presence. James' excitement was met with an unspoken question from Sirius. James turned fully around his chair to face Remus and Ly as McGonagall made her way to the other side of the room.

"I have an idea," James whispered.

"Should I be worried?" Remus asked.

James only smiled. "Ly, look for something to wipe that list."

Ly rolled her eyes but flipped open her book and began skimming the index.

"Wouldn't that be in Charms?" Continued Remus.

"There's got to be something in that book," Sirius replied.

"Hurry up, Ly," urged James.

"Alright, alright," she murmured, her eyes flitting over the pages. "I think I have it."

She flipped to page 137.

"Okay, here it is," Ly said. "Verbum Permoveo."

"You're the best, Ly," James said, pulling his wand from his pocket and pointing it at McGonagall's list. "Verbum Permoveo!"

Ly watched as the ink on the paper created a small flurry of black, just in time for the professor to leave it to failing vision and too much movement. And then it seemed to rearrange in new words on the paper.

"Bullocks!" James bit his tongue in frustration.

Ly looked down at the page. Why didn't it work? She groaned.

"Oh, shite. I'm sorry, James. I gave you the wrong spell."

"What?"

"I told you 'Permoveo' but it's 'Emoveo.'"

"Ly!" James whispered, most indignantly.

"Lecyana Sear?" Minerva called, seemingly perplexed by the new font of the list.

"Lycaon Saer, if you could, Minerva," Ly replied, her brain barely functioning.

It wasn't until McGonagall's eyebrows had nearly disappeared into her hair that Lycaon realized what she had done. As giggling rose here and there in the room Lycaon could only stare her professor down.

"Professor McGonagall, if you could, Miss Saer," the woman said after a moment.

Lycaon found no words and only smiled in response. This seemed to appease Minerva. She moved on, although somewhat distracted by Lycaon's actions.

"Snivellus Seeps?" She read as though half-asleep.

"It's Severus Snape, Professor." He muttered, visibly embarrassed.

"What is the matter with this list?" McGonagall muttered.

The teacher took her wand from pocket and waved it irately at the parchment. The letters appeared to stand at attention and flit immediately back to their rightful places.

In front of Ly, James and Sirius were absolutely thrilled with the name 'Snivellus Seeps.'

"That's much better than clearing the list," said James, grinning stupidly. "Thanks a million, Ly."

For just a moment, Ly felt bad. Who knew what sort of life this Snivellus-Severus bloke had, and here she was, making him a target for Sirius and James' mischief.

For a just a moment she felt bad.

What was done was done. It wasn't as if she had intended to embarrass him, anyway. If she had an opportunity to explain herself she was sure he'd understand. It was quite a simple mistake.

Moving on, however, she had to read those first couple pages. It was a task which didn't particularly appeal to Lycaon and, not surprisingly, she carried it out with less than meticulous care. Indeed, she took in very little of it, but she had technically finished when next Minerva spoke.

"Now take out some parchment and a quill; we're going to take notes," explained Minerva.

There was a shuffling as all of the students obeyed, and then take notes they did. Lycaon hated writing notes; but, quite frankly, it did help her to learn. That, however, didn't mean she had to like it. After the many mystifying, intricate notes were taken McGonagall spoke something beyond the dictation.

"All right, students," came Minerva's voice, "I am going to give you all matches and see if you can change them into needles. Now, if you do _not_ manage this, do not be disheartened." She surveyed them all and pulled out her wand. "This is simply to determine what I have to build on."

With one flick, the box of matches dispersed among the students. _Handy_, thought Lycaon as she looked down at her match. _How on earth am I supposed to turn this ridiculous piece of wood tipped with some phosphorous into a needle?_ _Oh well. If Nicholas Flamel is over 200 because of some stupid __rock__ then I can turn this stupid match into a needle._

Note: I certainly hope you all enjoyed this chapter, especially considering how much work Enjie and I had to do to get it up to par. As always, I would love to hear your chapter-by-chapter feedback and hope you will read on!


	4. Purely Unpleasant

Disclaimer: What? Copyrighted you say? Well, that just might be because I don't own anything but Lycaon and this little plot. . .

NOTE: I love you guys, really I do. I appreciate your reviews—even the flames. The flames, as annoying as they can be, can still be pretty helpful. Sure, I prefer constructive criticism; but you take what you can get. Roll with the punches, ya know? Anyway, thanks again for being here! As ever, I am in the process of remodelling.

* * *

The Zinnia Blooms--Purely Unpleasant

* * *

As it was, only a few students managed to make any changes whatsoever to their matches, despite whatever attempts they put forth. In fact, the only ones who made progress after a while were Lycaon, Remus and Lily.

"I dunno," said Sirius as he examined his and James' matches. "They _do_ look a bit thinner and shinier."

"Stop fooling yourself." Lycaon scoffed. "Those matches haven't changed at all. Now _these_," she explained, holding up her and Remus' matches, "these both have a defined silver tint and there's impressive thinning in Remus'."

Sirius rolled his eyes and turned back to James. _Jealous_. She looked behind her and most of the Slytherins seemed to be focusing their energy on hating the Gryffindors for succeeding where they hadn't.

"Very good, Miss Evans; Mister Lupin; and you, too, Miss Saer. You've done remarkably your matches." Minerva flashed them all a small, rare smile.

Lycaon felt a little bubble of pride grow inside of her. _So **this** is Hogwarts . . . _

"So, let's see; three students, five points each, so we have 15 points to Gryffindor." Lycaon could tell that Minerva was just as proud; apparently most students didn't show such talent for the subject.

She caught Sirius' attention and gave him a smug look. He rolled his eyes and mouthed that he'd show her up soon. _Oh yeah_, she thought_, like I'm just gonna sit back and let that happen_. Fat chance, she mouthed back. He smirked and turned away. Lycaon had to admit; Sirius was making it harder by the moment to not have a crush on him. Emotions, however, could and must be overcome. Crushes were fickle anyway.

She gazed around the room. That boy in the back whose name she had accidentally changed to Snivellus was working diligently on his match. She watched with interest as, slowly but surely, his match seemed to glisten and thin oh so slightly that it was just barely noticeable. A grin split over his face and—if just for a moment—he looked truly happy.

. . .

As though by sixth sense, Professor McGonagall came and looked at his match, a small smile on her face.

"Very good, Mister Snape; 5 points to Slytherin." And with that she went back to the front of the classroom leaving a very happy Severus Snape.

The young Slytherin looked up and his obsidian eyes met another pair. A dark green pair. He was momentarily taken aback. It was the young girl who had come in chatting with the Black who had somehow gotten into Gryffindor. Blacks didn't get into Gryffindor he'd heard, and people didn't notice Severus Snape unless he was messing up, and yet both of these unwritten laws were being violated at that very moment.

He would expect a Gryffindor girl to regard him with disgust and disdain, especially after his name was accidentally called as 'Snivellus', but this girl was regarding him coolly, mild interest affecting her features. She blinked long lashes and turned away as though staring at perfect strangers was something she did every day. _Well_, he thought, _she **did** walk in with the audacity to refer to a professor on a first name basis so she just **might** stare at strangers all the time._

He picked up his now deformed match_. Well, at least I'm fairly good at magic_; he mused. The match, however, looked rather stupid. It was sort of shiny—in a watery, metallic paint on plastic sort of way—and had thinned just enough to no longer of any use as match because it would burn too quickly. Burning, bruising, scraping, cutting . . . Severus knew all about that. _I'll probably do well enough in potions_. Care; something he knew through its absence from his life.

"All right, class," said McGonagall, rather interrupting Severus' apathetic rumination. "I won't give you homework, today, but that is merely because I don't feel I can trust you to your own devices in finding something to practice turning into a match."

She cast her gaze over at the Black and his friends. _What's that for?_

"Tomorrow we will probably be working further on this charm. Good day." And she dismissed them.

_Next up_, thought Severus: _Herbology with Hufflepuffs_. _What fun._

. . .

Remus got up to go and was to the door when he heard someone call for him.

"Oh, Mister Lupin, I almost forgot; I need to speak with you. Will you stay behind a moment?" She asked.

"Oh, okay, Professor," he said.

Sirius, James and Peter all kept on going out through the door but Lycaon caught James and Sirius by their ears, making them cry out for a moment and hissed to them in a voice that even Remus' heightened werewolf senses could barely hear.

"Don't be so rude! Honestly, you're such bad friends." She then leaned back, with a smile, to speak to Remus in a clearly audible voice. "Do you want us to wait for you, Remus?"

"No," he smiled. "That's okay. You go on."

She smiled back and let go of the boys' ears, prodding them in the back to go forward and then making a joke as they left that he couldn't hear but knew existed from their loud laughter.

"So you were saying Professor?" He asked, turning back to his by now vaguely amused teacher.

"Yes. It's about your Lycanthropy." She said gravely. "I understand it is very soon. Correct?"

Remus nodded uncomfortably and she went on.

"Well, I wanted you to know that after lessons on the 5th you will be expected to report to me, in my office. At 6:30 if at all possible. Then I shall lead you to the . . . facility where you will be transforming."

"Wh-where will that be Professor?" He asked, somewhat nervously.

"Well, as you know, the Whomping Willow has just been planted but, as you probably don't know, it was planted for your benefit." She paused to allow her words to sink in. "There is a passage under it which I shall lead you through. It brings you to an abandoned building in Hogsmeade that has been there for some while. That's where you shall spend the nights of the full moon. Perhaps you've heard of it; it's called the Shrieking Shack." Remus frowned, at the title. "I want you to eat well that evening before you leave, Mister Lupin; because I doubt Madame Pompfrey will approve of any unnecessary harm to you. I will come to collect you when the full moon is over and on occasions where the moon's effects runs more than one night, Madame Pompfrey will come during the day to give any medical attention you need. Are we understood?"

"Yes, Professor," Remus just barely managed to choke out_. Lord, pity the demon that I am_, Remus prayed hopelessly. Six years of unanswered prayers assured he'd receive nothing for his plea.

He went to catch up with his friends, not feeling very comfortable in his own soon-to-change skin.

. . .

Lycaon sunk low in her seat, thinking over this boy—this Severus Snape. When she looked at him she pulled up a blank. She had tried very hard to read something in his expression or his eyes just to know if what she had done was so terrible, but he was so neutral. His eyes weren't windows to the soul at all; they were lumps of nerve tissues in his face. Hard and dark like obsidian and as empty as a widow's bed. Only her aunt, Lynne, had ever had eyes that vacant.

"Really? You can read emotions, then? You always _were _an observant child." She had said when Ly had first mentioned it. "Well, I did study occlumency a few years past. Perhaps that's why. You know, Ly, you'll be a talented witch." She had gone on to explain, but Lycaon hardly believed any of it to be important now. She liked Aunt Lynne—loved her, really—but she wasn't always quite rational. Especially in matters concerned Lycaon.

Lycaon supposed that if suddenly she were to gain prowess at running—something the girl had always been miserable at in most situations—then Aunt Lynne would praise her and say that she had always been a quick child. It was a good thing that the woman had never had children; if she had they would be devils whose misdeeds were invisible to their mother's vacant eyes.

"_Hello_! Is Ly home?" A voice called to her. She looked to its origin: Sirius.

"Hmm? Did I miss something?" She asked dazedly.

"Yeah," he said, slightly irked. "I've asked you about five times now: what class do we have next?"

"Oh, I'm sorry, Sirius." She said vaguely startled that she sounded so sincere. She had more of a knack for accidentally sounding sarcastic. "We have Charms with Ravenclaw next. But just now we have lunch and then a free period."

"Ravenclaw; not so bad," he said, obviously thinking he had hurt her feelings.

_I'm talented at ruining peoples' perceptions of me, aren't I?_

As they walked slowly to their next class Lycaon mulled over some things, only briefly noticing that she had no clue as to when she had left Transfiguration. She couldn't help but think back on Aunt Lynne, though. The woman had been a fairly powerful witch herself. There always seemed to be this aura of laughter around her—her emotions magnified by magic. In her own ways, Aunt Lynne was a very magical person.

She had been that way as long as Ly could remember, though. Her aunt had been there more for her more often than her own parents. Not that she didn't have a fairly regular relationship with them. Her aunt had said that she'd find her own way to go through life, but she never could think of what that might be. And now, even as she was bound to discover it soon, Lycaon couldn't help but wonder. . .

"Lycaon, you're going down the wrong hall," interrupted a calm voice right behind her.

. . .

Remus had to wonder at the fact that, even when obviously surprised, Lycaon didn't jump.

"So I am." She looked around her. "And you can call me 'Ly'. It's a lot easier."

She set off in the correct direction and he just stood there, blinking for a moment. He could tell she had been thinking—she would have realized she was going the wrong way otherwise—but he couldn't imagine about what. _Oh well, who knows what girls think about anyway?_ He reasoned. He certainly didn't.

They all fell into step and soon the group became a large line of arms draped over the shoulders of another that shook as they laughed from time to time. They weren't the same heights at all and once in a while someone would stumble, but Remus was comfortable. For one of the first times in his life, Remus felt like he belonged. But, yet again the question arose in him; what would his newfound friends think of his absence?

"Hey, Remus," Ly called from down the line, "what did Minerva want?"

"Oh," he thought quickly, feeling himself pale, "my mum's ill, and so I'm going to visit her for a couple of days. I'll leave the fifth." He managed solemnly. _I hate lying._

"Sorry to hear about that, Mate." James said shaking his head. "I'm sure she'll be fine, though."

"I hope so." Remus replied quietly, hoping that McGonagall would find more than a bloody cadaver in this building when she went to collect him.

The very thought suddenly had him cold and clammy.

. . .

He watched as the boy next to him turned a deathly shade of white.

"Come on, Mate. It'll be fine. Don't worry so much." He said reassuringly.

"Yeah, you're probably right." A weak smile played on his friend's face. "So . . . what now?" He asked down the row, still a little shaky.

"Free time!" Lycaon said for the second time, though more happily this time. "We might want to get to the great hall though. I'm _starving_."

"Well," replied Remus, "if you had eaten more for breakfast you wouldn't be."

"But I wasn't that hungry this morning!" She said as if she was speaking to her mother and then led the line down towards the great hall, forcing everyone to follow lest their arms be ripped off.

Sirius followed willingly, quite amused. _Sometimes, I have to wonder what goes on her mind_. As they entered the great hall she began humming 'I'm a little teapot' rather loudly. Peter, who was on the side of her opposite James, gave her a funny look and mumbled something to her that Sirius' ears couldn't quite catch.

Ly's head tilted back and a tinkling laughter came out, taking the place of humming.

"Okay, I'll stop, Peter." She said smilingly.

Sirius shook his head. The more he saw of Lycaon the more he thought that, while she was fun to be around, she would be the last person you would want to cross. Especially once she started learning hexes. The thought itself was more than a little scary; _mental, that one_. But beyond that she really wasn't bad. She was, undoubtedly, weird, but she was talented and willing to pull pranks. What could make a better cohort? _Of course, I've only known her for a day, so maybe I shouldn't be making that decision just yet_. It seemed best to get to know everyone before deciding anything major.

"Oy, Sirius, are you going to sit down or not?" asked James from the table where they all were sitting down.

"Oh," he said slightly alarmed. "Yeah, sorry," he shook his head and sat down beside Remus and across from Ly, who had James and Peter on either side of her.

"Daydreaming, Sirius? Somehow it hardly suits you." She said, teasing him for having his head in the clouds.

"So, you're the only one capable of deep thought now?" He pretended to be abashed.

"No," she said slyly, the wheels in her head turning even as she spoke, "Remus can think rather deeply as well."

He gave her a half hearted glare and started his lunch. Once they were all done they began to chat a little bit more.

"What do we have next?" James asked.

"Charms," Ly answered, "but that won't be for an hour."

"How do you remember the schedule like that?" Peter frowned.

"I don't know." Lycaon said with a shrug. "I suppose I just have a good memory."

"I wish I could remember things. I have no talent when it comes to memory." Peter said, downtrodden.

"Cheer up, Peter." She said encouragingly. "You're bound to be good at _something_."

"I guess . . ." He agreed feebly.

"You'd better." She said with a wink that softened the bite of her words.

Peter smiled and laughed nervously. _One word comes to mind for that girl_, Sirius mused. _Loony._

. . .

Lycaon pulled her feet up on the bench which she sat on and rested her head on her knees. The boys gave her a weird look.

"What? Can't I sit how I want?" She asked them in false near-hysterics.

A shrug shook all of them and they let it pass. _Merlin_, she thought, _you'd think I was abnormal or something. Me? Abnormal? **Never** . . ._ She snickered inside. And aloud as well. That, however, only earned her more weird looks from her friends. Remus seemed to be getting used to her oddities and theatrics though, because he ignored it. She herself was only now getting used to her oddities. As her comfort-level with her friends increased her behavior only became more irregular.

"What should we do now?" He asked. "We've got a while till charms class."

"Let's go back to the commons, Ev-everyone's probably there." Said James, a slight blush creeping into his cheeks.

"You mean Evans?" Lycaon's mouth pulled into a mischievous grin.

"N-no," he said shakily. "I mean everyone." He tried to sound confident.

"You're a dreadful liar, James." She jeered as she got up.

Lycaon could almost feel him glare at the back of her and her shoulders shook with silent laughter. She could hear Sirius' snickering and the shuffling of their movements as they got up to follow her, so she took her time. Not surprisingly, James and Sirius came up on either side of her at the exact same time—both having the natural urge to lead—and soon after Remus and Peter fell into step just behind them.

She looked to the left, then to the right, and then over her shoulder.

"So I have a royal guard again?" She smirked, shooting glances at James and Sirius.

. . .

"Get used to it." Sirius said with a cheeky grin.

Now that Ly mentioned it, he liked this formation. There was something almost inspiring growing in the pit of his stomach when they walked like this.

"I just might," Ly replied with a shrug.

"Well, I hate to bring this up," interjected James, "but I don't remember the password. Do you lot?"

"It's Canis Lupus." Remus said simply.

"Humph, and I was expecting Ly to answer. Quite a know it all aren't you, Lycaon?" Sirius asked jokingly, though he felt the little bit of truth—perhaps even bitterness—in his voice.

"Well, I apologize for besting you, Sirius;" she replied with a note of seriousness, "but how was I to know that a 'great gift to women' such as you was horrid at magic?"

Sirius knocked into her playfully, pretending to be angry at her comment all the while finding it hard not to show his amusement. Lycaon was pretty funny once you got used to her style of things.

"That was below the belt, Ly. Just because you're not use to being attracted to people doesn't mean you have to be _rude _when you _are _."

"Modest, isn't he?" She asked James, who chuckled in response.

"Most definitely so," Remus replied sarcastically.

"Hey!" Sirius cried out indignantly. "That's no fair; no double teaming allowed!"

They all laughed. _Well_, Sirius thought, _at least **they're** amused_. James fell behind Sirius and Lycaon just a step as they went onto a staircase that led up towards the commons.

"Whoa!" James said from right behind him as a small crash sounded.

Sirius turned around quickly, trying hard not to wonder how Ly had managed to turn around so much quicker than he, and looked down at James. James' leg had been swallowed by the stair to the point where his knee was no longer visible.

"Bloody hell!" James cried. "Well, are you just going to stare, or are you going to give me a little help?" He asked impatiently.

"Righto," Lycaon said as she moved to one side. "Sirius, be a dear and get his other side will you? Remus and Peter, if you'll help James try to wiggle his leg free, that'd help."

Without question everyone followed her orders with surprising promptness. Sirius found himself with James' arm draped over his shoulder and Lycaon the same on the other side.

"Now, if on the count of three you'll all yank, we might be able to do this. James, I just beg you'll forgive Sirius and I if we dislocate either of your shoulders."

James turned his face to Sirius. "Help me!"

_I know mate, I know_, Sirius thought. Ly wasn't always the most tactful person. He looked around at Ly, Remus, and Peter and wondered what it would look like to someone who just happened to walk past. _Oh well. No time for that now_.

"Now," Lycaon said slowly, "1 - - - 2 - - - 3!"

In perfect time they all heaved and James' leg freed with surprising ease. Consequently, they all tumbled down onto the steps and James ended up landing on Sirius.

"Shite," Sirius groaned.

"Look at this," Lycaon said as she lay there in the midst of the disarray. "Well, it worked. Now," she got up in one fluid movement, "onwards to the commons!" She said in a projecting voice as she pointed up the stairs.

She put her arms back at her sides and looked at them all. Clearly waiting for them to get up with the same vigor she had.

"What _are_ you waiting for?" She prompted, seemingly confused.

. . .

Lycaon watched as they all got up a lot more clumsily than she had. Especially Sirius, who had to get James off of him first. They all went quickly up the stairs—none of them wanted to get their legs caught—and forward to the commons. Upon entrance they met the sight that Lycaon knew, rather happily, she'd be seeing for the next seven years. She sighed in content and allowed herself to be swallowed by a large, crimson armchair. She closed her eyes as the warmth of the near by fire spread over her and she smiled, feeling rather like cat who had just been given a large bowl of milk.

"Comfortable, Ly?" She could hear James' voice ask with a trace of laughter.

"Mm hmm," she replied, not even opening her eyes. _This_, she thought to herself, _I could get used to._

The rest of the week passed rather the way that Ly might have expected. Charms was bound to be useful; Potions was hell frozen over in the cold, stone dungeons with all manner of disgusting things; Herbology had its highs and lows; Defense Against the Dark Arts was . . . interesting and the man who taught it was a decent fellow who knew how to teach his subject even if he was a little odd. All in all Ly was really beginning to feel at home at Hogwarts. She had slowed down a little on the idea of playing pranks, but she was as anxious as the others for their upcoming escapade in the Forbidden Forest. On Thursday after classes and supper, they all sat in the commons to discuss it.

"So, when do you think it should be?" Lycaon asked them all. "We have most of the information we need on how to get around, though I must admit, Peter; you came too close with Filch this morning. I was walking down the hall and saw the whole thing." She looked directly at him which, as they had all by this time learned, was more of a habit than anything else.

"I know, I know, Ly," Peter said; "but it's nearly impossible to know if there's someone else on the other end of the passages."

"Well if you'd _listen_-"

"_Come on, _Ly. I've _tried_ listening, but _you_ have some sort of super-human hearing." Peter cut her off in a rare display of backbone.

"Well, how about this: next time you can team up with Remus. Remus has excellent hearing." She suggested.

"Okay!" Peter said jubilantly.

"Is that okay with you, Remus?" She asked, knowing uncomfortably that she must seem pompous when she took charge of situations like this.

"Sure, I don't mind." He answered amiably.

"Excellent," she said turning to James and Sirius.

It was hard to miss that James and Sirius were both bored and a little put off that she wasn't letting them play leader. She took a note of this. _Maybe_, she thought, _it's best if I let them take care of it. Win-win situation_. As though taking advantage of her silence, James sat up more.

"But about when to go into the forest," James said, seeming very important; "we should probably wait till Remus gets back from seeing his mum."

"Good thought, Mate." Sirius said. "When'll you be back, Remus?"

"I'll probably be back early Sunday," he said, sounding gloomy; "but I'll need rest so I might and might not be able to do it Sunday evening."

Lycaon sat back in the chair, affecting her look of calm, wide-eyed surveillance. She felt like an owl in that moment. In her opinion, Remus looked like he _already_ needed rest. _He's gotten worse and worse looking as this week progressed and_, Lycaon thought, _he has to go see his sick mum this weekend. Poor bloke_.

"Okay," James pressed on with the matter at hand. "Maybe we should do it on Monday night so that Remus has time to rest."

"That sounds like a good idea." Remus said.

"All in favor," James said, raising his hand

"Aye!" came a simultaneous cry from everyone as all hands were raised.

_Democracy_, Ly mused as she began to feel a little sleepy. _I suppose I'd best just go to bed._

"Well, it's eleven, I'm tired, and we have classes tomorrow." Lycaon said, getting up. "I need some sleep. G'night, boys."

"G'night, Ly." Came the broken chorus as she headed off to girls' dorm quite relieved that her dorm mates had only required her presence in 'girl talk' the once.

(Remus' POV)

Remus sat in History of Magic class fiddling with his quill and not writing notes. He was beginning to feel _highly_ uncomfortable, and it was still early afternoon. Maybe he just wasn't used to being this close to people this close to his transformations. At home his Aunt and Uncle kept him far away from the family around this time, especially after what happened with his parents on his first transformation. He wasn't even on the same floor as them, so maybe all these people were doing something to the rising wolf. Whatever the reason, in that moment he felt like his skin was nothing more than rough paper over his true form. _Blimey_, he thought, _this is the most uncomfortable I've ever been.  
_  
"What's wrong, Remus? You look like you're ready to convulse," commented Lycaon.

"Oh, I was just thinking about my mum. I'm really worried about her," he lied quickly.

"I see. Don't fret, Remus. It'll be okay," she said reassuringly.

'_It'll be okay.' How many times have people fed me **that** line? 'Lycaon' sounds a rather lot like 'Lycanthrope', though . . ._

"Yeah, you're probably right. I just can't help it. She's my mum and all, you know," he replied, rather sick at the thought that he was lying so easily.

"Yes—I understand—but if you don't stop drifting into space in class then you're going to regret it later." She said nonchalantly.

"You're right," he sighed, "but then again, no one else seems to even be awake right now."

He looked around the room and, indeed, the class was completely asleep—with the exception of he, Lycaon, Lily Evans, and several Hufflepuffs who were trying in vain to pay attention, though they _did_ seem to manage a note or two every now and then. _Professor Binns ought to be replaced_, thought Remus bitterly. _Honestly, he doesn't even **try** to make the class just the tiniest bit interesting. Then again_, Remus thought_, I'm probably overreacting. I always get edgy around the full moon. Lord save me—I've got PMS, _he thought miserably_.  
_  
Remus sighed and laid his head on the table, closing his eyes. He could hear Lycaon chuckle lightly. He could even feel the vibration through the table. He could feel it when she shifted or set something down, or picked something up, or wrote down an occasional note. Remus looked up at her, feeling dyspeptic.

"Why are you even taking notes? I'm sure you can remember it all."

"Nah," She shook here head and Remus could feel the movement through the table. "I'm rubbish with dates. The only way I can remember them is if I make up something so stupid I can't forget it. I dunno; it's weird." She shrugged and another ripple went through the table.

"That _is_ weird. I have to study things really hard before I get them."

"When I study I'm best off remembering what the page looks like. It's weird, too. I always have to find a special way to remember things." Her brow furrowed as though all of this was new and confusing to her.

"Well, don't worry on it too much. Whatever works, right?" Remus said, his own voice rumbling through the wood.

"Of course," Ly replied dispassionately.

Professor Binns' droning voice ended abruptly and switched to the awful sound of the ghost clearing his throat, though it physically _couldn't_ be having difficulties.

"The class is ended. You are dismissed," he said in monotone. "We'll pick up at the same place next class."

_Lucky us, _Remus thought to himself. He sat up and watched as Lycaon walked over to the table beside theirs in the back of the room and poked three sleeping figures in the back—one poke per boy. James, Sirius, and Peter all sat up and yawned.

"Whattawemiss?" James asked sleepily.

"Nothing at all, I assure you." Lycaon told him sternly. "It's the end of classes for the day, though, so we might just want to go back to the Gryffindor common."

"Alright," Sirius said, standing and tugging on Peter's arm, "but we won't have much time until dinner."

_Well, **he** seems awake,_ Remus thought.

"Why don't we head down to the Great Hall? Binns held us late and I've got to eat before I head off to go see my mum." Remus suggested.

"Fantastic idea, mate; I'm starved." James said, throwing an arm around Remus' shoulder drunkenly.

In the corner of Remus' eye Lycaon walked over to Peter and shook him gently. "C'mon, Pete," she said. "If you don't wake up we'll leave you in the middle of the hallway for a passerby to jinx." She warned him with a small smirk that was almost a smile.

"Mmm? Oh, right . . . passerby. Sure thing, Lycaon." Peter replied, rubbing his eyes.

_Merlin_, Remus thought, rolling his eyes heavenwards.

"Well, let's be off then!" Sirius said, fully awake. "We wouldn't want Remus to be late."

"Sirius," Lycaon said, rolling her eyes. "We all know you just want to consume as much as humanly possible, so it's of absolutely no use to try and hide it from us."

James and Peter laughed, as did Remus. _Loony bunch_, he thought, _shaking his head_.

"That was low, Ly." Sirius informed her, looking dismayed even though it was very obviously just an act.

"Ah, but you love me anyway." Lycaon replied carelessly, waving her hand in a dismissive manner.

Sirius muttered something under his breath to the extent of 'lunatic' and then 'opinionated little blighter.' Remus just chuckled quietly in response. Yes, it was a loony bunch indeed.

When they got to the Great hall, they weren't surprised to find that even though the food was there, less than two-dozen students had made their way down as of yet. Sirius began to eat at a truly monstrous pace before any of the others had even begun. Lycaon stared at his voracious eating habits for a moment (Sirius sitting right across from her), after she had put food upon her own, with a mixture of detached interest and flat out disgust.

"Righto," She said with a shake of her head before beginning on her own meal with less vigor than Sirius. Peter and James just ate, ignoring Sirius all together.

Remus was pretty hungry himself and so contentedly ate the food heaped upon his plate, even if not with Sirius' pace. Briefly, he noted that he had more meat on his plate than anything else. _Damned wolf, damned moon_. They ate in companionable silence. First to finish were Lycaon and James, both being normal human beings who had eaten reasonably at lunch and reasonably now, and both were also used to good home cooked meals. Soon after followed Peter, then Remus, and—after quite some time—Sirius.

"Hey, Remus," James said, his eyes on the black-haired boy beside him. "How long do you reckon it's going to take for Sirius to bankrupt Hogwarts with his eating habits?"

Peter laughed and a hint of a smirk pulled at the edges of Ly's mouth ever so slightly.

"The end of next week." Remus answered solemnly.

Peter burst out laughing and Lycaon had an amused, almost devilish smile on. James was even snickering a little.

"Oh what!" Sirius said indignantly. "How do I end up the butt of every joke?"

"Aw, come on, mate." James replied. "It's just that you're a funny bloke."

Sirius didn't look the least bit consoled in any way, shape, or form. If anything he looked even more displeased with the state of affairs than before.

"Oh, Sirius, you know we're just jealous of you." Lycaon coaxed, going for Sirius' ego.

"If that didn't make so much sense, I'd assume you meant to say it." Sirius snapped back with roguish grin.

Lycaon just rolled her eyes and Remus felt a smile growing.

"Tell me again why this cad isn't in Slytherin with all the rest of his lot?" She asked just before taking a bite of squash.

"Ly," Sirius gave her the puppy dog eyes, "I'm not that ambitious and black-hearted, am I?"

"Even if he _is _an annoying little git?" James added, throwing an arm around Sirius and giving Lycaon puppy dog eyes, too.

Lycaon, Peter and Remus laughed. When Sirius tried to turn to punch James but just ended up flailing, they only laughed harder. Sirius gave that up quickly enough, though. _What would life be without this lot? _And Remus' heart stopped at the thought_. Pure misery._

"So, what time is it now?" Peter asked.

"Erm," Remus checked his watch, "it's only five twenty or so."

"Well, what time do you have to go . . . wherever it is you're going to go before you leave?" Lycaon asked.

"Well, I have to be down to McGonagall's office by 6:30, but . . . I should probably go sooner than that." _Because I don't know when exactly the moon will rise_, he thought but didn't add.

_At least it's only for one night this month_; he thanked his lucky stars. He _had_, though, given himself leeway time for healing as might be necessary by saying he would be gone for a couple of days and not just one or two. Who _knew_ how badly he would injure himself this time? It had been gradually worsening.

They all went up to the common and sat around by the fire for a while. The others plotted their venture to come. They discussed the best passages to take, things to do, emergency escape routes, excuses, alibis, how Ly was to get out of the girl's dormitory("And remember, Ly, wear pants," Sirius reminded. "I know! What do you think I am, a child?"), etc. When they _did_ bother to rouse Remus from his contemplative state, it was only for the most important of matters.

"Remus, its 6:10, just so you know," Sirius informed him thoughtfully.

"Oh, is it?" Remus raised his eyebrows in surprise. He checked his watch and, sure enough, the hands shone at 6:10. "Well, I'll be off." Remus said, trying to sound cheerier than he felt. "I'll see you by Monday at the latest . . . most likely." He told them.

"Bye Remus!" "See ya, Mate!" "Bye!" "Monday!" Came the calls from his friends.

_Another step closer to The Nightmare_, he thought as he walked towards McGonagall's office with a quick gait. He passed only a group of older Ravenclaw girls, but they took no notice of his existence whatsoever. _Just as well_._ I probably look dreadful by now._

"Ah, Mister Lupin, you're early!" McGonagall greeted him as he entered.

"Only by a few minutes," he replied simply.

"Well, well," McGonagall said, seating herself, "sit, if you will." It was half offer and half command.

He sat down in a chair in front of her, wondering why she didn't just deliver him to the godforsaken place he'd transform in. _I just want to get this over with._

"I just wanted to know how you covered your reasons for having to be gone." She told him, cutting right to the chase.

"I told my friends that my mum was sick and I had to visit her for a few days."

"And this consisted of whom?" She asked.

"James Potter, Sirius Black, Peter Pettigrew, and Lycaon Saer," he listed in no particular order.

"Very well," McGonagall nodded. "Just remember, Mister Lupin: your friends are a bright bunch, and if you're not careful they'll see right through your excuses. I can't see them not figuring it out anyway," her lips pursed together, "but we'll do our best. You can use the excuse of your mother for a while, but it might not hold long. It'll look suspicious if all of your relatives get sick, but," she paused for a long sigh, "there are only so many good excuses to use. I fear, Mister Lupin, that this will take a great deal of thought on _all_ our parts. The people whom you've chosen to befriend make this quite an ordeal. From what I've seen, if we told them you had the _Black Death_ they'd probably still come to visit you." She said exasperatedly.

"I agree Professor." He said solemnly, pleased, however, with the thought that they liked him so much.

"Now, there's another reason I asked for you to come so early, even though the moon won't yet."

He waited patiently and curiously.

"As I'm sure you're aware, the ministry is beginning to lean towards making laws that greatly limit the life quality of werewolves. I knew that this would get around school eventually, and you'd find out sometime of what the common beliefs of the ministry are, but I want to inform you better than rumors could. This sort of debate has come up again and again over the years and they've yet to pass any law. They'll have plenty of supporters, true, but they'll have a formidable adversary as long as _Dumbledore_ is alive. I also want you to know some things about werewolves, Mister Lupin. No matter what people say, the vast majority of werewolves are good, god-fearing people; except on full moons, when they can _rarely_ control their own actions. _Never _doubt your own goodness or the goodness of others afflicted with Lycanthropy, Mister Lupin. If even for a _moment_ you allow yourself to believe you deserve to be treated worse than any other person than you have allowed those would have you dead a victory."

They both sat there for a moment in silence. Remus would never have expected McGonagall of all people to rant, let alone with such fury.

"I'll bear that in mind, Professor." Remus said after some time in a slightly shaky voice.

It was becoming uncomfortable to sit there in that chair. His skin felt tight and itchy. It was like a wool sweater that was at least two sizes to small. _Oh, take pity upon me;_ he thought feverishly for what had to be _at least_ the millionth time.

"Quite," McGonagall said, rising from her chair. "We'd best be off lest the moon catches us."

They left the room and headed down the hall towards the front entrance. Once there, McGonagall stopped and Remus stopped with her. She tapped him on the head with her wand and then tapped her own head. Remus felt a most curious sensation, like something cool and slightly slimy running over him. In his current state it was highly uncomfortable. When it was done he and McGonagall were both transparent though not invisible. He looked to where he could vaguely make out her eyes in silent inquiry but, if she noticed, she didn't respond.

"Come," She ordered, walking swiftly over to the Whomping Willow.

He followed and right before him his teacher became a transparent cat—an odd sight, rest assured. She dodged past the branches of the Whomping Willow easily and hopped on a knot at the base of the tree. The tree's movements froze and she became the transparent woman again.

"Hurry," She hissed.

He obeyed quickly, running over, unsure how long the tree would remain frozen.

_Another Nightmare . . ._

* * *

NOTE: My, My:In a sing-song voice: I get to write about Lycanthropy!

And, just so you know; in my story Remus' parents refused to believe that he could be a werewolf after he was bitten and tried to act like he had just caught a flu or something but when he transformed he . . . well . . . he killed them. So, he now lives with his Aunt and Uncle whom he refers to as Mum and Dad. Sad, I know, but Krechet—my very best friend—has poisoned my mind with this tale so much that I now believe it to be infallibly true.


	5. Nightmares and Down Pillows

Disclaimer: Okay, this is a dare. I DARE J.K AND HER LAWYERS TO SUE ME! Honestly, what kind of fool would be stupid enough to claim that they owned Harry Potter? Or to make money off it when it's not theirs? Not me. I'd die first. It's like torturing someone baby right in front of them . . . it's just wrong.

NOTE: Again, thanks for sticking with it. I know these have been a long four chapter so far . . . and the chapter will never be any shorter so you might as well just get used to it. See why I love you? You don't even know me and you put up with my shit. Wow, you guys are great. I really love the reviews. They're _beautiful_. Mostly. Anyway, I'd like to thank Krechet, who beta-d the first part of this chapter! Thank you Krechet!

* * *

The Zinnia Blooms--Nightmares and Down Pillows

* * *

Minerva pulled out her wand and whispered lumos to light the way. They descended down into the tunnel and, slightly crouched, she led the way to the 'facility' where the poor boy would be changing. It was dreadful to think that people could call him a 'bloodthirsty beast' and demand his 'extermination.' This whole predicament was perfectly awful, but they certainly couldn't have a werewolf running around the school. It just wouldn't do—not in the least.

After a ways they reached the entrance to the Shrieking Shack. Minerva stopped right in front of it, and Mister Lupin stopped, looking anxious and unsure. She put out her lumos for a moment to mutter a few words as she tapped the boy's head with her wand. Promptly, she whispered lumos again.

"This is where I leave you, Mister Lupin." She was calm, keeping her voice devoid of all emotion lest she betray how worried she really was. The poor thing had enough worry without feeling hers. "I wish you the best until morning when I come to retrieve you."

"Thank you, Professor," he replied shakily, his eyes set on the room before him.

For just a moment the woman in her cried out. How dare you leave this child here? Don't let him suffer alone—he could have been your own. For one instant she wanted to pull him to her and be a mother—just for a little. But then it was gone and there was nothing she could do but nod to the boy who was barely even the same world as her anymore. All she could do was trot off back towards the castle and away from the place where a young boy would die for the thousandth time as he changed into a wolf for that inevitable monthly torture. All she could do was go back to her comfortable room and worry herself sick.

(Remus' POV)

Remus gulped and entered the place, trying to be strong. It seemed newly straightened up, even though it didn't feel the least bit spacious or inviting. Or newly built. It was sparsely furnished with simple pieces, and the wallpaper, though new, was obviously cheap. The only light shone dimly through a window, and even then he could scarcely see—as a wolf he knew he'd be able to. None of that mattered, though. He could feel his skin prickling and rippling already. He had goose bumps all over and his robes felt like sandpaper over his suddenly sensitive skin. He could tell that the moon was rising and gritted his teeth. Time after time he had undergone this. This was another fevered nightmare that he couldn't escape. There was no running from the moon. She was a cruel mistress.

Then the first tremor ran through him. His bones felt like they were being split in two by some giant invisible chisel while his muscles cramped and stung. An anguished scream ripped from his mouth and he fell to the wood floor immediately. He barely managed to pull himself to his knees—panting and grimacing—when his muscles cramped as though some huge being was attempting to rip them from the bone. Another terrible spasm tore at him, this time twisting his bones stretching them in the most impossible of ways, forcing another scream from his lungs. The sounds of his own screams were flooding his ears. _This_ was The Nightmare.

Time and time again the pain split through him, growing fur, elongating bones, adapting teeth, stretching muscles, lengthening the spine, with slight bleeding from the torn and impossibly stretched tissue. With each scream tore from his gut his throat only became rawer. Finally he laid there, fully a wolf, with his robes lying around with a few too many tears to be very useful. He was whimpering pitifully though nothing could save him from the madness that was slowly overriding his senses. All rationality was being stripped away by the beams of the sickly moon, and his mind became blank of all but the most primitive of thoughts. There was nothing to bring him back to himself and make him even the slightest bit more conscious as Remus. There was nothing for him to cling to and use to keep himself from completely mutilating himself. There weren't even any familiar scents or sounds. On top of all was the hunger—the hunger for warm, bloody flesh to rend and rip.

_Nothing at all, but this is only to be expected,_ was the cold thought, not even in the usual voice of his mind. _There was only another's flesh once, but what a **glorious** once it was . . . This desire is **infuriating**!_ _What is a wolf to do with no flesh to consume, nothing to gnaw, nothing succulent and coppery to savor? Ah, but there **is** flesh. Do not I **see** that paw in front of me with the veins running through it and the muscles sliding smoothly under the fur as I pace? Oh, but doesn't it look delectable! I can smell it, I can almost taste it! I **must** taste it!_

He lunged suddenly and his own front leg and began to slash at it with his monstrous teeth. It was a moment of incomprehensible pleasure and pain. His own muscles were being shredded, but the taste and the smell was just too much. It was splendid and yet all this carnage was driving whatever human part was forced to watch mad! He tore at the other front leg—the pain too great in the other—and he was no longer able to stand. The hurt was overwhelming; he let out a mighty howl and threw himself backwards, slamming into a chair. Another horrible wave of agony rushed through him for the unworkable angle his spine was arching into. He lay there; howling frantically and writhing in a sad attempt get to his feet.

He managed to right himself, but he could only take a few staggering steps at a time. Even then it sent flames of torture through his horribly mangled legs. He whimpered and kept on, the taste of blood still fresh in his mouth. He crashed into a table again and again, his massive form breaking it into pieces that scratched and cut him. He barely missed impalement several times. Finally, he stumbled near the stair and flopped over as his legs gave out, the back of his head slamming onto the bottom stair. One cry escaped him, and he was mercifully unconscious.

(McGonagall's POV)

Minerva had hardly been able to sleep after leaving young Remus Lupin to his Lycanthrope. The sun hadn't even risen yet, and she was already rushing out towards the Whomping Willow, disillusioned, as the horizon slowly became lighter. She turned into her animagus form while still walking and ran quickly to the gap in the root where she hopped down. She ran on as a cat, able to fit better down the low passage this way and able to run faster without wearing herself out too badly. She reached the end of the tunnel quickly enough and turned back into a woman with her eyes closed.

When at last she did open her eyes she gasped and put her hand to her mouth. A chair was overturned, the table was crushed into splinters, blood stained parts of the floor and wall, dark and moist, and, lying in a crumpled heap on the floor, there was a small form: Young Mister Lupin. She panicked a moment then flicked her wand absently to clothe him in some simple white pajamas.

She moved to take a look at him. He had a few scratches and one bad cut on his face, though blood seemed to be smeared all over his deathly pale face; his hand and arms (or what she could see of them) were wounded terribly. A few places weren't even done bleeding and were currently staining the pajamas. She turned to the room and swished her wand at the sight before her. With a few 'Reparo's, it looked like it had when she had brought him here, with the exception of a few new stains. She didn't bother to clean them; instead, she conjured a floating stretcher for Mister Lupin, levitated him upon it, did a quick disillusionment charm, and rushed him back up towards the castle. _Poppy wouldn't be happy with this—so many wounds and so much blood loss—but who would?_

(Remus' POV)

Remus next awoke to a few morning rays shining into an open, bright room. He was, he realized, in the Hospital Wing with curtains around his bed. _That's right_, he thought, _don't let anyone know that the little werewolf is dreadfully garbled_. _It's only rational, and—lucky me—in another month The Nightmare will be upon me again and every month after that!_ He looked around and saw mostly white: white drapes, white sheets, white ceiling, and white pajamas which someone had so generously provided. Even his hands were very nearly white. He sighed and rolled over, causing a fierce pain in his thoroughly bandaged arms. He let out a moan that sounded raspy and caused a burning in his throat.

Madam Pompfrey—whom Remus had met when taking Peter to the hospital wing after he had more or less broken his left pinky finger Friday morning—was by his bedside instantly. She had some gray hair, though a good portion of it still tried to be mouse brown, that was brought up in a bun. She looked kindly, though very concerned at the moment.

"Are you doing well, Mister Lupin?" She asked sincerely then muttered to no one in particular. "Oh lord, I wish this wasn't happening." She looked back to him.

Remus just stared at her unhappily, quite unable to speak. Madame Pompfrey waited patiently a moment and then brought her hands to her mouth suddenly.

"Oh dear! I forgot about your throat! Just let me fetch something for that quickly, Love." She bustled off importantly.

Remus only had to wait an instant before Madame Pompfrey was back holding a cup of pleasant-looking, clear liquid. She smiled down at him.

"Now, just drink up," she said, holding out the cup to him.

Remus just blinked. _Merlin, if I try to hold that I'll just drop it. My arms are completely useless,_ he thought. He couldn't even convey this to the aging witch before him! He looked meaningfully down at his bandaged arms, laid uselessly on his lap then straight up at Madame Pompfrey. She furrowed her brow, and then a look of comprehension spread over her face.

"How thoughtless! You couldn't hold this glass if you tried. Your arms are far too damaged." _As though I didn't know_, Remus thought. "Just open you mouth, Deary, and I'll take care of it. At least after this you'll be able to talk."

Remus did as he was told and at once a pleasant tingling spread through his throat. Madame Pompfrey made him take a few more gulps before she put the glass down.

"Try talking now," she commanded.

"I think it worked," he told her, not a trace of pain in his throat or any raspy sound in his voice.

"Good. Now you'll take medicine to help you heal faster. I couldn't give it to you while you were sleeping, but, if you're lucky, you may get out of here tomorrow morning." Madame Pompfrey smiled.

_Oh joy_.

...

Remus lay in the Hospital Wing bed with only a trace of light coming from here or there wondering how long he could keep this up. Hopefully his transformations wouldn't get any worse. No one had told him, but he knew that one of the potions he had taken was to help him regain blood. If he had lost much more, he might not have lived—that much was obvious to him. It had probably been much more severe than they let him think. Just the sight of his own skin this morning had shocked him: it had been only a shade less white than the sheets.

He looked down at his still bandaged arms. They were almost fully healed from The Nightmare. He knew because they itched like all hell, which meant they were in the late phases of scabbing. Indeed, he _would_ most likely get out by morning. He would need to rest tomorrow if he was to go into the woods soon, but what would he say? He had to ponder over it. This whole cover-up bit was going to be a fiasco.

(Ly's POV)

Lycaon sat in an armchair in the Common at about eleven on Sunday morning. More and more sleepy-looking Gryffindors were roaming in, out, and throughout with each passing hour. She had been up since 7:30 when she had concluded that she was doomed to a life of waking up early when she didn't have to and being completely lethargic when she needed to be alert. _Oh, the irony_. She read her Hogwarts a History quietly, leaning against one arm of what she had determined to be her favorite chair and her legs dangling over the opposite arm. Suddenly she found what she was looking for and jumped to her feet, arms raised upwards triumphantly with the book still in hand.

"_I **knew** it_! Ha, ha! Lily was wrong: I can wear whatever I want when I'm not in classes!" She grinned and then grinned more toothily when she realized she was attracting quite a few odd stares.

A much older boy was looking at her very oddly. She gave him a wink and he gave her a scandalized look, turning away, though he _had_ begun to blush. _Well, that worked well_. She sat back down and smiled at the page where she had found what she needed. _That worked well, too_.

This morning Lycaon had pulled on jeans and a purple turtleneck, and Lily had been shocked.

"Lycaon Saer! What in heaven's name are you doing? You can't wear that at school! Besides, wearing pants? Honestly Lycaon, do you have a death wish?"

Quite frankly, Lycaon didn't care whether or not it was fashionable to wear pants. This wasn't some muggle school where she would most likely get jumped for such a thing—this was Hogwarts where she was an odd ball and more likely to get jinxed. Even then she doubted that would take place. She'd be fine. So, there she was, in muggle clothing, and getting very bored with Hogwarts a History now that she had what she needed. She hadn't had breakfast, but she wasn't hungry. Actually, she was hoping that Remus would show up sometime soon. She wished _anyone_ would show up.

She sighed, chucked the book halfway across the Common, and rolled off the chair. She fell to the floor with a thud and earned a stare or two. She kept her face down in the thin carpet which lay over the stone floor. She wondered briefly if Remus' mum was worse than expected, though she hoped not. _Poor bloke_, she thought again.

A pair of feet was heading towards her at a deliberately lazy pace.

"Ly, why are you laying on the ground and wearing muggle clothes?" Said the voice that belonged distinctly to Sirius Canis Black.

"Well let's see," she said, rolling over and staring up at him. "Because I can, and because I can. Does that answer everything well enough?"

Sirius leaned over slightly, his shoulder length, black hair falling forward and his stormy eyes staring straight into her green ones. Her stomach became uncomfortably warm.

"Actually, it does. I was expecting a much less sensible answer from you though, really. I was thinking something along the lines of 'because, much like your face, all is of newt guts.' And don't you even deny that you'd say something like that!" He spoke down at her, though not down to her.

"I wouldn't dream of denying it," Ly said with a smirk. "I said something similar to Amy the other day. Now, help me up." She commanded, stretching her arm out before her.

"Yes, M'lady," He said sarcastically as he pulled her up.

"Are the other plonkers awake yet?" She asked as she brushed some imaginary dust from her front.

"Yeah, but James—for some ungodly reason—decided that hygiene was a good thing and Peter . . . Well, I don't know what Peter is doing. I think he was practicing that charm from Flitwick but I'm not sure." He shrugged and sat down in the chair right next to Ly's.

Lycaon sat in her favorite chair and stared at him. He stared back and there was silence.

"Staring contest," He said firmly in monotone.

"You're going to lose."

"Not likely."

They sat there, neither one blinking or breaking eye contact. People walked by and around but nothing distracted them.Soon, though, Ly's eyes were beginning to water badly and she felt she might have a blink coming . . . and then Sirius blinked. He started cursing and she just smiled.

"I win."

"_Really_? Because I thought McGonagall had!" He snapped bitterly.

"Oh, come now, Sirius! Don't be a sore loser. After all, it was just a staring contest," Lycaon said smilingly.

He muttered something under his breath that she didn't quite catch and then shook his head. James walked in at precisely that moment, glancing around the room as though looking for someone. Lycaon had a guess of whom that might be.

"James, Lily went to go lounge out on the grounds about a half hour ago." She informed him evenly.

"I-I wasn't looking for L-Evans!" He spluttered, blushing furiously. "I . . . I was seeing if Remus was back yet."

"Well, that—obviously—is a negative, mate." Sirius said with a hint of amusement in his voice.

"Well, maybe you could enlighten us, James. What's Peter doing?" Lycaon asked, deciding to change the subject, not having believed James' lie for an instant but not wanting to shame him too badly.

"Pete's writing a letter to his mum." James replied absently. "I wonder when Remus'll get back. I hope his mum's alright . . ." He shook his head. "I can't imagine what it'd be like to have my mum sick. What if she died?"

"I can imagine my mother sick and dying," Sirius said, a dreamy expression on his face. "That'd be great!"

James and Lycaon both laughed. They both knew from everything Sirius had told them of his family that he felt he wouldn't mourn their passing. In actuality, Lycaon thought that he would. She was certain that inside he wished his mother didn't hate him, and she was convinced that he wished his little brother Regulus would look up to him instead of detest him. Lycaon knew it had to hurt him to be so separate from his family, even if he didn't show it. He was so social . . . living with such cold people must have killed him. The fact of that matter was, though, getting into Gryffindor probably hadn't helped matters.

"I should probably write to my parents sometime soon. . . . I promised I would." She said without even thinking it. "I wonder what I'll say . . ."

"Well, you could mention your wonderful new friends." Sirius grinned cheekily.

"But I don't like to think how my father would react if I talked about boys for the entire letter." Ly said with a small grimace.

"Then just mention all the trivial things. Like how much you like this class or that teacher or some rot like that. Parents soak that mess up." James suggested.

"That sounds like a good idea. Thanks, James." She threw her legs over the arms of her chair again.

"After Pete gets done, do you want to go down to get some lunch? I'm starving." Sirius rubbed his stomach.

"Sure we can, but I don't see how you can be hungry. You engorged yourself last night at supper." Lycaon said, rolling her eyes.

"I'm a growing boy!" Sirius said indignantly. "I have to eat sometimes"

"Righto," Lycaon said, swinging her legs and letting her head fall back as though it had no muscle support.

"Isn't that uncomfortable?" James asked.

"Yes, as a matter of fact, it is." She said.

"Then why do you stay like that?" James asked.

"**Because I can**."

Lycaon sat bolt upright to shoot a death-glare at Sirius who had responded with her, only more mockingly. She stuck her tongue out at him and pulled down the lower lid of her left eye. Sirius just looked highly affronted. She stopped making the face and fell backwards into the uncomfortable position.

"Bloody hell, I wish Pete would hurry." Ly said unhappily.

"I'm done _now_," said Peter's voice from near her feet.

"Good, now we can go get some food!" Sirius said as Lycaon sat up.

She gave a slight, serpentine movement in her spine which propelled her forward just enough to sit all the way up and jump up from the chair. No one noticed. She walked on with the others, not even talking because there was nothing to say. They got down to the Great Hall and started to eat lunch. Ly just put a few things on her plate and ate, not interacting with anyone or going into any depth of thought beyond 'Damnation, but I wish I didn't have to eat'. Lycaon's own view was that all people should be fused with plants in order to rid the world of hunger, even if that did just rule out a good portion of employment. Who cared? If you didn't have to eat, you could do whatever you bloody well pleased because you didn't need a job. You'd probably even be able to withstand the elements better if you were fused with a plant, so there goes having to pay rent.

However, nothing of that sort was running through Lycaon's mind at the present. Really, _nothing_ was running through her mind. She bit her tongue and cursed mentally, but all true cogitation had come to a halt. A hand waved in front of her face and she looked up to see James sitting across from her.

"Is there anyone in there?" He asked.

"I should think so."

"Good, because your face got all droopy there for a minute, and I thought maybe you'd died."

"James, are you suggesting that I have _a saggy face_?" Lycaon said good- humouredly, arching a brow.

"Not at all! It's just . . . you normally look so . . . _alert_ but your face just sort of . . . drooped." James explained, making a _lovely_ mime of what appeared to be his face falling off.

"Pleasant imagery," Lycaon commented with a slight contortion of her facial features.

"Thank you," He said, giving her a pert grin.

Lycaon just sighed and went back to her food, feeling slightly bored. She tried to imagine her face 'droopy' but failed miserably. The closest she could get was hairless basset hound with green eyes and a much disheveled, dark brown wig.

(Peter's POV )

Peter was walking alongside Lycaon as James and Sirius walked ahead of them, chatting, on the way back to the common. Peter would have _liked_ to have a conversation with Lycaon, but he just couldn't think of anything to say. He had felt like such a _moron_ for the first few days, but everyone had begun to lighten up on him by the end of the week. Now he was feeling so much more comfortable. Sirius still made cracks on him every now and then, but no one seemed to hate him. It _had_ seemed to border on hate in the beginning. Now . . . Now Peter was Pete and just a little uncomfortable with conversation.

None of that discomfort was helped by the fact that Remus was quiet; Sirius didn't seem to like him _much,_ even now; James treated him like a little kid; and Ly . . . well . . . Ly sometimes treated him like a kid and sometimes treated him like an equal. It really, _really_ didn't help.

"So, Ly . . . erm . . . what have you been doing?" He asked awkwardly.

She laughed, but not mockingly. "Peter, you _know_ what I've been doing. You've been there for almost all of it."

"Right," He said, his cheeks warming as he blushed.

"You don't have to try so hard for conversation, Pete." She informed him calmly. "If you can't think of anything to say, then there's nothing worth saying."

"I don't know," and he felt like he didn't know much these days, "I guess I just don't like silence," he replied, watching his feet.

"Well, what can I say? Nothing, so I won't try," she ended, obviously doing her best not to sound unkind.

Really Ly wasn't that bad, she was just very . . . _bold_. She acted and spoke boldly whereas Peter had always been a little quieter. He wished he could be loud like James and Sirius and Lycaon. Merlin, if he could even just be content to be quiet like Remus was then he'd be a little better off. He _hated_ being so shy but he just couldn't help it. Suddenly, he got a marvelous idea for conversation. Or at least marvelous as far as forced conversation went.

"What do you think so far of the Slytherins?"

"Well," Ly said mildly, still looking ahead though her brows were knitted slightly. "I just . . . don't like them. It's irrational, but I just don't. Silly, isn't it, that we act like such total enemies when we've never said a word to each other? But that's not my original thought, you know. Remus has slowly been feeding that into me. I try to understand them, but I just can't. Were you there when Remus and I were talking about it on Wednesday?"

"No, I wasn't." He looked up at her, wishing he wasn't so short. He was a full ten centimeters shorter than her, and she wasn't even tall.

"We were on the topic of pranking because, even though I've not got such a hunger for it anymore, I still like it. Naturally he brought up the fact that it was wrong because it wasn't even like I had a reason to prank people, and being a Slytherin didn't count. You'd think that was the only thing he could come up with." She rolled her eyes.

"That's the only argument you'll listen to," Pete pointed out.

"I guess so. I wouldn't have any of it though." She continued. "I asked him why being a Slytherin wasn't enough. I brought up the point that Slytherins are conniving, deceitful, stuck-up and, plus, their families are filled with all sorts of dark magic." She paused a moment for breath. "But then Remus said 'but you don't know all that about Slytherins. Have any of them ever been conniving or deceitful that you have experienced? Besides, maybe Slytherins just don't think about magic as good and bad or dark and not. They're just different from us, but that doesn't make them wrong or bad.'" She stopped altogether and looked troubled.

"That's a good point." Peter said quietly, trying to digest the full depth of Remus' statement.

"It is, isn't it?" Ly said thoughtfully. "Remus is a very smart bloke. I guess it's because he thinks things through. Me and those dolts up there," she gestured to Sirius and James who were several feet ahead of them, "we just don't think much. We're a bit impulsive to say the least." She shook her head.

"At least you're brave enough to do something," He muttered.

"It's not bravery, Pete; it's stupidity. What's there to be brave about? No, it's not bravery. We're brave, yes - if not we probably wouldn't be in Gryffindor - but just because we have a short fuse doesn't make us brave. You're brave, too, you know."

"How?" He asked without realizing the word was forming.

"Well, you snuck around the school even though if you got caught you'd be in huge trouble, and you never even questioned the actual going into the Forbidden Forest." She looked contemplative.

"I guess." He said, not really knowing what else to say.

"But . . . as far as the other houses, I still can't accept what Remus said, somehow. I should, but I can't" Ly shook her head again, her wild hair shifting slightly with the movement.

"I understand that. It's just hard to suddenly look at it like that. What about the other houses? Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw?" He looked up at her, having shifted his gaze to his feet for a moment.

"They're okay. Ravenclaw is just average - a little goody-two-shoes and Hufflepuff just seems a little . . . bland. Really they're not too bad, though. None of them have showed advanced signs of retardation in my presence. They're both fine by me, just nothing special." Her thumbs were hooked in the pockets of her jeans. "What about you?"

"I'm pretty much the same as you. I wish I was as smart as some of the Ravenclaws, though. Did you see how the Thompson girl kept on answering all of the questions yesterday in Herbology?"

"Yeah, and Evans was ready to jinx her right out of the room!" Ly looked as if the very thought made her want to laugh and a smile broke out on Peter's face.

(Ly's POV)

Lycaon walked into the common room, wondering briefly how Sirius and James managed to talk about quidditch this _entire_ time and still not be finished, when she spotted a head of very _distinct_ colored hair.

"Remus!" A grin split over her face and she ran over to the chair in front of the fire where her friend was sitting.

"Hey, Ly," He said looking up with a smile.

"Blimey, you look awful! Didn't you get any sleep?" Lycaon plopped into a chair right next to his.

"No, not really." Remus shook his head. "My mum's worse than we thought. I'll be going to go see her often. She doesn't want to interfere with school, but it's important to me."

"Gee, mate, what's wrong with her?" Sirius said, leaning on the back of a nearby chair.

"Sirius! Try to show at least a little decency—a little tact maybe!" James said sitting in the chair Sirius was leaning on. Sirius stuck his tongue out at him

"It's okay," Remus laughed a little. "Actually though," He sighed and went solemn, "they don't know quite what's wrong with her. Nothing seems to work." He stared off, something about him very upset.

"We're here for you, Remus. You just remember that," James told him as reassuringly as he could.

"Thanks." Remus looked up with a sad, almost pained smile on his face.

Ly couldn't even look at him like this. She averted her eyes, unable to watch Remus look so miserable. _Why is it so hard to just . . . look at someone?_ It wasn't even like she knew the bloody woman! Surely Remus was suffering enough for all of them, why did it have to hurt her too? Some things just didn't make sense. Much like the theory of eating . . .

(Remus' POV)

It was _disgusting_ that he could act like he was and deceive these—his friends. He had to though, didn't he? They would be horrified if they found out he was a werewolf. They would leave him in the dust and then they would tell their parents and he would be kicked out of school! There were no ifs, ands, or buts to it. He had done the whole 'Different Isn't Necessarily Bad' test on Ly and she had failed miserably. If she couldn't overlook the fact that Slytherins thought of magic differently then there was no way she would be able to overlook that once a month he turned into a complete animal and that, as that animal, he had mauled and eaten his own parents! There was no redemption for that sort of thing! There was no one - no deity, no sovereign, no elected official - who was high enough to restore his grace. Not now. Especially now that he was a liar, too. There wasn't even anyone who could accept his damnation - short of Dumbledore, of course. Remus seriously doubted that Dumbledore had informed the staff that, as well as being afflicted with Lycanthrope, Remus Lupin had mindlessly murdered his parents.

_Murderer_.

"So, Remus, are you going to go take that rest you talked about or what? You're going to need it." James said.

"Yeah, I just wanted to wait until you lot were here. I wanted to say 'hi', all that." He replied, standing up. "I guess I'll see you all at dinner then?" He looked around at all of them.

"Of course. Rest well," Ly said with her usual unconcerned swat of the hand in his direction as the others nodded.

He smiled and nodded back. A few calls like 'See ya, Sleeping Beauty' or 'Make sure you get plenty of sleep' were sent his way as he walked towards the boys' dormitory. He felt his fears and doubts melt away just like that. They believed him, and why not? It wouldn't ever matter that he was a werewolf. As long as he kept telling him that his mum's health was unstable, he could keep this up and they would never question him. He doubted that they would even be suspicious if he just kept on saying that it had looked like she was getting better but then she had gotten worse suddenly. No, it would never come to pass that he would have to endure the look of disgust sure to come if they found out about his Lycanthrope. Never.

(Ly's POV)

"Erm . . . what do we do now?" Pete asked, looking around from his chair.

"Wizard chess!" James cried, rushing over to and up the stairs undoubtedly to grab his board and pieces.

"Wait for me, mate!" Sirius called, running after him, just as oblivious to the fact that Remus was probably trying to sleep at the moment as James had been.

"What about you, Pete? Do you have a set you're going to retrieve now, too?" Lycaon said casually.

"Yeah . . . but I'm rubbish at it. There's no point in playing." He shook his head sadly.

"Well then, at least I'm not the only one. I never really _could_ get a hang of that game." She sighed. "I'm afraid I'm not much of a strategist."

James and Sirius flew down the stairs at precisely that moment and proceeded to play wizard chess for quite some time. James beat Sirius three times and Sirius beat him twice. Sirius had been crushed by his last defeat by James. He looked over it at Ly.

"Why don't you play? I'm sure James'll let you borrow his pieces."

"What? And allow you to beat me at an alarmingly embarrassing rate as is bound to happen? I think not!" She sat up straight, and stuck her nose in the air. The others just laughed.

"Alright, alright: you don't have to play." Sirius chuckled.

* * *

NOTE: I want all of you to read at least the first chapter of one of my other stories. This story pairs well with "Of Lycaon Amarantha Saer." If you don't want to read one of my stories you might try reading:

I Need You to Love Me by Romantic Fool

Thank you for bearing with me all this while, not that you had much of a choice, I hope you enjoyed. R&R while I get some R&R


	6. Family in It's Forms

Disclaimer: I wish I owned it. I wish I were filthy rich. Sadly, I do not and am not.

Author's Note: Hello, Loves.Oh, and, by the way, I know some of you were probably expecting fluff from this and are maybe just a little disappointed; but, honestly, they're only 11! You can't expect 11 year-olds to be in love. Especially not 11-year-old boys. Anyway, this chapter is action-packed and fun-filled with all sort of marauders goodness from before they were even the marauders! Read, enjoy, and review.

* * *

The Zinnia Blooms--Family in It's Forms

* * *

The entirety of everyone's _favorite_ group sat down for breakfast Monday morning in a very good mood. Toast, cereal, bacon, eggs and pumpkin juice were just beginning to be enjoyed when the morning mail came in. By this time they were all used to it but, somehow, Sirius still wasn't comfortable with the idea of all those great, squawking owls flying over his breakfast. He _did_ intend on eating it, after all. Unlike Sirius, Peter got a letter from his mum and dad, as did James, Remus and Lycaon: all the better for him. He doubted _they'd_ have anything good to say any way.

Lycaon's owl clutched onto her shoulder, staring calmly at him with round, dark eyes from within his white, heart-shaped face. He had half a mind to swat it off but he doubted Ly would allow that. She was reading calmly over the short letter from her parents. Remus—who looked a world healthier than before he left—had put his letter in his pocket; James had started to read his long letter but gave up moments later; and Pete was still reading the thick scroll of parchment that his parents had used to write _their_ letter.

It was then that a rather disagreeable-looking eagle-owl with red-orange eyes swooped in and dropped a thick, red envelope right onto Sirius' plate_. Uh-oh_. Lycaon looked up, tucking her letter away and shooing her owl off. Her eyes fell on him, then his plate, which he assumed he must be staring at in horror. Yes, indeed – mumsy dearest had something to say and it definitely was _not_ going to be pleasant. Remus poked Peter who looked up to what the other four already saw. _A Howler._

"Get it over with quick, mate." James said quietly.

Sirius nodded and picked up the envelope which was now smoking slightly. He opened it quickly and threw it down on the table, cringing and covering his ears as did the others. A boom echoed throughout the hall, shaking their table and causing dust to fall from heaven only knows where.

"SIRIUS CANIS BLACK! YOU ARE A DISGRACE TO YOUR SURNAME!" Mrs. Black's awful yells reverberated off the stone walls with unnatural volume while everyone was staring and trying to shield their ears while still hearing what was going on. "YOU KNOW PERFECTLY WELL YOU WERE TO GET INTO SLYTHERIN! YOUR FATHER AND I ARE _ASHAMED_ OF YOU! WE CAN HARDLY EVEN FACE THE RELATIVES! WHAT'S MORE YOU DIDN'T EVEN TELL US! _WHY_ ARE YOU STILL IN GRYFFINDOR? WE EXPECT YOU TO DO YOUR BEST TO GET OUT _THIS INSTANT_! YOU HAD BEST WATCH YOURSELF, YOUNG MAN! WE'LL CUT YOU STRAIGHT OFF! AND WHAT'S THIS I HEAR ABOUT YOU CONSORTING WITH BLOOD TRAITORS? YOU ARE TO STAY TO YOUR OWN KIND! _MAYBE_ IF YOU SPEND AS LITTLE TIME AROUND THOSE GRYFFINDORS AS POSSIBLE THEN WE CAN STILL REDEEM OUR FAMILY NAME! IT IS _DESPICABLE_ THAT YOU COULD SO BLATANTLY DISRESPECT, YOUR FATHER, MYSELF, AND THE ENTIRE HOUSE OF BLACK! HOW COULD YOU SO SHAME YOUR BLOOD? IF YOU KEEP UP THIS NONSENSE THERE WILL BE _NO_ REDEMPTION! I'LL HAVE MY EYES ON YOU! NEVER HAS ANY SON SO DISGRACED HIS MOTHER! FROM NOW ON YOU _WILL_ LEARN YOUR PLACE!"

The silence was thick in the air. No one dared even speak . . . well . . . unless one counted Sirius. He was shaking and red in the face with humiliation and fury. He stood up from the bench suddenly, knocking his plate, goblet and howler to floor with a great crash and a scream.

"LIKE HELL I WILL!" He screamed at the ashes of the howler that had just spontaneously combusted and kicked the plate across the floor. He turned at galumphed out of the Great Hall.

(Ly's POV)

Instantly Lycaon and James were out of their seats. For some reason, it didn't seem like the best idea to let him rage like this. Lycaon ran out of the hall with James moments behind her and both of their bags still under the table. No matter, Remus and Pete could deal with that. _How could a mother say those things?_ Ly had had no idea that Mrs. Black was really that bad. She could barely hear Sirius' angry stomping from a distance away over her own running, breathing, and heartbeat. It was hard not to get caught up in running like she normally would have, but at least her boots were good to run in. She heard a clatter and crash of a suit of armor and followed that around a corner where Sirius was walking away from a gold-plated suit he appeared to have just kicked. _That had to have hurt_. But he didn't seem to feel it. _Anger has its own form of adrenaline, though, doesn't it?_

"Sirius!" She called; running up to him and hearing James follow her down the corridor.

Sirius didn't stop or turn to look at her. He walked on determinedly and moodily. _The wanker!_ She kept on running, catching up to his steady storming easily.

"Sirius!" she said again, stopping just behind him. He didn't respond. "Damn it, Sirius!" She let out loudly, not even thinking before her hand darted out and caught him by his dark hair.

"LET GO!" He commanded after being jerked back and down into a most undignified crouch. Lycaon did as he told her to but only with the knowledge that he wouldn't try to storm off again. "Look you two," he closed his eyes in an attempt to remain calm. "I just need to work this off. I promise I won't do anything I'll regret."

"Yeah, because obviously kicking over a suit of armor is such an excellent show of self-control." James replied with a hint of frustration.

"Look, I'm not in the best of moods right now so just shut up!" Sirius fired back.

"Sirius, it's not doing anyone any good to knock stuff around." Lycaon said, trying to make him see some reason.

"That's funny; it seems to make me feel better." He leaned against the wall, his intense gray eyes looking absolutely murderous.

"Oh, for Merlin's sake! Would you just stop being such a prick? We're just trying to be good friends and help you out." She shot back, feeling every bit as murderous.

They made eye contact and for a moment they cried out everything they felt—all the frustration—without opening their mouths. He heaved a sigh and looked down at his feet. "I guess you're right. Actually," He looked up with a small smirk, "I'm surprised it took her this long."

Lycaon let the corners of her mouth tug up into a little smile. Now, that was how she wanted to see Sirius.

"So, shall we go ahead and finish breakfast then?" James asked, rubbing his hands together with a grin.

"Nah," Sirius said with a smile and a casual sort of tone even though his eyes were exactly as they had been two minutes ago, "I think I've lost my appetite."

"Somebody call the press!" James said, trying to keep the mood light. "You sure, mate?"

"Yeah, I'm sure. You two go finish up. I'll be in the Library for a little bit before class, but no worries. I'll meet you there, alright?"

"Alright," James and Lycaon replied in unison.

He gave them a big, reassuring smile and headed down the hall. James and Ly went back the way they had come except, this time, not running. _Lies . . ._ Sirius had just fed them a great handful of _lies_. So why had Ly not pointed this out? Well, what would the point have been? Insisting that he come back into the Great Hall with them _certainly_ wouldn't have done any good. No, it was best just to let it be. And there was something so disarming about that smile—how could she _not_ believe him when he smiled like that?—but, at the same time, it was shattering; something about it was so desperate. Like the last moments of a warrior in battle—the final endeavor before death.

Ly found that the day went by in a blur. She scarcely paid attention to what was being taught to her, but that was okay. She liked to think that she actually did her best listening when it didn't seem like she'd listened at all. She was, however, paying attention enough to note that Sirius was distant all day. He was much quieter than usual, and she knew that things were more amiss than he would have them believe. The others noticed as well . . . but what could they _do_?

Transfiguration, break, lunch . . . it was all one big time mass that Ly and Sirius both paid little or no attention to. Finally, though, it was evening and time to start going over plans again. The group sat in a secluded corner, close together, but hoping they seemed inconspicuous.

"Okay," James said, sitting forward in his chair. "So, Ly knows what she's doing in order to avoid suspicion. Am I right?"

"Absolutely," Lycaon replied coolly, waving her hand.

"Right then," He looked around at the others. "So, she gets down here and we head out. The Fat Lady probably won't give us any trouble so long as we don't let her. We go behind the Mimosa Voinovich portrait, then, once we get out of that, we go into the long, winding passage behind the big unicorn tapestry." James spoke calmly, with constant hand motions. "We'll come out close to the Goblin Rebellion painting in that empty hallway just off of the Charms hall and from there we'll be as good as out of the castle. Once we make it through the last passage it's a dead run into the forest, but there's not many windows right there so we _should_ be okay. If the caretaker wasn't so _ignorant_ I'd worry. I know he knows a few passages, but not enough to be of any trouble to us. Besides, from what I understand he's only been here a few years anyway and he still has difficulty getting around from time to time."

"You know, James, you talk a lot." Sirius said, his face evincing no emotion, and his eyes empty as they stared past James and straight at the wall.

"Er . . . right. Sure thing, Mate," James said in slightly shaken voice. None of them knew what was right to do about Sirius. He had just been so off all day and it had only gotten worse as the hours wore on.

_Well, sometimes you have to do **something**, right? It's like they say: action may not always bring happiness but there can be no happiness without action. Soo . . . ._

**SMACK!** "Merlin's beard! What the bloody hell was that about?" Sirius said angrily, rubbing the side of his face where Lycaon's hand had landed.

"I wanted to make sure you were present for this. I'm sure you would have been upset to realize you were spaced out during the entire thing." Ly said simply, just glad his eyes were focused and his face had an expression of some sort on it.

"Well, _do_ try to be more subtle about it next time!" He said, still aggravated.

"Of course, Master. Lycaon is just wishing to be helpful, Lycaon is." She bobbed her head up and down, doing her best imitation of a House elf. Sirius rolled his eyes, but there was a slight lifting of the corners of his mouth.

"Let's head up to the dorms." Remus said. "We need to make this look like a regular evening and regularly we'd have been gone at least fifteen minutes ago."

"He's right," Peter said, standing up. "G'night, Ly." He said with a wink and walked off. _Who would have known he would actually get **bolder** at a time like this? Adrenaline much?  
_  
"Good night," Remus said with a smile and followed Peter.

"Sleep tight," Sirius said with a wink, similar to Pete's but more puckish.

"Don't let the bed-bugs bite!" James grinned and followed the others up.

Lycaon, left with no other choice, got up and went off to her dormitory. This was going to be fun with the boys so into it like this, but then you add the adrenaline rush and sheer freedom of breaking the rules . . . and you had one hell of a time. A smile broke out on her face and was still there when she entered the dorm. She was pleased with what she saw. The lights were all out even though there was a small sliver of yellow from under the bathroom door where someone was obviously still finishing up. It was time for the act to begin.

It was going to be one huge pain, but she was going to have to change out of her robes, into her pajamas, and then into some clothes one could actually enter the Forbidden Forest in. You couldn't exactly romp about in the woods in a skirt or duck-printed pajamas. She took the opportunity to dig through the drawer of her small dresser and pull out some lightly faded jeans and an old black sweater: in other words, nothing she would miss if it were permanently ruined tonight. She also pulled out her pajamas and slipped into them, proceeding to follow her nightly routine.

She waited in her bed for quite a while, struggling against the sleep that saw no reason not to come. At long last, she was satisfied with the evenness of the other girls' breaths and the darkness of the outer hallway. She slithered out from under the covers and quickly dressed in her selected outfit, shoving her pajamas under her pillow, snatching up her wand, and leaving her bed hangings closed. She opened the door maybe half of a foot and slipped through. She went down the stairs, trying to make as little sound as possible and managing quite well even though the smallest of noises was painfully loud at the moment. She peeked out from the entrance to the Girls' Dorms and saw, to her relief, only five young boys in muggle dress—though Sirius had probably had to borrow his attire—in the Common Room. She walked out with a smile.

Remus saw her first and waved, causing the other heads to turn and grin at her. They did _appear_ to be all set. She walked right up to the group, right beside Pete and in front of James.

"Shall we go then?" She asked the apparent leader of their group as a grin broke out on her face despite her efforts to remain controlled.

"Of course," he replied turning and walking towards the exit.

Lycaon started straight after him, pretending to march, holding her wand like a soldier would carry his rifle. Sirius smiled and followed example, Pete doing the same and Remus grinning and joining in. Really, Lycaon hadn't expected him to but, then again, this seemed like one of those times when you could get caught up in the moment. They exited the Common completely, still in their mock-march. They stopped this, however, for the sake of stealth once they were out in the hall.

"Who's out at this hour?" The Fat Lady asked groggily and then looked down at them. "What are you doing?"

"Nothing at all," Lycaon replied tartly. "_You_ just go back to sleeping."

The Fat Lady muttered something about disrespect but was dozing off almost instantly. They continued on quickly and quietly down the hall until they came to the portrait they needed. It was a bony witch with graying, auburn hair pulled back into a bun that was almost as severe as McGonagall's. This witch, however, was smiling widely, wearing a pastel blue robe, and in ownership of laugh lines that were well etched into her face as well as dark brown eyes which were currently staring down at them. Why she wasn't asleep was beyond Ly.

"Oughtn't you be in bed?" She asked with a light Russian accent.

"Actually, yes," Sirius said from behind Lycaon, "but we want to use the passage behind your portrait there."

"If you must," She said with a heavy sigh, allowing her portrait to swing open.

The whole lot of them clambered inside and walked on in the darkness. _Darkness . . . this shouldn't have been allowed_. _No, someone should have had the **foresight** to look that up. I should have, too_. Someone bumped into her from behind with a quiet 'oof'. Naturally, said person could only be Sirius as they had remained in single file.

"Don't tell me no one bothered to learn a charm to give us a little light," she said into the pitch black.

"Oh, sorry about that," came Remus' voice from somewhere behind her. "I learned it; I just forgot to use it." There was a shuffling for his wand. "_Lumos_," his voice whispered so that it was barely audible.

Immediately Lycaon was able to see all of them as well as a little bit beyond. "Is that difficult at all, Remus, or will we be able to use it right now? I think a little more light might be in order."

"No, it's pretty easy. You just say the word '_lumos'_ and your wand lights up. To turn it off . . . well . . . bear with the darkness again for a moment . . . but you just say, '_nox'_." The light went out and then came back with another whispered incantation.

"Alright then, James: why don't you take care of the other light for us? I doubt we'll need five at the moment." Lycaon turned to James who nodded.

"Lumos," the tip of his wand lit up, providing ample illumination.

"You guys are going to want to turn it off when we get out, though," Sirius said. "The last thing we need is to show everyone exactly where we are."

"Good point," James said, continuing down the hall. "I'm sure we'll all be fine without the light when we head towards the tapestry."

"Naturally," Lycaon replied.

Ly listened as their footsteps echoed ever so quietly in the passage. They were a light-footed bunch . . .good, very good. They were actually moving pretty fast through the tunnel. It was about as fast as they dared go lest they accidentally step too heavily. They came soon to the end of the passage: the back of a painting Ly knew to be so grimy you could scarcely see the swamp behind it. Two mutterings of 'nox' were heard and light was lost.

Lycaon stepped forward, she being the one who had found this passage and the only one who knew exactly how to work this entrance/exit. She thrust her right hand forward, feeling stone against it. She slid it across to her left until it met with a tiny lip of wood from the frame. She knelt and pressed a small unconformity in the lower right corner. The painting swung silently, slowly forward, providing them with the dim moonlight that was pouring in through a long row of high windows. _Waning moon tonight_, she noted absently. They snuck further down the hall and carefully around a corner. They needed only to take a few steps before they were right in front of their second and longest passage.

Lycaon walked forward and held up a corner of the tapestry to show what appeared to be a stone wall. She frowned and put her hand just over it and then went to strike it with her palm only to find that her hand went right through it. It felt like gel of some sort, but her hand wasn't wet when she brought it back and the wall had offered no resistance. She held the tapestry up more, exposing more 'wall' and turned to the others.

"Come on. Just go through, it's not really a wall." She hissed for the benefit all but Pete as he had been the one to find this labyrinth of a passage by somehow managing to fall into the tapestry.

There came a few nods and everyone put their wands away. James pushed his hand along the wall to find where actual rock ended then jumped in with ease and agility; Sirius managed almost as well; Pete clambered in with more than a little help from two pairs of disembodied hands but quickly all the same; Remus felt out the wall and then stuck his knee into it and was helped up by the hands as well; and Lycaon stood between the tapestry and the wall then used a little jump-momentum to get herself into the passage along with the help the disembodied hands offered.

Once inside she found it was pitch dark. "I'll take care of the light for a little while. Can somebody help me?" She spoke into the darkness, taking out her wand. "_Lumos_," She said, then shielding her eyes and slowly adjusting them to the light.

"I will." Peter said. "I need to show us where to go anyway. I'm the only one who knows which ways to turn."

"We have to do something about that one day," James said as Peter cast his lumos which shuddered for only a moment before stabilizing. "It's not that I don't trust you guys to remember these things, it just might be easier to plan and all if we had it written down."

"We can work on that soon," Sirius replied from James' right. "Right now I don't want to worry about it."

"Then let's go have some fun. Care to lead us, Pete?" He turned to the shorter boy, whom he had formerly had his back to.

"Sure thing, James," Peter said with a grin and turned, walking quickly down the passage.

They walked on in silence for quite a while, Peter and his light leading the way, and Lycaon and her light bringing up the rear so that they wouldn't get lost at any point. Peter seemed to know exactly where he was going. There were several points where the passage split in three different directions but Peter didn't hesitate once. Countless times a passage suddenly branched off from the side but Pete always knew whether or not to take them._ And_ _he says he has a bad memory!_ The echo of their footsteps lasted much longer than usual in this honeycomb of passages and Lycaon listened to that as they went on. Just as the echoes were becoming less interesting to Ly, they came to what appeared to be a dead end.

"You can turn out your light, Ly." Peter called softly down the line. "It's another tapestry on the other side," he jerked his thumb behind him. "So I'll go out first and hold it up. You guys just jump right through." He then turned out his light, squatted down, and appeared to fall through the wall.

Lycaon watched as James, Sirius, and Remus exited then turned out her light and followed. She nodded to them and motioned for them to move forward once in the hall. James took lead again and brought them as quietly as possible into the charms hall. Lycaon winced every time someone stepped loudly, even though to anyone _not_ sneaking around the sound would hardly be perceptible. When the lot of them reached the next tapestry, Lycaon was relieved to be informed by Sirius and James that all you had to do was kick the wall in the right place and it parted like cloth. They demonstrated this quickly and everyone entered into the passage. The wall closed up behind them and Sirius and Remus decided they'd take care of the light for now.

Now all they had to do was enjoy themselves. The moon and stars, and the wind in the trees, and no one to tell them what they could and couldn't do . . . a spurt of energy ran through Ly at the thought and produced one of those impulsive, non-sensible, and possibly dangerous ideas that seem like a good idea at the time but—as authoritative figures are happy to inform you—really, truly were not.

A wide grin split on her face.

"Hey, Sirius," she whispered, walking right beside him, "I'll race you to the end passage." He gave her a look that clearly stated disbelief and impressed the notion of 'are you absolutely out of your head?' She just smiled and looked ahead. "Of course, if you're afraid of getting caught you can say no, but I just though it'd be fun . . ."

"You're on," He growled. Oh yes, she had said the magic word that, when appropriately applied, could get you anything you wanted from an egotistical Gryffindor: _afraid_. "On the count of three: one . . . two –"

"Three!" She cried and fled down the tunnel that, luckily, didn't branch off.

"Cheater!" She heard Sirius call from not far behind her.

She laughed and sped on, letting the running engulf her. She'd hardly be able to breathe when she stopped, maybe, but it was so much fun right then—in the moment. Endorphins and adrenaline were mixing beautifully to create the most exhilarating feeling one can get and the sound of air rushing past her drowned out everything else. Thought and fear and confusion disappeared into the lactic acid fermentation in her muscles. She was dimly aware of Sirius not at all far behind her and the light from his wand allowing her as much vision as one can have at such speeds. Very suddenly she came to the end of the passage and—in an attempt to stop before running straight into it—she put herself off balance and fell over, causing Sirius to fall as well in his attempt not to run over her.

There was a loud 'oomph' and a great deal of laughing and they gradually collected themselves enough to sit against the wall of the passage and wait for the other to get there. Not surprisingly, they got there not long after with a similarly unsurprising flush to their faces from deciding to catch up the quick way.

"Took you long enough," Sirius said with a roguish grin. "Now," He stood up, "let's get to that forest, shall we?"

"Sure," James said with a smile. "May I have the honors?"

"Go ahead," Sirius gestured to the wall with that grin still plastered to his face.

James strutted forward and kicked the second stone up furthest to the left. They watched as the stones all repositioned themselves to look as though they had been laid to create a passage coming out of the side of the castle. Lycaon was just happy that this made minimal noise. As soon as the stones had settled Lycaon looked back at the others and grinned just before making a mad dash to the edge of the forest. She caught onto a tree to stop from running into another one and allowed her momentum to swing her around it once before stopping and watching the others. James ran out next, then Remus, then Peter, and then Sirius. Now, it was time to romp, gambol, and generally maraud in that forest for all the fun it had to offer them.

...

The sky was just turning from near-black to more of a cerulean as the group headed through the first of their passages before reaching the commons. Fatigue was only beginning to set in for Lycaon, even though they'd been running around for hours and she had a tear in the left leg of her jeans. She would be able to mend it, even though it would be a rather rough mending. It wasn't like she was ever going to wear them anywhere it mattered. They walked the entire way this time but managed to finish in good time. Sirius kicked the necessary stone and the wall became like a curtain, pulling back, and showing them the empty hall. It was an eerie sight to behold in the growing light. Suddenly Ly felt a little more insecure about being out in the halls and a little of that paranoia from earlier was coming back. Actually, more or less _all_ of that paranoia was coming back. However, as a Gryffindor, it doesn't matter if you're scared out of your ruddy mind so long as you don't show it. The term by which they live their lives is 'bravado'.

Luckily, everything was going smoothly. Everyone was quiet – flushed and still pumped with all manner of adrenaline, but quiet – and the passages were easily accessed. They used the illumination charm in the passages and, naturally, turned it out when they exited. At least until they reached the dirty swamp painting and Lycaon pressed an unconformity that was hidden from vision by it's placement on the underside of the frame. There were carelessly loud footsteps coming from a nearby passage and they all seemed to go a little paler. Lycaon pulled the painting backwards instead of waiting on its usually slow pace. Her mind was a flurry of unidentifiable color and motion at this point and there was only the tangible left to rely on. Do or die.

"Go!" She hissed into James' ear—he being the nearest—and then pushed him forward. She looked at Remus with impatience and he took that as his cue and hurried in, Pete and Sirius not far behind. How in Merlin's name was her heart managing to beat so fast? She jumped up the foot or so and grabbed the painting by its frame, pulling in quickly shut behind her with both the footsteps and her heartbeat getting louder. She pulled as much as she could without crushing her fingers and drew her hands back quickly, allowing it to shut the rest of the way by itself. She heaved a sigh of relief and permitted her self to slide against the wall and sink down onto the floor to recover. She heard the footsteps get even louder and then gradually fade away as the five waited with baited breath. Finally, she stood up and put her hands on her hips, shaking her head. Remus and James had already seen to the light.

"Who in Merlin's name was that?" James' voice sounded irritated and even disapproving. "It's got to be about three in the morning!"

"I know, mate, I know." Sirius said shaking his head and clapping his hand on James' shoulder. "That was awfully close."

"We'd have been in a really mess if those footsteps weren't so loud." Remus commented.

"D'you suppose it was the caretaker?" Pete asked.

"Most likely," Lycaon said. "I doubt the teachers would be stomping about right now. They have classes to teach tomorrow, after all. Besides, no student would make that much noise: they'd be to afraid to get caught."

"Like us?" Remus smiled.

"Well," James sighed, "shall we just move on, then? I don't think standing here is going to help anything."

"True, true," Sirius nodded and walked onwards after James had. They all fell into line with Remus pulling up the rear this time.

From there on they were very careful in listening before they exited a passage and quick to get to the next, and they managed to get back to the commons without incident. At the portrait of the Fat Lady, Lycaon only found fit that she should take care of things.

"Hey," Lycaon whispered and poked the painting.

"Wh-what? Who's there? What's the password?" Sleep slurred the painting's speech.

"Canis Lupus," Lycaon said.

"Alright, then," The portrait sighed. "But, honestly, you should pick more decent times, young lady. What do you do at such hours?"

"Nothing that an old, worn piece of canvas like you would care about," she shot sharply.

"Well, aren't you a pleasant child?" The Fat Lady sneered, giving Lycaon a terrible look but allowing them passage all the same.

"You know, Ly," Sirius said quietly as they entered the common. "If you keep acting like that to her, she might squeal."

"We'll just have to hope for the best then, won't we?" She smirked. "Good night, boys." She addressed them all with a nod and then headed quietly up for her dorm.

As quiet as a mouse, she slipped into the gap she'd left in the door, closed in gently and made her way to her bed. She changed into her pajamas("pain in the arse", she grumbled), stuffing her jeans and sweater under her pillow, and then crawling under her covers to get what little sleep she could before morning. She'd probably be dead to the world all day as it was, and she didn't need to worsen the situation. _It has definitely been an eventful day here at Hogwarts,_ she mused shortly, _and many more to come_.

...

Week upon week upon week washed over the first years and eventually they stopped counting anything but how many more days till the weekend. Wands and the instinct to carry them everywhere had become perfectly ordinary. If any student didn't know their schedule down to a tee, they must be exceptionally thick, and quite a few things had become staples in their lives. On Mondays and Thursdays, Lycaon Saer would invariably get kicked out of Potions for calling Professor Kinnison by his first name of 'Peyton'. By the end of the week Sirius Black, James Potter, and Lycaon Saer had managed to lose at least fifteen points and get into at least one potentially serious scrape, only to smooth-talk their way out of it. Add to this that they had managed to get into at least one fight each month with one or more of the Slytherins. In short: they were making quite a reputation for themselves and it was only mid-October.

Understandably, Peter and Remus tended to stay out of trouble. Their moments of misbehavior were the ones that no one ever found out about. The only times they broke the rules were in the times that—though they would have brought quite a reputation to the group if anyone ever found out—were strictly personal moments between the five of them. Indeed, there did seem to be that air of recklessness and bonding every time they escaped the monotony of school to run wild in the forest. Lycaon knew that every time she went out there, the scent of the increasingly chilly night air was being locked into her memory and every time that fragrance met her in the future, her heart would ache for these times when she was in the Forbidden Forest, doing what children do, with her friends. Those were the moments you remember when you're old and gray and your life is spent. Those are the days you look back on and wish you were young again.

Lycaon loved every minute of her life at Hogwarts. Even when she was arguing with Sirius—destined to loose because sheer stubbornness knows no logic—she loved it. She'd never _had_ anyone to argue with! Her family had always just assumed she was quiet and reserved and left it at that. Everything was so much _better_ here. Her life at home was _neglectful_ compared to this. She felt so important these days. Sure, not everyone liked her but since when had _that_ ever mattered? They _knew_ her, and she doubted they'd be forgetting her anytime soon.

As time elapsed, it also became a staple in life that Remus Lupin would go to visit his mother for 2 to 4 days every now and then. Her illness, he told them, flared up when they least expected it to and it had the family on edge constantly.

On the other hand, Ly was absolutely amazed at how quickly she could forget the little things about her life at home. A loving father and mother, an annoying little sister who was still only a toddler, and the cat that loved to curl up at the foot of her bed were all she really remembered. Faintly, as in a dream, she could picture her bedroom and the kitchen, and, with little effort, she could see her parents as though she was looking right at them. Really, it was an almost perfect home she remembered, even if she didn't get any special attention or have any friends. A happy family just like the ones on the 'television' her parents, with their love of 'technology', had bought. Sure, her childhood had been a little . . . horrifically bad, but that was no fault of her parents'. How could they know? They probably didn't want to believe anything was wrong . . .Yet somehow, though she had no specific memories to contradict this, she knew that this ideal family couldn't really be how it was. Could it?

Ideals just didn't happen. Example:

Lily Evans had shown her self as a very clever young witch with considerable power. Also, she was a book worm. She was very popular within the first years, but _Merlin_ did she ever enjoy class too much for her own good! She was always so eager to answer questions or be on the professors' good sides. Even the biased potions master, who just _happened_ to be the Slytherin head of house, liked her. She, however, looked down upon Lycaon, James, and Sirius like nothing else. They were trouble-makers—ruffians, she had even called them once—that she didn't want to associate with. She wanted _nothing_ to do with James these days as she figured Ly's word wasn't worth as much as she had first guessed it was. Maybe one day she'd jump off her high-horse and realize what a stick in the mud she was being, but Ly wasn't holding her breath. It was such a shame, actually. Lily had seemed like a rather nice girl at first, but, her studies obviously came first.

All the same, life seemed to have a knack for sorting itself out.

Mary and Peter got on well enough; neither widely accepted as interesting or beneficial company to have. James and Sirius were the best of friends that ever could be, and if ever they had a problem, they were more likely to go to each other than anyone else in the world. They were always on the same wavelength, and, despite all the trouble they caused, they were intensely popular. Perhaps even because of it. Amy and Ly had gotten to be better friends, but Amy was normally much quieter; too quiet for Lycaon. However, it was nice to know she had someone for 'girl talk', even if she didn't have much intention that sort of thing. It was just nice to have someone to fall back on.

More likely than not, though, Ly found it easier to ask Remus for help if she was in a bind. He was good at helping her with essays and he wouldn't make fun of her for being fallible. He was easy to be around and that made it much easier to swallow the suggestions he gave for completing essays or potions better. Lycaon had a wonderful talent for words; it was just that her essays tended to end up as rants more than factual reports. Then she didn't take the criticism well and matters were only exacerbated . . . And as for potions . . . She was just rubbish at that and there was no way around it.

She had trouble following the detailed instructions precisely. It wasn't even that she would skip steps . . . most of the time. It was more that she would add—or fail to add—just enough of some stupid ingredient to completely botch it. In everything else she could apply enough raw magic and will power to get it right, but not in Potions. No, _never_ in stupid, _bloody_ **_Potions_**! More than once Professor Kinnison had threatened to inform her parents of her 'insubordination' if she didn't start 'applying herself more fully' because, obviously, she could do this as she was 'such a brilliant student' in her other classes. At that point however she would respond with, "really, Peyton; I don't see why you're so upset. I just can't throw magic at a potion to make it, is all. That's the only way I get by anywhere else." This, of course, made Peyton Kinnison sigh heavily and dismiss her to 'wherever it is you go'.

One class that Lycaon, James, and Sirius _all_ loved, though, was their Flying Lesson. Sure, they didn't get it often, and sure, they had it with the Slytherins, but that only made it easier to get into fights with them. Ly had her natural reflexes and physical abilities to at least make her passable, Sirius had some serious potential, but James . . . he was brilliant! He'd practically been _raised_ on a broomstick and it definitely showed. He zoomed around the quidditch pitch faster than anyone else and could turn on a pin.

Peter's broom would always roll over half-heartedly instead of flying into his hand, and Remus, they learned, was deathly afraid of heights. One thing that Ly found interesting, though, was the boy she had re-named Snivellus. He was normally very quiet, more than a little awkward, and amazing in potions and DADA (knowing more or less every dark spell on the face of the planet), but he persisted harder than any of the other no-talents to fly.

During one Flying Lesson his broom actually rose—reluctantly though it was—to his hand. Lycaon thought he might wet himself for joy. However, he was a Slytherin, and, she had to admit that—however much she might dislike them—Slytherins did not typically wet themselves. Instead, he gingerly mounted the broom and sat down, kicking off the ground as hard as his scrawny legs could. His broom soared eagerly over everyone's head in miraculous display.

Some people, however, are not very lucky by nature.

Suddenly his broom seemed to shudder, as though it suddenly realized who it carried. Snivellus went even paler than normal, looking down. Actually, he looked vaguely green . . . He closed his eyes and then reopened them, urging his broom forward. It jerked forward and to the left. Everyone's eyes were transfixed. He tried again, and his broom swooped to the ground so quickly that all he could do was turn an even greener shade of pallor while a few of the girls shrieked and the instructor watched in horror. Less than a foot from the ground it swooped back up and Snivellus' toes swept over the longer blades of grass. Snivellus tried again to control the broom properly, obviously hoping he wouldn't overreach like before. He began to descend slowly while still moving forward. He took off his right hand to wipe his brow and sigh with relief but forgot to make sure the pressure would remain even.

The broom swung around and dove straight at the class, all of whom were watching from a crowd on the ground. More screams could be heard from the girls and even a few boys. Lycaon and James, who had landed to watch, kicked off sharply as others darted away on foot. The young instructor Madame Hooch, unfortunately, did not move sufficiently out of the way. It was a wonder the poor woman hadn't been impaled. Instead, the broom seemed to loose its spirit upon impact, ending the wild ride at last.

Madame Hooch was, of course, reluctant to let him ride again to say the least.

Snape himself? He was still determined to ride. Perhaps this was where the Slytherin ambition came in. All the same, Lycaon didn't see much for his future in quidditch. He was awkward enough on the ground, but on a broom, in the air? . . . It was just painful. The boys, of course, found this to be a wonderful thing to poke fun at. The boys, in this case, being James and Sirius.

"Oy, Snivellus! Why don't you just give up? You're hopeless on a broom." James jeered.

"Or perhaps he should brew himself up a potion to give him some skill. He does seem to be so _good_ in Potions," Sirius joined.

Lycaon stood off to the side. It wasn't that she was a better person, it wasn't that she didn't find it funny, and it wasn't that she didn't get a kick out of crushing someone's self-esteem under her thumb . . . it was just that something about this was too familiar. Where had she seen this before? Had she done this before? Yes . . . but she had been on the receiving end. So _that_ was why her stomach felt like someone had poured boiling water in it and her vision was clouding. _No, no flashback for me, thank you very much,_ she thought shaking her head jerkily. Then she noticed that old Snivelly's lips were moving even though she was too far away to hear.

"What was that, Sev? I couldn't hear." Sirius leaned casually with his elbow on James' shoulder as a prop.

"I said," Snivellus' voice gained volume and intensity, "that some of us have to give some _effort_ and _dedication_ to things."

"I should say you do," James muttered, causing Sirius and himself to break into wild laughter.

Snivelly's face turned red, but whether from anger or humiliation Ly couldn't say. However, she was betting on a combination. If James and Sirius weren't laughing so loudly then they would have lost that verbal spar. Old Sev had said 'dedication' with just the right emphasis to get across that he felt they had none, which was partially true. But of course, the boys didn't care. Remus and Peter were standing far, far somewhere else . . . maybe she should go find them. Yeah, that seemed like a good idea. Surprisingly, she didn't feel like hanging out with James and Sirius and the moment. Normally she was as keen as anything to prank with them or spend time near Sirius. Yes, she had a crush on him, for all his uneducated stubbornness. It wasn't much, and it didn't interfere with the way she acted around him, but it was there—annoyingly, flutteringly—it was there. _Damned emotions,_ her head-voice spat coarsely. Heaven only knew that emotions hadn't gotten her anywhere in the past. Resolution and cleverness were all that had ever helped her. Unfortunately though, resolution and cleverness didn't make Sirius any less cute. _Damned genetics and mannerisms._

(James' POV)

The gang had just finished supper when they entered the common room to find it fuller than they had ever seen it. It was rather intimidating. The air was chill, Madame Pince's head cold had made her even more irritable than usual, and with the Potions Master's love of Gryffindors . . . there was plenty of work and play, all being done in the common room.

"What do you say we go up to the dorm?" Remus suggested.

"Good idea," James nodded, starting to make his way to the staircase.

"Oh, so you're just going to abandon me to the wilds?" Lycaon placed her fists on her hips in a way that, if it wasn't vaguely amusing, might have been intimidating.

"Well, I suppose you could come up with us," Sirius said.

"I haven't heard any rules against it," Remus added.

"Since when has that stopped me?" She followed the bee line they were quickly making to the Boys' Dormitories.

"Point taken," Remus said almost gloomily, making Ly laugh.

When they at last made their way through the crowd James heard something he knew might end very badly.

"Lycaon Amarantha Saer, _where_ do you think you're going?" Crystal Henley asked a little _too_ sweetly.

"Why Buckingham palace of course," She answered innocently. Relief spread through the boys. _No cat-fight_.

Sirius went up the stairs quickly, avoiding further argument, and the others followed. James was just happy they'd managed it. Was it so much to ask that Ly didn't start rivalries _within_ the house? Sure, Crystal could be a little catty and nosy; it didn't mean they had to fight as often as they did. It seemed like they were always arguing about _something_. Unlike Lily . . . Lily _never_ argued like that or got catty. Sure, she seemed to hate James and his friends, but that's just because she was dedicated to her school work.

The gang wasn't dedicated to anything but laughing until their sides ached.

She always gave them the dirtiest looks when they poked fun at Snivellus or were being dragged away by their ears for starting another fight with the Slytherins. _Other_ girls giggled and swooned, but Lily glared. And when James was going his most fantastic speeds during Flying Lessons, the other girls gasped and screamed and cheered, but he'd always catch a glimpse of Lily scrunching up her face in distaste, and then turning back to a book. _Why_ was Lily Evans so hard to impress? Further more, why did he _bother_ anymore when plenty of other girls thought he was a god? Okay, so it was just the one Ravenclaw that _actually_ thought he was a god, but the others liked him just fine.

"James!" He was hit sharply on the top of his skull. "What by Merlin's beard is distracting you? Sit down already!" Lycaon yanked him down onto Pete's bed where she was already sitting.

"Ten Galleons says he was thinking about Miss I'm-too-good-for-the-rest-of- the-world Evans," Sirius grumbled.

"No one's betting against you on _that_," Remus replied, lying on his stomach on his own bed.

"Am I that obvious?" James asked miserably.

"Just predictable," Ly said. "So, why don't you tell us about the latest woe and worry?"

"It's just . . . why do I bother?"

"That's what we've been trying to figure out for _weeks_." Sirius was by this time lounging on his bed like some variety of big-cat.

"The thing is, plenty of other girls like me, so why do I bother with the one? It doesn't make any sense."

"Well, Mate," Sirius repositioned himself, "it's like this: you like Lily Evans and there's no way around it. She wants nothing to do with you, but that _might_ change someday—in the distant future, of course. In the meantime, it's alright that you like her, and care about whether or not she likes you. _However_," Sirius paused for emphasis, "it's also perfectly alright for you to not worry about it and to not neglect your . . . er . . . _fan girls_."

"_Fan girls_?" James gave him a doubtful look.

"Well, yeah," Ly reinforced from beside him, "that's what they are. I know of about half a dozen that practically idolize you. And in case you didn't catch the message Sirius was trying to send—which by the look on your face, you didn't—he's basically saying that you should feel free to date other girls, regardless of however you might feel about Lily."

"But-But-But then she'll think I like them more!" James felt panic rising within him.

"Don't be a baby, James." Sirius rolled his eyes.

"James, she knows you're crazy about her; she just doesn't like you," Remus said as kindly as he could.

"But I can change her mind," he insisted.

Silence.

"Not in this lifetime you can't, mate," Sirius' voice was quiet.

"Pete?" He looked at the chubby boy sitting beside Remus.

"I'm sorry, James, but . . . I agree with Sirius. You're so popular and most of the Professors like you even if you _do_ get into a lot of trouble . . . you need to deal with the fact that she's going to have to come around by herself, but . . . I don't think that's going to _happen_ too soon." Peter stared at his feet as he had the entire time.

"Well, thank you all for being so supportive," James fumed, glaring around the room. He jumped off the bed, intending to storm out and off somewhere for a few hours.

However, Ly stopped him.

She grabbed his wrist and jerked him hard, pulling him off balance and causing him to land flat on his arse. "Don't be such a brat," she snapped. "You know we're just telling you the truth."

"That doesn't make it any easier to swallow," he muttered.

"Who told you it would?"

James looked up at her, her brows knit and her mouth twisted in to a sneer . . . and all he could do was smile.

(Sirius' POV)

Sirius walked through the halls, running an errand that Ly should have been doing herself. _Why, by Merlin's beard, can't she get her own ruddy books from the library?_ She had said that Madame Pince was still angry at her for throwing a copy of 'Moonstone is Poppycock' at a 3rd year Slytherin while still in the Library when she was supposed to be writing a thesis statement on why she so strongly objected to the things that the author had written. She was just _stupid_ for mentioning her distaste of the book in an essay. It had become obvious by the second week of school that the Potions Master held that book above the Bible. She _really_ needed to learn how to guard her tongue.

Something knocked him harshly against one of the castle's stone walls from where he proceeded to fall to the floor. He looked up—ignoring the fact that 'A Million and Two Habits of the Niffler' had slid all the way across the hall—to see none other than one of his most _beloved_ cousins staring down at him.

Ri-ight.

Bellatrix Black wasn't _anyone's_ beloved _anything_.

"My, my, Sirius, you _must_ watch where you're going. _Some_ people won't respond so well. Actually, come to think of it, _I'm_ not responding well. So tell me, Sirius: are you still afraid of the dark? Or maybe I should just beat you senseless and send you back to your friends as an example. You and those other blood traitors _do_ seem to so _love_ damaging the precious first years from Slytherin." The girl that shared very similar age and looks gained a wistful expression.

"Bugger off, Bellatrix. Do you _enjoy_ being a disagreeable old _cow_?"

"Do you _enjoy_ being an obstreperous _child_?"

"You know, I just might be offended if I had any _clue_ what you just said." He stood up as Bellatrix made a small, disgusted noise in her throat. "It was _lovely_ seeing you, dear Cousin," he remarked sarcastically, turning to walk away.

"I just thought you should know," she said icily, thrusting her arm in front of him to bar his way, "that your _parents_ are being informed of _every_ _move_ you make through Narcissa, Lucius, and I—and we're just the ones I _know_ of. I _do_ know, however, that Andromeda," the name was said distastefully, "_dear_ sister of mine that she is, _refuses_ to 'infringe on your childhood' by 'forcing you to higher standards' or some rot like that. She's a _disgrace_ to the name really." The girl tossed long black hair over her shoulder and stared down the hall with eyes like his mothers'.

"Why in Merlin's name are you _warning_ me?"

"Don't be _stupid_, boy," she hissed. "Do you _honestly_ think I _enjoy_ the fact that my parents are stealing my future so that I can marry a pureblood and have good, _respectable_ heirs? I'm sorry, Sirius, but _some_ of us have something called 'ambition'."

"Ambition, dedication, that's all I hear!" He yelled. "Well you know what? I don't need either of them! They can't make me do _anything_ I don't bloody well _want_ to, anyway! _But_," he stopped just before he intended to launch into a rant, "thank you for the warning." He gave a swift nod and then strode off, picking up the book as elegantly as possible, and moving on without a word.

Quite frankly, his cousins were beginning to piss him off. Tattling on him left and right and throwing him filthy looks whenever possible . . . it was so . . . disheartening? Why did he care?

* * *

Author's Note: Still in renovation stage. At any rate . . . having fun? MORE IS ON THE WAY!

R&R! 3


	7. Pretending

Disclaimer: Not Mine.

NOTE: And again and again, I can't explain how much the reviews mean to me. That's what really fuels this story. Beyond my love for the characters anyway.

* * *

The Zinnia Blooms—Pretending

* * *

Halloween was three weeks away, and everyone's favorite quartet was planning a wonderful celebration of their favorite holiday, not even second to Christmas: Halloween. The question was, though, what devious plan should they choose?

"Alright, does anyone have any ideas?" James asked, sitting on his bed and throwing what looked like a snitch—but had never been charmed to life—from one hand to another. The boys' dorm had become the groups meeting place what with no danger of being overheard and the lack of outside distractions.

"I was thinking Peeves, some stealth, ink, and a handful of dung bombs." Ly was sprawled on the foot of Sirius' bed. Remus noted she had chosen typical Saturday vestments of jeans and a long-sleeved shirt. _Anything to toe the line_.

"Care to go a little further with that thought?" Sirius was leaning against his head board, his legs stretched out before him.

"Well, it involves a little baiting, too." Ly's eyes seemed suddenly distant as though she was making most of this up as she went. "We have to set up an _irresistible_ opportunity for Peeves to cause mischief. I can get my parents to send me quite a bit of ink at one time. If anyone else can pitch in it would be nice. All we have to do is leave a box of ink bottles in an empty classroom . . . maybe with some dung bombs hidden along with them." Her brows furrowed together. "We find Peeves, and then casually mention how we just can't believe one of our professors left a box of ink just sitting out. We say that anyone could take them, do anything with them. Maybe even cause trouble at the feast. This _of course_," she suddenly acknowledged the presence of the others, "will be more temptation than he can take. The hardest bit is justifying why we're out in whatever corridor we happen to be in _if_ we're caught."

"It _does_ sound like a pretty foolproof plan." Remus nodded from the floor between James and Sirius' beds.

"No evidence, no risk, really," James added. "It's only October; if we _do_ get caught sneaking around we could just say we were trying to see if there was a quicker way to get to the Library. Besides, we have that map of ours pretty well off so we know how to get places quickly, and we know about secret passages in most of the halls." He considered it.

"Wouldn't it be nice if our map showed where everybody was?" Peter sighed dreamily. "Then we wouldn't have to _search_ for Peeves, and we wouldn't have to worry about getting caught."

"That's actually quite a good idea." Lycaon propped herself up on her elbows.

"Oh, come on, Ly. You guys are always telling me not to be stupid. I was just kidding." Peter blushed slightly staring at the cover of James' bed where he sat.

"Well I'm not. We could do it." She looked at him intensely.

"I guess you're right." Remus though carefully. "It _is_ possible . . ."

"Are you joking?" Sirius raised one jet-black eyebrow.

"Not at all," Ly sat all the way up.

"Well let's do it then," James smirked and stopped throwing the foe-snitch. "I don't see why not, and it _would_ be pretty useful. How hard can it be? We'll just check out some charms books, shove them and Remus and Ly, and we'll have it done in no time.

"Whatever," Sirius closed his eyes, "if you dunderheads manage to blow up the bloody map, it's your neck, not mine."

"What's wrong with _you_?" Ly sat up cross-legged and narrowed her eyes at him.

"Nothing that concerns _you_, little miss know-it-all," he glared at her and rolled over on his side so that he was staring at the wall.

"Prima Donna!" She kicked him in the tush with a sneakered foot. "How _dare_ you be such a prick to me—Lycaon Saer?" She stood up on his bed and started jumping.

He looked up at her sulkily. "Sod off."

"_You_ are on dangerous ground, young Mister Black! If you don't apologize," she kept jumping while Remus and the others watched mildly, "and tell me what's pissing you off, I am going to not only jump on you, but I will knock you off your bed, too. At that point I'll jump off and kick you until you beg for mercy. If you're lucky, I won't rupture any vital organs. You have to the count of three." She began to jump with mounting tension.

jump "one-"Jump "two-"JUMP "Th-!"

"Alright, alright! I'm sorry for being such a bloody prick alright?" He had pulled into a fetal position and was going back to normal. "It's just," he ran hand through his hair briefly, "you know how Professor Sprout caught me trying to break part of that explosive root off and put it in my pocket so I could use it later?"

"I remember that," James smiled contentedly, thinking only of how hilarious it had been as he threw the 'snitch' back and forth.

"Yeah, well she notified my parents so I'll be getting the howler any day now." Sirius was moody again.

"Don't worry about it, Sirius. It's just a little noise." Remus tried to comfort even though he couldn't imagine getting one himself. _His_ mum would probably too confused and disappointed to send a howler. He could see the letter now . . .

'Remus,

I'm afraid I don't understand what's gotten into you. Is something wrong? You know we try to do our best but it's especially hard at such a distance. Do you want to come home, Dear?

"A little noise . . . A _little_ noise? Remus, are you _daft_? There wasn't a single student, or teacher for that matter, in the hall that didn't here my mother threaten to disown me if I didn't act like a filthy, _snobby_ . . . _BLACK_!" Sirius threw his hands up in the air in frustration. "Why I could-"

"Don't bother saying it, mate." James interrupted casually. "We all know what you'd _like_ to do. I think you've illustrated that often enough."

"Ooh, James! Illustrated? Really? My, my . . . Ly and Remus are rubbing off on you!" Sirius smirked devilishly, still angry.

If Ly was paying attention, and from the far-off look on her face Remus knew she wasn't, then he supposed that she'd have said by now how much better it was that Sirius had gotten caught. She had had the same idea, but she actually succeeded. Crystal Henley's cauldron had exploded at the end of the lesson the very next time they had Potions.

"Don't be a prat," James glared, flushing slightly, and threw the would-be-Snitch at Sirius, striking him harmlessly in the chest. To this Sirius just laughed. Remus noted that Sirius had very unobtrusive canines. Would people note his very obtrusive canines if he laughed like that?

Who cared? Maybe it would be easier if he was seen for what he was . . . Not _all_ people hated werewolves . . . just a lot of them. The fact that he was sitting there with three mostly normal preteens was because of the first, and the fact that he didn't dare tell them _he_ wasn't mostly normal was because of the second.

"Whatever you say, Sir Potter." Sirius put his hands up in surrender.

"There you go again," James rolled his eyes.

"But you know you still love me," Sirius grinned. "In a strictly heterosexual way, of course."

"Whatever you say, Sir Black." James smirked.

"If you two are _quite_ done," Ly put her hands to her hips, having apparently returned to the conscious world while Remus was gone in the unconscious. She stood glancing at the two black-haired boys before her.

"And if we're not?" Sirius crossed his arms.

"Then you still need to move." She slanted her head to one side.

"I'm sorry, Madam, but the area behind this door is High Security, so you'll have to give your name and your aim." James stood in front of the door to the hall like a guard.

"My _name_ is I'mgo Ingto Hurtyou, and my _aim_ is to get started on this _plan_ of ours."

"Ah, _yes_, Miss I'mgo, go right ahead." A brief nervousness skittered through James' eyes and he stepped aside.

"Ly?" Remus asked as she opened the door. She turned and looked at him questioningly. "How are you going to get enough ink? Won't your parents be suspicious?"

"_My_ parents?" Lycaon smiled and Remus could have sworn he saw a shimmer of sadness. "I wish. They believe anything that comes out of my mouth – or quill for that matter. If I say that I'm running low on ink because we use so much, could they please send a lot, all I'd have to do was use as little ink as I could to write the letter and it's a done deal." Any trace of what he thought he saw was gone.

"Oh," Remus said, a little confused, "well all the better for us."

"Of course," Ly grinned mischievously and gave the group a sly wink, disappearing down the hall. Maybe he was seeing things. Why would something like _that_ make someone like _Ly_ upset?

(Ly's POV)

She pressed herself to the corridor wall. _Why_ did her heart feel like someone had tried to tenderize it with a lead hammer? And what reason did her throat have to restrict? Did it share the same reason as her eyes, as hot as they were but had no right to be? It didn't matter. She shook her head and started down the spiral stairs. _Stupid, stupid reflexes_. Why did they prompt action from her _tear ducts_, of all things, when disappointment and frustration struck? _No time for emotion, just get to the mischief_. She crossed the Common, tripping over a weedy second year boy and slamming into a 7th year with violently red hair. His face and ears were nearly as red.

"That Malf-oof!" He looked a little surprised and then looked down at her. "Okay down there?"

"Very nearly," she rubbed her forehead, her brain having slammed against her skull.

"Are you sure? You look a little worse than that."

"I'm fine, I'm fine," Ly swatted at him, walking quickly away. He had seen her reddish eyes, she knew it, and they were only getting worse.

"What's wrong with her?" She could hear the 7th year ask one of his friends.

"Don't mind her, Arthur," a feminine voice answered, "she's one of those trouble-makers from first year. They always get along just fine . . ."

_Yeah, just fine_, Lycaon thought acidly. She rushed up the stairs to her dorm and sat down on her bed. She scarcely noticed that her curtains closed themselves, and the hair band she was wearing removed itself so that her hair could form a screen around her face. A few salty trickles found their way silently onto her hands where they sat in her lap. Defying the tiny tirade, she collected herself as well as some parchment, a quill, and a bottle of ink. She lay carefully on her stomach, as though her cheeks weren't damp with drying tears. _Time_ _to be little Ly— dedicated, and naïve_, she thought.

That.

That right there was precisely why she couldn't blame her parents . . . entirely. _She_ created a bulletproof façade. Just for them.

...

"Oy! Ly, did you get that letter off yet?" James asked during supper.

"Not yet. I wrote it up, and then I did a little work for that Herbology essay that's due Tuesday. I'm going to head up to the Owlery after supper, though.

"I forgot about that." Peter frowned.

"Don't worry about it, Pete. You're good in Herbology." Ly shrugged.

"And that's about the only thing," he muttered, causing James and Sirius to issue small snorts.

"Speaking of Herbology, could you run over what we did while I was out?" Remus looked up at her, still looking a little sallow-skinned from the visit to his mother on Sunday and Monday.

"How did _that_ go for you?" Sirius asked, doing his best to be sensitive, but not exactly managing. Lycaon could only shake her head.

"Better than usual. She wasn't actually any worse this time. She just wanted to see me when she didn't have a fever, but then she got one." Remus gave them a weak smile.

"Well that's a shame . . . but at least you had a while!" James said heartily.

"Yeah. I've got some letters too, so I'll go with Ly to the Owlery later."

"Well, Merlin, both of us are done eating. Why don't we just head up there now?" Lycaon twisted her features to match her statement.

"Alright," Remus stood up just as Ly did, "anyone else have any letters?"

"No."

"Sent mine yesterday."

"My family isn't getting a single word from _me_."

"Savvy! Remus and I'll meet you in the dorm later on. We need to work on the specifics of Operation Hollow's Eve." She poised her hands like claws and wiggled her fingers.

The boys all chuckled at the stupidity of it. "All right, Ly." Sirius smirked. "See ya."

Ly nodded with what she decided to be a more talented smirk and headed out of the Great Hall with Remus right beside her.

(Remus' POV)

Remus walked down the hall toward a particular staircase, listening to his and Ly's footsteps echo sharply off the stone. Maybe it was just him, but Ly's entire presence seemed to have changed from when he first met her. She was still a force to be reckoned with, and she was still _not_ someone you wanted to upset, but she didn't seem to be as intimidating. She still had a personality that demanded respect, but she didn't seem to demand perfection like it had seemed at first. She had been one of those people with whom you get the distinct feeling that they don't really know how to deal with people if not to get what they need. Now, though, she seemed to understand that there were certain rules with the co-inhabitation thing. All in all, she seemed slightly more . . . pleasant.

Sometimes he had to wonder what people thought of him when they went into reflection like this. He even had to wonder if they did.

"How are you doing, Remus?" Ly asked coolly, looking ahead of her as she walked.

"What?"

"How are you doing?"

"Fine, I suppose. Why do you ask?" He gave her an odd look.

"It's just . . . James and I were talking the other day, and it always seems like _you_ were the sick one after and before you go to see your mother." His heart stopped. "As soon as you find out you need to see her in a few days you start looking sicker and sicker by the day and then when you come back you look like you're recuperating from something awful. I think it puts way too much stress on you. You space out so easily just before hand. And you hardly talk to us for a day either way." She looked at him, genuinely concerned.

"Well it can't be helped, can it? All we can do is bear through it and hope it'll get better." He tried to be as reassuring as possible, and then hurried up the stairs as they turned to lead right to the owlery. _Oh, thank God! She isn't suspicious . . ._

"But hope does so little." She said quietly as they ascended, and Remus wasn't quite sure whether it was to him or herself.

"It's all that I really have." He told her regardless.

"No, you have friends: four wonderful friends who are worried about you. Even if the worst should happen, you'll still have us." _The worst . . ._

She wouldn't be saying that if she knew. But no, she didn't and mustn't. Could she possibly understand? Of course not. She might be odd, but she probably _hated_ werewolves. All of them probably did. They'd probably think of him as inhuman . . . So they mustn't ever know. No. They would always have his lies. As much as he knew it would hurt to lose his only friends . . . somehow, he could only think of the betrayal _they'd_ feel . . . so, he would construct a perfect fantasy instead of Remus Lupin—boy by sun, wolf by moon. There would always be a bulletproof façade. Just for them.

(Sirius' POV)

Sirius sighed, wondering yet again why _he_ always, _always_ got stuck with library duty. There was one day between now and the Halloween feast, and the announcement had just gone around on Monday that Dumbledore was starting a new tradition: a Halloween Ball for second years and up. The Feast would be held early that day and two hours later the Ball would begin. More than a few girls could be complaining that they'd have to miss the feast almost entirely to be ready in time. However, this meant that the gang—and he included—had found it necessary to create a sensational second prank that they themselves would have to pull off. And why not?

Today, though, there was _bookwork_ to be done. Lycaon and Remus had been pulled off prank duty and put on research, and were only brought into the second prank if James and Sirius couldn't think of anything. Mostly, Peter just sat there and agreed. He seemed nervous about actually _suggesting_ anything.

Sirius sighed as he pulled 101 concealment charms and the best ways to use them from its very high shelf. And the books always smelled like _mold_ . . . Then again, at least he wasn't the one that had to have his nose pressed in it for hours on end. The very thought made him shutter. He just had to go get them. It wasn't that bad . . . a lot of the books were on a list. Some of the titles were written in Remus' tidy cursive, and some in Ly's careless scrawl of looping, dipping letters. You'd think _Remus_ was the girl. Really, the only reason Ly'd been taken off of prank duty and put into research is because James and he wouldn't do it, and Peter couldn't, but it would've been unfair to dump it all on Remus. Besides, Ly could zip through a chapter like it was nothing. James _had_ been reluctant, though. Ly was damn useful for planning a prank. He walked further, watching the author's last names slowly get closer to the end of the alphabet. There were _way_ too many books on concealment.

He had to stoop to get . . . How to Hide your Halitosis? That wasn't it. He shoved it back, stooped more to read the titles and grabbed Ingenious ways to make Archives Invisible by the same author. Why did people name their children things like 'Flagellum Pignut'? Or 'Sirius Canis Black' for that matter. He walked lazily over to the 'Charms: animation' section. Ly had, naturally, chosen Another Book on Animation by Guthrie Chord, _the_ book to get when it came to animation. Or at least that's what Ly had muttered distractedly about it. However, it was also a good five inches thick.

On the subject of Ly, he began to think of something Remus had told him earlier. Apparently a few days prior Ly had walked into the dorm to find Crystal and Mary going through her things and making a royal mess. Infuriated Ly had backhanded Crystal and somehow managed to say, rather calmly, that if the girl liked her bone structure than it would be best if she left the room and never tried to take something of Ly's again. Sirius, of course, could only imagine the expression on Crystal's face. Then imagining it, Sirius found the scenario distinctly Lycaon . . . and perhaps a little harsh on Crystal. Why he thought that though was beyond him.

Crystal had shown up to classes with a light bruise on her cheek the next day, complaining that she couldn't cover it up. No wonder Ly had looked so bloody pleased.

"Sirius, you've been down here for an _hour_. Remus and I _need_ those books, you know!" Ly was standing beside him with her hands on her hips and an 'I'm in control' attitude.

"Yes, Ly, I know, _however_ . . . THERE ARE TWENTY-FOUR BLOODY BOOKS ON THIS LIST!"

Madame Pince shushed them violently.

"Yes," Ly hissed, she at least remembering where she was, "and they all have the bloody section they're in right beneath them!"

"I _know_ that, but good luck finding the bloody section!" Sirius glared at her.

"It's called _directions_. Ask the Librarian for _directions_." Lycaon glared right back.

"Directions? You've _got_ to be kidding." Sirius scoffed.

She just shook her head and ripped the list out of his hands, muttering something about doing things yourself. Sirius didn't care. If she wanted to romp about the library looking for books, let her. _He_ was tired. He sat down at a table where he had been setting down books (one of them had a habit of whispering things to him until he though he was insane) and rested his head on his arms, preparing to nap. But, not five minutes after he'd closed his eyes, the last twelve books were allowed to drop onto the table right beside his head.

He looked up to see the books, and then to his left to see Lycaon scowling down at him.

"How in Merlin's name did you _carry_ all those things at once? They're monstrous and I _know_ you're not _that_ strong."

"Levitating charm. We learned it in Charms not long ago, if you had your wits about you." She rolled her eyes in a manner that securely ticked him off.

"What are you insinuating? I pay attention in class. In Charms, anyway." He began to stand.

"Ha! Not when Crystal Henley's talking to you, you don't." She smirked and that, too, sent his blood boiling.

"You're _really_ unpleasant today. You know that?" He glowered, grabbing an armful of books and storming off.

He could hear her laugh at him as he went and then say 'Wingardium Leviosa'. Of course, _now_ he looked like a complete _oaf_. He sighed and stopped where he was, hanging his head. Then he turned around to see Lycaon lazily walking over, a very tall stack of books levitating beside her. She had a vague look on her face, and was obviously concentrating on keeping the stack centered and afloat. However, when she walked up, she did look at him, apparently ready to listen, even though her eyes still had a slightly glazed look.

"Truce?" He asked wearily, rather tired of asking this at least once a week.

"Aww, but we haven't even started insulting each others' musical tastes yet. I _have_ been hoping we'd finally get around to that one, you know." She tilted her head slightly to the side. It was odd talking to her like this; it was like she was looking right through him. He wondered if focusing her vision would really break her concentration. Even the color of her eyes weren't the same. He had _never_ been an eye fanatic—few boys were— but he _had_ noticed that her eyes were usually such a rich color. They were mistier now.

"Ly, act regular."

"Regular you or regular me?" She seemed very far away.

"Forget it. You don't get a truce." He glared and marched on angrily. "These," he slammed the books down in front of Madame Pince, "are hers." He tossed his head back to signal Ly and stormed out; ignoring the scornful look the librarian was giving him.

"Don't mind him, he's just being moody." He could dimly hear Ly say as he made for the exit.

This, of course, only set his blood broiling even more. _Merlin_ but she really knew how to irk him! Presently a pile of books nudged him in his back and Lycaon appeared beside him.

"Hey." Her eyes were misty but more focused on his this time. "Now that I'm done getting a rise out of you, how about you blow off some steam. I know you need it."

"What's _wrong_ with you!" He clenched his hands into fists, he and Ly being just a few steps away from the Library. "First you go in there and tell me off for taking too long, then have to act superior, and then you _purposely_ piss me off by being difficult, and then you act like you want to _help_ me?" This was too much. "Plus, you _know_ why I'm in such a ruddy bad mood! I swear to God my mother is trying to kill me with _embarrassment_! Two howlers in one week, Ly. **_Two_**! There's _no_ way I ever want to see her again. And every time some bloody Slytherin passes me in the hall they stare down their nose at me! Even this one girl I'm taller than! It's bloody ridiculous! If my family was bad before, it's worse now! But you just can't leave me alone, _can_ you? No, you have to sodding piss me off! _And you call it **help**_!"

"Complex, but efficient." She smiled at him warmly.

He sighed. She was too much . . . using his own temper against him to make him work it out. That was below the belt. She went on walking, the books floating in front of her and he followed.

"You know what you need to do about this, Sirius?"

"What?" He looked at the back of her head miserably. "Murder them?"

"Well, I suppose you could get a few that way, but no. You need to take a _new_ approach. Next time a Slytherin does that to you, you should just . . . I dunno . . . make a rude hand gesture or blow them a kiss or something. Just knock them off their high horse long enough to walk away."

"Can I jinx them?"

"That depends. Do you like your limbs where they are?"

"Point taken." He sighed.

"Besides, it's not like this mood you always get yourself into after these things helps anyone."

"Alright, alright," he ran his hand through his hair. "So, did you think this up on your own or was it collaborative?"

"Well, we all agreed that _something_ had to be done about you, so I said I'd see to it. James looked a little uneasy, but they let me come down."

"Are we all that easy to read?" Sirius asked.

"Oh yes." She nodded.

"Even Rem? He always seems so collected, you know?"

"I know." Lycaon sighed. "He's probably the toughest one. I know what he's feeling . . . but I don't know what he's _thinking_ like I do with you, or James, or Pete." She shook her head and put a stray bit of hair aside. "It's so odd because, I'll talk to him about how he's doing after he gets back from visiting his mum, and he'll suddenly get really nervous and frightened."

"Do you think he's lying?" Sirius was puzzled.

"I don't know. It's not exactly that he's _lying_ . . . more that he's leaving something out. Do you ever get that feeling with him?" She looked at him, her eyes hardly cloudy and the books almost skimming the floor. She was very concentrated on this conversation.

"You mean like he cuts a sentence off before he wants to? Yeah."

"I think that maybe this whole thing is tougher on him than we think. But the fact of the matter is, if they _didn't_ tell him what was going on and let him see her then he'd only be _more_ worried."

"Lose–lose situation." Sirius shrugged. "What's there we can do about it though?"

(Ly's POV)

"Worry." Lycaon brought her hand to rub her eyes and felt the unflappable facade brake.

The books fell, Ly's brow wrinkled, she let her wand clatter to the floor, and she dug the heel of her hands into her eyes in an uncharacteristic display of emotion. Sirius just sort of stood there, taken aback. There were no tears, nor were there to be, nor were there sobs or anything of that sort. Just a tangible buzz of frustration in her every nerve ending she possessed.

"Oh _damn_ it! I can see it; it's _there_ . . . _but I can't figure out what it is_!" She stomped her foot pointlessly. "This happens _every_ time! I'm _this_ close to figuring it out!" She had a wild feel in her and new she must show it in her eyes as she took her hand from them.

"Erm . . . Ly?"

"Okay, breath, breath," she steadied herself. Then she looked around. She sighed and picked up her wand, leaving Sirius to stand there, very confused as to what the Hell she was just on about.

"Ly, what are you raving about?"

"Remus. I _almost_ have it figured out but . . . oh, I don't _know_. I'm always on the verge of a breakthrough." She frowned. "But the worst part is . . . I don't know what it is about Remus I'm so close to. It has nothing to do with thought process, because, I can tell you, I can't come _close_ to thinking up any conclusions when it comes to Remus."

There was a beat of silence. "Maybe you're not actually close to a breakthrough. Maybe you just like him."'

"Ha! Right." Lycaon picked up the books to hide her flush. She knew perfectly, bloody well who she liked, and it _certainly_ wasn't Remus. If it was Remus she had a feeling this would be easierShe shook her head and restarted the pile.

_You_, _Sirius . . . you're just_ _so . . . **untouchable**. Especially for me._

"Maybe you're just crazy?"

"Sometimes I hope so."

AND IN REMUS LUPIN'S WORLD! -- (Remus' POV, in case it wasn't obvious)

The two transformations Remus had been through thus far had been Hell. One short, one long, and he could feel the next one coming even though it wasn't for another two days. One if you didn't count tomorrow. Two days this time by the feel of it. It would be mild. Wow, that was a change. There was no roughness just yet . . . just a heavy, damp feeling. He felt like his whole body was wrapped up in something taut and sticky. He had been finding it harder and harder to sleep. Quite frankly, he was looking like a panda and his friends were noticing.

"Oy, Rem . . ." Peter peered down at him at ten in the morning, Remus not having caught a wink of sleep and already being showered, dressed, and fed. Now he was just waiting. "You look terrible! Honestly, when was the last time you actually slept?"

Remus ignored the question and blinked up at him.

"You know, James and Sirius said they're watching you tonight and if they can't tickle you without you laughing then they'll march you right down to the Hospital Wing and demand a sleeping potion for you. Eventually you're going to crash, and it won't be pretty." Peter looked sheepish.

"Is that so?" Remus gave a warm toothless smile. His friends might not ever be allowed to know just how broken he actually was, but they cared about him as it was, and that was enough for him. It would just have to be. Did an animal that had slaughtered its own parents, listening to their screams with actual _satisfaction_ really deserve any more?

"Yeah, and I'll help . . . let's go to breakfast." He pulled open Remus' curtains all the way.

"Okay."

Remus didn't mention that he'd already eaten. He'd just eat more.

...

After classes, Ly was tutoring Peter down in the commons for a quiz McGonagall was having the next day, Sirius was serving detention for planting dung bombs in Filch's office ("That Ravenclaw girl had more gall than I thought." He had glowered), and so James was running over the plans with Remus.

"So you and Pete are going to walk ahead of us then and . . . Rem? Are you alive over there?"

"Hm? Oh, oh yeah. Of course. I'm fine, go on." He shook his head, blinking.

"No, I'll go over it later. Look, Remus . . . you know you can talk to us about anything right? We know it's tough on you—your mum being sick and all—and any of us would be happy to listen to you any time. We're really worried about you, mate." James looked so sincere . . . and for the first time since it had began Remus thought about telling someone about the Nightmare. _If somebody just knew!_ . . . But that just wouldn't do.

"Thanks." He smiled. "It's . . . It's great you guys care so much, really, but I'm okay. I promise."

James gave him a wary stare. "You certainly don't look it, Remus Lupin."

"James," Remus laughed as though James was being ridiculous, "I'm fine."

"Rem . . . no one who walks around getting ready at three in the morning, eats breakfast at six, and then eats breakfast _again_ two hours later just because he doesn't want his friends to know isn't 'fine'." James looked highly agitated, and Remus felt himself pale.

"You knew?" He asked calmly, quietly . . . staring down.

"Yeah, I woke up. What can I say, I'm worried?" James was equally quiet. "And I'm not the only one. According to Sirius, Ly is absolutely out of her head about this whole thing."

"Really?" He looked up. Ly the rock, Ly the untouchable, Ly who was completely careless about everything . . . was that worried?

James nodded. "We're all worried about you, and Lycaon's human just like the rest of us."

Remus just shook his head and closed his eyes. He bowed his head. He couldn't tell them . . . he just couldn't. They were just eleven! They couldn't possibly understand. They just wouldn't be able to get that just because something could howl, and bite, and kill didn't make it a monster when it was sleeping. That was the truth of the matter. The wolf was always there, always just sleeping inside him . . . only waking with the moon. When the moon got closer the wolf got restless, making Remus restless. He was an animal once a month and that was all there was to it. But they wouldn't understand that. They'd mark him as a monster for life . . . especially if he told them about his first Full Moon . . . He could never ask anyone to forgive him for that.

"Rem, are you _sure_ you can't tell me about it?"

"James . . ." Remus sighed.

But the question wasn't forgiveness. The question was, who was he _really_ protecting with this lie?

* * *

Author's Note: Ooh! That was fun, now wasn't it boys and girls? Mostly girls? Tell me if you have any issues with this. 'Flames are fun for friendly fabulists!' And I don't begrudge a supportive review every now and then. They're okay, y'know?

Oh! And I must address this: yes, my freaky darlings, a cliffy. I thought this would be a fun place to leave you hanging. But before you yell at me, I have to say something. For all-intensive purposes I am not putting all the . . . _events_ in the years the books said they'd be in (example: I am _not_ waiting until 5th YEAR for them to be able to be with Remus. That's just cruel (and that's not the only thing changing.) I sincerely hope that you will live after the evil that is the cliffhanger, and I'd like you to forgive me for what I have done.

While you wait for updates you can always read one of my other fics. Or you can read: Temporary Insanity by Arbitrary Hermione-Draco (so sue me!) . . . Or . . . Two Faced by Pazza Remus-Sirius (Don't like it? Screw you.)

If you have any questions feel free to e-mail me using the address on my author's page. I'll either freak out and delete it or respond as soon as possible. It's a 50/50 thing.


	8. Thick and Thin

Disclaimer: Not mine.

Note: Alright, I wanted to put everything on hiatus so I can write my book, but, hey, my parents force me to have a life (Yeah, they'll seriously make me go out and have fun, even though it costs them money.) and I love you guys too much just to put this story on pause. So, I'm updating. In this chapter we delve into the characters of Lycaon and Remus even more. EMOTIONAL CONFLICT! YAY! And, I recently started a **_new fic _**called 'Memory'; it's Draco/Harry, angsty, less cliché than the summary makes it sound, and it will be rather short so, trust me, it won't take away from this. I did the first chapter in a matter of maybe three of four hours, and it would have been less if I hadn't been talking to everyone. But, on the bright side, I got my friend to create a disturbance at a library.

And so now, without a moment's hesitation, and with no time to spare, the long awaited, and grandly narrated . . .

* * *

The Zinnia Blooms--Thick and Thin

* * *

"My mother . . ." He felt his face twisting.

. . . _Mother_ . . .

She was already dead.

"My mother isn't going to get better."

It wasn't _lying_, just omitting certain facts. . .

"We don't know how long it will be . . . but . . . there's no way she's going to recover. They're just buying time, no matter what they try or how many times the fix her up." He buried his face in his hands.

He was becoming very good at confessing over and over again by saying 'my mother', 'she' or 'her' instead of 'me', 'I', 'my self' or 'my'.

As distraught as he was, Remus barely noticed James sitting beside him.

"Every time, my mother just looks worse and worse, and after each time it takes more and more to fix her. Eventually there's going to be nothing to _fix_! What are we supposed to _do_? Watch her _die_? Her eyes don't even look the same as they did years ago! My mother . . ." his voice was wavering pathetically, "dying even as I look at her . . ." He pursed his lips, swallowing a wail as he shut his burning eyes. _Not in front of anyone_.

He wished he was breaking down in front of a _girl_. Even Ly would have done. He wished he was breaking down in front of someone that would hug him and tell him not to cry. He wished he really _was_ crying over his mother . . .

It was one thing to watch someone you love slip away, it's another thing entirely to watch your _self_ slip away, without even the chance to _have_ someone you love.

"Rem . . ." James was stumbling for something to say. "Rem . . . I wish I could make you feel better. You know that, right? I wish that your mum wasn't sick, and I wish that you didn't have to go through this, and I wish you could have a normal life." James' hand was resting on Remus' shoulder—the most comforting human contact an eleven year old boy can bring himself to give. "I also wish Lily Evans would talk to me."

Remus laughed, short and weak. He looked up at the hazel-eyes, shining questioningly from behind the other boy's glasses.

"You're great, mate. Thank you."

"Any time!" James grinned. "You feeling better, then?"

"Considering I'm going to see my mum right after Halloween?" Remus' brows arched. "Yes."

James frowned. "I'd forgotten about that . . . but, hey," his face lit up, "at least we'll send you off with a generous dose of mischief to steady you, eh?"

"Yeah." Remus gave a broad, toothless smile.

(Ly's POV)

"Halloween!" Lily's voice woke all the girls that morning. "Get up, up! It's a _great_ day!" She was prancing around the room, pulling open bed curtains.

Ly sat up feeling like the living dead and turned her head very slowly when her curtains were opened. "Lily Evans . . . why do you provoke me each and every morning?"

"Honestly, I don't try." Lily frowned, looking sympathetic.

"_Oh_, but how you achieve . . ." Ly rubbed her eyes and stumbled out of bed and towards the bathroom.

Once she'd made her way into the commons she was pleased to see that the boys were falling—half-asleep—down the stairs, too. They mumbled assent to her presence and walked towards the Great Hall with her. Little was said as they had stayed up late, not able to run over the plans until _after_ Sirius had gotten back from detention. When the owls fluttered overhead, Eros settled himself down in front of Ly with a thud from the parcel he carried and a despondent hoot from his throat. Ly barely noticed that James had gotten a parcel too, though his was much lumpier.

"Poor, poor Eros . . . was it heavy?" She peered at the owl with the same stare it was giving her. She ran her knuckle behind his head, and he gave a pleased hoot before nibbling contentedly on her finger while she untied the brown box from his leg. "You're a wonderful owl, you know that?" She tilted her head to the side, very much like an owl.

Eros hooted proudly and puffed out his chest. Lycaon laughed and gave him some of her toast before he set off again.

"Oh, what's that, Ly?" Peter stuffed away yet another scroll from home.

"My heart," she replied stoically.

"What? Oh! Oh, of course." Pete smiled and blushed furiously.

"Should we _study_ after classes today?" James looked around the table and slipped his parcel inside of his bag discreetly.

"No, I think we've got it." Sirius shook his head, taking a large bite of eggs. "We'g ongee gauh ower ih a miyuh hime."

"Eh . . . what?" James looked confused.

"We've only gone over it a million times, he says." Lycaon smirked and drank some pumpkin juice.

"Well, I just don't want to screw up." James sighed. "I mean . . . Pete and Remus are in absolutely no danger, but us, we'll be cutting it _really_ close."

"Don't _worry_, Jamie boy! I'm sure we'll be just fine." Ly let the corner of her mouth twist up confidently.

"Let's hope so." He shook his head.

"Coward," Sirius muttered and rolled his eyes. Ly couldn't help but let out a snort.

"Take that back!" James turned indignantly to Sirius.

"Let's get to classes, though." Remus stood up. "We _do_ have a few things to do other than _that_, you know."

James threw a glare at Sirius. "_Fine_."

Sirius only laughed and threw an arm around James' neck. At which point he could no longer remain angry. _Boys will be boys . . ._ Ly shrugged.

All of the classes they went to gave normal amounts of homework because, as the professors gleefully pointed out, the first years weren't going to the ball anyway. Lunch was brief, and the next thing everyone knew, it was near time to go to the feast.

Rem and Pete left to find Peeves. Being that it was Halloween, they guessed they would be able to follow the noise. Meanwhile, Lycaon, James, and Sirius were all rehearsing in their minds for what they would have to do as soon the students were dismissed from the feast. They would be full and sated but they mustn't let that slow them down. This required _speed_. They went down to the feast without Remus and Peter. However, both boys turned up almost instantly looking very pleased.

"Status quo?" Lycaon arched one brow.

"Mission accomplished. We heard him cackle and he swept right through us, straight to the Potions classroom.

"I still can't believe you managed to plant that box in the Potions classroom so easily, Rem. I'm impressed." Ly smiled, speaking quietly so as not to be overheard.

"Well, maybe I'm useful for something then." He stared at the table, as he sat himself down.

"Blasphemy! Your worth is _far_ too great to be influenced by something so trivial." She shifted in her seat and sat up straight. "Though I must admit, it is useful."

Remus chuckled. Ly made herself comfortable, ignoring the squirming in her stomach. Gryffindors, after all, feared nothing. Dumbledore spoke and then the din rose. Ly and the others made sure that they ate rather quickly. It was only a matter of time.

Then, as expected, only fifteen minutes into the feast Peeves streamed in through the open door way, cackling like mad, with a white box in hand. He was grabbing handfuls of ink bottles and throwing them at the tables, sure to hit plates though not people. What he didn't realize was that with every handful he was sending down dung bombs as well. Soon the stench was meeting every nose in the hall. Ly quickly put on a mask of surprise and rushed out of the Great Hall with quite a few others. Dumbledore looked vaguely annoyed, even when Peeves sent at least five bottles of ink and three dung bombs straight into his plate. Some of the girls were screaming and Minerva looked ready to scream as well, but certainly not from fear.

"Peeves, what are you doing?" Dumbledore's voice carried over the crowd.

"I'm just havin' some fun, Headmaster-head, sir." Peeves said insincerely.

"Where did that ink and those dung bombs come from?" Minerva demanded harshly.

"Don't ask me, your Professor-ship. They was just sittin' about in the dungeons. I didn't know about the dung bombs till just then, actually." He was grinning proudly.

"Please leave." Dumbledore smiled benignly.

"But I'm enjoyin' myself!" Peeves rattled the box at him.

"Peeves . . ." The long-bearded man gave him a stern look.

"Alright, alright, don't get ya' knickehs in a twist." Peeves glowered and headed out, sure to let a stream of very foul words pour forth for all of the students to hear.

"A hand, Minerva?" Dumbledore looked over to Minerva.

She sighed and pulled out her wand. They and the other teachers performed a few quick cleaning charms and the hall looked just like it had before the feast; a slight disappointment to Ly and the others.

"You may come back in now." Dumbledore told all of the students with a slight twinkle in his eyes. Hesitantly, they did.

"Well that was fun," James muttered sarcastically.

"Quite. It's just so . . . _anticlimactic_." Lycaon sat down with a sigh.

"Well look at it this way," Sirius, who was sitting between them, threw an arm around each, "we get to do something _much_ better, too."

Ly's stomach squirmed and she wished to God she could have believed it was from the prank.

"At least there's that." She smirked to hide her thoughts and took a gulp of pumpkin juice to occupy herself.

"Do you guys _really_ think you can do it later?" Peter asked wonderingly.

Sirius spat pumpkin juice on the table and spluttered. "Of course we can! What do you take us for, grammar school brats?"

"Plus," Remus laughed, "muggles do this sort of thing all the time, right? Why shouldn't these three be able to?"

"Well, I _know_ muggles do it, I'm half-and-half too, but still, there'll be so many people around . . ."

"So who'll notice three more kids?" James chomped on a biscuit.

"But everyone else will be in dress robes, won't they?"

"We', yeah, bur" Sirius swallowed. "That is to say: well, yeah, but we're all going to wear plain black robes. Remember? It won't look remotely out of the ordinary." Sirius then took the opportunity to cram his mouth with mashed potatoes.

"See? We've thought this through a million times, Pete. There's absolutely _nothing _we don't have covered." Ly took a bite of ham.

"If you guys say so." Pete shrugged.

Soon enough, the feast was over and anyone not a first year was a-buzz with talk of the Ball. Hallow's Eve Ball . . . It sounded fun enough. There was some really popular band playing . . . but Ly didn't know them and _really_ couldn't care less. All she wanted to do was pull a few on some older students without them ever suspecting a thing. The three that would be pulling the prank scurried up to the commons quickly with the other two following closely to keep up appearances. They had plenty of time, but all five of them were anxious.

They went up to the boys' dorm and began pulling out everything they needed. Mr. Potter's invisibility cloak (proudly passed along to James) had been freshly delivered that very morning and was pulled ceremoniously from James' bag. Each of the three took a black bag that Peter was passing out and began putting things inside. A brown cardboard box with holes and a faint croaking was given to each by Sirius, courtesy of his uncle; James handed out small packets of various pranking necessities; Lycaon stuck a jar of paste, several rolled pieces of parchment, and a roll of spell-o-tape in all three bags ("Good Hallow's Eve, Children!" She grinned); Remus handed the map importantly to James and then placed a small vial carefully into each bag, even though each vial was wrapped in a sock for good measure.

"And so here we have our first _true_ adventure of mischief" Lycaon grinned and looked over all the items with a pleased expression on her face. "Alright, I'm going to change. You two had better be done when I am." Ly threw a warning glance at James and Sirius.

"In the words of Peeves, 'Don't get ya' knickehs in a twist'", we'll be done. Okay?" Sirius gave a roguish grin.

"Okay." She shrugged, pulling her robes out from under Remus' bed where she'd hidden them earlier. She walked lazily to the bathroom, feeling James and Sirius waiting for her to get there. Once in she speedily stripped and then slipped into the very simple, barely-loose black robe. To think, the only other black robe she owned was covered in frills and at least two sizes two small . . . She pressed her ear to the door and couldn't hear anything.

"Is everyone decent?" She asked through the door.

"Well we're dressed, but I think I'm pretty bloody decent undressed too . . ."

"Ha-ha," She walked out rolling her eyes. "You're really full of it, you know that, Sirius?"

"I'm just honest." He put on an innocent look. "Besides," he gave his most roguish, seductive grin, "you know you want me." He winked, and, despite the truth in the statement, Ly had to laugh.

"Yes, Sirius, I want you like nothing else." She was still laughing, somehow amused even though that grin was probably going to be stuck in her mind for weeks to come. But, when it came right down to it, that was the life of a tom-boy.

"How much time do we have, Rem?" James asked, turning away from the show.

"Eh . . ." Remus looked at his watch. "You have an hour."

"Well that's shite." Ly scowled, plopping down on Remus' bed. He glanced at her as if deciding what to do and then sat down on his bed beside her. She was comforted by having a friend at hand and felt lulled immediately. Being with her friends was far too much fun. Oh well, if the next ten years were anything like the last then she should get five more years before anything disturbed the peace.

"So what are we going to do? We've got everything ready to go." Sirius was lying on his stomach on Pete's bed.

"You figure it out." James was lying on his back beside him.

"Does anyone want to play exploding snaps?" Pete decided to seek refuge on James' bed as James and Sirius had taken over his.

"Nah," James waved his hand carelessly.

Silence.

"You know what we need?" Ly asked suddenly.

"What?" James' glasses were slowly falling off.

"We need something to call our group. Something special." She let her chin rest in her hand.

"Like what?" Sirius was staring at the carpet.

"Our own version of the Three Musketeers. Just a trademark, you know." She pulled a loose string from the sleeve of her robes.

"Oh! We could be the 'Gryffindor Gods'!" Pete grinned.

"Um . . . Not quite." James frowned. "Where'd you get that anyway?"

"Some Ravenclaw girls said it about you and Sirius." Peter blushed.

"What are we going for?" Remus asked, looking around.

"Something cool."

"Something clever."

"Something original."

"Something that they can chant."

"Hmm . . ." Remus sat there for a moment, his brow furrowed in deep thought. "How about . . . The Pillagers?" He was obviously just shooting into the wind.

"I don't know . . ." Ly frowned. "Doesn't that seem just a tad too serious?"

"Yeah." Remus nodded. "How about the Marauders?"

"The what?" James expression became confused.

"Marauders. They're . . . vagabonds or pirates. That sort of thing."

"What're vagabonds?" Pete asked.

"Travelers." Lycaon answered, saving Rem some trouble. "I actually like that one."

"I _guess_ they could chant that . . ." Pondered Sirius.

"Are we the Marauders, then?" Remus looked vaguely surprised.

"I don't see why not." Ly shrugged and thrust one hand forward. "We Five Marauders," She moved her hand as though implying a large sign.

There was a general murmur of agreement.

"How much time do we have _now_?"

"45 minutes."

...

When finally the waiting was done the three snuck out of the Common under the invisibility cloak headed down towards the Great Hall, staying out of the way, but within the crowd, so as not to gain attention. Lycaon could feel the strange tenseness of adrenaline slowly crawling down to her fingers.

This was too much.

They reached the hall outside of the great hall and wedged themselves between the backs of several older groups. Ly heard Dumbledore talk but somehow it didn't matter. When it was _her_ ball, she would listen. The people around her clapped, and, giving each other a sideways look, so did she and the other two participating members of the Marauders. The name _was_ a nice touch.

She felt a little silly with her hair streaming down her back . . . she never wore it down these days. That would be too effeminate, and effeminate was weak. But the boys had insisted, saying that none of the other girls would be wearing a ponytail . . . and they were right. Of course, that had also meant she had had to brush it for about ten minutes just to make it calmer than normal . . . It was just so _wild_ . . .

The crowd surged forward and she could do no more than go with the steady flow towards the door and protect the bag she had hidden in the folds of her robes. Once inside the band started up immediately, playing something peppy and light, and the students swarmed to every corner. The three mischief makers gave one nod and split up.

It was time to put the plan into action.

Lycaon could feel her heart racing as she walked at a regular pace, trying not to seem too determined, towards one of the snack tables. Luckily, no one was ready for snacks so no one was looking. She dug into the bag and pulled out a small packet of vomiting pills. They were just potent enough to cause one light retch, but that would be enough. She jammed them right against the crust of the pumpkin pie and then carefully smoothed the top over again.

She made her way towards the make-shift stage that had been set up, pretending to be interested in the pop-heads that were playing along without a care in the world. She pulled the box from the bag and pulled the lid open slightly. She almost felt bad for the frog. It hopped out quickly enough, but she had already disappeared by the time the screaming started, she quickly took out the paste and poured it into the vegetable dip, mixing it well.

She dove into the crowd again. The band was screaming on stage, and it was all she could do not to laugh. She pulled out the spell-o-tape and one of the rolled pieces of parchment, reading with satisfaction the blinking 'kick me'. She rolled tape and planted all of the signs in her bag on people as she walked. _I'm invincible._

As she walked pandemonium was breaking loose. She'd just have to add to it. Another packet was pulled out; _excellent_ . . . She opened it without letting any of the powder inside get on her hands. She did, however, let it get on those she passed. They started scratching themselves uncontrollably. _Completely invincible . . _. There was a small explosion near the stage. _They're finishing, too . . ._ she pulled out the vial Remus had given her, tore off the sock, and then she placed it on the ground and rolled it along.

And then she ran.

Seconds later some poor dolt stepped on the tiny glass item containing the 'volatile' potion and it exploded. Quite loudly. She slowed down ever so slightly and pretended to be afraid. Being calm would be suspicious. A third explosion went off by the doors. That was the cue. She slithered through the other student and made her way to the door until . . .

_Shite_.

Minerva was standing by the door and she would have to walk right under her nose to leave . . . what she was going to do? Only one thing _to_ do. She pulled out the final packet. It was the 'only-has-one-use-and-so-hopefully-won't-be-used' packet.

It was glow-glitter.

_I **really** hope that God likes pranks . . . _Lycaon thought biting her lip and pouring the stuff into her hand. She closed her hand into a fist around it, dropped the bag and the packet, and then headed for the door. When she was one step away she threw the glitter up, creating a cloud that the professor couldn't see through and then she jettisoned out of the Great Hall and hid quickly in the girls' loo. _Please don't let anyone have recognized me . . ._

The boys must have seen the glow-glitter because there was a knock on the door. "Ly, are you in there? We're _not_ coming in."

"Yeah, I'm here." She walked out and saw James' head.

"Good. Get under." He pulled up the cloak and she saw Sirius standing under it, grinning.

"We saw what you did with McGonagall." His face seemed to be plastered into the same position.

"I had to; Minerva was going to spot me." She looked around and then stepped under.

"I'm not complaining. You should have seen her face . . ." Sirius whispered, chuckling lightly.

"Shut up back there." James was in the front.

In silence they made their way happily along.

"Wait, James, the tower is the other way." Sirius started to edge the opposite direction.

"I know but we have to get Rem first." He breathed back.

"What?" Sirius looked confused.

"Merlin, where _were_ you this week? Remus didn't just _pretend_ to go to the Library so we could get out; he actually went there so that we could get back in, too."

* * *

Note: WOO! Okay, so here is Marauder's Mischief! FINALLY THEY'RE THE MARAUDERS! It's about bloody time. Honestly, I want to make this longer but it's already pretty long. So, there. I enjoyed writing this, really. I actually didn't plan out the second prank, I just decided they needed to do one and made it up as I went along. The next chapter will probably be more meaningful . . . God, I'm so disoriented . . .

Seriously, I get really moody and just plain mean when I don't see any of my friends for a while . . . Plus I start becoming delusional. I find it hard to concentrate, there's a dull buzz to my head, and I'm tired but I can't sleep. There you have it, I'm going insane. My aching personality . . .


	9. What Kids Do

Disclaimer: Do I look like J.K? Do I write like J.K? Of course not. But I do, however, own Ly and this plot so ask first unless you want something horrible to happen to you.

Author's Note: I'm such a loser, I'm already writing the next chapter and I just posted the last one yesterday . . . That's okay, I'm sure you guys appreciate it. I mean, honestly, it only took me about a week to update. I count that as good. I only know one author who updates more than once a week and that's Pazza. She's not human, I swear. At least I think Pazza is a she . . . Anyway I am surprised people liked the last chapter. . . I really didn't think it was that great . . . Maybe that's because I was so out of it when I wrapped it up. Oh well. Here we have some leaps through time because it's fucking annoying that I'm on chapter 20(original) and Halloween just ended. I'm such a loser . . . :rolls eyes: Within . . . maybe five chapters they should be second years. No worries, the chapters will be thorough.

* * *

The Zinnia Blooms--What Kids Do

* * *

The sun shone brilliantly despite the chill of November, and the sky was a rare shade of blue that only autumn could offer the day of the first Quidditch match. The seasoned Quidditch captains complained that there would be glare in their players' eyes, but were visibly anxious to get out there and play. The whole school was excited, especially the first years—some of whom had never even _heard_ of Quidditch before ("How can you have never heard of Quidditch?" James asked confusedly).

It would be Gryffindors against Slytherins, and thus tension was high. In equally high spirits, the boys had decided to play a little prank on their favorite victim. They lay in wait for quite a while but when Snivellus finally tried to walk through the hall to breakfast, James and Sirius—each crouching behind a suit of armor—pulled a thin, transparent string, making him trip and land helplessly on his face. _Perfect_, James thought, _exactly what I wanted_. He and Sirius laughed as the small Slytherin struggled to his feet. They stood, too, walking around him so as to wrap his ankles in the string. His face was pale but angry.

"You need to be more careful, Snivelly." James smirked. "That's a nasty fall." He looked over to Sirius and they both walked the opposite direction of the Great Hall, causing the string to pull Snape's feet out from under him. He fell again and both boys laughed. _**Nothing** is better than physical comedy._ "Oy, see, Snivellus? You could really hurt yourself that way. In fact, I think we better get _you_ to the Hospital Wing. What do you think, Sirius?" He looked at his friend playfully.

"Oh, yes, indeed!" Sirius nodded vigorously, his face serious though his eyes were still amused. "That looked quite bad; we'd better go at top speed!"

James grinned and they both began running towards the Hospital Wing that—luckily for Snape—was on the same floor only a few halls away. As they ran they laughed, and other people watched and laughed as well.

"Potter, Black!" Snape was yelling angrily trying to at least get himself on his back. "Let go of me!" He had failed in righting himself and was now just keeping his face off the ground and trying hopelessly to grab onto the smooth stone floor. Having severely bitten fingernails, it did him no good and caused him no pain.

"We have to get you to the Hospital Wing fast!" Sirius told him grinning as they ran. "Just look at how red your face is. That _can't_ be good."

"You cad!"

Sirius just laughed and James joined him. James had to say, this was a bloody good plan. One of his best yet. They passed McGonagall as they ran, but couldn't care less.

"Stop running in the- Wait, what are you doing? COME BACK!" She yelled and then chased after them.

"The fuzz is on our tail, mate!" Sirius laughed, a little breathless.

"Hurry then!" James grinned.

They sprinted the last stretch to the Hospital Wing and then collapsed—tired, winded, and laughing.

"Get up, now!" McGonagall told them angrily when she arrived there moments later.

They did so obligingly as Madame Pompfrey began fussing over Snape.

"What's wrong, Professor?" James grinned.

"You tell me." Her eyebrows flew upward.

"Aw, come on, we were just bringing our fellow student to the Hospital Wing. He took a nasty fall." Sirius frowned and nodded.

"And somehow I think you had something to do with that." The black-haired witch sighed in frustration. "Detention with me on Monday, both of you. Now apologize to Mister Snape." She pointed to Snape, who was now standing, thanks to Madame Pompfrey.

"I'm terribly sorry James pulled one on you, Snivellus." Sirius sighed.

"Mister Black, that's no apology!" McGonagall said incredulously from behind him.

"Ooh, sorry, Professor, but the Quidditch game is going to start soon." He scampered out of the Hospital Wing, James snorting and not far behind. "I really have to go. Make an appointment, and I'll get back to you! Bye!" He called behind him and waved as he ran.

"Mister Black!" She yelled angrily.

The boys just laughed and kept on running.

Not long after, James and the other four Marauders made their way to the Quidditch pitch decked out in Gryffindor garb (scarves, gloves, In Pete's case a hat, the works!). With the exception of Ly—who was wearing khaki pants and a scarlet turtle-neck under her long coat—the lot of them were wearing their school uniforms. They were able to get a good seat as very few people were there yet. Soon, however, the stands were full with excited students from every house and year. James very much doubted there was a single able-bodied student that wasn't at the match. _He_ might as well have been married to the game because only death could have kept him away. _Death or Lily Evans_. Ha, more like death _by_ Lily Evans. She hadn't been too pleased when she overheard him telling Ly and the others about Snivelly's trip to the Hospital Wing. Ly hadn't been too pleased either, actually. She'd told them off for leaving her out. He just had to ignore Lily's displeasure and hope for the best, though. It was going to take forever, but he could wait. She was so gorgeous and smart . . . not to mention friendly . . . even _if_ she would hardly look at him.

"Alright folks, today we have Gryffindor against their rivals, Slytherin!" A loud roar went up as the energetic announcer—a Gryffindor boy looking about fifteen—finished his first statement. "Both teams have two new additions, so let's give 'em a cheer they'll hear in the locker rooms!" The crowds screamed, as did James and his friends, though Remus looked unwell, having just gotten back Thursday evening. "Come on, you lot can do better than that! Give me a _real_ cheer!" And a real cheer he got. "That's more like it!"

A small line of gold and scarlet clad students emerged slowly.

"And here we have the Gryffindor team!" A cheer rose up again, almost drowning him out as he started speaking again at the same time that the Slytherins tried in vain to boo loud enough. "Captain and keeper Arthur Weasley; Chasers Gregory Wood, Nick Johnson, and Sarah DeWitt; Beaters are Martin Daniels and, new to the team, Richard Daniels. And last but not least the brand new seeker, Henry Mill!" Every Gryffindor in the place yelled, some stomping and clapping as the Slytherins booed loudly and the other houses cheered mildly.

A similar line of silver and green came out just as the noise was dying down.

"And here we have, of course, the Slytherins." The announcer said in a bored tone. His emotions were backed by the Gryffindors who booed just a fiercely as the Slytherins had. Yet again, the cheering side won. "Captain and seeker Lucius Malfoy – don't get too scared Henry, he's not that good." McGonagall gave him a look as he earned the need of body-guards. He cleared his throat. "Chasers Samuel Knott, Leonardo Zabini, Hector Flint; Beaters Harold Goyle and Thomas Crabbe; and Keeper Terrence Pucey. Pucey and Zabini are the new players for Slytherin." The Slytherins, Ravenclaws, and Hufflepuffs cheered despite the negative tone and the Gryffindors booed.

James noted that while the new Gryffindors were young, the new Slytherins looked to be about fifteen and sixteen. Madame Hooch walked out into the center of the field—her still-red hair contrasting strikingly against the green field—and both captains stepped forward, trying desperately to scowl more intensely than the other.

She said something that couldn't be heard from the stands, and the two attempted to squeeze the other's hand off briefly before stepping away. She looked satisfied and said something else that resulted in all the players throwing a leg expertly over their broom. And then her whistle sounded, the best sound in the world, and every last player took off, zooming upwards, streaming for the sky as fast as their brooms would let them until they reached the appropriate height.

"And Slytherin takes the Quaffle right off the bat with a swerve from Zabini—apparently a good pick—and he heads . . . straight at the stands?" James watched as the boy came right at him and then swerved at the last moment, successfully making a Gryffindor nearly crash. "Oh, tricky move! And he ditches Johnson. He makes for the goal – ow! A Bludger from behind, folks. Nice job, Martin. But Knott grabs it before DeWitt and . . . looks like he'll – NO! Weasley does it again and blocks it with the tail of his broom. Wood has the Quaffle now, and he's roaring as fast as that Stratus goes—we really should get better brooms-"

"Greggor!"

"Calm down, Professor. It's—ah, well Wood dodges a Bludger from Goyle and goes straight at the goal—Oh! What's Flint doing? That's a dirty move, that is! Cutting him off . . . And Wood _barely_ manages to avoid a crash but the Quaffle drops. Johnson is right there and he catches it. He sweeps past Flint—ah, look at him flail, well that's what you get—and he throws the Quaffle . . . Oh-ho! Well you can't pick all good ones. The ball goes right past Pucey. Honestly, my _gran_ could've gotten that one . . ." there was an outraged cry from the Slytherins and McGonagall. "Zabini has it now and he's flying like he's going to knock DeWitt right off! But he swerves, yet again, and—while she's in shock—he goes for the goal. Richard saves DeWitt from a Bludger and _smashes_ Goyle. Ooh, _that_ had to hurt. What's this? Wood tries to block Zabini, but he doesn't look he's stopping . . ." The whole crowd gasped or pulled in a hissing breath. "OUCH! Look at that! He flew right into him and he's _still_ going. That's just lunacy. Somehow, I don't think _either_ of them are that well off. And now Knott has the ball! Oh, Shite! It's in before Weasley can even _see_ it."

"Daniel Greggor if you don't watch your tongue-"

"Don't _worry_, Professor! And, look, Henry's making a dive. Oh watch out Mill, that Malfoy is quick in on the broom. Meanwhile, Wood is swerving around everything! A Bludger by Crabbe flies right past him . . ."

But James wasn't listening to Daniel Greggor. He was watching as Henry Mill concentrated and hugged to his broom—making him at least three times as aerodynamic as Malfoy—in an attempt to gain just enough speed . . . and he did. He swerved in front of the older boy—not allowing him to catch any break-wind to make him faster—and he reached forward straining endlessly. They were flying at angle into the ground and James was on his feet, watching as Lucius struggled to gain speed as Henry slid further up his broom until he held up in triumph the tiny glittering ball and righted his broom.

"AND HENRY MILL CATCHES THE SNITCH! Gryffindor wins, GRYFFINDOR WINS THE FIRST MATCH OF THE SEASON!" The stands were exploding with cheers from everyone but the Slytherins.

James was jumping up and down wildly as Mill flew around the stadium to display the snitch. He looked to his left and Sirius was behaving in the same matter. They high-fived and then stood there grinning like idiots.

"PARTY IN THE COMMON!" An older Gryffindor shouted from the very top bleacher.

"Let's go! We don't want miss anything, do we?" Ly grinned and threw an arm around James and Remus, even though Sirius was closer. James didn't think much of it.

"Let's go!" He grinned back, and they trooped off, Sirius and Peter latching onto the sides once they got into the Castle. _**That** was a brilliant game . . ._

(Sirius' POV)

Sirius grinned, but he had noticed the way Lycaon's arm looked like it was going to grab him but had darted around to catch Remus at the last minute. Maybe she _did_ like Remus . . . He'd ask later. She only ever asked Remus for help—not that the other three of them would have been of much use—and she _did_ seem unusually worried about him. _Wow, who would have thought?_ Oh well, there was a party to get to!

When they entered the commons it was much fuller than normal. People were milling about and laughing without a care in the world. There was butter beer in one of the corners—though Sirius had no idea how anyone could have gotten it—and everyone seemed to be in high spirits. The Marauders were making their way to the butter beer when the common erupted into applause and cheers. He turned and saw that the Quidditch team had just entered.

Arthur Weasley cleared his throat and everyone quieted. "Today was a smashing way to start the new season which is, as you all know, my last. I really think we can win this year. I really want to thank one person in particular for this victory, and that, of course is Henry."

The thin boy stepped forward grinning. He had shaggy, dark brown hair and dark eyes as well as a slightly tan complexion. A few girls giggled in approval, but, thankfully, Ly wasn't one of them. That would have been humiliating. One voice, however—distinctly male and recognizable as that of the announcer—shouted out.

"I love you, Henry!"

Everyone in the common room laughed and Arthur clapped a hand on the seeker's shoulder. "As you all know, Henry is a 3rd year, and this is his first year on the team, but I dare say it'll be a good one." Everyone clapped and Henry continued to grin mutely. _Well at least he isn't gloating . . ._ "Now," Arthur smiled, descending further down the steps, "let's celebrate." A raucousness of agreement rose.

The Marauders just shrugged got themselves some butter beer.

"Merlin but it's crowded in here." Ly muttered unhappily.

"I know, I think we might get trampled." Remus frowned.

"Hey, grab an extra, mates. Let's just go up to the dorm. Who needs the crowd, anyway?" Sirius suggested.

"Not me." James shook his head and grabbed an extra bottle. The others did the same and retreated upstairs.

"Hey, you guys go ahead," Sirius said just before they reached their dorm. "I need to talk to Lycaon for a minute."

"Okay, Mate," James gave him a puzzled look but hurried on, Peter and Remus in tow.

"Something wrong, Sirius?" Lycaon asked, standing right where the group had left her.

"Not exactly . . . and make sure to keep your voice down. I know those _wankers_ are listening from the other side of the door." He said the loud enough for the other boys to hear.

"Too right." She smirked, speaking quietly. "So what is it?"

"I was just curious if you really do like Rem. I mean, you and Rem hang out a lot and . . . well, I noticed that you grabbed him instead of me when we were leaving the stands."

"You are absolutely insane!" She looked vaguely troubled. Then she remembered to keep her voice down. "Look, Rem just looked like he needed to be cheered up. In fact, he almost always does. Especially after he goes to visit his mum. Quite frankly, I'm beginning to suspect that _he's_ the one that's sick," she rolled her eyes at the ridiculousness of it, "but the thing is . . . with me and Rem, we're friends. You asking me if I like Remus is like you asking me if I like James. Remus just so happens to be the Marauder I'm the closest to."

"Oh, okay." Sirius blinked, not quite sure how to make heads or tails of all that. Then he asked confusedly, "do you like James, then?"

"Sirius," Lycaon sighed heavily, "there are some girls in this world that would rather wander around blind, deaf, and dumb than hang out with most other girls. Of those girls, some _do_ need social interaction, so they turn to boys. Those girls don't see boys as _boys_ 85 of the time. I'm one of them."

"Alright then," Sirius smiled, catching on, "let's go in now. They'll be suspecting we ditched them or something by now."

"So is it true? Is Sirius really off his rocker?" James asked casually from the floor beside the doorway the minute they stepped in.

"Not really." Ly shrugged. "Is that all you lot heard?"

"That and Sirius calling us wankers." Remus answered amiably from his bed, the one closest to the door.

"Oh, so you missed the part where Sirius asked me if I wiked cute wittle Wemmie-kins or wittle Jamie boy?" She plopped down on James' bed in the back. _Godric, well of course I sound stupid when she says it like that_. Sirius blushed just a tad, sitting on his own bed, not far from James'.

"He what?" James asked incredulously.

"They're right, Siri, that's pretty silly." Remus gave a wan smile.

"Oh, give me a break, would you?" He glowered. "It's not my fault Ly isn't an actual girl."

And then there was the silence before the storm.

Several hours and several, _several_, **_several_** butter beers later Sirius was starting to feel a pleasant buzz despite the fact that Lycaon had slammed his head with a pillow earlier. Pete looked like he had had a bit too much but the others were just fine. In fact, Remus had only had three and so was not even mildly affected.

"Pete's going to be a little ill tomorrow." Ly smirked.

"He's already asleep, isn't he?" James asked, getting up and looking at the short, pudgy boy.

The room had a very quiet, warm feel to it. It was like nothing could break the contentment.

"It's really nice in here . . ." Remus said calmly.

"I know, I sort of don't want to leave . . . the girls are a real nuisance." Ly was watching as James prodded Peter.

"Well, just stay here. It'll be like a sleep-over." Sirius rolled over to his back, half-on and half-off his bed.

"Yeah, it's not like we're going to make you leave." James prompted.

"You guys don't mind?" She looked around owlishly.

"Well, _I_ suggested it." Sirius said.

"And _I_ supported it." James sat back down on his bed.

"And _I_ don't mind." Remus was lying on the floor, while she was on his bed.

"Okay. That sounds good." She gave a vague smile and let her head fall down onto the comforter.

"What are we going to do . . . I'm not tired yet, are you guys?" James looked around.

"Why don't we do something . . . fun?" Ly gave a mischievous smirk, and Sirius heard himself agree, but he wondered whether or not this would end well.

(Ly's POV)

Ten hours later found Ly waking up to the bloody sun shining _right_ in her ruddy eyes. _Ugh, bloody hell . . . why didn't I shut my curtains?_ She groped blindly for the thick cloth and was met with nothing. _Sodding curtains . . . where are they?_ She sat up and rubbed her eyes_. Wait a minute . . . I'm not in my bed. I'm not even in my **dorm**! Oh, oh wait. Oh, yes. The sleep-over bit_. She shook her head and smoothed her hair uselessly. Very blearily she remembered sneaking out, leaving Peter sleeping in the dorm alone, romping around, running away from Filch, hiding in a passage, and something about a painting and a kitchen or putting a pear on their map . . . it really didn't make much sense, and it wasn't helped by the dull throbbing in her right temple.

She could hear the shower running and everyone but Pete was laying their bed, so it, of course, could only be him. She struggled to her feet only to find that the left side of her body was asleep and she lost her balance, falling onto James' bed and James.

"Ugh . . . Sirius gerrof . . ." He mumbled.

"Not Sirius." She muttered and pushed herself up, using his bed to keep her steady while she worked her limbs awake. The came to life with pins and needles and she sighed. "Bloody hell . . ."

"Huh? Ly, what . . . oh yeah." He sat up and shook his head, then grabbed his glasses and put them on roughly. "Did you manage to get Siri up yet?"

"No . . . but what do you mean 'manage'?"

"Watch." He struggled out of bed, all of them having slept in their clothes.

He walked over to Sirius and pulled the blankets from his grip with a little difficulty but Sirius only rolled over and held his pillow. He grabbed Sirius' ankles and yanked, pulling him off the bed with an ominous thud.

Sirius, however, was still sleeping, the pillow having come with him. Ly couldn't believe it.

James then took the liberty of sitting on his best friend's stomach.

"Come here and hold his arms." James said sleepily.

"Is there a reason?" She walked over and squatted down to hold Sirius wrists tightly.

"Yeah, he'll sock me a good one of you don't. Normally Rem or Pete help." James, still sitting on Sirius' stomach, turned and began lightly slapping him. "C'mon, Mate. Wake up." Sirius turned his head and his wrists started struggling in Ly's grasp. "Sirius . . ." He slapped him just a little harder, one hand to each cheek in the fashion a grandmother might have used.

Ly gave a more pressure to Sirius wrists as they struggled much harder. At least he was coming to.

"Now this," James to Ly with a smirk, now fully awake, "can be fun." He looked down at Sirius as the boy twitched in pre-wake. "Sirius, wake up!" He said as one last warning and then when that didn't work he pinched Sirius' nose and covered his eyes.

"Ugh- ah, ah!" Sirius woke up panicking. "What . . . JAMES!" He began struggling and Ly had to use her weight to keep him from whomping James to a bloody pulp. "CAN'T YOU WAKE ME UP REGULARLY?" He yelled at the other boy who had jumped away laughing by this time.

"Good morning to you too, Mate." James grinned.

"D'you have to be so _loud_?" Remus asked wearily from his bed.

"Maybe if James could stop trying to _kill_ me—wait . . . but Rem . . . Oh, hi, Ly. I thought it was Rem holding me."

"Hi, Sirius." She smirked and let go of his wrists.

"Wow, did you actually sleep, Rem?" James asked, peering at his friend.

"Yeah, I did."

"That's excellent! Maybe one day you'll look like it!" Sirius grinned and stood up, he and Ly previously just sitting there.

Ly stood up as well, almost wanting to ask what exactly they did after they snuck out, but not sure if it would be worth the embarrassment of admitting that the butter beer had affected her more than she thought. It was, after all, butter beer. How embarrassing was it to admit that butter beer was too much for her? Luckily, Pete asked what they did after he fell asleep and, apparently, they had written 'You Stink' on Filch's list of things not allowed in the hallways, tangoed with some suits of armor which made more than enough noise to attract Filch, hid in the passage behind Mimosa Voinovich—who they were so well acquainted with that they called her Mimi—for about an hour and then stumbled out. Eventually, after James knocked Sirius into a painting and then Ly had the strange urge to feel the caked on paint, they had found themselves in the kitchens where they had proceeded to stuff their faces. _That sounds like it was fun._

(Remus' POV)

November had come and gone, and with the loss of November there had come the loss of blue skies. In fact, there had come the loss of anything but cold and snow outside. Not, of course, that Remus Lupin was complaining. He loved the snow. At the same time that that had been his downfall, he loved the outdoors and anything to do with them—particularly snow.

The beginning of December meant other things, too, though. There was a full moon on the 1st and 2nd, as well as the 30th and that one would stretch to the first night of the New Year. Not only that, but Remus Lupin was going to turn 13 on the 6th. It reminded him that he was a full year older than all the others.

As he sat in the dorm playing Chess with Peter—the only other Marauder _not_ in detention today—he couldn't help but think of last year at this time. Last year he'd been sent to a regular wizarding school—the ones for the kids that didn't get put in Hogwarts for whatever reason and whose parents couldn't afford to send them to Beauxbatons or Durmstrang. Those children as well as the unwanted and non-magical. There had been next to no secrecy about his condition there, and he had been made to sit in a back corner—away from all the other children, and even the teacher.

Peter waved his hand in front of Remus' face. _Oh, my turn at last_. His bishop moved forward (AKA diagonally) two spaces.

"Check." He smiled lazily.

"What? Ugh! I can't believe I left it wide open!" Peter threw his hands up in the air.

"Neither can I!" His king proclaimed.

"Well, it was that or get taken down by my knight. Besides, it's only check just yet." Remus stared down at the board. _No matter what, he's still trapped._

"We're home!" The door swung open to reveal James, Sirius, and Ly. "Who thought of early morning detentions anyway?" James rolled his eyes.

"What did you have to do?" Remus asked with a small smile.

"Nothing too bad. We just had to clean up after Peeves, what with the whole 'lets-pour-out-all-of-Binns'-papers' trick that he pulled last night." Sirius sighed and let himself fall down on his bed, face first.

"He only dumped one cabinet." Lycaon shrugged. "We've had to do worse. Remember the time we had to clean up all of the eggs he spilled? _Those_ things were all along the Charms hallway." She sat down between Peter and Remus.

"I remember. I was there for that one." Remus let the corners of his mouth lift as he remembered how they'd convinced him that knocking over one of the smaller bookshelves in the library was actually a _good_ idea.

"McGonagall says he's been acting up more than usual this year just because he knows the lot of us will have to clean it up. Apparently we're competition." James let his bag fall onto the floor with a thud.

"Well, I can't say you guys didn't earn it. Honestly, Snape's hair is going to be yellow for weeks."

"Hey, we didn't know his potion'd do that. It just so happens to be a lovely side effect." Sirius grinned.

"I think sunny-blonde suits Snivellus." Ly leaned back thoughtfully, making the chessboard tilt and all the pieces yell foul words at her. "Oh, _do_ shut up." She scowled down at them.

"Ooo0oOh!" Sirius and James said at the same time. They gave each other a little smirk and then sang. "Ly and Snivelly, sittin' in a tree, S-N-O-GG-I-NG!"

"Wash your mouths!" Lycaon looked horrified at the very prospect.

"Sorry, Ly, we ran out of the soap that doesn't leave an aftertaste, so that's a no-can-do." James gave her a cheeky grin.

She rolled her eyes as Sirius and James started laughing. _They make quite a show . . . _

"Bloody hell! You won again, Remus! No matter what I do, you're going to _crush_ me!" Peter complained.

"Remus is a strategist, Pete. I'd surprised if you ever beat him." Ly shrugged nonchalantly.

(Ly's POV)

"I would be too." The blonde boy sighed huffily_. Pete's not so bad, really. Just a little dull._

"How many of you guys are going home for the Hols?" James asked, looking around.

"I'll probably be staying." Remus was putting away his chess pieces, but it seemed to Ly to be an excellent way to avoid looking at any of them.

"Why is that?" Sirius was lying on his stomach on his bed and staring at Remus as a child might. It was a rare moment in which you saw Sirius Black looking innocent . . .

"It'd just be too depressing to go home. Mum's in the hospital, Dad's always working or at the _hospital_, I'd have no choice but to sit around by myself or go visit the _hospital_." Remus sighed, looking weary. _It must be bad if he'd rather stay here . . ._

"Well, I'll be staying, too. That's for sure." Sirius scowled, the innocent look was replaced with an angry one. Lycaon watched as his eyes reflected his inner turmoil and began churning like a tempest. It was what they always did.

Not, of course that Ly stared at his eyes for any period of time . . .

"I doubt those sods even _want_ me to come home. They certainly didn't seem to protest the idea of staying when I wrote them about it." He was glowering at the wall now.

"How did I expect that?" James asked in mock-wonder. "Anyway, what about you, Ly?"

"Yeah, I'll be going home. Back to my room and the regular routine, you know. Little sister runs through the house screaming because 'Saint Nick' came, parents smile knowingly, and I'm supposed to pretend like I still believe it."

"You have a little sister?" Pete asked.

"Yeah, she's eight." Ly sighed.

"She's probably just like you, isn't she?" He smiled.

"No, actually she's nothing like me. She has light brown hair, blue eyes, a sweet temperament, and everyone loves her to pieces. She likes The Boos—you know, that insanely up-beat boy-band; spring; and the color yellow. Actually, she's rather my polar opposite." Ly frowned, just realizing this.

"Eh, well," Peter shifted the subject, obviously discomforted, "I'll probably go home, too. I think my parents would be rather disappointed if I stayed."

"I think I want to stay." James mused, staring off distantly. "I know my folks'd be just fine with it. 'Sides, Rem and Sirius need a little company." James grinned.

"Speaking of Rem . . . we know everyone's birthday, isn't yours coming up soon?" Sirius asked shrewdly.

"Yeah, the 6th."

"WHAT? That's _two days_, Rem? Why didn't you warn us? Now we only have _two days_ to get you birthday presents!" James complained, rather worked up about it.

"Oh, you don't have to get me anything." Remus blushed lightly.

"Of _course_ we do! None of us have any financial problems. But, how are we going to get anything?" Sirius frowned.

"Well 3rd years and up are at Hogsmeade today . . ."Ly mused.

"So? Who'd do that for us?" James looked increasingly unhappily.

"Who said anyone would have to?" Lycaon quirked a brow.

"Do you _actually_ want us to sneak past the teachers and everyone?" Peter stared at her in shock.

"Actually . . . I was thinking maybe just one or two of us for maneuverability. And, no, not past the teachers," she rolled her eyes. "Do you remember how we caught that Ravenclaw boy sneaking around a while back?" The boys all nodded. "Well, I took the liberty of pestering him about it and I learned a little something interesting."

"What? And you didn't tell me?" Sirius looked hurt.

"I wanted it to be a surprise, for Christmas, you know." She smiled, trying to win back forgiveness.

"Well, I guess I'll get over it." Sirius scowled.

"So, it leads to Hogsmeade?" Pete asked.

"That it does, Petey boy." She grinned. "And seeing as I found at this piece of information, I think it's only fair I get to go. So, who, if anyone, is coming with me?" She looked around.

"Me!" James and Sirius said at the same time. They then glared at each other.

"I'm going to go!" James said pompously.

"Why? I want to go to Hogsmeade, too!" Sirius threw a dirty look at the tousle-haired boy.

"Calm down, you oafs." Lycaon rolled her eyes and swatted at them. "Why don't you settle this reasonably?"

"How?" James eyed her, looking wary.

"Rock-paper-scissors, of course!" She rolled her eyes. _Isn't it obvious?_

"Okay," James smirked, "I'm good at this."

"So am I!" Sirius said, highly reminiscent of a toddler.

"ROCK-PAPER-SCISSORS-SHOOT!" The raven-haired Marauders said rapidly, though amazingly at the same time.

Ly looked down at the results. "AND SIRIUS IS VICTORIOUS! And so, alas, Mister Potter's rock is smothered by Mister Black's paper."

"I _still_ think that my rock would keep the paper down . . ." James muttered darkly.

"Yeah, yeah," Lycaon waved it off. "So, James, Pete, think quickly. I want to go to Hogsmeade!"

"What do you mean 'think quickly'?" James was still displeased about his defeat.

"Well, you and Pete are going to have to tell Sirius and I what you want to give Remus for his birthday, obviously. We will, of course, just charge you when we get back." Ly fiddled with the end of her long ponytail casually.

James glowered and pouted while Peter looked very anxious.

"How about this: Sirius, Remus, and I'll go down to the commons so that you two can figure out what it is you want to get, alright?" Ly suggested helpfully.

"Good idea!" Peter smiled, obviously relieved.

The three of them left the room, with or without James' consent.

"D'you want to listen in, Rem?" Sirius asked the other boy, who had been rather quiet throughout this entire affair, even for him.

"No! I want it to be a surprise!" Remus looked a little shocked that Sirius would even ask.

"So, Rem, what would you like for your birthday?" Lycaon began the grilling.

(Sirius POV)

In a very short amount of time Sirius and Lycaon were sneaking happily down the hallways with the Sirius in front, taking whispered directions such as 'left' or 'right' from Ly, who held the map. ("It's got all the basic parts of the castle, at least" she had muttered, disappointed with the slowness of progress.) As they walked they passed a rather pretty, older Hufflepuff who a tall Slytherin was approaching, obviously trying to look suave. Just as the Hufflepuff noticed the Slytherin, Sirius passed him and couldn't resist. He darted to the side just slightly and stepped on the back of his robes. The boy's arms flailed like windmill before he finally stopped himself from falling backwards, only to fall flat on his face. Somewhere in all the 'whoa' 'whoa' 'ahh!' Ly gave a snort and then covered her mouth quickly, though neither of the older students noticed. Sirius felt rather accomplished, especially as the Hufflepuff girl giggled and the Slytherin looked increasingly confused and humiliated.

After a walk during which time Ly happily etched the passage onto the map while Sirius carried the cloak and his lit wand, they came to stairs. Ly blew on the map, drying the last of the ink, and then shoved it away, the two of them ascending cautiously. They already knew where this led. Sirius whispered 'nox' when they finally reached what appeared very much to be the end. Of course, one could only assume in was the end when their head suddenly smacked into something.

Lycaon could be heard stifling a laugh as he cursed under his breath.

They both peeked up into whatever was above and, low and behold . . . it was a cellar. A slightly dusty, slightly dirty cellar filled with crate upon crate of, of course, candy. _And now for the fun part._

The two of them slipped under the invisibility cloak just for safety, and abandoned it promptly after moving into the crowd. Peter had decided to buy Rem enough sweets to be sick on (he had even made a complete list); James had decided to get him—what else-several quidditch posters; Sirius had decided on a quill set he _knew_ Remus would never have even considered getting for himself; and Lycaon had carefully leafed through and picked out several books that she seemed to feel Remus would love.

Sirius of course, had barely maintained interest in the book shop. Quite frankly, he'd barely maintained _consciousness_ while in the book shop. Afterwards, though, Lycaon had amicably suggested they go get some butter beer from The Three Broomsticks, which they did.

"Hey, Sirius, let's get a table. You know, enjoy this as best we can." Ly smiled, darting through the thick mass of mostly students.

"Sure, why not? It'll be two years before we can do this legally." He followed her, though feeling as though she had a considerably easier time at it than he did.

"Hello, there! You two look a little young." The waitress who walked over gave them a small, knowing smile. "That's alright; I've never ratted a kid out before, and won't do it any time soon." The woman seemed more to be a girl fresh out of school. "Butter beers for the lovebirds, I'm assuming?" She grinned.

"Well, I don't see any lovebirds, but I think Sirius and I'll have butter beer, yes." Lycaon smiled passively, obviously using this as the most polite way she could think of to say 'we're not bloody going out!'.

"Agreed," Sirius gave a nod. The waitress simply gave that all-knowing smile that was beginning to bug the bageezes out of Sirius and then clopped off happily, not seeing Sirius' frown.

Lycaon groaned and set her head on the table. Her cheeks were pink but Sirius didn't know whether it was from the cold or the waitress' comment.

"Is it so wrong for a girl to spend time with boys?" She asked, sounding very much frustrated.

It was a combination, then, most likely.

"Obviously," Sirius grinned toothily, therein earning him a glare. He simply laughed. _Sometimes it's just so **fun** to annoy her . . ._

They found themselves buying a few nifty pranking products, a few sweets for themselves, and then heading back to the castle after a very enjoyable day out despite any small hindrances. When they got back James and Pete paid up, looking a little glum, but then brightening when they saw what they had actually bought. The idea of giving things to Remus seemed equal in excitement to Quidditch at the moment, and that was saying something. They told Remus he had to stay in the commons and read up for a while so that they could attend to a few things. Sirius and Ly each slipped Rem a chocolate bar as they headed up to the dorm, and, if that fairly idiotic grin on her face meant anything, Lycaon was having as much fun as Sirius was.

In the dorms they discovered the solution to the wrapping-paper problem by using old essays that had been stuffed haphazardly into school bags and text books. They set their thickly wrapped presents at the foot of Remus' bed with a smile.

"Oy! Remus Lupin can report to the first year boys' dormitory!" James bellowed down the hallway.

Remus appeared—book in hand—a moment later with a frogish grin. "You really shouldn't have bothered . . ." He said quietly.

The look on his face was killing Sirius. _He honestly wasn't expecting us to do anything!_

"Of course we should have." Ly shrugged, always the one with words. "Friends do that sort of thing, you git." Or not.

Remus continued to smile frogishly, however. _Well they **are** close. I suppose he's used to her . . . ways._

(Remus POV)

Two days passed and soon enough the Marauders had blind-folded Remus to lead him around the castle. Sirius got yelled at several times for trying to use him to hit people with, but eventually they came to a stop. They turned him and pulled him into a place he knew immediately was the kitchens. He could smell it and grinned despite himself.

"Oh, look at that goofy smile! The prat knows!" James whined.

Lycaon mumbled something along the lines of 'there's turkey, who wouldn't?' and then whipped off the blindfold. Sure enough, he was in the kitchens. A house elf bobbed up to them devotedly.

"Can Kopper help, Sirs and Miss? Do Sirs and Miss need anything? Kopper would love to help them, Kopper would." The house elf nodded up and down rapidly, his ears flapping. The poor thing was looking at them so hopefully . . .

"Can we have a cake, Kopper?" James asked.

"Of course, Sir! Kopper would be _most_ pleased to get you a cake, Kopper would. What kind of cake could Kopper make you, please, Sir?"

Remus received a glance from James. "Could . . . Could we have chocolate cake with chocolate icing?" Remus asked.

"Kopper will get to it right away, Sir! Kopper likes to make cakes, especially for nice young Sirs." The House elf nodded his head furiously.

"Could you bring milk with that, too, Kopper?" Sirius asked casually, obviously used to dealing with house elves.

"Of course, Sir! Kopper will bring it all! Kopper will be happy to bring it all, Kopper will." Kopper grinned and hurried off to begin the cake.

"Wow . . . they're really panicky, aren't they?" Peter asked, his eyes wide.

"Quite pitiable, actually." Lycaon made to sit down on the floor but a random house elf shoved a chair beneath her. She looked pleasantly surprised.

"Why are the Sirs all standing? Duffy will get them nice, comfy chairs, yes. Duffy will make sure the Sirs are all comfy . . ."

And so, Remus Lupin awaited a cake while in a comfy chair, dutifully provided by Duffy.

"Time for presents!" Lycaon pulled out her hefty-looking present to Remus and dropped it in his lap.

It was quite obvious what it was . . . But still he smiled and gingerly removed the essay on newt kidneys—which he distinctly remembered helping with—and found three books. One was titled 'A Way to Spend a Rainy Day', clearly a prankster book. The next was titled 'Tutoring—the Ultimate Tax on Patience', a bit of a thanks, obviously. And the final book was . . . his heart skipped a beat. 'Wolves have Packs, not Families – the story of a loup-garou'.

"A book about a werewolf?" He asked, managing a curious voice, despite his anxiousness. _She knows . . . Oh, Merlin's beard . . . She knows . . . How? I haven't slipped up! _

"Yeah, I read it a while back. It's not a classic . . . but it should be. It has a lot of stuff about how everyone around the main character felt and got through it . . . I suppose I just figured it might be uplifting, what with your mum and all." She shrugged.

He made a note to see whether or not the werewolf died in the end. At least it wasn't a clue that she knew . . .

"Now me!" Sirius shoved his considerably lighter present at Remus.

He found a set of two large, eagle-feather quills; two slightly smaller raven-feather quills; a pewter ink well; and small, ornate blade to make the tip of the quills sharp again.

"Wow, Sirius! It's . . ." Remus ogled at the set, at a loss for words. _That had to be expensive._ "It's . . . I don't know what to say!"

"Well . . . you always use the same two quills and they look like they're falling apart so I figured, why not go all out?" Sirius had the decency look slightly embarrassed.

James looked slightly out-done. "Well, gee, now that Sirius has shown us all up, here's my present." James rolled his eyes as he handed Remus a _very_ light present.

Remus opened it to find . . . posters. Not just any posters, but a poster where all the members of the Montrose Magpies whizzed about in their black and white robes against the backdrop of a perfect quidditch day—bright and rainless, but cloudy—according to James, and another in which Eunice Murray ("Best seeker of all time!" James commented) was complaining about how slow the snitches were in a speech bubble. Remus laughed.

"And here's mine!" Pete blushed, giving Remus a lumpy present, wrapped in a Herbology assignment.

Remus smiled knowingly. _Yup, candy_. "Thanks Pete. It looks delicious."

"You're welcome!" The blonde boy grinned.

"I . . . I really appreciate it guys. It's nice." He smiled around at them, a lump forming in his throat. _I'm so silly . . . getting worked up over something like this . . ._

"Sirs, Miss, Kopper made your cake, he did. Kopper made it as good as he could. He brought milk too, Kopper made sure, and in nice cups. Yes, yes, Kopper brought milk in nice cups."

"One last thing, Kopper!" Lycaon jumped up, scaring the house elf without meaning to. "I need you to find me some vanilla icing and a pastry bag, can you do that?" Remus could just barely hear Ly whisper. Kopper nodded. "Just lead me then," Ly looked up. "I'll be right back, boys, I just need to see to one thing very quickly." ((an: a pastry bag is one of those cone shaped bags you squeeze things out of))

"Don't take long in the loo!" James cried out.

"I'm _not_ going to the loo!" She called over her shoulder and then disappeared around a corner.

When she came back Kopper was bringing a small table over while insisting she sit down and let him take care of everything, and she was carrying the cake herself.

"Ta-da!" She grinned, setting the cake down on the small table, seemingly unaware of Kopper begging her to sit down and let him serve them like a good house elf.

On the cake there was now neat lines of vanilla icing reading 'Happy Birthday Remus' and then, in very small letters beneath that, 'the thoughtful one'. Remus could tell she'd tried to make the letters more legible than her usual scrawl, and this almost, _almost_ undid him. _I'm not some little girl_, he told himself fiercely.

He watched as they fought over who got what piece while Kopper tried desperately to keep them from spilling their milk or cutting the cake themselves.

_No . . . I just can't tell them . . . It's selfish. I'm selfish. I'm selfish and horrible, but I can't give this up_.

* * *

Author's Note: WOO! Chapter 9, everyone, is approximately 20 pages on Word! Now, I know you're probably looking forward to more, but here's the thing. I HAVE 18 DAYS UNTIL SCHOOL STARS AGAIN! And that means that updates will be considerably slower. I think I did well with this update, though. 20 pages in 10 days is a good thing. I will be updating 'Memory' and re-vamping the first chapter 'Taint It' before I update LiMM again so, I'm sorry, loves, but it _will_ be a while. Just know, I'm not abandoning this story and I never, ever will. I'm not as fickle as that. I have some things I'd like you to read in the mean time.

_What's Love?_ by Ronnie

Short, not _too_ sweet, and completely underappreciated.

And/or

_Monsters_ by Pazza

It's RL/SB so go ahead, run away now if you don't like that. Just know that this author is also a pervy slash reader. (Writer too! See 'Memory' if you're into that.)


	10. Battling Your Demons

Disclaimer: Not mine.

Author's Note: I really don't have much to say . . . I actually intended on the beginning of this being the excess for the last chapter but, while messing with this, I realized I'd skipped a very important part, Remus' birthday! Just so you know, Remus' birthday is going to be the only one I focus on, but Ly was born in February(due to the plot, though she has the personality of a Scorpio, though Aquarius suits her okay, too), James I'm saying had a summer birthday(Leo), Peter's birthday will be in the dismal depths of mid-January, and Sirius had to have born in spring, going by his name (because the dog star is only visible in Spring) he has to be born somewhere between mid-March to mid-June, and then going by astrology (sad, but accurate), he should have been born between March 21 and April 20, as an Aries. But, for his birthday, I pick . . . April 7th. Seven is my favorite number. Alright, that's the end of my astro-babble. I apologize for the wait. I had to fix some setting on my internet thingy but it took me over a month to figure that out!

**And, just so everyone knows**, due to the fact The Ramones (who I absolutely adore) didn't even start up till '74. Ly is listening to a wizard version of 'I wanna be sedated' and will probably later be a big Ramones fan (Sex Pistols, too. WOO, Go Sex Pistols!). There it is on a silver platter. This chapter also contains Lycaon's practically alive hair-bands. I think they might be charmed to remove themselves when necessary.

* * *

The Zinnia Blooms--Battling Your Demons

* * *

Lycaon sighed as she finally made it into her room. She walked over to her record player and carefully set the needle to 'I wanna have a Dreamless Sleep'. _Finally, someone has something to say I agree with . . ._

The day hadn't gone as smoothly as she might have hoped. Her parents hadn't harassed her about anything immediately because she had waved off Amy and Pete. Who would sense anything wrong there? The onslaught, however, had begun once they got into the car and only worsened from there.

Why did her professors send so many letters home? Why did she seem to be in trouble so often? She had never been in trouble at school before. The Potions professor had written to them. Why did she have so much trouble in that class? Would she feel better if she had someone tutor her? Why was she getting so upset? Why didn't she want to talk about it? Was she embarrassed? Was that it? She shouldn't be such a wimp. Henry! They apologized. They were just concerned. They only wanted what was best for her . . . She had _never_ had any trouble with school before.

She buried her face in her hands, remembering her responses. _Why didn't I just remain calm? Why didn't I just lie smoothly like I normally do? And who do they think they are, anyway? Of course I was going to snap when they practically cornered me. It's instinct, damn it! They waited until I was eating so I had to listen, I know it. I sure showed them . . . I **can so **be offended and articulate when I have half of a tuna sandwich in my mouth_.

Her eyes opened to pale pink walls and a lacey canopy bed. _Thank Godric none of the other Marauders are here._ Her father told her to 'stop that racket' and get some sleep. She turned off her music and slipped into a nightgown. Yes, she had a nightgown. Flannel, in fact. She slipped into her bed supposing that she might as well sleep. _Oh well, how could it possibly get worse?_

...

"Ly? Mummy wants to know if you want your eggs scrambled or sunny-side-up."

Lycaon groaned. "Elizabeth Marie Saer . . . tell her she knows I only like them scrambled. And how'd you get the regular name anyway?"

"I dunno. Ask Mummy."

The sound of little feet padding quickly down the hall and downstairs could be heard. _Lycaon Amarantha Saer . . . Elizabeth Marie Saer . . . is there something I'm missing here? Maybe Dad decided it was too much a little too late_. She rolled off her bed. _On the subject of dad, he really **has** gained a few pounds._ She slipped quickly into a green jumper and a brown skirt before going down to breakfast.

"Ly! Go brush your hair! Honestly, I think it's going to attack." Her mother shook her head, scraping scrambled eggs onto a plate.

"Okay, Mum." She resisted the urge to roll her eyes and did as she was told, heading to the bathroom and beginning the war against her mane.

She immerged fifteen to twenty minutes later with her hair in a ponytail. _Great, cold eggs. That really makes **me** want to have a bright, sun-shiny day. _She sighed and shoveled it into her mouth sordidly. _Oh, lovely, now they've come to keep me company._

Sweetheart, do you want to talk? Ly, aren't you happy at school? Okay, you don't have to talk right now. We expect you to tell us, though. Henry, be sensitive! I'm _trying_ Claire. Look, Lycaon, Honey, we're not trying to be pushy; we're just trying to _understand_ . . .

"Oh would you two stop it!" She slammed her palms down on the table and stood up, still having to look up at her parents who were by now very surprised. "You two wouldn't be able to get anything out of me with Veritaserum the way you're going on! It's your own fault for being so blind all the time!" She turned and ran up the stairs as fast as she could.

_Smooth_.

She slipped down the back of her door once inside her room. _Why do they only care when I don't want them to?_ The band in her hair removed itself and her hair covered her face, shielding her from everyone and everything. Lunchtime found her asleep in a ball on her floor, several areas of her hair damp. She didn't answer when her mother tried to get her to come out to eat, nor did she answer when her father tried to 'persuade' her. _I **dare** him to ground me. It won't be any different._

"Ly, do you want to come out and play? Some of your friends are out, too." Mary asked quietly through the door just after dinnertime. Not that Lycaon had bothered to leave her room to do something like eat.

"Hm? Did find some my old books?" She stared at the pine door from her bed.

"No, silly! Tara and Michelle are on break! Tara's over at Michelle's house for a few days."

Lycaon's stomach made a little hop from where it sat. "I think I'll just stay here. I don't want to see them."

"If you say so. Anyways, I'm going over to Nicole and Daniel's house. Bye!"

Ly buried her face in her pillow instead of replying. Nope, she didn't want to see _them_ any time this century. She'd seen Tara enough to give her a stomach ulcer. Not, of course, that the mediwitches at St. Mungo's hadn't cured that up almost immediately. Still . . . there was too much history there. There was more history there than in all the books held in Hogwarts' library. _I still don't know why she did it._ She frowned and then turned to face her window. _Why does it matter? What's done is done._ She then promptly closed her eyes and forced herself to listen to the rhythmic ebb and tide of her own breathing until she finally lost awareness.

"_I didn't do it" . . . and she landed flat on her back. A sharp pain at the base of her skull, blue . . . and then a round, fleshy face. 'Just hold on tight . . . you'll smile again tomorrow, if you try.' There was a strobe light in her head as a blow landed in her side. A second to her to her gut and pure white. An explosion in her mind. 'How do they kick so hard? I'm not as bad as they say I am. I'm smarter than them.' Why did her mind hurt more than her body? All over, it hurt all over. All around her . . . she couldn't breathe! She screamed despite herself and they told her to shut up. She'd make them get caught. Low sobs, then, as her thoughts receded to gray. She was curled into ball, shielding her face and sucking in air so chilly that it stabbed at her lungs. She could breathe . . . Her body throbbed but they weren't hurting her any more. One last thing that's worse than the kicks . . . "**you're worthless**."_

With a sound half-way between a gasp and a sob Lycaon sat up in her bed. _Oh, God . . . that's new. _She felt her face and quickly rubbed at it with a blanket. _I was even crying . . . but I don't have nightmares. I haven't had nightmares since I was tiny_. She tried to turn her bedside lamp on and nearly knocked it over with her clumsy, shaking hands. The annoyingly small clock on her wall read 11:30. _I'm certainly not sitting here. I need to get up. That's right Lycaon. Run away from your nightmares. Ha, like that'd work. They're in your head not your bed, you dolt._ She pulled on jeans, a thick, blue sweater, and a pair of warm socks, then crept down the hall(after locking her door with a bobby-pin tucked securely in her pocket, naturally), past her sister's open door, and down the stairs, sticking close to the walls to avoid creaking floorboards. She opened the coat closet and noticed her cousin Mingan (though his parents had been reduced to calling him 'Mick' despite their stroke of brilliance and originality while naming him) had left his leather jacket there. She liked it better than her own brown, woolen one, and she knew Mingan wouldn't mind. He always told her not to listen to his folks and just call him by his given name. Besides, Mingan himself was _cool_.

She pulled it on, wrapped her Gryffindor scarf tightly, and walked right out the front door, locking it after her. An icy breeze greeted her, even though there was no snow. It was cold, but not cold enough to turn the miserable rain into anything pleasant. _It shouldn't be allowed to be this pissing cold and damp without snow_. She stuffed her hands into the pockets of her cousin's jacket to save them from the biting chill. She sniffed like an Easter rabbit and walked down the side walk. She just had to go _somewhere_, and she didn't care where it was.

Her hair whipped around her in the wind, and she was glad of the scarlet and gold that was wound so securely around her neck. _How can I feel safer walking around in someone else's jacket, than in my bed in the middle of December at 11:30 at night?_ She shrugged off her own question and continued walking, unintentionally making a bee-line towards the center of town. She walked past a tiny drug store where a few street punks were guffawing over an undoubtedly stupid joke and smoking something that may or may not have been tobacco, and she just pulled the jacket a little tighter.

She walked in the cold for quite a while, her toes, her cheeks, and her rump getting the coldest. The dull glow of a pub or a 24-hour this-or-that illuminated where streetlights and apartment windows didn't. Every now and then she'd pass a person or two, occasionally even a group, walking along, but they generally seemed busier than she was. Eventually she wound up at the park, which was actually not so great a feat considering it was placed right in the middle of everything, which only made it more litter-filled. It had to be midnight but a couple still sat on a bench, snogging each others' faces off. She stood there for a moment and then a thought struck her like double-decker. _What in Merlin's name am I **doing** here? This is pathetic. It's just a dream, Ly. They can't hurt you anymore. Especially not in you own bed. Godric, you're at more of a risk wandering alone in the middle of night. You'd probably be in quite a predicament already if you were in the heart of London. And where are the bloody bobbies anyway? Aren't they supposed to be prowling about, making sure everyone is safe?_ She shook her head and turned on her heel. _I really should go home and sleep. I could have hot cocoa in the morning, all of that. _

Lycaon sighed and retraced her own trail. She gazed upwards, away from the dirty slosh on the cement sidewalk that wasn't the least bit attractive. The sky was that annoyingly steady bright blue that comes when there are too many clouds for the all too near city lights to reflect on. It looked so much less confused than she was, it wasn't fair. _But I'm not **really** confused, am I? I know perfectly, damned well why I'm walking out here in the freezing nigh; and I know perfectly, damned well why I'm on the wrong side of the street. It's the same reason I'm not **really** on the wrong side of the street._ She veered off the sidewalk, walking to the side of a gray-blue house.

When times weren't too bad she'd sometimes been invited to play here.

Kicking at the ground she found a few small rocks and held them in her palm. She launched the first and watched it connect though her twisting hair sometimes got in her face. Ly sent up the second, a reminder that they _had_ heard something. The third now, to tell them it wasn't going away. The fourth, to tell them they had to come to the window. The fifth, to tell them she wouldn't be kept waiting. The sixth because it hurt. The seventh because they should feel as afraid as she had. And she swore to God she would have thrown a dozen more if she had them in her hand.

A tall girl with a fleshy, red face appeared at the window, looking a little scared. _I know you . . ._

The girl looked around; trying to determine what was making the sound. Ly picked up an eighth, slightly larger pebble and threw it at the window, noticing that the girl's hair was rather stringy. _You never **were** pretty, Tara_. The girl looked down, and her eyes widened. She disappeared from the window and Lycaon growled, her face contorting. She threw two stones at the same time. _I hope that breaks your stupid friend's window._ Michelle showed up this time. She was smaller, thinner, and darker. She also looked surprised to see Ly standing there. The girl left briefly, returning with a dressing gown on to open the window. Lycaon watched as she shivered.

"What do you want?" Michelle asked as she rubbed her upper arms for warmth. Tara's thickset face appeared behind her.

"I'm going to speak to Tara." Ly said, careful to be neither too loud nor too quiet, and neither too threatening nor too meek. _I have to be the one in control and they have to know it._

Tara looked at her friend and then stood right next to the window, attempting to sneer, though her hesitancy was still evident. "What do _you_ have to say?"

"Store it." Ly glared. "Get down here. I promise I won't stoop to your level."

"So I have to stoop to yours?" Tara was visibly shaking but climbed down anyway.

Lycaon rolled her eyes but refused to dignify that with a verbal answer.

Once down she rubbed her arms and hopped from foot to foot, having been stupid enough to come down in naught but her nightgown. For a moment Lycaon just stood there, not sure how to put this.

"Why?" She blurted out tactlessly. "I just have to know, why? Was there ever a reason?" _My, don't I sound dramatic?_

"I . . ." Tara blinked noticeably. "I . . . I don't know."

"Well, isn't that lovely." Lycaon glowered at the girl who was at least three inches taller than she. _Why the bloody hell does **she** get to be the tall one? I was always scrawny. You know, this whole affair is angering me_.

"Hey, it's not like we ever did anything _bad_."

If Lycaon had been angry before . . .

"Not bad? NOT BAD! Did you block it out or something, you window licker? I'd show you the scars but most of them aren't physical." She shoved Tara against the house, anger lending her more strength than normal, then stormed off, shaking, lest she did something she'd regret later.

_I don't know why I bothered. Did I **honestly** expect her to be profoundly knowledgeable about her own actions? Did I expect to her to apologize or something?_

She busied herself with thoughts of how the other Marauders must be holding up as she made her way back home, trying to work off her anger. Thoughts of Sirius had begun creeping like spiders into her mind, and she didn't like it. She walked around the back and pulled out her key. Lycaon shrugged off her cousin's jacket and hung it up in the closet just as she had found it. There was a strong urge to climb into the closet and sleep in there among the shoes but she resisted. She had a 'breakfast' of hot cocoa and toast, and then went to her room, calmly picking the lock, and then settling into the warmth of her bed. _I hate this. All of it. But I think I can live with it, so long as I can make myself stop thinking of it._

(James o-o)

Between snowball fights, chess games, and general romping, James began to notice things that he and Ly sometimes talked about during detentions. Remus was quiet about himself. The boy never complained of pain, sleepiness, or hunger. He also noted that, while Remus ate Pete's candies, hung up his posters, and used Sirius' quill set, he seemed to dote on one particular book he'd received from Ly above all his other presents. It was the awkward-sounding one about werewolves. _What's so interesting about a werewolf? Most people don't even like them_. Then again, it _did_ seem rather like Remus to appreciate that werewolves weren't all bad, an idea James' parents strongly supported, earning them the title of 'blood-traitor' even more than before.

While James may not have been the most observant, or the cleverest, or the best at understanding people, he knew that something was seriously fishy. There were certain subjects Remus just didn't seem to like talking about. Things that should have been simple to talk about, like his mum. Yeah, she was sick, but she wasn't dead yet, so there was hope, so why didn't he ever mention her? He only talked about his family when someone else brought it up. Then he acted like he was trying to stomp out the topic, so James let him. In most matters, James let him. Then again, Rem was the grounded one. Rem was the sensible one, or the one who could figure things out. Rem was the one that, when all else failed, would be able to fix it. That was just the way Remus was. He had that kind of strength, even though he was so quiet all the time. James agreed with Lycaon, though, that there had to be something wrong that Remus wasn't telling them.

Though James hadn't told anyone, not even Lycaon—she being the only one he talked about Remus with—he had noticed more than once that Remus Lupin would come back from visiting his mother with a stray bruise or two. It wasn't like Remus couldn't take care of himself, but Remus was small and thin. If someone were to . . . to . . . well, hurt him, then what would he be able to do about it? James wanted to know why Remus J. Lupin didn't want to talk about when he was younger. James wanted to know why Remus J. Lupin didn't sleep at night. James wanted to know why the Hell Remus J. Lupin should have bruises, and God save _anyone_ who was hurting him! He might only have been a scruffy 11-year-old, but if someone was hurting Remus, James was going to make them regret it! Meanwhile, would James like to play exploding snaps? Sirius was getting bored.

(Remus' POV)

"Oy, Rem, you slept again? Setting a record, aren't you? Well get up. It's Christmas!" Sirius ripped Remus' blankets away from him.

"Merlin, is this the one morning of the year you're awake or something?" Remus forced himself to sit up and then rubbed his eyes.

"Absolutely!" Sirius plopped himself down by his stack of presents.

James was already poking through his pile so Remus joined suit.

"Hey look at this . . . these!" Sirius held up a handful of letters, several of which had pink or red envelopes.

"What are they?" Remus blinked.

"Love letters . . . I got a few, too." James held up a few less than Sirius. "Do you have any?"

"Let me see . . ." Remus sifted through. "One."

He pulled out a very elaborate-looking envelope that was crimson with what appeared to be gold-leaf lettering. Sirius let out a low whistle.

"Somebody sure likes Rem."

"I'd say so."

Remus blushed as dark as the envelope.

After a wrapping-paper fight, a brief wrestling match between Sirius and James over Mrs. Potter's cookies, Sirius explaining that Remus' birthday present had actually been a birthday/Christmas present, and another but this time unexplainable wrestling match that Remus had somehow gotten dragged into, the boys decided that eating chocolates and other varieties of sweets only served to upset their stomachs so they might as well go down to the Great Hall for breakfast.

Upon reaching it, they found that they and perhaps a dozen other students were the only ones left aside from the professors and, of course, Filch. The hall, naturally, was spectacular. The Marauders had watched with awe and rising bubbles of Christmas Spirit in their hearts as their professors decorated it. This was by far one of the best Christmases Remus had had in ages. It would have been better if Ly and Peter were here, but he certainly wasn't complaining. In truth, being around Lycaon was getting more and more dangerous. They had always been close, and he just _knew_ she was starting to get ideas. She would give him looks, or try to ask him questions, as though she knew something was amiss. Too often he felt like she was mere breaths away from finding out.

It was a good thing she never had, because each and every time it seemed like a better and better idea to just let them know. But he'd worked so hard to stay out of the ministry's sight! What if they _didn't_ understand the way he needed them to? What if they told? It just couldn't be risked . . . but they were his _friends_.

How was logic supposed to compete with _that_?

After the last full moon James had talked to him. 'We're here for you, you know, Rem. We wouldn't ditch out on you when you need us. You can talk to me whenever you want.' That offer was sounding _so_ good right now . . .

(Ly's POV)

Lycaon Amarantha Saer's eyes fluttered open and at first she wasn't certain why she was awake. Then a squeal ripped through the air, and, assuming that this had not been the first of its kind, she knew. _Merry Christmas, indeed_. A considerable thud could be heard as she carelessly rolled off her bed and down approximately three feet onto the floor, taking her pillow and blanket with her. No yells came from downstairs to scold her so she slipped on a dressing gown and her slippers to walk groggily down the hall. She was careful to make every board squeak so that one might assume she was incapable of sneaking.

"Ly, honey, your sister's already looking through her stocking. Do you want some hot chocolate?" Her mother was standing in the door way of the kitchen in a thick, blue robe.

"Okay," Lycaon patted at her messy hair and retrieved the worn old stocking from where it hung on the mantle in front of the beginnings of a fire.

"Sit down by your sister so we can get some pictures." Her father ordered gruffly, sitting in his armchair. His dark hair went well with the dark robe and demeanor.

Lycaon raised one eyebrow slightly and gave him a look as if to say 'didn't I tell you to stop ordering me around?' He lowered his bushy brows and gave a look to say 'didn't I tell you I expect results when I tell you to do something?' Of course, neither had ever said such things. It was just a mutual agreement that their relationship carried out as such. And, as always after such exchanges, both sides assumed that they had won and left it at that.

She sat down, smiled a little bit for the blinding flashes of the family camera and then moved to the hearth of the fireplace, citing lack of room on the loveseat where her sister was.

Thanks for the new gloves I don't need or like, Mum. Thanks for the fancy headband I'll never wear, Dad. Thanks for the painting I'm going to throw away, Elizabeth. Yes, I'll put on this obnoxious set of robes before Aunt Connie arrives. Yes, I'll finish this hot chocolate—even though it's not very chocolaty. Yes, I got everything I wanted—even though you forgot that I don't like lace and I wanted a wizarding sound system for once. Yes, I slept well—even though I've been sneaking out for the past several days, and I can't recall why, though I know there was a purpose. Yes, this was a very good Christmas—even though you're making me sick. Yes, I'm very glad Grandmother is coming to visit this year—even though she pinches my cheeks and smells like sour milk. Yes, I'm very happy, hence the knot in my throat. Yes, I'm going upstairs to change into those awful robes because it couldn't have anything to do with the unusual dampness of my eyes.

_I like last Christmas better. I didn't feel so . . . empty. But at least the other Marauders will be sending something. Maybe an escape kit._

(Remus's POV)

Remus groaned and rolled over, aware of little beyond the terrible gashes all over his hands, arms, and several other places on his body. Small abrasions, lacerations, and the ghosts of past abrasions mingled into a terrible network over his young, pale skin. They were pretty garnet ribbons, winding like rivers.

The moon was finally down, and, after several nights of torture, it was finally ready to wan. Remus had, before the actual transformation, removed the table, as he was in a habit of doing now, and wondered if he should put it back. While Remus had never been high and had never gotten drunk, he supposed it must be a little like the shock he experienced after a full moon.

When your body goes through that much, it eventually gives up on functioning properly. Luckily, it was a temporary form of stupor. _Nothing a few slimy potions can't fix . ._ . Remus thought detachedly of his injuries. Professor McGonagall walked in then and he _knew_ she was pursing her lips though he was staring at the ceiling.

He felt heavy cloth all over him and he realized that until then he had been naked. Normally, he would have blushed; now, he doubted he had enough blood in his system to do so. _Maybe that's why I'm so sleepy . . . maybe it's like anemia. Maybe it **is** anemia_. He was vaguely aware McGonagall tutting and then of the ceiling shifting.

_If ever a Hospital Wing there was, Hogwarts' wing is one because, because, because, because, because, because, because of the unnatural things it does . . . _

It was not even dawn yet so McGonagall rushed unhappily into the Hospital Wing without any disillusionment charms. She'd begun to come very early, as Remus had a habit of wandering onto Death's front porch. He was aware of someone bustling about and then of several very disgusting liquids sliding into his mouth. There was a sudden burst of pain and then nothing.

_Fireflies, fireflies, I wonder which way Mummy went. I bet she doesn't have as many fireflies as I do . . . oh, hello doggy! Doggy . . . Why are you making funny noises? You're not **growling** at me! Why would you-AH! Mummy! Doggy, no! MUMMY! MUMMMYYYYYY!_

"Mister Lupin, wake up! You're going to disturb the entire castle!" Madam Pompfrey whispered intensely. "Honestly, do I have to give you a Dreamless Sleep potion, now?"

"N-no . . . I'll be fine." Remus began squeezing his hands together in an attempt to stop the shaking.

"I'll be right back with that potion, but, really, Mister Lupin, you should have more consideration for the other patients!"

"Yes, Madam Pompfrey."

!That evening!

After lots of persuasion from Dumbledore, McGonagall, and Remus; Madam Pompfrey finally gave in and let the lycanthrope go back to his friends. ("It's bad enough he had to miss the New Year ringing in, Poppy." Dumbledore had smiled.)

"How'd it go, Rem?" Sirius asked with a grin, munching on some candies.

"It was nice." Remus lied through his teeth. "I'm glad they let me have Christmas here, but I'm glad she was well enough to spend New Year's with. She still looks horrible, though." He smiled weakly, leaving out the part where he wasn't really human and had dreamed of when he was bitten.

"Her? Look at you!" Sirius laughed and popped a hard candy into his mouth.

James' laugh didn't seem to reach his eyes. "You look like death warmed over, Rem. Do you want to go get some sleep?"

"No, I'm just a little tired, but I don't need to sleep." Remus sat down in an armchair near them. "Okay, so I'm very tired, but I don't need to sleep."

"Oh! It's almost 4 o' clock!" Sirius suddenly jumped up.

"4 o' clock?" The tawny-haired boy asked.

"Yeah, remember? Ly is coming back today."

"Oh, I'd forgotten." Remus blinked. He _shouldn't_ have forgotten something like that.

"So, who wants to hide somewhere throw water balloons at her?" Sirius grinned like the Cheshire cat and rubbed his hands together.

"I'm too tired." Remus sighed.

"And I like my face this way, thank you very much." James shook his head.

"You two are _no_ fun." Sirius rolled his eyes.

"Well don't let _us_ stop you, _tough guy_. You can use the invisibility cloak if you like." James smirked.

"Will do!" Sirius gave his roguish smile and was off.

The door was opened by what appeared to be nothing a moment later and Remus just smiled, stretching lazily. His shirt, one of the few that _weren't_ severely oversized, must have lifted up because he saw James frowning at the region of his stomach. He glanced down and was met with an ugly bruise sprawled along his side. _Oh God . . ._ He pulled the shirt down and looked away. _Please don't say anything. Please, please, don't say anything._

"Where'd that come from?" James asked quietly, though no one else was present.

"Where'd what come from?"

_Please, please don't ask. Don't ask. Don't ask. Don't ask because I don't know that I can lie . . ._

"That bruise!" James was on his feet. "Remus, why do you come back banged up? Who's hurting you?"

"I am." Remus averted his gaze. _I have to tell him . . . I can't keep this a secret forever. I can't. I'll tear myself up inside, too, if I try to do that._

"Does . . . does your dad beat you?"

"My dad's dead."

"It can't be your mum."

"My mum's dead, too."

"But you go see her-"

"No, I don't."

"Of course you do! You even missed New Year's Eve to go see her."

"Not really."

"Rem, what are you talking about? You go see her all the time, every month."

"James," Remus looked at the carpet, "I'm a lycanthrope." _I think I'm going to be sick . . . oh, my hands are trembling . . ._

James stood there for a moment in shock. "What?"

"I was about six when I was bitten . . ."

"So you're . . ."

"And I . . . well, both of my parents are dead. I . . . I did it." _I can't even look at him . . ._ "I just . . . I had to let you know. Please, please just don't tell your parents . . . the ministry will have me executed on the spot . . ."

"Remus . . ." James said as though he was mildly amused. "It's okay."

Remus looked up, feeling that his eyes were as wide as saucers. "What?"

"It's okay." James smiled. "Why do you think the Potters are blood traitors? It's just because we don't have our wands shoved so far up our- but, really, it's okay. It's not like it's your fault."

Remus' eyes got hot and his throat swelled. "James . . . could . . . could you keep this between us? I . . . I'll tell the others eventually, but, I . . . I'm not sure I can do it right now."

James looked worried but nodded. "I understand."

"I mean it, James. I really want to tell them myself when the time's right. Promise you'll keep it a secret for now?"

James smirked and opened his mouth to speak but at that very moment Sirius streaked in laughing wildly_. Good . . . a distraction. But God . . . why does it feel like my world is falling down around my ears?_

(Sirius' POV 0.-)

Sirius kneeled under the invisibility cloak at the top of the stairs that he _knew_ Ly would take. It was the shortest way to the common, and in a castle like Hogwarts _everyone_ took the shortest way to where they were going unless it was vital not to.

Sure enough, he saw her within minutes. He whipped off the cloak and began throwing the water balloons he had, all of them yellow, blue, and red. She was hit in the stomach, and shoulder. A few had landed at her feet, and one had gone a little too high, gurgled ominously, and then fell right on top of her head.

In short, she was soaked. What's more, she had not had her full uniform on. She was wearing the dark skirt, knee socks, black boots, and the stiff, white, cotton shirt. White cotton and water balloons do _not_ mix, even when a girl is eleven and so positively flat that she doesn't even need a bra.

"SIRIUS CANIS BLACK! I'M GOING TO WRING YOUR NECK!" She clenched her fists and came charging up the stairs.

Sirius, who was beside himself with raucous laughter, leapt off like a gazelle. _The look on her face . . ._ As soon as Ly made it off the stairs she was just a few strides behind him the entire way, screaming profanities and threats, which only served to make him laugh harder. He collapsed on a couch once in the common, completely forgetting about his pursuer.

Said pursuer lunged on top of him where he half laid, half sat and twisted his ear. "What kind of welcome is that? Soaking me to the bone! It's _winter_, do you want me dead?"

"Ah-ah! That smarts, Ly! I just thought it'd be _fun_, and I was right!"

"Fun indeed," she slapped his cheek lightly and then stood up.

She wrung her ponytail out over his lap, did the same with her skirt, and then walked off muttering.

"You got me wet!" Sirius yelled when he got over the brief shock of cold water.

"So did you!" She called from the stairs.

James and Remus seemed to think it was hilarious.

"Yeah, yeah. Shut up, you cads. I have to go change now too."

"Serves you right." Remus smiled. "I'm just surprised she didn't kill you."

"She might just want to have on some dry clothes before she does." James smirked.

Sirius glared at them and retreated to their dorm to change muttering.

(Ly's POV)

By the next evening Lycaon knew something wasn't quite right. Sirius had told her that Remus arrived just a little before she did, and Remus had looked very, very sick, but James seemed less eager to discuss it than normal.

"James, I don't like this." She said as they sat in the dorm.

"Me neither." He looked at the chess pieces.

Lycaon wasn't good at chess, but she would play it in order to have these discussions. Sirius had grabbed Remus and decided to raid the kitchens because he found it 'depressing to see her lose over and over again.' _Predictable_.

"Did you see him wince when Sirius slapped him on the back?" She was frowning at James.

"No."

"What do you mean, 'no'? Even Sirius saw it! Merlin's sake, James: Sirius wouldn't notice a flood until he was drowning in it."

"I guess I just wasn't paying attention."

Then she noticed he was squeezing his fist as though to pop his knuckles. "You know something, don't you?" She felt the realization dawn on her.

"What?" James tried to look smooth, but his eyes and his nervous squeezing gave him away.

"You talked to him, didn't you? Did he say anything?"

"Look, Ly-"

"His mother's not really sick, is she?" Ly was leaning forward.

"Not exactly . . . look, I can't tell you." James looked increasingly uncomfortable.

"Yes, you can." She was in his face, staring him down. "You can, and you will."

"I promised!"

"I'm his friend, too, James! I have _every_ right to know whatever you know!"

"But I _promised_ I wouldn't tell you! It's not easy for him to . . . to go through this!"

"At least give me a hint, James." She frowned, grabbing his wrist. "You know I'm worried about him! What's the worst it could be?"

"You can't let him know that I even gave you the hint. . ."

"I won't." She assured him.

"Then . . . I CAN'T DO IT!"

"Tell. Me." She tightened her grip on James' arm.

"I'm not telling you when you do that!"

She threw up her arms, "Just tell me!"

"Think about when he's been gone." James said, irritated. "Just go back and look at all the times he's been gone."

"What kind of clue is that?" Lycaon frowned.

"A good one." James stuck out his tongue.

She rolled her eyes. "Prat."

(James' POV o-o)

James rolled in his bed several, several times but his damned pajamas still felt as though they were strangling him. _It's because I as good as told Ly!_ He frowned, finally resolving to strip down to just his pants. _She'll have it figured out before this time tomorrow night, and she hasn't even set to it yet. Blast it, I promised I wouldn't tell!_ He kicked off his blankets. _But this is Lycaon. She'd never rat me out_. The thought soothed him a little. _Of course not. Ly is a better friend then that. Well, at least I'm safe in that aspect. _

_Oh who am I kidding? I'm still going to burn in Hell! _

_Remus trusted me! He trusted me with everything . . . Everything. Oh God, I doubt even the teachers know all of what I know. Does Dumbledore? I mean, they have to know that he's a werewolf but . . . do they know about his family? That's a little frightening. I mean, his own parents? But he . . . where does he go? Does he stay on grounds? I know it can't be in the castle. I guess I'll have to ask_ He sighed. _I really am in a shite position._

(Ly's POV)

A piece of parchment, a quill, and a bottle of ink were the only company Ly really had. She had slipped out early this morning and begun to scratch down the dates she could remember Remus being gone.

"So, end of December, slash, beginning of January . . . beginning of December, slash end of November . . . beginning of November . . . beginning of October . . . beginning of September . . . strange. It's got such a pattern." Lycaon frowned at the yellowish paper and the drying black scrawl. "James said to think about just when he'd been gone. . ." She began to tap her quill, blotting the parchment. "I'll just get one of those books that say everything happening on that day. Maybe he leaves on obscure international holidays . . ."

She walked over towards the almanac section and pulled out a 'Current Events: New Version Includes Controversial Late-February Dates' and flipped through, starting on the September dates. _If I can just find something that they all have in common . . ._ She skimmed down the page. _Births . . ._ she looked to the bottom of the next page. _Deaths . . ._ she flipped the page. _Astrology . . . Venus aligns with Saturn and Pluto enters the house of . . . no, not it. Astronomy . . . Full moon, Draco directly east of . . . I doubt it matters . . ._ She moved on, and found similar entries for all of the days. _Births, deaths, this is in that house, it's the Full moon, the stars are shifting about 1/2045th of a degree. Births, deaths, that is in this house, it's the Full moon, this constellation blah, blah, blah. Living, dead, astro-babble, Full moon, shifting of the sodding stars . . . _She shut the book loudly but luckily she was far away from Madame Pince.

_Wait a minute . . . yadda, yadda, Full moon . . . yadda, yadda, Full moon . . . Full moon . . . Full moon . . . **Full moon**_

She suddenly stood up, her chair falling back. The book fell on the table and she ran out of the library with the librarian screeching after.

"FULL MOON!" She bellowed and ran forward.

She had to talk to Remus.

At the common room she stopped and regained her wits. She stood facing the wall, beating it with the palm of her hands, and regulating her breathing. When she was as normal as she could be, she tartly told the portrait the password and was pleased to find that Remus had a head-cold and so didn't go with Sirius and James to prank on Snape. Or at least that's what he'd told them according to Amy.

"Hey, Rem." Lycaon sat down, smiling.

"Finally finish up in the Library?" He asked kindly, closing his book.

"Yes, actually, I have." She sat down on Remus' bed with her elbow on the footboard and her head on her palm. Remus gave her a 'what now?' look and she smiled again. "You thought you were very careful in keeping it from us, didn't you Rem? If anyone ever suspected that you didn't _actually_ have a sick mother then it would be mere moments for them to figure it out."

The boy in front of her was pale and his hands had begun to shake a little. "Don't tell."

"Of course not." She frowned. "Don't you trust me more than that, Rem?" Ly sat up and scooted towards him where he had begun to shake badly on the bed. "Remus . . . Remus, are you still with me?"

He nodded vaguely, but his eyes were misty. _Oh Godric . . . did he think I was going to rat him out? I shouldn't have come in here grinning like the Cheshire cat. I'm sure I seemed absolutely predatory._

"Rem . . . Rem ol' boy, it's okay. I swear it on my Grandfather's grave, I won't tell a soul." He looked at her with wide, but not quite frightened eyes. _Damn you, Rem . . . not even afraid of this. Not really._ "It's okay. You can't really think so little of me, can you? You're my _friend_, Remus. My best friend. I couldn't abandon you if I wanted to." Remus looked so _small_ as he sat there, biting his lip and staring at her. "Rem, what's the matter? What am I supposed to say to make you stop convulsing like that?"

"You mean it, don't you?" Remus was frowning now.

"Of course I mean it! I, Lycaon Saer, would not say such a thing unless I meant it."

Remus just smiled.

"You're like a brother to me, Rem." Ly sighed. She flopped down on her stomach on the bed. "I wish you _were_ my brother. I'd like my family far more that way."

"No . . . no you wouldn't." He said sadly.

"What are you talking about, of course I would. You'd be a _great_ big brother." She sat up.

"Lycaon . . ." Remus' voice was worn. "I killed my mother and father the first time I transformed. Do you know why they're dead? They're dead because the loved me. They refused to accept that I was an animal. But I _was_ an animal . . . I _am_. Ly, I'm _glad_ you're not my sister . . . if you were, you'd be dead, too." A tear or two escaped his eyes.

"Remus . . . you lump." She sighed, her brows creasing into a frown. "I may not be very maternal, but I'm maternal enough. Damned instincts . . . come here." She waved her hand and he scootched over just a little. She put her arms around his shoulders and leaned her head against his. "There, now my feminine duties are fulfilled."

"Lycaon?" He croaked.

"Yes, Rem?"

"You're crazy."

"You're welcome. And, just so you know, I'm adopting you."

"What?"

"I'm adopting you. You're now my honorary sibling. Brother to be exact. It's not fair that you shouldn't have much of a family." She nodded emphatically.

The feeling that Remus must be smiling suddenly came to Ly.

"Thank you." He said quietly

"You're welcome."

(Remus's POV)

Remus told Ly that she wasn't the first one to find out, but she didn't seem upset. A week later he told Sirius and Pete. Sirius had absolutely no problems with it ("Oh I'd _love_ to see my mother's face it she ever found out. Don't worry, Rem. She won't."), and Pete, after a minute or two, seemed unbothered. Or at least not _too_ bothered. It was mind-blowing to think that they actually didn't care.

Often Remus wondered what he had done to deserve such good friends.

Whenever he spoke with Lycaon about his lycanthrope, though, it seemed like her mind was going a thousand miles a minute. He dreaded to think what she might possibly be planning. One typically could leave outrageous ideas to Sirius, but Lycaon certainly had her share. Plus, Ly was the instigator. Alone, James and Sirius would be relatively harmless, but Ly insured that their grandest and most elaborate schemes were carried out.

Every now and then Rem remembered the night of the welcoming feast when he had supposed he was in for it, and every now and then he supposed he had been right.

January's schooling started off with the teachers telling them how well or how poorly they had done on their exams. As was only to be expected, Remus made excellent grades. Surprisingly, James, Sirius, and Lycaon did just as well. Apparently Lycaon had learned enough about human interaction to get by in Potions. It wasn't like she had ever been stupid, anyway. Peter had done an average job in most things, excellently in Herbology, and miserably in Potions. Lily Evans had perfect scores, and had earned numerous house points, which James, Sirius, and Ly had wasted no time in losing again. Eventually, however, it was another month of their carefree childhood that passed them by. And then there was February.

Valentines Day wasn't something that Remus had thought a lot about. A petition went around asking for a Valentine's Day ball. Simultaneously a petition went around protesting the consideration for a Valentine's Day ball.

The protestors ended up with at least two-hundred more signatures.

Remus was among those signing _against_ the addition of a ball, as had most of Hogwarts' male population. Who needed that sort of awkward situation more than once a year?

That, however, did not stop the usual flow of 'I love you', 'be my valentine', 'go out with me', and 'I hope you like these chocolates . . .'. Of all the Marauders, Lycaon was in highest contempt of this holiday. James was worked up over the perfect thing to get Lily Evans. He had made a complete fool of himself when congratulating Lily on her exam achievements. Remus didn't even want to think of all that had passed. He was too embarrassed by it. Peter seemed oblivious, and Sirius said there was a girl or two he expected to be asked out by before the end of the 14th. Remus didn't know what to think, so he resolved not to.

(Lycaon's POV)

Honestly, Lycaon remember very little of her Christmas vacation from the first several days, though, apparently, her parents and she had gotten in several fights. Also, she had begun to think more and more of a certain Sirius Black. The realization of this had been avoided for the entirety of January, but promptly surfaced with the awareness that Valentine's Day was nearly there.

_And that,_ Ly thought bitterly, _is why I'm up here about to tie—and my God save me—an **anonymous valentine** to the leg of a school owl to be delivered to none other than one of my closest friends, Sirius Black. Oh, may I be struck down for this . . ._ But she certainly couldn't turn to him during transfiguration and say "Guess what, Siri? I've started to develop more of a crush on you than I had before! Isn't that chipper?"

Compulsively, she took the note and read it over one last time.

_Sirius Black,_

_I couldn't say why if I tried, but I think I fancy you. I like your hair, and your eyes, and the way you don't care what punishment you get. You're brave. You'd try just about anything once, I think, and twice if it was exceptionally frowned upon. You're not like other boys. You're a nice change of pace. Maybe I change who you are once I start thinking of you, but even if I do, I fancy the you I have stuck in my head_.

_Oh, Lord . . . this is the stupidest sounding thing I've read since those love letters the boys got for Christmas_, but she'd had to phrase things differently than she normally would. It had to be that way unless she wanted him to realize 'Oy, this sounds like Ly!'. Also, she'd had to write painstakingly slowly in order to manufacture a neat, girlish script. Her regular handwriting was far too recognizable. She didn't doubt that Sirius would have plenty of admiring letters. She didn't doubt he blink, laugh, and move on to the next one.

"Who am I kidding? This is rubbish!" She ripped the letter to shreds, none containing more than a single word, and tossed them out the window. "I don't know what's gotten into me. Honestly, as though I could _possibly_ fancy Sirius seriously. It's just this Valentine's Day thing, that's all. It's just gone to my head." She shook said head and left the Owlery. _Stupid holiday, really_.

...

The 14th dawned with a small flurry as winter clung to the castle desperately, but by noon the sky was a calm gray. Before noon, however, there was breakfast, not to mention class or two. It was, after all, Monday. At breakfast, Valentines Day spirit was in the air. Someone had taken it upon themselves to lightly decorate the hall in pinks and reds . . .

It was _horrible_.

However, the staff seemed not to mind, and Dumbledore even seemed amused. There were several severe cases of blushing and stuttering, and the blushing seemed contagious. The owls brought the truly terrible stuff. Pink, red, lacy, and even perfumed valentines were brought to many a student, among them were the Marauders.

Sirius had the most. Owl after owl jostled to give him their sometimes simple, sometimes elaborate notes of admiration. All members of the group agreed that a few were definitely from older girls. Some were passed around to be laughed at, some were read aloud, and one particular letter made Sirius blush, cough, and stuff it into his robes before anyone but Ly could notice. All fifteen or so were anonymous, and one or two asked to meet up with him. He said vaguely that he might, which meant he almost definitely would.

James had approximately half as many as Sirius, but still considerably more than any of the other first years. He chuckled at them and then let Sirius proceed to recite them aloud in a very dramatic way. It had Lycaon in fits. Lycaon herself had, surprisingly, one note of her own. Apparently her constant trouble-making had put her in enough of a spotlight that one boy thought she was pretty. Remus blushed profusely when Lycaon snatched up a very lacey, very strongly perfumed, and very red valentine he had been _trying_ to hide. A certain, anonymous someone found him to be 'cute' and 'so sweet'.

Ly didn't _say_ anything, but she had a sneaking suspicion it was Amy.

Peter didn't have any valentines, but he insisted that it didn't matter. Lily, he pointed out, didn't seem to have any valentines either.

"Not yet." James grinned idiotically. Before anyone could tell him what a bad idea it had to be, he was standing there as the green-eyed red-head gave him a mild look. "Lily . . ." He seemed to have practiced his lines because he wasn't half as flustered as he normally was when talking to the girl of his dreams. "Lily . . . I have a gift for you." He looked away as he proffered a small heart-shaped box, presumably of chocolates. "You'll go out with me, won't you?"

Several dozen students were watching.

Her head tilted to one side, her brow wrinkled and the corners of her mouth pulling up slightly. "Of course not. Why would I do that?" She appeared genuinely amused. "Thank you for the chocolates, though."

Looking entirely dazed, James sat back down. Sirius gave him a hearty pat on the back and munched away on some chocolates that he had gotten.

_Better luck next time, James old boy;_ Lycaon smiled as she thumbed at the corner of her single valentine.

* * *

Author's Note: gasp: What will happen next?

Alright, I hope you guys like this. My sister enjoyed reading it over my shoulder. I'm a little wonky because this is Tuesday evening of the fourth week of school (I _really_ had to think to remember what week it was). After one week I felt I was already dying. Normally, I don't mind school too much. Normally, I believe that a quality education is necessary. This year, not so much.

I'm sorry about the lateness of this chapter but, hey, I'm in highschool now and that's how the cookie crumbles

Now let's see, let's see, where do I send my lovelies while they wait? Hmm, go see some works by Cynthia Voigt or something . . . For fan fics maybe 'Obsidian Rhapsody' or 'Pigtails', just be warned both are slash!

Another time, Loves!


	11. Ever More Amazing

DISCLAIMER: Not mine

Author's Note:sobs: Alack, alack! Alack the day! I have been remov'd from some stranger's list of favourites:blinks and drops the Shakespearean prose: Everyone needs to listen to 'Sirius' by Alan Parsons Project! All right, so I'm nearly through the first year. God yes. I can guarantee you that we will reach the end of the second year in far less than 22 chapters(before compression). Just compare the length of the first chapters to that of the more recent ones. Do you know what I just realized? I've passed the one-year anniversary without so much as a special notice! I feel so ashamed. Oh, and congrads to ILUVRONWEASLEY, my close friend, for helping me reach 100 reviews.

* * *

The Zinnia Blooms--Ever More Amazing

* * *

Remus was killing himself with his stupid study habits. Sirius didn't see what the fuss was about. He and James lounged around, as did Ly, insisting that it was all in the attic already. They'd had enough tests, what was the big deal with finals? It was still only mid-April anyway. Peter, too, seemed very upset. That, though, Sirius could understand. It'd be a miracle if Pete didn't have to take any first year classes again; but Remus patiently tutored Peter, and Sirius had heard him tell Ly that he felt like he understood it a lot better after he explained it to Pete. Those two still spent a lot of time together, just them, but Sirius didn't pay much mind to it. He and James still spent a lot of time together, just them, too. It was good that Rem had someone he could really talk to. Rem needed someone to talk to, what with his being a werewolf. Numerous times Sirius wondered if there wasn't anything they could do. If they _could_ do something, it'd be undeniably crazy, but what was the point of life if you didn't act a little crazy?

According to Mumsy Dearest _this_ week: honor. The latest prank on Snape had, apparently, not gone down well. Most of the time, his mum sent a stiff, cold letter, but certain cases tended to earn howlers. Now Sirius could add taping Snape to a wall, up-side down, as one of them. _Have to admit, though_, he thought to himself, scrubbing the dungeon floor with James and Ly beside him, _it was damned hilarious_. He chuckled at the memory of Snivelly's face going beet red. Besides, he'd nearly talked his way out of it this time. He was getting _awfully_ good at that. Kinnison, however, would give them detention for something no matter what Sirius said to redeem them.

"Something funny, Siri?" Lycaon smirked, her hands glistening just like his.

"Oh, just thinking about why we're in here," he grinned happily.

"It was worth it." James' face took on a dreamy look as his brush scratched softly against the stone.

"You miscreants shut your traps! I'm working in here!" The unpleasant Potions master bellowed from his office.

"Not testy, is he?" Ly whispered and rolled her eyes.

Sirius smiled at the floor, remembering her part. He remembered her walking up to James and he, smiling and holding a plan for simple way of first suspending Snivellus in the air so they could actually tape him to the wall. She had, of course, wheedled it out of Remus. Lycaon wasn't truly the mastermind, she wasn't normally the creative thinker, she wasn't the distraction or lackey, and she wasn't the careful planner, but she was the "now let's really do all of this instead of just getting it started". She knew how to get them on a roll and keep them to it whereas they might have drifted on without completing a project on their own. Plus, she _did_ come up with something crafty now and then, even _if_ Sirius felt that was mostly his job. So far, though, anything she'd come up had been at the very least a great laugh; the ink at Halloween had been the only waste of time. James rarely came up with anything. Peter only did that on _accident_. Remus refused to start it, but he'd help his friends . . . most of the time.

After a few moments of nothing but the soft sloshing of work, Lycaon spoke. "You know, I've been thinking."

"Oh no, what are we in for now?" James smirked.

"It's not anything like that." She scrubbed roughly. "It's about Rem."

"Do you have a crush on him, then?" Sirius asked casually.

"Ugh, you're worse than a _girl_, Sirius. No, I _don't_."

"So what is it?" He cocked his head to one side.

"I think I know a way we can help him."

Both of the boys froze, but she continued scrubbing.

"Well, you know how Rem told us McGonagall can turn into a cat, right? Because she's an animagus? Well, if werewolf bites don't affect animals, and people can turn into animals by will . . . what's stopping us?" She rushed on with her proposition before they interrupted. "It'd be hard, it'd be dangerous, and it'd be illegal, but I think we can do it. If just one of us was big enough to hold him off . . . you don't know how much it would help." Her scrubbing slowed and she looked sad. "I've talked to Remus—not about becoming animagi, but about what it's like during the full moons. Do you know part of the reason he tears himself up out there?" Lycaon stopped scrubbing and looked up at the two boys who said nothing. "It's because there's nothing out there to steady him. He's in that stupid shack where nothing's familiar except a little dried blood McGonagall never sees so never cleans. If _we_ were there, though, then at least he'd beat us up and not himself. I think I'd rather he roughed me up a little than see him come back the way he does." She watched them evenly, as though she expected them to tell her it was stupid.

"I think you're right, Ly. We're clever enough. It'll be no problem. Besides, I want to help Remus, too." James nodded solemnly.

"Well, bugger, I can't let you two have _all_ the fun can I? Dangerous, illegal . . . what more could I ask for? One for all, and all for one, right?" Sirius grinned at his friends who grinned back.

"I CAN'T HEAR WHAT YOU'RE SAYING, BUT I KNOW YOU'RE TALKING! GET TO WORK!" Professor Kinnison yelled.

All three rolled their eyes, sneered at the door, and/or outright flipped it off before returning to the detention work.

Sirius and the others had decided to tell Peter during the next full moon so Remus definitely wouldn't overhear. In the mean time, Ly was researching her heart out. Well, as much as you can research your heart out without your best mate noticing, anyway.

Sirius liked the way things were going, though. He figured he'd like to be a bear. Or maybe . . . Maybe a lion. Yeah, that'd be cool. Course, with his luck he'd end up as a bloody rabbit or something. From what Lycaon said, though, your animagus form represented not just your present but your future, too. She said that Sprague something-or-other had written a whole book about the symbolism and foreshadowing that was in your Animagus form.

Sometimes, Lycaon got the weirdest glint in her eyes about books.

Normally she had a dull glint in her eyes, but, Merlin, did it ever flare up when it came to pranks and, occasionally, books. Worst of all was if she was calmly talking to someone else and then got that terrible glint the moment she turned to look at you. Frequently, James, Peter, Remus, and Sirius would fall prey to this only to have the most _unfortunate_ things happen to them later. All their boxers would be gone. They would wake up with their beds soiled and their hands in cups of now-cold water. Once Sirius' hair had been shorn on one side. Remus had the least of the incidents; Sirius had the most. Most of the time, they wouldn't even know what they had done. But none of them dared to talk to Ly about it. The thing was, at least in Sirius' mind, they had to sleep sooner or later, and then they were at her mercy. Quite frankly, the thought was enough to shut _him_ up.

It wasn't that Ly had ever done anything _horrible_ to any of them, because she hadn't. It wasn't even that she'd _threatened_ to do horrible things to them, though she had. It was more that Ly had the characteristics that made up a very dangerous person: brave, spontaneous, passionate, and clever. Not to mention just a little unbalanced. Call him crazy, but it just gave Sirius the feeling that it was better not to chance it, even if people said that cowardice was more dangerous than bravery. The way Sirius saw it, cowardice would get cornered and instinctively kill you; but bravery would stand up so strong you'd have to be the killer, the filth.

(Lycaon's POV)

Library. Hit the books. Look something up. Read. Yes, that's what Lycaon's life seemed to be made up of. If she wasn't reading, she was thinking of a way she could leave inconspicuously so that she _could_ read. Remus had been good at keeping his secrets from them, and she reasoned that he would be good at seeing theirs. Especially now that he wasn't preoccupied with lying his head off. Surprisingly, he just seemed so relieved that he was open to them now he was uncharacteristically thick about their activities. It seemed he was always happily swishing his wand or reading. She trusted that it wouldn't last and so crammed in as much research as she could while he resumed their map with a new fervor.

Becoming an animagi, she found, was complex. There were five different methods—though several seemed similar—and even the shortest had three stages. The lengthiest, she decided after reading over it, was for narcissistic people with nothing to do with themselves and too much worry about prestige. She was learning more and more, though. Being so isolated from other real wizarding families, Ly had never heard about animagi, really. Having never heard of them, she had no idea when she first made her proposition how rare they were. _Now_ she did, but that was half the fun. In some aspects, she and Sirius thought in frighteningly similar ways. She might not sit around chatting with Sirius the way she did with Remus, but she was somehow still close to him . . . Oh, who knew! Maybe she was imagining it.

The thought of McGonagall's face if she ever found out about their latest misdeed was priceless. Nostrils flared and white, eyebrows disappearing into her hairline, lips so tight they would make a pale and perfect line . . . yes, Lycaon had seen similar expressions on the woman's face. Especially the time . . . well, it's not dreadfully important. Ultimately, Ly decided on the three stage method to becoming animagi. There were several very logical reasons: 1) It could be worked on over the summer 2) They wouldn't have to wait on some silly potion to jumpstart it 3) It was the cheapest.

It was still hard, but it consisted entirely of 'soul searching' and your own stores of magic. Since she doubted any of them would be done with the second stage this summer, there was no risk of violation of the 'no magic' restriction. Of course this particular method was a little _under wraps_. It required such openness—which so many people lacked—that some scholars considered it a complete hoax. Actually, the whole ordeal bordered on dark divination which, in itself, was joke amongst wizarding scholars.

She'd _never_ tell James or Sirius that, though, because they'd have absolute conniptions. The very word 'dark' when in context with magic was enough to send them into fits of uncontrollable rage. That, she supposed, was why they were able to go after Snape with such fervor. She had no such excuse—just a lot of pent up energy.

_This animagi business, though, should be easy for us. _Lycaon sat in the library, calmly scribbling down a few side-notes. _The lot of us would be shocked if we weren't invincible. Kids like us just don't **have** walls like that_. She flipped the page. _Maybe it's a deficiency . . . this nothing-to-lose attitude of ours_.

...

Telling Pete had gone over well. They had told him the first night that Remus had gone to 'visit his mother' of their plans. Of course, they allowed him to think that James and Sirius had just found out so he wouldn't feel left out. He had, as usual, been a little hesitant; but he had, also as usual, gone along with it, because, under all that shyness, he felt the same as the rest of them. Ly could read him like a book.

The funniest thing was that he wasn't as afraid of the possible consequences as he was of not being able to do it. People outside the Marauders might find it hard to believe, but Peter wasn't really a coward: he just lacked faith in himself. However much faith he lacked in himself, though, he made up for in his faith in his friends. He believed in them.

As Lycaon settled into her bed the night before Remus' return she was still thinking actively_. Madame Pompfrey told him she wanted to try something to help him so maybe he won't be as hurt . . . whether he is or not we should still wait until Saturday . . . Pompfrey probably won't let him back until that morning anyway_. She rolled over. _We can just sit up in the dorm and tell him. I'll take my notes for him to look at. I guess **I**__should break it to him since I thought it up . . ._ She smiled. _He's going to tell us not to, but there's **no way** I'm going to forget about it_.

(Remus' POV)

Remus sighed out the password to the Fat Lady and trudged into the commons. His ears were ringing, and his whole body ached despite—and maybe even because of—numerous potions after a very rough two nights of full moons. Since he'd told the gang in January his transformations had been blessedly easy. Well, about as easy as turning into a wolf and gnawing on yourself for sheer insanity can be. He'd noticed that there didn't seem to be as much vile liquid to swallow. He was actually fully conscious when McGonagall came to fetch him. He had been beginning to hope that maybe, just _maybe_, his transformations would one day be bearable.

And then there had been _April's_ Nightmare.

Remus didn't even _remember_ being woken after the first night. Everything was foggy he had the distinct feeling he had been in a stupor during all of Thursday's daylight hours. Then, he had sudden and sharp awareness of the second night, which was both horrifying and unheard-of. He'd been crying and trying to get the taste of blood out of his mouth when McGonagall came. No one could figure out the sudden relapse when things were looking so good. Madame Pompfrey had even decided not to risk the new sedative so that _couldn't_ be it. And Remus' voice was changing to boot. Lycaon and Amy had had an especially good laugh at that one.

"Oy! Bloody hell, Rem. You've got a face like a wet weekend!" Sirius jumped up and started leading him to the dorm.

Remus just gave him a mournful look and muttered "No kidding."

Sirius laughed in a way that suggested home. "That's okay, you rest up. Me and the others won't bother your for a while. Lily's giving us a lecture so you're not missing out on much."

"James must be in heaven." Remus smiled, still tired.

"Oh, absolutely!" Sirius replied animatedly as he opened the door. "All right," he sat Remus down on the bed, "I've got to get _my_ sexy arse back downstairs before the _lovely_ Miss Evans misses me. Or Crystal for that matter. She's quite pretty, don't you think? Anyway, I'll see _you_ later, mate." Sirius winked with a careless charm Remus could only wish he had and then was gone.

Remus continued to smile as he lay back on his bed. As everything seeped into the dark behind his eyelids he thought privately that, if he had to come back from a full moon feeling like . . . well . . . shit, then he'd rather come back to the Marauders than anyone else.

(Ly's POV)

Lycaon noted certain awareness in Remus the day after his return. He had slept like a log all evening and up until James stupidly jumped on him in the morning. Ly gladly chewed him out, citing the fact that Remus had numerous bruises. Remus had smiled tolerantly and insisted they weren't that bad. He chided Ly for putting glue in Snape's chair in class, and spoke pleasantly with Amy, whom he really _had_ been neglecting for a while. Also, he made a wonderful joke of himself in DADA when his voice cracked in the middle of answering a question. Everyone laughed, but in the end it would be the girls laughing. The boys would all get theirs. Of course so would the girls . . . At any rate, he was back to himself. 'Now art thou sociable; now art thou Romeo.' Or, in this case, Remus.

It was quite a relief that at least he had waited until she had finished with her research. It was also quite a relief to have her clever confidant back. Life just wasn't the _same_ when Remus couldn't keep up with her. It was horrible, just like if suddenly Sirius was a fraction as reckless as she and James was a fraction as honorable. Indeed, she expected Remus to be as if not more clever than she. She expected Sirius to be as and almost certainly _more_ reckless than she. She expected James to be as, but not _much_ more, honorable as she. And Peter she indefinitely expected to be more sheltered and naive than _any_ of them. Sometimes, when she thought too much, it seemed as though he, more than anyone, was a remaining beam of wholesomeness that should always be there.

When she got on this train of thought she knew several truths in their entirety. James, Peter, Sirius, and Remus retained an idealistic and innocent quality that was entirely pure and soft. In part, she retained it as well, but not as much as they. If they had something she didn't it was this. Peter had the unblemished innocence of a sheltered childhood. James had the lofty morals and soft compassion of a loving family. Sirius had the carelessness, creativity, and goodness only cultivated under stiff oppression and cold tyranny of immorality with only a brief stretch of warmth and decency here or there. Remus—however close he might have been to her and her scenario—was born to be like Peter or James and, raised as such for the beginning of his life, and could not violate that afterwards. He was the good island whose climate shifted and, though still good itself, was beaten around the edges to despair by the hate of a society.

What was she? What was Ly among this integrity and strength? Lycaon was embittered. She was born into a life with parents who _almost_ knew what they were doing. Her climate shifted and she was tortured not monthly by something that didn't know what it was doing, but weekly at least by other thinking human beings who _enjoyed_ making her hurt. In such a state one becomes strong, to a degree; one becomes fearless, to a degree; one also has their rose-colored glasses ripped from them and smashed into the ground, to 358 degrees. So among unintentional piety what was she? She was a dreamer pushed into the thorns and trying very hard to rid herself of the pain that made it very difficult to be what she knew she very much should be. What her aunt and even her mother tried to help her be.

But then she was losing track of the point. She was supposed to be collecting thoughts in a sensible pattern to explain this plan of hers, not explaining the virtues of the Marauders to herself.

By the time she was settled on Remus' bed next to him after supper, she had it. Suddenly, though, she felt nervous. Why did proposing something always make her _nervous_? Gryffindors _weren't_ afraid of silly things like that.

"I bet Rem can't guess what I've been thinking of . . ." She smiled, masking any misgivings in her self.

"Did you think up something else to do to Snape?" He asked in a voice that would have been stern if it hadn't broken in the middle of 'Snape'.

"Oh, well I have now; but, no, that wasn't what I was thinking of."

"Is it crazy?" Remus went on lazily.

"Yes."

"Is it going to be fun?"

"Maybe."

"Is it against the rules?"

"Definitely."

"Just tell me what it is that we're going to risk life or limb over." He sighed.

"No, you have to guess." Ly's reply was met with nods from the others.

"Hey, do these nuts know, too?" Remus asked and was answered by a nod. "So I'm the only one left out?" Another nod. "Fine, can I at least have a clue?"

"Animagi."

"Are we going to pull something on McGonagall?"

"You dork!" Sirius burst out, his impatience getting the better of him. "We're going to _become_ animagi!"

"Sirius, you prick! Remus was supposed to _guess_!" Ly threw a pillow at him but couldn't help smiling for some reason.

"Why do you guys want us to become animagi?" Remus frowned.

"Silly, silly Rem! We only want _us_ to become animagi, though I suppose you can try, too, if you want. The thing is, though, we're doing it so that we can go to the Shrieking Shack with you on full moons."

"_What_! Are you crazy? I-I'll rip you up! What if you guys mess up and get stuck half animal or something? Besides, it's illegal! No. _No_. I _refuse_ to let you do it." Remus was on his feet, pacing; and his voice had broken several, several times.

"Remus, calm down!" Lycaon stood up before anyone else could do anything and shoved him onto back so that he fell onto his bed. "We're bloody doing it, and that's final! We're tired of seeing you come back like you did yesterday. _I'm_ tired of seeing you come back like you did yesterday! I'm tired of bruises, and abrasions, and lacerations!"

Her voice was too loud and her eyes were too hot, but she couldn't clam up and she _really_ didn't want to cry. She normally didn't cry in situations like this and the acknowledgement of that only madder her more frustrated.

"I'm sick of that horrible, martyred look in your eyes! I'm horrified that one day Pompfrey won't be able to do anything! I won't—we won't—allow you to try and do this alone. We won't sit on the sidelines anymore." She took steadying breath and clenched her hands into fists against violent shaking as silence settled.

"I second that motion." James spoke quietly.

"Me, too." Sirius answered solemnly, his eyes thunderstorms.

"Me three." Peter smiled weakly.

Remus looked down at his lap and then up with a smile. "Well what can I say?" No one answered; he continued smiling then leaned back. "I guess it's a good thing I finished the map."

"What!" Sirius yelped.

"Explain." James frowned and made a 'keep going' motion with his hands.

"Well . . ." Remus looked away, "Amy kind of knows this seventh year through some friends and family, and, well . . . I met him through her and he helped." Sirius' face began to contort. "And he's reliable. I swear he won't tell a word. I told him how to get into the kitchens—that's how I got him to help. I hope you don't mind."

"Wait a minute; there's a hitch here." James frowned.

"Yeah, when did you have time to meet up with this seventh year?" Lycaon was now sitting on Remus' bed, too.

"Well, I told him I wanted it to be a secret . . ." Remus blushed a little. "So we agreed to meet up early."

Lycaon shook her head. Here she'd thought she was _observant_. "You, _Remus Lupin_, are too good at deceiving us for your own good."

"Hey," James grinned, "can we take a look at it?

"Is it good?" Peter asked, trotting over.

"I'll get it out." Remus smiled and began digging through the bag he had sitting on the floor. Soon he pulled out a thickly folded rectangle of parchment which he unfolded partially. "Edric, that's the one who helped me, suggested that we use a password. That way, if we ever get caught they won't take it because they won't be able to see the map. We added a lot of things like that. That's the only reason it's taken a while." He pulled out his wand while Ly and the others watched in awed silence. "All you do is point to it and say 'I solemnly swear I am up to no good'," he did so, "and it does this."

Black lines sprawled like a thick web over the entire paper as it was unfolded. Numerous little dots with tiny names attached went everywhere in the castle and the ancient groundskeeper with his groundskeeper-in-training could be seen on the surrounding areas. There were even two little lines by the Whomping Willow.

"Did he notice the passage?" Ly asked instantly.

"No, we used a spell to put everything on here so it's not like he paid attention to every detail. He wouldn't know how not to get killed anyway." Remus shrugged, obviously not worried.

"Merlin, Rem, this is good!" Sirius leaned over, his hair falling like a black curtain on the side he hadn't tucked it behind his ear. _Why do I notice **that**?_

"Thanks," a blush spread on Remus' cheeks at the praise that made Ly smile. His modesty was amazing. "Oh, there's more!" He shifted. "When you're done you say 'Mischief managed', and then . . . well, I'll show you." The ink faded away almost instantly. Carefully he cleared his throat. "Show me the map." He commanded carelessly.

Black letters began to seep up through the paper as though freshly scrawled in ink. Ly grinned, recognizing her own handwriting.

"_L wonders why L should do that or indeed if you're certain there **is** a map."_

"'L'?" Ly asked, raising one brow.

"Well I couldn't use our names." Remus blushed and then pointed to the map on which another note was appearing.

"_J would like records to show that he seconds this,"_ James' handwriting popped up, _"and says also that that was very, sadly weak for a command._"

"_R feels the necessity to take this opportunity to point out that it is impolite to attempt to command strangers_." Remus' own, thin font unfurled.

"_S would like to demonstrate his horror that the remark in question can even be called a 'command'."_

"_P advises that you give up at this point. P also feels that it is useless to try another tactic, you loaf._"

Ly chuckled, as did the others.

"I think we ought to think up clever nicknames." Sirius said languidly, the way he said anything he'd just thought up.

"Like what?" James frowned.

"Funny ones. When we know what our animagus form we can base them on that. And we should be Misters and one Miss, since we insult people so . . ." He adopted an aristocratic air, "snootily."

"Won't that make it kind of obvious, though, that we're behind it?" Remus asked thoughtfully.

Sirius simply laughed. "They can't prove a thing. I can get us out of that bind no problem." He flashed his worrying friend a charming grin and wink.

Peter laughed. "You _are_ good at that."

Ly spoke to suffocate the girlish feeling in her at Sirius' actions. "So what'll we call Rem?" She looked at Remus. "You're not going to become an animagus are you?"

As Remus shook his head Sirius was smiling. "That's easy. Rem is going to be Moony."

Ly felt a grin spread over her face.

"That's _perfect_!" James exclaimed.

"It fits." Peter let out a short chuckle.

Remus looked at his friends with the corners of his lips turned up. "Well, who can argue? I guess I'm Moony."

"Alright moooon-ny . . ." Ly smiled. "So, I think it's only natural that we do a little something with that lovely map."

Lights went on in the others' eyes and all the world was beautiful and sweet again.

"We haven't gone to the Forbidden Forest in a while. I think we ought to go have some fun. This deserves some celebration!" The more Ly talked the more elaborately she wanted to plan.

"I say we go all out: kitchens, pranking, _and_ the woods." Sirius jumped in, speaking Lycaon's thoughts exactly.

"We can go to the kitchens, cause a little mischief, and then go to the woods for a while."James nodded happily.

"Oh, this is going to be great!" Peter grinned.

"What do _you_ think, Re-I mean, Moony?" James asked his friend.

For a moment Remus sat there very calmly and the rest of the Marauders were silent.

"HAHAHAHAHAAA!" Moony was rolling around on the bed.

Ly felt her face tug into a confused expression. "What the hell?" She asked laughingly, mostly of Sirius.

He smiled in a way oddly describable as 'cute' and laughed out "I have no bloody idea!"

"Ha! Mm, heh . . . woo, Merlin, you four are the best. I bet no other person in this school has his friends decide to become Animagi, call him Moony, _and_ sneak out in one night." Remus grinned.

"Ah, you're just _lucky_ Rem!" Sirius' mouth stretched warmly as he threw an arm over Remus' shoulder.

"At least I don't have Potions to nod off in tomorrow . . ." He replied.

"That's the spirit, Moony!" James said heartily. "Now, Ly, you know when to meet us down in the common . . ."

...

After hitting the kitchens at around midnight and filling up for the night ahead, they wandered around with the invisibility cloak tucked underarm, relying on the map. Ly was beginning to feel as though it might be necessary to thank this Edric fellow. Potions had been particularly miserable that day and Sirius suggested they pay a special visit to their _favorite_ classroom. Cleverly, they had brought along paint, glue, tape, and their wands: more than enough for vandalism.

"Yellow." James said with a light frown as he looked at the paint. "Why is it yellow?"

"Because yellow is bright. That's why." Ly rolled her eyes and set down the little bucket.

"Oh." James said, then took a big brush and started painting.

"So, so brilliant, James." Sirius smiled mockingly as he painted.

"You hush." James said with a grin then flicked his brush at Sirius, splattering the robes of the other boy.

"I _know_ you didn't just do that!" Sirius whispered harshly as the others chuckled.

"I know I _did_." James grinned.

"You think you're so cute, Potter . . ." Siri smirked and then quickly brushed a thick yellow line across James' cheek. "En guard, villain!" He held the brush like a sword and took the stance of a fencer, as though he knew it. _Does he?_ Ly wondered as she watched.

"I am for you!" James cried as best he could while still whispering. He mimicked Sirius' stance, but more clumsily, and dove at his friend.

"Come on, you're going to get us caught." Remus said sensibly.

"No way," Sirius replied quietly from the paintbrush brawl that threatened to completely cover both 'sword' hands with yellow.

Ly watched amusedly as yellow somehow managed to get on the floor and walls anyway. "Just keep an eye on the map, Pete."

"Have at thee!" Sirius lunged forward and slashed yellow all across James' chest.

"Vile fiend!" James grinned, delighted, attempting to paint Sirius' shoulder but in a pathetic failure instead painted Ly's.

"I shall smite thee for thy profane against my self!" She said indignantly. Her own brush was brought away from the wall and across James' stomach.

"Alas, I am dead!" He grinned and was about to say more but Peter interrupted.

"Filch! Filch is coming! He just walked out of a passage!"

"Damn it!" Sirius let out and Ly whirled around to see that her paint-covered friend had been ready to attack her.

"Can't we just close the door?" James asked.

"James, the smell of paint is flooding the hall." Moony whispered.

"How far is he, Pete?" Ly asked.

"Ooh . . . he's one hall away." Peter was dancing nervously where he stood.

"Everyone outside already!" Sirius prompted as though their stupidity was amazing.

"Our shoes are covered in paint." Lycaon pointed out.

"Take them off!" Remus said quickly. "We'll take them off!"

"We really need to go; he's _really_ close to turning the corner!"

"Let's go!" James commanded.

Nodding, they all hurried out, all but Peter with painting supplies in their arms. They were whipping off shoes awkwardly as they attempted not to break pace and reaching seemingly hopelessly for the passage behind the tapestry from whence they came. Remus held the thing aside with one knee on the ledge of real wall while James and Sirius vaulted through what only looked like a solid wall and heaved Ly up behind them.

"Get in!" Peter told Remus in the same heartbeat. Before Remus could protest he was shoved forward, his position allowing the disembodied hands to pull him all the way into safety as Peter shoved the map and his shoes in too, not a moment too soon.

In horror the Marauders watched through the wall, unseen, as Pete pretend to be walking idly just before the caretaker's voice barked out.

"What's this? Curfew 'as three hours ago!"

"I know." Peter said as though surprised, turning around abashedly.

_Oh, God . . ._ Ly held her breath, _Pete's going to eat the spell for us!_ She was just glad he hadn't come into contact with the paint; paint that _she_ was covered in from when Remus was shoved through as well as from during the fight.

"What are you doing out?" Filch sneered, his beady eyes looking Peter over suspiciously.

"I couldn't sleep." He looked down as though ashamed. "I decided I'd go walk."

Peter being Peter and so not the least bit devious-looking, Filch believed him.

"Come with me. Ignoring the curfew is worth a detention, I say. You'll be polishin' the trophies. By hand." The caretaker told him smugly.

Lycaon knew instantly she wouldn't allow him to suffer, the whole corridor tensed, and she gathered that the others had decided the same. They watched the two leave their range of vision and then they watched Filch's dot lead Peter's dot towards the Trophy room by the light of enchanted torches. They all looked up and nodded. As they stood, Sirius grabbed a torch.

"Put that back, you goof." Ly rolled her eyes with a small smile.

"Aww . . ." Sirius whined as he put the thing where it rightfully belonged.

Again, Ly rolled her eyes.

The lot of them followed Filch and Pete, at a safe distance of course, until they reached Trophy room. The Marauders, minus one, sat outside in the hall, holding their shoes and listening. Ly personally vowed to avoid being drenched in paint for the rest of her life. Oddly enough, Sirius seemed the least bothered by it.

"Here," there was the sound of cloth landing on the stone floor. "Use this ta polish all o' these. I'll check on ya in an hour an' if I dun like the way your polishin' 'em, you'll get ta do it ag'in, so do it right the first time ya brat. I dun want ta have ta be 'ere all night."

"Yes, Sir." Peter's voice answered.

"Good." Filch said as a meow sounded from the decrepit old cat—Miss Fluff, of all the god-forsaken names—he had brought to Hogwarts with him.

When the caretaker and his wretched beast left the Marauders entered the Trophy room to find Peter actually taking down a trophy.

"What in Merlin's name _are_ you doing?" Ly asked incredulously before she could help herself.

"You didn't seriously think we'd let you suffer through a detention after you saved our hind-ends like that did you?" James put his fists to his hips.

"Of course not!" Peter said, blushing madly.

"I suggest you put the trophy back up." Remus said sagely.

"But how are we going to get me out of detention?" Pete asked, doing as he was bid.

"Simply," Sirius replied from where he paced in front of the numerous awards. "We're going to walk out," he spun around and pointed from whence they came, "that doorway." He smiled at all of them. "_That_ barmy old codger won't even be able to say who Pete was. I'd surprised if he could tell one end of a wand from another."

"Let's go," Remus suggested lightly.

"Yeah, let's get to the Forbidden Forest already!" James grinned.

"No way!" Sirius objected. "I intend to give an extra special surprise to those _dear_ Slytherins. Now unfold that map and lead us to the entrance of the Slytherin common! Rat bastards would never _dream_ a bunch of first years'd know how to get to them."

...

After setting a very simple but very effective sticking charm in front of the Slytherin common, the Marauders found themselves in Forbidden Forest shortly.

They tramped happily through the underbrush with Sirius singing 'the ants go marching' comedically all along the way to their usual clearing. _Really, it's **our** clearing_. By the time the five entered the clearing roughly the size of the boys' dorm Sirius had gone up to ten-by-ten approximately four times. Even so they weren't very far into the forest and, as far as Ly could tell, they never had been nor would they ever be.

"I swear, Sirius," James emerged from the trees, "one of these days your singing is going to get the lot of us mauled by something or other."

"I'm hurt, Jamie-kins!" Sirius put his hand over his heart dramatically.

"Now what shall we do tonight?" Ly looked around at the others.

"Mmm . . . Let's play . . . tag." Sirius said in his languid way. "I'll be it." At this he smiled in a way that seemed to reflect every ounce of his upbringing, positive _and_ negative.

"Okay," James eyed him as though instinctively catching something. "Count to ten."

They rest of them abided, but Ly wondered what was going on in Sirius' head. It wasn't often that one had to wonder about Sirius Black's mind, but when one did, one should worry.

All the same she wove through the underbrush along the edge of the clearing as Sirius' voice rang out numbers like a distant church bell. The moonlight pressed dimly against the canopy and Sirius called the final number. With that triumphant cry of 'ten!' pure anxiety rose in Lycaon's mind and her feet were taking her the opposite direction of the clearing before she could register her own impulse. Her lungs were screaming for her stop but a few more labored breaths and they were filling with air in a way they normally couldn't achieve. Her ponytail was quickly coming undone when she ran into Remus. Literally.

They ended up flat on their rear ends, staring each other in the face, and then laughing quietly. Until, of course, they heard a thrashing in the bushes behind them. Like a pair of startled birds they took flight, this time at an angle towards the clearing . . . from what Ly could tell.

Under a bright night sky Ly felt a rush of peace, running alongside her best friend, as though each knew exactly what the other was thinking. They reached a tiny clearing paces from _the_ clearing and stopped to rest. The two of them regulated their breathing but didn't talk. He was a werewolf and she used to be bullied on a regular basis: they knew better than to give themselves away with pointless noise. The wind made soft sounds in the leaves and Ly wondered how much more fun this might be in her animagus form.

As she stood there she saw the moonlight hit something as it moved, rolled, but almost as soon as she opened her mouth and drew in breath to sound alarm that alarm was reduced to a small yelp by Sirius as he crashed into her and drove her into the ground with a mighty war-cry. Luckily she had reflexes enough to stick her elbow out and divert most of the impact to her arm. As she hit the ground, however, James mirrored Sirius' action on Remus.

"Bloody Hell, Sirius, you could've made me break a rib like that!" She swatted at him, grinning ear to ear. "Get your fat arse, off me, you great lump!"

"Is my arse really that bad?" Sirius stood up and looked at his backside. "I really can't tell, can you, James?" He bent over slightly in front of James and Remus as they lay on the ground.

"Ugh, yes." James pushed him aside and rose.

"Aww, isn't my arse as nice as Lily-flower's, Jamie-kins?"

Lycaon rolled her eyes and got to her feet.

"'Lily-flower?'" James crossed his arms, a grin creeping into his expression.

"Why, yes. What better nickname for Lily Love-of-your-life Evans? Do you like it?" Sirius flipped his hair over his shoulder. Lycaon hadn't notice until now but it was rather longer than it had been at the beginning of the year. In fact, it now went two or three inches past his shoulders.

"You four," Peter stepped into the small clearing, "are so loud."

"Oh yes?" Sirius replied, very obviously in high spirits. "Well, you look quite miserable."

"My foot is wet." Peter answered wretchedly.

"How'd you manage that?" Remus frowned, having stood up some time ago.

"I stepped in a little creek somewhere back there." He gestured to the forest behind him.

"A creek!" Sirius barked out madly and grinned

"Ho, forth and to that creek!" James pointed heroically towards the direction one might assume the creek was.

_This is why I get up in the morning_, Ly smiled and let out a loud, warbling cry. _And may it wake the dead! They're missing out, anyway._

...

The next dawned with big smiles to give to the Marauders. Filch, Minerva, and Peyton were in absolute fits over their nighttime activities. Though, naturally, they hadn't a clue who'd done it. Filch was steaming because not only had a student flatly skipped out on a detention he had issued but he couldn't identify that student, who he rightly guessed had something to do with other acts of delinquency. Minerva was in an uproar because the delinquents were not only unable to be found but most likely from her house. Peyton, on the other hand, was livid because not only was his classroom yellow and filled with paint fumes, but several of his students had been stuck to the floor until shortly before lunch.

Minerva had stormed into her first class, coincidentally with the Marauders

"If I didn't know better, Mister Black, I might assume that you had something to do with this from the way you're laughing. If you don't want a detention you had best settle down." She had told Sirius _quite_ congenially.

To this Sirius had countered charmingly that he was very happy to see her this morning, too. Meanwhile, it had taken a class and a half for anyone to suggest that Peyton use a spell to remove the paint and a further half a class for someone to suggest he do something similar with the paint smell. Both unfortunate students had points taken from their houses.

The other professors, however, were either indifferent to or vaguely amused by the pranks. They were, they pointed out, perfectly harmless.

...

The days continued to drift on in yellow, green, and bright blue. Each one danced across the sky, daring to linger as though they had nowhere in particular they wanted be. The finals came on this type of days. The Marauders sat under a tree on the grounds after their last final. Ly sat with her back to the tree. James was in a similar position to her right. Remus sitting in front of him, going over test answers as though knowing them after the fact would improve his test scores. Peter was lying on his stomach with his elbows propping him up. Sirius was lying beside her staring into the green canopy and occasionally at foolish students who were trying to see who would go the closest to the Whomping Willow without bodily harm.

That had become a game in the spring. It was an understood rule that if you died you lost, but that had yet to happen. Ly supposed it was only a matter of time, though.

Many an afternoon was passed that way, and occasionally the Marauders would change positions. As the sun seeped through the thinner patches of leaves and made bright splotches on the grass Ly felt the need for this. More and more she felt those days become tenacious and desperate. Each day the sun seemed a little sweeter, as though it knew it would cease existing in her mind the day she left for the summer. _I used to like summer. The summer was safe. Why is it that the only place safe anymore is Hogwarts? Did the world really become so bad? Or did I simply never know? _

She wasn't the only one, though. Sirius, too, was desperately clinging to Hogwarts and the Marauders to brace him in the months to come. It felt to Ly that they were closer than ever in that final week, feeding off each others' needs for this little family they'd created by themselves. The truth of the matter was that for them this was the best family they knew, beyond the one or two relatives worth mentioning. More often than before, they would talk. Sirius had even begun teaching her how to actually play chess. It may have been a complete fiasco, but it was quite fun for all the Marauders.

When the end of year feast came the Marauders greeted it with open arms. The hall was decked in silver and green. The Slytherins had won both the house and Quidditch cups. Quite a few people had something to say about that.

During the middle of the meal, however, the Marauders said the most important thing about it without saying a word: a loud pop sounded and red and yellow smoke poured forth from the under the Slytherin table, causing a wide range of reactions from the Slytherins. Lucius Malfoy even fell rather ungracefully on his head while attempting to escape the smoke. Taking points from Gryffindor, the obvious culprits, only served to make the students laugh harder: what good was that? The year was over!

When the racket finally died down Dumbledore simply instructed them to continue with the meal with his eyes sparkling, and all complied. Some, naturally, were more amused than others.

...

Torturous hours were spent on the Hogwarts express as Ly and Sirius sucked in every ounce of mischief and compassion they could. The Marauders reminisced over all the wonderful pranks that they'd pulled that year, delighting in the numerous ways they'd been punished. ("Assume the position, Mr. Black!" Sirius mocked Peyton from the time he'd actually received corporeal punishment.) They even went so far as to plan for a few things they might try the next year. Somewhere along the line they had even begun deciding their animagus forms. James was to be goat; Peter, a rabbit; Sirius, a panther; and Ly, an ocelot, though none of them were quite sure what that was.

After that long train ride in which five out of twenty limbs fell asleep in the Marauders' compartment, Ly hauled her trunk off the locomotive with loud protests from Eros, that lovely feathered thing.

"I swear! I thought that ride would _never_ end!" Sirius stated dramatically as he flounced off the final step.

"We know: you told us several, _several_ times." James rolled his eyes.

"It's going to be nice to be home again." Remus said quietly.

"I agree! My parents are going to be ecstatic." James said as they stood to the side of the where they'd descended from the train.

"Not mine. Home sucks." Sirius leaned against the metal.

"I feel more like I'm leaving it." Ly looked longingly at the train.

"Oh, stop being such stiffs!" James grinned and slapped them on their backs.

"Well, I had better go, mates." Peter said. "My parents'll be dying to see me."

He walked off waving to a discord of good-byes.

"You know, I'd best leave, too." Ly began to heave her trunk.

"No!" Sirius threw an arm around her shoulders. "Don't leave us just yet."

"Yeah, I wanted to give everyone strict orders to write me!" James threw his arm around her as well, met with indignant hoots by Eros.

"You two are such lumps! You'd better just write to me!" She grinned despite herself.

"If I'm alive I will!" Sirius laughed.

"Don't just stand there, Rem! Join the fun!" James tugged the quiet boy over and Ly was enveloped.

"You lot are trying to drive me bonkers, aren't you? Well, I won't allow it! I really _must_ go if I have any hoping of making it to by thirteenth birthday." She pushed through, a smile on her face and her owl causing quite a ruckus.

"No, Ly! Don't leave me!" Sirius cried out dramatically, one arm stretched towards her as she walked off.

"Just write, you loon!" She made a large swatting motion at him.

"Hello, Ly!" A hand clasped roughly on her shoulder.

"Hello, Dad." She looked to the man with a tight smile on her face.

"It's good to see you!" He said, his entire demeanor stating that he was going to scold her as soon as they were out of public. _What have I done now?_

"Give Lycaon plenty of room, Harold!" Her mother said with a laugh. "I'm sure she's tired." She turned to the fountain a few steps away. "Eli! Elizabeth! Your sister's here!"

"Ly!" Elizabeth ran over and squeezed Ly's stomach in what one might call a hug. "Ly, I missed you!" She held on tighter. It was odd because Elizabeth really wasn't short; she was a eight-year-old who merely hugged in an unusual fashion.

"Eli, let go please: I can't breathe properly." Ly looked down at her sister's light-brown haired head.

"No!" Elizabeth replied happily and gripped more firmly, snuggling her cheek against Ly's stomach. Lycaon looked to her mother for back-up.

"Elizabeth, dear, let go. I'm sure you can hug Ly later." Her mother lightly pulled the girl away.

"Aww . . ."

"Now let's go to the car, I'm starving!" Her father interjected, steering his wife and eldest daughter the direction in which he wanted to go. Mrs. Saer laughed and leaned lightly against Mr. Saer, holding Elizabeth's hand. They walked in silence to the parking lot and sat in silence until they'd turn a corner or two.

"So, Ly," Mr. Saer began, "do you spend a lot of time with those boys you were standing with?"

_So that's what's bothering you, you pig . . ._

"Yes, actually." She said before she could stop herself. "I spend most of my time with them."

"And who exactly are they?" Her father asked.

_Oh, so you think you can run my life now?_

"James Potter," She named the one he'd most of approve of, "Peter Pettigrew," knew of but had no opinion of, "Remus Lupin," had never for the life of him heard of, "and Sirius Black."

The bombshell.

"I'm not sure I want you hanging out with that . . . Black." He told her gruffly.

Her mother shifted uncomfortably, sensing the storm.

"But Sirius is my _friend_ . . ." She told him tightly

"I _don't_ want you spending time with his _type_-"

"I'm rather _fond_ of Sirius."

"Now listen here young lady-"

"_In fact_," she continued as though he hadn't spoken, "Sirius just so happens to be my _best_ friend!" She lied triumphantly.

"That's enough! I'm taking away your owl. I won't have you associating with that family in any way!"

"You can't do that-"

"Oh, Henry!" Mrs. Saer said loudly enough to be heard. "Do you think you could take us to the grocery store? I've just remembered we're low on milk."

"Sure." The car turned sharply.

Ly bit her lip and turned to look at Elizabeth. The sight of her sister plugging her ears and squeezing her eyes shut was more than enough to make her turn away again with shame coloring her cheeks. Her mother ran in to get milk at the grocery store and they pulled back onto the road in silence that was only interrupted by Elizabeth:

"Ly, when we get home will you read me a story?"

* * *

NOTE: I really am sorry. This chapter was finished November seventeenth but I had computer difficulty which could only be fixed by a procedure that set back all my files to the way they were several days prior. Unfortunately, I wasn't aware of that until after the fact. So here it is, at long last. With any luck 12 will be out quicker. Thanks for hanging in there with me! Now it's 3:30 in the morning and I'm dead tired. Good night folks. And thanks, again.


	12. A Sordid Summer

Disclaimer: Not mine.

Author's Note: Okay folks, I think I might have finally lost it! It's 6:14 pm and I've decided to actually try and update by midnight. Yeah, reading it, I think I've gone off the deep-end. I must have. I mean, god's sake, not even six hours? So, yeah, if I do happen to succeed . . . I'll edit it tomorrow. I'll also respond to reviews tomorrow.

God, I've lost it!

TWENTY-FOUR HOURS LATER

Whew! Okay, a _humongo_ thank you to: Everyone

* * *

The Zinnia Blooms--A Sordid Summer

* * *

Sirius sat silently in a dusty sitting room. _Who in Merlin's name decided people should have a room just to sit in?_ His mother sat directly across from with her mouth drawn tightly in what might have been _meant_ to be a smile. His father sat beside her sternly, coldly. Mostly Mr. Black didn't bother with his eldest son. He seemed to operate on the belief that neglect would toughen up his heir. _Why do you care today?_ Sirius was trying his best not tap his foot. His parents—the people who had given birth to him and shoved a silver spoon in his mouth whether he liked it or not—always made him nervous.

They always wore dark clothes and dark faces. Their grey eyes were cold hunks of iron, and he wondered if his were, too. Merlin, he hoped not. His father had chiseled, hard features—features that _some_ might have called handsome. His mother had small, pristine features—features that _some_ might have called beautiful. Both sets of features were misplaced. Both were drawn and misused. Both heads with their black hair housed minds that didn't seem to know about kite-flying, pillow-fights, or picnics. They didn't know about reading your children bed-time stories. They didn't know about roasted marshmallows or snow-ball fights. That or they hid it _very_ well.

"Your cousins tell us that you continue to associate with the _Potter_," it was a distasteful word, "boy." Mrs. Black had a pale, porcelain cup clutched in her bones.

"We're friends, yes." Sirius leaned back in his stiffly upholstered chair, making sure to look and sound as casual as he could. _I'm not like you_.

"Oh." Mrs. Black narrowed her eyes and sipped her tea.

"Your mother," Mr. Black's deep voice seeped like poison into the room, "forbade you from interacting with that boy, did she not?"

Sirius fought hard against the terrible heat of fear in his stomach. _I'm a Gryffindor now. I don't have to listen to this bastard._

"Did. She. Not?" The man before him pressed on like a slab of granite.

"I did!" Sirius' mother chimed in and Sirius' eyes darted to her. _Don't you **dare** put on an act for him! _But Mrs. Black was doing exactly that. "I've told him again and again . . ." She went on softly and with a worn strength. "I simply can _not_ get through to this boy of ours. He is determined not to listen to a thing I say. It seems not to matter what I do." She adopted a pained expression.

Sirius felt a different heat rise in him.

"Then it is settled." Mr. Black's eyes lost any trace of humanity. "Go to your room. I'll be up momentarily."

Sirius felt his face drain, his eyes widen, and his mouth go numb. "But Father-"

"I won't have any of your excuses, Boy!" The hard man stood. "Now you go to your room!"

Sirius felt the familiar fear bleed into him. _I. Am. A. Gryffindor._ "Fine," Sirius said nastily, "but no matter what you do you can't make me do anything I don't want to."

But his father only sneered. "You'll learn your place. You think you're strong but whose food do you think gives you strength? Whose money do you think pays for your tuition? Whose blood do you think makes you respectable?"

Sirius ground his teeth.

"Go to your room, Boy."

Sirius stood still.

"Go to your room!" His father's hand came crashing against Sirius cheek. "And don't you ever forget who heads this household." There were light footsteps as Mr. Black left for just a moment.

_Damn it! I can't even stand up to him!_ Sirius looked up at his mother. She was staring with empty eyes at the chair he had been sitting in.

"I hope," Sirius stood up slowly, "you're happy now."

The soul-less grey eyes turned to him and with no expression or tone his mother spoke. "I am content."

(Remus' POV,;, .. ,;, Wolf ears!)

Remus smiled at a photo of all the Gryffindor first years. Someone in one of the higher years had thought that it would be a good idea and so all of the Gryffindors had a group photo. Of course, Sirius, James, and Ly had convinced Peter and he to play a prank on the thing so in the photo a boxful of frogs hopped about unaware of the terror they had instilled in Amy, and Mary. Crystal was just disgusted by them and Lily had been outraged with the Marauders. But, naturally, James was staring happily at Lily all the while, if less obsessively than normal; and Sirius and Ly were celebrating with some of Peter's assistance and trying very hard to make Remus and James enjoy it as much as they did. As he sat there, something became more and more apparent to him: Lycaon had a crush on Sirius.

For all he knew she might not even be aware of it—the other boys certainly weren't—but it made sense. She was always just a little more happy when they were pulling a prank than her nature would have made her. Besides, she never got truly angry at Sirius. All because she had a crush on him. In its own way it was kind of funny. Ly—the tom-boy, the toughest girl around who wasn't affected by girlish things—had a _crush _on_ Sirius._ Sirius was an obvious choice. He was popular with girls for obvious reasons. Sirius would be shocked when he found out. _If_ he found out. It'd be like Lycaon to not tell him, and Remus _certainly_ wasn't telling him! He liked not getting his lights punched out. Ly wasn't as violent as she used to be—even though she still seemed to think she was—but if Ly was angry then he imagined that she might punch him—even if he _was_ her best friend.

Watching the Gryffindor first years' pictures made him sure of his new suspicion. By now Remus new how Lycaon thought. She liked Sirius, plain and simple, but, at the same time, Remus couldn't ever see her acting on it. That made him a little sad. Sirius had a little crush on Crystal—in the strange way that Sirius had, anyway—and Remus _knew_ he didn't even really think of Ly as a girl anymore. _It's just a crush. She'll probably grow out of it anyway. People always talk about growing out of crushes._

"Remus?" A voice floated up to his room—a refurbished attic.

"Yes, Mum?" He called back.

"Supper is done, if you're hungry." His aunt replied.

"Alright, I'll be right down!" He put the picture on his desk and lifted the door, descending a small ladder.

He walked past the three bedroom doors and went down the creaky stairs. "Where's Kevin?" He asked, sitting down at the table.

"Oh, he's at a friend's house. We had to _make_ him come with us to pick you up." His uncle smiled at him and then continued to look through the paper.

"He's at _Adam's_ house." The six-year-old Jessica scrunched up her face distastefully.

"That explains why he wanted to get home so much." Remus nodded to himself.

"I don't like Adam. He threw my doll over the fence—where he _knows_ I can't go—and then he wouldn't go get it!" Jessica's blonde curls shook as she spoke.

"Well, did Kevin go get it for you?" Remus asked.

"No! He was too busy playing with _Adam_!" The little girl pouted.

"All right, I'm here!" Mrs. Watts walked to her chair, her red heels clicking on the linoleum floor and her dress swishing as she walked. His mother's sister tried to look the best she could—even if they couldn't afford pearls to go with the perfect house-wife ensemble. She sat down. "Now let's say Grace!"

Mr. Watts smiled and set down his newspaper. He clasped his hands together, glanced at his wife and then looked down. Remus followed a similar procedure.

"Dear Heavenly Father, we thank You for this meal and for bringing Remus home safely to eat it with us. We ask You to bless this meal and bless Kevin even though he's not here tonight." Remus smiled at the familiarity of it all.

"Amen." They all chimed.

"I thought you said we were going to have steak when Remus got home." Jessica looked at her mother, confused.

"Well," Mrs. Watts blushed a little, "we decided against it because-"

"Because I like spaghetti better anyway." Remus smiled at his aunt. "Mum knows me like that."

"Of course!" The woman with short, blonde hair smiled thankfully.

There was no point in explaining to Jessica that the budget was too tight for steak. They were poor, plain and simple, but they still had their pride.

(Ly's POV)

_My room_, Lycaon thought lamentably, _is terribly pink_. It was true, too. She didn't like pink and there it was. Pink was for girls like Crystal who liked boys like Sirius but didn't need to know anything about boys like Sirius except for that they liked them. Pink wasn't for girls like Lycaon who liked boys like Sirius but denied it to everyone and who secretly learned everything about boys like Sirius because girls like Lycaon liked to feel that it was deeper than what boys like Sirius looked like. Besides . . . pink was . . .stupid. _Like my excuses_.

Ly was staring solemnly at a picture. A picture she and the Marauders had wrecked. A picture in which she was happy, but not because she had helped wreck the picture—but because Sirius had helped her help wreck the picture_. This is awful. _And, of course, Sirius thought of her as a girl about as often as he thought of Pete as a girl: every other blue moon. _Why should he, though? I don't act like a girl. I barely look like a girl. . . Oh, who cares? It's a silly little crush. Eventually I'll get a crush on someone else and I'll look and back see just how silly I'm being. There is at least one boy who thinks of me as a girl . . . Maybe I ought to find out who he is and work on having a crush on him. . . . _She frowned. _**What** am I **thinking**? You can't 'work on' having a crush on someone!_

Ly dug her hands into her hair.

"Lycaon, dear," Mrs. Saer was knocking on the bedroom door, "you have a guest."

_Bloody Hell . . ._ "Okay, I'm coming." She opened the door to see her mother standing there. Lycaon watched her questioningly.

"She's waiting downstairs." Ly's mother explained.

"Alright." She shrugged and walked down the hall, ignoring her mother's worried look. _I'm **fine**! _Lycaon thought at her.

Walking down the stairs Ly saw who her visitor was: Michelle.

"Can I help you?" Ly asked in a frosty voice.

"Can I talk to you outside?" Two round, dark eyes showed that their bearer was neither intimidated by nor pleased with Lycaon's presence.

"Sure." Ly walked right past her and slipped through the door, waiting for her to follow at the steps. Her heart was hammering with many things, including the fear she thought she'd escaped.

"You don't have to be so rude." Michelle said, walking out.

"But I don't exactly have to be polite either." Lycaon leaned against a rail.

"I'm here to talk about Tara-"

"Tara, who?" Ly mocked, fighting against this nervousness in her.

"You know who." Michelle snapped. "And I don't think this is funny. Just like I didn't think what you pulled over winter holidays was funny."

And suddenly Ly remembered something she hadn't quite since it happened. "It wasn't meant to be funny." She crossed her arms over her chest, suddenly cold.

"But the thing is," The dark haired girl in front of her tried very hard to gain control of the conversation, "Tara doesn't remember a thing."

"What? That's lunacy. Are you sure she isn't just trying to worm out of being responsible for it?" Green eyes were staring penetratingly.

"Yes. I'm sure. Tara has a lot of problems—with her head—and she couldn't help it-"

"I refuse to believe that." Ly said coldly. "And even if _she_ couldn't, no one else has an excuse."

"Saer, she was _abused_-"

"So I deserved to share in it?"

"Just don't bother her any more!" Michelle took a step forward. "She has no clue that she did anything wrong."

"Then maybe you should tell her because here's the clue! Standing right here! I don't care what she went through and I don't care what you say about it." Lycaon could feel herself trembling. "Leave and don't bother _me_ any more." She closed her eyes and hugged herself tighter, shivering wretchedly.

There was silence and finally she heard footsteps as Michelle left.

Lycaon slid down against a rail and began to rock herself a little. _It's alright, it's alright. .. It's all over now; you're okay. All the bruises are long gone . . ._ But somewhere there was a bigger bruise that took longer to heal than any of the others. It was getting there . . . but it wasn't there yet. Not yet.

_So much for having that nothing-to-lose attitude . . ._

(Peter's POV)

There had been about one week since Peter had gotten home. They had had a nice big meal with his grandparents and aunts and uncles over . . . and it had been very nice indeed. Peter liked being a part of a big, warm family. Now, though, he decided that it was time to work on the stuff Lycaon had talked about to the lot of them. Sometimes Lycaon and Remus—Sirius and James, too—made him feel a little stupid. Not on purpose, but they just . . . did. They just seemed to be light-years ahead of him on everything.

He looked at the piece of parchment he'd written some instruction on.

'_Breathe deep, close eyes, and clear mind. Think of happiest moment.'_

Peter set the piece of paper down and laid down on his back. He took some deep breathes and did his best to think of nothing. For some reason odd things kept on getting stuck. He'd think of a field, which was something. He'd think of alleys, which were still something. After what felt like hours, Peter settled on all white—it was the closest to nothingness he could imagine.

_My happiest moment . . ._

He tried thinking of when he got his letter from Hogwarts . . . but that felt wrong. That wasn't quite his happiest moment. He turned the whiteness into his first meal in the Great Hall, but that wasn't it either. Similarly, flying, coming home for summer, his birthday, his first ice cream cone, and winning that spelling competition when he was younger didn't quite feel full. It was like they weren't . . . completely happy. And that was what Peter needed to find. _But you're not ever **completely** happy, are you? _Then he remembered: he was supposed to be thinking of nothing. _**How** am I supposed to think about my happiest moment if I'm not supposed to think about **anything**? _Peter sighed. _Oh well, I guess I'll give it a shot._

This time he started chanting the word 'nothing' over and over in his head. _Nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing . . . _Slowly the white he had created was growing colors. _Nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing . . . _Peter tried to get the white back but his mind was resisting. _Nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing_ . . . He thought louder. But a scene was taking shape in his mind's eye. His chant had died off and suddenly he felt leaden—unable to open his eyes or move.

_He was about eight and not very big. He was rolling through a big pile of raked up leaves with an old friend—a friend that had moved away and forgotten him. His name was Clint. But at the time they were both scrawny eight-year-olds and they had crushed leaves in their hair. They were clinging to each other and going down a hill as he re-lived it, and it was a game. If you let go, you'd lose. But neither of them ever remembered the rules, or needed to. He remembered that much. They both hung on tight, giggling madly. No one was there to yell at them and they didn't care about a thing. They could only see blurs of blue and green. When they landed in a ditch there was no pain and it was funny. They were laughing together and everything was great. Peter was feeling happy—-exactly what someone else was feeling. He was feeling with someone else, and it was cool. It was fun. It made him **completely happy**._

Then suddenly there was no more memory. That amazing freedom and safety of being connected was gone. There was no weight, either. Pete's eyes shot open and he sat up, suddenly cold, as though it was winter. He slipped under his blanket.

"What was _that_?"

(James' POV o-o)

It was a little less than a month into vacation as James shivered in his chair and began to write a letter.

'_Lycaon (that's how you spell it, right?)_

_What in Merlin's name are you trying to have us do? I just got shoved back into my happiest memory! I mean, sure, it was my happiest memory, but isn't that going to be really bad when I have to be shoved back into my saddest memory? Is that supposed to happen? _

_Write back A.S.A.P_

_James_'

He closed his ink bottle and put up his quill. After folding up the letter, he gave it to his owl—funny-looking creature that it was. He wondered why his parents had given him _that_ owl, for what was _far_ from the first time.

"Can you give this to Lycaon Saer for me, Ort?"

The owl puffed up its brown feathers, snatched the letter with one talon and hooted as if to say 'what do you take me for?'.

"Good. I'll give you a treat when you come back, okay Ort?" James peered at the owl through his glasses.

Ort gave an affirmative hoot and flapped its wings loudly.

"Okay, okay, I'll open the window first." James rolled his eyes and went to the window. He unlocked it and pushed it open easily. "There, you silly bird."

With an indignant hoot Ort made one flap of his wing and soon was long gone.

(Ly's POV)

Ly sat in her room concentrating very hard on nothing with her door shut, her curtains drawn, and all possible light blocked. She was, however, finding it difficult to think of nothingness when she knew she was about to be plunged into her saddest moment. _Sodding memories. _She had already gone through her happiest moment, and her angriest moment—she'd had a lot of spare time what with having her owl taken away—but those things weren't frightening. She wasn't sure she wanted to go back down to her lowest point.

But suddenly there was a scraping at her window. She jumped up and threw on her light.

It kept on scraping.

She walked over to her window and pulled back the curtains.

A big, brown owl with a letter.

_Someone wrote! _She hadn't gotten a single letter in over two weeks. Remus and Sirius had written to her on the same day but with the bustle of two owls at once, she hadn't been able to get one to stay and so hadn't written back. The same thing had happened with the two or three letters before that, too_. The others must have thought I was ignoring them._ She opened the window, but quietly.

The owl hooted proudly. She shut the window quickly.

"Shh, shh! Stop it, no one can here you!" The owl was quiet, as if understanding. "Now who are you from?" She frowned and pulled out a treat for it. "Hmm, you big owl?" She stroked the back of its head and gave it the treat. It stuck out its talon, where a letter was clutched. "Thanks." She took it and unfolded it in one hand, still petting the owl.

She smiled as she read it. _You're kind of funny, James._

Lycaon stopped petting the owl and walked over to her little desk. The owl watched after her curiously. After getting out what she needed she penned a reply.

'_James_

_Yes, that's supposed to happen. I thought I mentioned that. No one else has written me about it. Of course, I've gotten less mail than I might have because it's hard for me to respond. My father took my owl away—it's a punishment. Anyway, don't worry too much. And you're just going to have to re-live your saddest moment. If you want to be an animagi, anyway. _

_Lycaon_

_. . . . . .P.S. Try to make sure letters keep on getting to me at night. I live about fifty kilometers directly south of London. Could you tell the same to the rest of the Marauders? They probably think I'm ignoring them._'

She folded it similarly to the letter she'd received and held it out to James' owl.

"Could you take this back to James for me?"

It gave a tiny confirmatory hoot and grabbed the letter.

Lycaon went to open the window again and the minute she did the owl brushed over her shoulder and away from her room. She smiled sadly. _Even the owl doesn't like it here._

She shut the window and drew the curtain back across to do away with streetlights and starlight. Sitting down on her bed, Ly stared into the blackness that both chilled and thrilled her. She couldn't see a thing. For all she knew there _was_ nothing. She couldn't feel anything but her bed beneath her, her hair on her face, and her clothes all around her. There could be anything there and she'd never know it. Her breathing was speeding up and so was her heart. Her hearing was picking up stirrings in adjacent rooms and she fought wildly to calm her growing panic.

_There's nothing, there's no one . . . nothing, no one, nothing . . . _The blackness was sinking into more than her eyes_. Nothing . . . no one . . ._

_It had been an awful day. The ache in Ly's head and lower back, and the bruises forming on her torso were proof of that. Not that anyone would notice the way she winced as she bent down. No one ever did. Today it was because she had been nice. To Tara's crush. Really, every girl in that year had a crush on him. Except for Ly. Tara would kill her if she had a crush on him. Good thing then that she didn't. She knew she didn't. If she did, the things he said in class after she'd been nice would have hurt. She sat next to him—an unsafe thing anyway—and he had been upset. His girlfriend, who was a year older, had broken up with him. 'She said she found a cuter guy her age,' he had said. 'I think you're perfectly cute' she had said quietly, shyly. There had been awkwardness and then the teacher had set down Lycaon's latest test. A perfect score. 'See, Saer? You may not be cute, but you're smart. That's something, right?' He had said. But it **had** hurt a little, hadn't it? Maybe she did have a crush on him, but it didn't matter. He didn't think she was cute and he didn't seem very interested in smart. And her back hurt. Besides, she wasn't that smart. She wasn't much. She wasn't even strong. Tara assured her of all of that frequently. She'd done it again that very afternoon. Now her head felt like it was going to explode. **Dandy**. And in the living room she heard her parents. It wouldn't hurt if she listened in. 'Yeah, Rob's wife doesn't keep the house very clean,' her father was saying 'but he has some real pretty daughters. It's a good thing Lycaon isn't pretty. I don't want to have to deal with boys.' 'But she's smart,' her mother came to her defense. 'Not very. Her grades were slipping the last time I checked. And she's a little sickly lately have you noticed?' Her mother was sighing. 'Well she is fairly weak. She was never very sick **before**. She doesn't seem to grow either . . .' 'It looks like we have a defective daughter, Claire!' . . . 'a defective daughter' . . . it rung in her ears. 'A defective daughter', it stuck in her and it made her throat swell. Her eyes were a little hot. She must have gotten something in them. A sudden allergy attack. An allergy to that phrase . . . 'a defective daughter' . . . She ran to the bathroom and locked herself in. Yes, and that's why she was making these peculiar coughs. Most peculiar things . . . they sounded a bit like . . . sobs._

Lycaon clawed for her pillow and, upon finding it, pressed it into her face. She drowned her sobs in the cloth and feathers. _I didn't even remember that . ._ ._ But what do they know? They don't know **anything**. They **aren't** anything. I'm smart. And I'm strong. And I'm pretty. Yes. Plenty pretty. I'm smart, and strong, and **beautiful**. A goddess in my own rite. I'm Athena. I'm Artemis . . . I'm. . . . I'm going to sleep._

(James' POV)

James sighed and ran his hand backwards through his hair, setting Ly's letter on his desk. _Well I guess I'll write a letter to Sirius, then to Rem, then to Pete. I must wonder **what** you did, though, Ly._ James smiled to himself. It just _seemed_ like Lycaon, the go-getter, to get her owl taken away.

He took out his quill and wrote quickly a letter to Sirius.

'_Sirius,_

_Guess what! Lycaon's gone gotten her owl confiscated. It looks like she'll have to use **our** owls to write back to us. She said to try and make sure the owls get to her in the night. I guess she's really **not** supposed to write to anyone. She lives about fifty kilometers south of London (do you think we could find her house if we ever tried it?) so you can figure out the math on that yourself. Oh, and if you're working on the you-know-what you can expect to re-live things. It's a little disturbing but, hey, it's for a good cause._

_James_'

Very much pleased with the sound of that, he sent his letter to his best mate via dusty old bird with a messed-up face. _Weird-looking thing. _

(Sirius' POV)

Sirius grumbled as an owl—because he recognized the noise, and it was an owl—scratched and banged on his window.

"I'm coming, I'm coming!" His slumped as he dragged himself over to his window. He tripped over something hard. "Bollocks! Useless piece of shite!" He kicked whatever it was and kept going. Why did he have to get a letter right then, anyway? It was practically bloody morning! Couldn't it have waited? He scratched his head and opened and shut his mouth several times making a smacking noise and then opened the window.

An ugly brown owl hooted obscenely, dropped a letter and soared out.

"Bloody bird . . ." He bent over and picked up the letter before shutting the window. He unfolded it sleepily, lit a candle, and read James' senseless scrawl. He sighed. "I hate your owl . . ." he told the letter. It, of course, said nothing by way of reply.

He tossed the letter in his waste bin, still sitting at his desk.

"So, Ly got her owl 'confiscated', hm? How the bloody, sodding Hell did she do that?" He rubbed his stomach, both articulate and graceful at this time of night. "And wasn't James listening? Ly _said_ we were going to re-live the stuff . . . He must not be very far if he _just_ felt the need to tell me . . . like I didn't know . . . I'm on . . . what now?" He ran his finger left and right through the flame of his candle, barely feeling warmth. "I've got to do funniest moment next . . ." He thought carefully. "That's nothing compared to saddest moment. And angriest wasn't pretty either . . ." He sighed. "I better not get killed for all this hard work. That'd just . . . be disappointing." He looked at the candle as the flame danced warm and bright. "Life can be pretty rough . . ." he thought of his most recent . . . reminiscence. "But," he thought back to his happiest moment, "it can be really nice, too." A smile formed on his lips.

(Lycaon's POV)

Summer was at its end at long, long last, and Lycaon sometimes thought that she just might be the only one attending Hogwarts who was glad of it. Then she would remember that Sirius' summer was even worse than hers. And then there was Remus. Ly knew his family was nice, but she also knew it wasn't the same as being at Hogwarts with the Marauders. She had been getting plenty of mail, and though sometimes the letters cut it close, they always came in under the cover of night. By the end all the owls knew that they weren't to make a noise when they delivered to her.

She always reminded them anyway.

She had laughed herself nearly to death at a prank she'd nearly forgotten for her funniest moment. She preferred not to think about her most romantic moment—it was, truthfully, not all that romantic. And next—the worst one of all—was to delve into her most frightening experience. She wasn't sure what it would be, and, sometimes, she didn't want to know. Of course, it only took one memory of the bruises and injuries all over her adopted sibling to make her willing again.

And yet . . . she couldn't quite bring herself to do it.

If there was anything she had learned about herself throughout this ordeal it was that she was unhealthy. A lot of things, since she had re-lived her saddest moment, were popping up like long-lost friends. Except they were no friends. One thing was becoming clear: she had tried to block it out. All of it. The bullying, Tara, and even some things that you'd _think_ weren't that bad.

No more, though, she had decided. If she had any say in the matter this would go on no more. And Lycaon Saer _always_ had a say in the matter.

This she'd prove. She'd be strong this year. She'd be strong and happy and nothing could stop her. Nothing . . . No One . . .

* * *

Author's Note: HAPPY NEW YEAR!


	13. Beginning Anew

Disclaimer: Not Mine.

Note: YAY! Okay, now that we're all done celebrating my initiative we need to talk. Now, I know I updated in time for New Years (I finished and had the update up three minutes before midnight (East Coast, anyway)) but I don't think it was a proper update. I mean . . . I didn't even write 15 pages on Word. It was short! It was good, and I enjoyed doing it, but I had hoped to do more. So, I'm giving you more. This is your gift for . . . Chinese New Year. Even if, because of faulty internet, it's late. (I HATE VALENTINE'S DAY!)

Oh, and, after going on J.K's site . . . I'm fixing the ages. Those of you who told me they were too young . . . I concede. Oh, and while I'm at it . . . I'm revamping this. So . . .fewer chapters because some of the first chapters are going to be combined. I'm kind of going to switch some things up and . . . well, you may want to re-read it. It's nothing Earth-shattering, but there are just some minute things which might make a tiny bit of difference.

THANKS TO:

--COVET IT! --

xRummyx: What can I say? Remmie-kins the cuddly is one smart cookie. He knows what going on! And, ha, I'm actually updating . . . _soon_!

--COVET IT! --

* * *

The Zinnia Blooms--Beginning Anew

* * *

"James! James Harold Potter! Get back here!" A thin, brown-haired woman with warm eyes yelled after her son.

"Come and look at this, Mum!" James waved his mother over, grinning.

She huffed, rolled her eyes, asked God why she had such a rambunctious son, and ultimately walked over, smiling despite herself.

Immediately James spun around and set his eyes upon the display case again. There, one pane of glass and one foot away, was the most beautiful broom he had ever seen.

"Isn't it great, Mum? Cherry handle, stream-lined tail, contoured grip . . . It goes 75, Mum. . ."

Mrs. Potter gave a snort. "That broom is-"

"A thing of beauty!" Mr. Potter clapped his hand on his wife shoulder. "Wish I had something like that when _I_ was younger."

"Oh, can I get it, Dad?" James turned to his father. "Please, please, please! I have money left over from my birthday and everything! I can pay for part of it. Please?"

"Well-"

"You can't _seriously_ be considering this, Harold!" Mrs. Potter stared at her husband reproachfully.

"Oh, come now, Mary Anne! The boy is going to be trying out for the Quidditch team this year and, by Jove, I want to see him on it! He's got talent; all he needs is a good broom. Hm? What do you say?"

James watched as his mother stared and his father a little wearily. "We spoil him . . ."

"He'll only be young once, Love! Besides, he's been doing excellently in school."

_No, Dad, NOOOOO! _James thought desperately and saw his mother's mouth tighten and brows draw together in an all too familiar expression.

"He has gotten himself into loads of trouble!"

"Like father, like son, Dear. Don't you remember when we were young?" His father smiled and James started to gain hope as he saw his mother's resolve slipping. "Why, as I remember, I once charmed love notes to you on the Transfiguration board, enduring _months_ of detentions, and you were positively captivated."

"I thought you were crazy-"

"And you were smitten!" Mr. Potter wrapped his arms around his wife. "Let's get the broom. It's a very fine broom. Plus, maybe Quidditch will even help keep him out of trouble."

James suppressed a snort and watched as his mother looked contemplative.

She sighed wearily. "Alright. Let's get it before I change my mind."

"YES!" James jumped up, with a hoot. Vaguely, he noticed his father laughing.

Within five minutes Mr. Potter had filled out a form for delivery once the first shipment came in. Within ten minutes James and his father had left Mrs. Potter shopping for new, more slimming robes. ("Mum, I'm deathly bored! All the robes you try on look the same!" James had complained, earning a murderous look from his mother.) They, of course, were having a marvelous time. They were 

having ice cream and ranting about the World Cup. Both felt it was mightily unjust that the Montrose Magpies weren't going all the way.

"I just don't get it, they've paid their dues in this game-"

"Oy! James!"

James turned to see none other than Sirius Black bounding over, the woman who was presumably his mother striding behind him while dragging a younger boy alongside. To James, though, it seemed absurd that Sirius—a goofy, enjoyable delinquent—could be related to this stern, horrible woman or this weak, sniveling child.

"Merlin's beard! Am I _ever_ glad to see _you_!" Sirius threw an arm around James' neck, shaking his head.

"Good to see you, too, Mate." James grinned. "Dad, this is Sirius Black; Sirius, this is my dad."

"Nice to meet the boy behind the legend!" Mr. Potter shook hands with Sirius. "Did you _really_ glue the pages of a boy's book together?"

Sirius gave a brief, roguish smile and opened his mouth to speak.

"Sirius, what have I told you about wandering off?" Mrs. Black demanded with the clipping of her heels suddenly audible.

"Not sure, what _have_ you told me?" Sirius' face was set and his eyes suddenly became cold and hard. In that moment his eyes were just like his mother's.

Mrs. Black's eyes narrowed as she resisted what was obviously a lure on Sirius' part. James got the feeling that Sirius would feel her wrath as soon as they were away from the ever-watchful eye of the public.

"Mrs. Black, I assume?" Mr. Potter cut in amiably.

"You are correct." Mrs. Black suddenly wore a girlish smile though her eyes were still hard. "Harold Potter, I believe . . .?"

"Absolutely, and might I just say that it is lovely to meet you. According to my son, he and your son Sirius here are very close." The man clapped a hand onto his son's shoulder and James suppressed a smile. _He's scheming_.

"Oh yes," She jerked her younger son back to her from where he had been trying to pull away, "Sirius has asked my husband and I if he might visit your family, but we assumed that you wouldn't want your _precious_ time with your son interrupted."

"No, no!" Mr. Potter laughed. "If Sirius _ever_ wants to visit then, by all means, send him to us. If, of course, he has your permission."

"I'll keep that in mind." The smile became as cold as the gray eyes. "Now, I'm terribly sorry to have cut this delightful conversation short, but my sons and I have shopping to do, yet."

"Well, it was nice to talk to you."

"The feeling is mutual." Mrs. Black gave a smile that was almost condescending and about-faced in order to walk away.

"Sorry you had to endure that." Sirius muttered.

"_Sirius_!" Mrs. Black called from a meter or so away.

"_Coming_!" He called back. He turned back to the Potter father and son, shaking his head. "See you, James. Bye, Mr. Potter."

With that he spun around turned and jogged over to his mother, looking a little silly in a long, black robe on a warm, summer day.

"He seems like a nice boy." Mr. Potter put his hands into his pockets.

"He is."

"Awful family, though."

"Complete gits."

. . .

"Ly, turn around so we can see the back." Mrs. Saer instructed.

"Yeah!" Elizabeth cheered.

Lycaon held in a sigh and turned 180 degrees so that her mother could further examine how yet another style of pinned-together cloth looked. A woman whose name Lycaon didn't know was kneeling on the ground, waiting for a yes or no from Mrs. Saer. _Are dress robes really this important?_

"I think this one is it." Mrs. Saer nodded, as if to herself.

"Fantastic!" The woman who had been kneeling stood. "Shall I just make an order of it, then?"

"Yes, please."

The woman left and Mrs. Saer turned to her daughter with a gentle smile.

"It really _does_ look nice on you, dear."

"Thanks, Mum."

"Mum! I'm hungry!" The nine-year-old with light brown hair tugged on her mother's arm.

"Alright, Elizabeth, we can get lunch as soon as we're finished here, okay?"

Elizabeth let go of her mother's hand to cross her arms and pout. "Okay . . ."

Lycaon rolled her eyes.

"And be grateful I'm even taking you out to eat."

"Yes, Madam." The girl gave in.

"Alright, Mrs. Saer, I have the ticket right here, if you'll just check it over before you pay then we'll be all set." The woman who had carefully pinned cloth around Ly had returned, flipping her sandy blonde hair over her shoulder.

"My pleasure," Mrs. Saer replied, taking the small piece of parchment. She scanned over it quickly with pale green eyes. "Well, everything seems to be just fine." The ticket was handed back to the worker and Claire Saer began to pull out coins from her purse. "There you are."

The attendant smiled and then quickly counted up the money. "Thank you, I hope all three of you have a wonderful afternoon. Come again!" She gave one last smile and then walked off. The pins flew out from the cloth Lycaon was trapped in and said cloth jumped onto a nearby countertop.

"Now, let's go and get lunch!" Mrs. Saer smiled down at both of her daughters.

. . .

"I'm going to the loo. I'll be right back." Elizabeth stood from her chair at the restaurant.

"Alright, don't take too long," said Mrs. Saer.

"I won't!"

A smile dawned on the mother's face and she turned back to her older daughter. _This stupid monotonous life . . . the only reason I don't die of boredom is the increasing level of anxiety from being trapped in a situation I hate._

"I hope you enjoy yourself this year, Ly." She placed her hand over Ly's smaller one. "I know your father can be very strict, but he only wants what's best for you. You _do_ understand that he's only trying to protect you, don't you?"

"He just acts so horribly, though. He doesn't know _any_ of my friends—least of all Sirius. Sirius is nothing like father thinks. Besides, who is he to say who I'm friends with?"

"He's your father." Mrs. Saer told her firmly.

Lycaon withdrew her hand and looked away, drawing a sigh from her mother.

"Just try to live your life for now. One day you'll understand. You only have one father, and you can't exactly choose so you may as well make the best of things. All children go through a phase where they're at odds with at least one of their parents. I know that eventually you two will be closer."

"Eventually." Ly crossed her arms. She could feel her mother pursing her lips.

"Ly, we both care about you; I _know_ you must realize that. We're just not perfect; no one is."

She bit her lip and made no move to respond otherwise.

"Do you know about your name, Lycaon Amarantha Saer?"

"I know that 'Amarantha' has to do with Amaranths. But all I know about _them_ is that they supposedly never die."

"Yes, well that's really all there is to know about them. Do you know what 'Lycaon' is?"

"My name?"

"It's part of the Latin name for a timber wolf. It was Lynne's idea. She always wanted to have children; she just never met the right man. I named you for her; she was always such a fantastic sister."

Lycaon looked up questioningly.

Mrs. Saer simply smiled. "She had always said she'd give her children extravagant names that had some kind of meaning. When I had you, she said that you were howling like a little wolf pup—she's always had the strangest comments. So I decided to name you for that. The only thing that came to mind was 'Canis Lupus Lycaon': the timber wolf. So, despite your father's protests, I named you Lycaon. Then, for your middle name, I chose 'Amarantha' because I thought it was pretty. Besides, I thought that if you ever tired of being unusual, you could have people call you 'Amy'. I've always loved amaranths, anyway, though. Of course, when I had Elizabeth I decided I could do your father a favor 

and name her simply." Mrs. Saer gave a tight smile. "But I think that you're both growing into your names beautifully. You've always been a little different, Ly . . . but in the most wonderful way possible—just like your aunt Lynne. Both you and your sister are wonderful in your own ways."

The girl drew in a deep breath, blinking, and soaking in all that information. "Wow."

Mrs. Saer laughed. "That's why Lynne has always liked you so very much. She says she's going to be moving back into the area this spring, actually."

"When did she say that?" Lycaon felt a frown pull at her face.

"Your father and I got a letter yesterday."

"Did I get one?"

"Oh! Yes. Sorry, Love. It's at the house. Remind me when we get back, alright?"

"Al-"

"Mum, when are we going to get our food?" Elizabeth inquired, scooting onto her seat.

"Any minute now, Eli."

Lycaon sighed and rested her head on the table. _I have to break out of this horrible routine._

. . .

"YEAH? WELL, MAYBE I DON'T WANT TO BE YOUR SON!" Sirius slammed his door violently, angry tears welling behind his eyes. "Bullocks!" He rubbed viscously at his eyes as his mother could vaguely be heard screaming threats at him.

He kicked his large, black trunk and then rolled onto his bed; glancing over at the wall where he had taped up all of the letters his friends had sent. _At least I had someone to talk to,_ he reasoned as he pulled down some of Ly's letters. All summer he had kept in contact with her—the only one who came close to understanding what it was like to live with an unhappy family. _I mean, if your father takes away your owl for something that—though she hasn't said specifically what it was—wasn't even a big deal, then things aren't perfect. I wonder what she did . . ._

Sirius sighed and continued to take down letters. He gently folded James' promises, Remus' words of wisdom, and Peter's innocent questions and encouragements. Slowly, he tucked them inside a smaller bag—the things that mattered.

"M-Master Sirius, Sir?" A thin, female house elf squeaked.

"Yes, Kibblet?"

"M-M-Mi-Mistress B-Black i-is ready t-to go, and-and sh-she wants M-Master Sirius t-to go d-down-downstairs, M-Master."

"What? The train doesn't leave for three hours!" Sirius frowned.

"K-Kibblet is s-s-sorry, M-Master-"

"No, that's fine. If she wants to get rid of me, let her. Good riddance to her, too."

"Y-yes, M-Master. Sh-should K-Kibblet tell M-M-Mi-Mistress B-Black-?"

"No." Sirius replied flatly. "I'll do it myself. Just bring down my bags."

The stormy-eyed boy walked determinedly out of his room before he received an answer.

"Are you ready to go?" Mrs. Black asked sharply.

"I will be as soon as my bags come down." His voice was like ice and it disgusted him. _I'm __**not**__ like them. _

"Well your father will be here shortly and I expect you to be on your very best behavior. This is interrupting a very important meeting."

"He doesn't have to come."

"Silence, Boy!" Mrs. Black stepped forward menacingly. "As long as you are a part of this family your will show _respect_, though I admit it would appear you may not be part of this family for long."

Sirius glared up at his mother dangerously and opened his mouth to say something.

"Alright, are you ready?" Mr. Black could be heard as he opened the door.

Sirius luggage fell onto the floor from a few inches above. "Yes, Father."

"Yes, Orion."

"Grab your bags, then Sirius. Do you have Regulus, Walburga?"

"I'm here." Regulus planted himself beside his mother.

"Perfect. Now, let's go catch the bus." The patriarch spun on his heels and marched down the steps, where he proceeded to hail the Knight Bus.

Sirius rolled his eyes and dragged his trunk noisily across the floor to the doorway. His mother gave him a death glare which he threw back, and he pulled the trunk down the steps. Mr. Black winced at every bang.

"Sirius! Stop that infernal racket!"

"Yes, Father."

Then there was a terrible squeaking and suddenly the Knight bus was there in front of them. The doors flew open to reveal a lanky teen with light hair.

"Come on. Don't take too long. No, no, I'll get the luggage. Just get on, pay the fee, and sit down."

Mr. Black looked slightly disgruntled as the boy rushed past him but he made no complaint. The worker grabbed Sirius' trunk.

"Er, thanks. . ."

"Kean. Now, hurry up and get on the bus." He hoisted the thing up onto his shoulder. "My stars! What do you have in this?"

"Clothes," Sirius replied morbidly.

. . .

"All for King's Cross, here's your stop!"

Sirius groaned and pulled himself up. "I hate this bus."

"Off, Sirius." The senior Black ordered.

"Yes. . . _Father_." Sirius stalked off the bus.

"Come on, let's get to the platform." Mr. Black set off at a brisk pace.

Sirius muttered nastily under his breath, ignored a superior glance from his mother, and grabbed his trunk after Kean threw it off.

"Quickly, Sirius!" Mrs. Black snapped.

"Yesss, _Mother_." He hissed, barely controlling himself. _They're going to push me too far one of these days._

"Hurry up, Boy. Merlin, why can't you be as pleasant as Regulus? He's younger and yet he's already a better son than you. Unbelievable."

"I _try_, Father." Sirius managed to grit out.

"Try harder!" The man barked, picking up the pace.

Screaming silently, Sirius followed. As he lugged on he watched his family—quite possibly the coldest hearts in the station—blend in seamlessly. His mother wore a dark robe that could have been a muggle dress. His father wore a short robe over trousers, and even that was hidden by an overcoat. His brother wore a robe that made him look like a muggle girl. An ugly muggle girl.

He watched as first his father, then his mother and brother, passed onto Platform 9 ¾. _Bloody gits, _he thought angrily. Then, without caring who did or didn't see him, he walked through the appropriate bricks as well.

"Alright, your owl is probably already at Hogwarts, Sirius." A large hand clasped firmly onto the boy's shoulder. "This year all your mother and I ask is that you follow school rules and respect your cousins. Do you understand?"

"Yes, Father. And shall I assume that you strictly forbid contact with the 'blood-traitors, half-bloods, and mud-bloods'?" Sirius asked in an intentionally bored tone, anger creating a constant tension in his gut.

Mr. Black stared down his nose at his son. "You may consort with whomsoever you please. So long as you follow school rules." He turned partially then looked back at Sirius. "Or at least so long as you don't get caught. Blacks _don't_ get caught."

With that his father left and, after a short look and a whispered 'we'll be watching you', his mother and brother did as well. Sirius blinked.

"Love you, too, Mum and Dad," he muttered, the lot of them having already left the platform. He shook his head. "Sodding lot of arses couldn't even let me get a bloody cart." Grey eyes shot a poisonous glare at the column Sirius' family had gone through and then he turned, muttering unhappily as he walked towards the Hogwarts Express. "At least," Sirius took a deep, "I get to go back to Hogwa-arts."

Sirius stopped dead in his tracks.

"Oh Merlin . . . Merli-in! My voi-ice!" He covered his mouth quickly. _The gang is going to tear me up . . ._

With a heavy sigh Sirius hopped on the train and pulled up his even heavier trunk. _Growing up is nothing but trouble_. . .

"Oy! Sirius!" A distant voice could be heard from down the train. "Back here!"

Sirius jumped up to see over the heads of some other students but didn't get high enough. Another jump revealed James standing at the end of the next car, past the door that was being held open by a steady trickle of students. As quickly as he could, he made his way into the car. Once there, traffic lightened and he went to the rear. In the last compartment to the right he found the other Marauders. Rather he found one of them: James.

"Hey, Mate. What are you doing here so early? We've got hours before the train leaves." Sirius kicked his trunk towards the window and sat down next to it.

"Ah, well I couldn't sleep. Too excited, you know? So I was driving my parents nuts and they decided to just give in and bring me to the station a little while ago." James shrugged and Sirius nodded. "So are you going to put the trunk up?"

"Nah, I need to lighten it when the train gets going. I think it'd end up being a lovely ritual, don't you?"

"One hundred percent!"

"When do you expect the others will be he-ere?"

Both boys froze.

"Did your voice just . . . crack?"

"No."

"It did! It completely did!"

"Yeah, well soon yours will, too-oo!"

James laughed loudly and Sirius pouted. _Some best mate! _

"Whew! Merlin . . . Seriously, though, how were your Hols, Siri? Anything you didn't write about?"

"No, not really. I've been thinking about it though, and . . . I think maybe I'll ask Crystal out when we get back."

"Honestly? I didn't realize you fancied her." James' brows rose slightly.

"I kind of have for a little while." Sirius shrugged. "It's not that important. I don't fancy her the way you fancy Lily-flower or anything."

James shrugged in return.

"Wanna play exploding snaps?"

"Absolutely!"

An hour later Sirius finally tired of beating James—though James had every intention of playing until he won—and the two laid down on their seats, staring up at the ceiling.

"I really wish those lazy sods would get here." Sirius grumbled.

"Really! I mean, it's only about an hour and a half before the train leaves, right?"

"Something like that." The grey-eyed boy rolled over on his side to face his friend.

There was a moment of silence.

"Nap time?"

"Nap time."

Both boys nodded and spun to face the backs of the seats. Sirius closed his eyes and gave in to the pull of idle sun beams that beckoned him to sleep from the other side of the windows.

"Sirius? James? Are you two . . . asleep?" A voice Sirius could only vaguely recognize woke him.

"Was," he slurred sleepily, sitting up.

Slowly, his eyes focus and he was able to see that it was Remus in the doorway of the compartment.

"Your voice . . ." James frowned, still half-asleep as well.

"Yeah, it got a little deeper, didn't it?"

Both Sirius and James nodded.

"How much longer do we have until the train leaves?" Sirius asked, rubbing his eyes.

"A little less than an hour."

"Oka-ay." Sirius hit his forehead with the heel of his hand. "Damn i-it!"

"You, too?" Remus grinned widely.

Sirius nodded solemnly.

"Don't worry, it won't last forever and it'll only be really bad for a little while."

"Right, so who do you think will be here first: Ly or Pete?" James readjusted his glasses.

"Peter, definitely." Sirius let out without a thought.

"I agree." Remus seconded.

"Why did I even ask?" James rolled his eyes.

As predicted, Peter arrived next—about fifteen minutes later. Ten minutes after that an owl could be heard squawking and a very familiar voice could be heard asking for the whereabouts of James Potter, Sirius Black, Peter Pettigrew, and/or Remus Lupin.

"Excuse me, do you know-Oh, there you lot are."

"Hello, Ly." "Yes, here we are." "Miss us?" "Hi!"

With a sound somewhere between a grunt and a growl she walked in and lifted her trunk into its proper place.

"Ly . . . Did you get your hair cut?" Remus asked curiously.

"Just a little." She shrugged, her cheeks looking slightly pinker.

"It looks like quite a lot to me. Something like ten centimeters." James smirked.

"Is it just me or is Remus' voice deeper? And is your hair shorter, Sirius?" The girl affected a tone of absence.

As she moved to put Eros beside it the bird's racket increased and Sirius couldn't help but smile a little.

"I see Daddy-dearest gave you your owl back."

"Yes, just this morning. Not ten minutes before we walked out the door. Poor thing was going positively bonkers." Lycaon turned to look up at the cage were two big black eyes were staring down at her. "Weren't you, Eros, Love?"

"Why exactly did you get the owl taken away in the first place? You never really said." James watched her expectantly.

"Well, I kind of got into an argument with my father."

Lycaon looked noticeably tenser.

"Over what?" Sirius felt a frown pull down his brows.

"It would appear," she didn't make eye contact with anyone, "that my father is than less than enthusiastic about some of my choices as far as friends."

"WHAT?"

"Namely Sirius." Ly winced

"Wow, what an arse." James said, obviously a little shocked.

"Tell me about it." Lycaon sighed, rolling her eyes. "Anyway, enough about that. How were you guys? Anything you didn't write about?"

Sirius felt a smile grow bitterly on his face. _I guess I'm really not alone_.

* * *

Author's Note: I apologize for the wait. I had this chapter done on February 6th but . . . I have been busy and my internet really, _really_ is bitching lately.

Oh . . . and . . . well . . . the next chapter may not be up any quicker. So I'm sorry my lovelies, really I am. Just know that I love you and, no matter how long the wait, TZB will always be there—growing in the dark.

-old-

COMING SOON: The LiMM Soundtrack. Can _you_ decipher the music? Over Sixty wonderful tracks! Featuring artists such as A.F.I, Sugarcult, Hot Hot Heat, Evanescence, Breaking Benjamin, Billy Talent, Something Corporate, and Ben Jelen! (Subject to Change)

-old-


	14. Fresh

Disclaimer: Lycaon (all OCs) and the plot obviously are mine but with everything else I'm in the same old fix: It's all J.K's

Author's NOte: I have edited all the chapters of Love is Misery's Mask and re-posted them as 13 chapters rather than 24. I know this didn't show up in your mailboxes. I also know that unless you were alerted by me, or checked yourself, you didn't know there was an update. But, hey, I love you! Plus, you _did _get a long up-date; so store it.

And I would also like to apologize for another activity on my account. It would appear that my little sister mistakenly posted her horrible little . . . _Digimon_ fan fic using my name . . . Very mistakenly . . . Oh so _mistakenly_ . . . For those who are interested, I have decided that as it was an accident I will, in fact, let her live. But if this _ever_ happens again all of her internal organs are mine. _MI-INE_ . . . Including her appendix. Upon reading this, she is horrified.

Now a heartfelt thanks to:

--COVET IT! --

Anne79: Have I mentioned how much I love this slight adjustment in you name? It's really quite fantastic. Trust me, I know how it feels to have a really long review disappear into the bowels of the internet. I, too, was very pleased with Mr. Potter's character. In fact, I was delighted with all the characterization in chapter 13(24). I'm just proud of that chapter in general, actually. I think I nailed the interaction of the Blacks right on the head. I wanted to scoop Sirius up and cuddle him . . . even if at this point he's too young for me :tear: And I sort of gave up on Chris . . . after a while I got tired of waiting for what was never going to happen, you know? Oh well, there are many other hot guys around for me to have ridiculous crushes on.

--COVET IT! --

* * *

The Zinnia Blooms--Fresh

* * *

"Oh, shite! Shite, shite, shite, shite, _shite_!"

"Lycaon, are you _serious_? How could you forget the assignment?"

"Come on, Rem. This is _Ly_ we're talking about."

"Store it, Sirius! I can't have you provoking me when I've got twenty-four inches to write on this _stupid_ book . . ." Lycaon finished her digging within Sirius' trunk and pulled out his Potions book.

"If you want you can use my essay, Ly. As long as I don't get busted I really don't mind." James volunteered.

"Mine, too," Sirius said. "Since you're already using my book and everything."

She shot him a glance_. And while being thoroughly prick-ish he's still somehow charming_ . . .

"I'd offer mine, but I doubt it'll help you much. I started repeating myself after eighteen inches." Peter laughed nervously.

"What about you, Rem? Are you going to help a friend in trouble?" James asked.

The boy pursed his lips for a long moment, looked around at his friends, and sighed. "Fine, you can use mine, too." He said, defeated.

"Thank Merlin I have friends like you lot." Lycaon let out a sigh of relief. "I guess since I'm going to use your papers I can start once we actually get to Hogwarts."

"Which is about half a train ride away," said James.

"How do you know?" Sirius gave his friend a dubious look.

"Because I, James Potter, know these things."

"With a head that big you ought to," Lycaon muttered.

"Hey!" James protested as the others laughed.

"Come on, Mate; she has you there." Sirius grinned.

"Like you're any better, Mister 'I'm so amazing I'm sure Crystal will go out with me'?" James put his fists to his hips.

"Ooooh! Does ickle Siri have a crush?" Ly said quickly, masking the horrible wrench in her gut. _This shouldn't hurt this much_.

"Do you, Sirius?" Peter asked, genuinely curious.

"Yes," Sirius was flustered, and cute, and making Ly hurt in ways she wasn't sure she'd ever felt before. "I'm going to ask Crystal out when we get to school!"

"Do you think she'll say yes?" Remus watched around him in amusement.

"Of course she will!" Sirius crossed his arms.

"That's your ego talking, Sirius." James rolled his eyes.

"No, she'll say yes." Ly interjected. "She's fancied Sirius a bit from the beginning."

"Well, well, good for you!" James nudged Sirius in the ribs.

"So, do I have the support of the Marauders?" The boy grinned around at his friends.

"Sure." "Absolutely!" "Full on, Mate!"

"You, too, Ly?" Sirius turned to her.

Everything in her chest swelled and screamed no.

"I don't get along with Crystal but if that's what you want, go for it." _Even though I'd __**really**__ rather you didn't._

"Oh, I'm sure you two can at least be civil if you really try!" Sirius laughed.

"If both parties cooperate, yes." Lycaon forced a smile.

As James and Sirius fell into excited planning Lycaon looked away. Her eyes met with Remus' and he gave her worried sort of 'what was that' look. She answered with a 'what do you want' expression. He shook his head and looked away. With a frown, Lycaon turned her eyes to the window.

_Damn it all_, she took a deep breath. _I really need to get over Sirius. For my own sake._

There was a knock at the door and Peter immediately opened the door.

"Why hello, dears! Would any of you like a snack?" A kindly, middle-aged woman asked.

"I think we'd all like several if that's not a problem," James grinned, suddenly standing at the door.

"That's not a problem at all, Love. What'll you have?"

"Ten of these, three of these, and five of these." The bespectacled boy shoveled the sweets into his arms.

"And I'll take some of these." Sirius grabbed a handful of chocolate frogs as James paid the cart woman. "Now how many is that? Six. Okay, six chocolate frogs. Bertie Botts . . . a carton—scratch that, two cartons of Bertie Botts. Three pumpkin what-nots, a box of whatever these are-

"Those are Ice Mice, Dear-"

"Did you have these last year? Never mind. Two boxes, then, and four packets of Drooble's Best Blowing Gum."

"Are you quite sure you want all that?" The cart woman asked.

"Quite sure."

"I'll just have some gum and some chocolate frogs . . ." Pete said, picking up a few of each. "And some Bertie Botts . . . And some Peril-Pepper Mint Sticks."

The cart woman gave a doting smile before moving on. "And how about you, Sir?"

"Me?" Remus asked to be answered with an affirmative nod. "Oh, I don't-" he paused awkwardly, blushing. "I haven't-" he stopped short again. "Well, I wouldn't even know where to start."

"No worries, you can try some of mine." Sirius interrupted, obviously sensing—not unlike Ly—that the problem was something other than unfamiliarity with the sweets. "Now that I look at it I think I've got rather too much, anyway."

Remus blushed. "Thanks."

"And you, Miss?" The woman looked to Ly.

"Four chocolate frogs and a packet of gum, thanks."

"Oh, were you in a hurry this morning, Child?" She looked Lycaon up and down.

"Yes, why?"

"You're just a little messed, is all." The woman proffered the desired sweets.

Lycaon looked down to where she had put the wrong button in the wrong hole and her tie was untied and tucked into her shirt. "Forgot about that." She muttered and took her snacks while at the same time handing over a few coins.

"I was wondering why your hair was down." Sirius said as the cart lady took her leave.

"That's all you noticed?" James sent a 'what's wrong with you' look.

"I didn't hear _you_ making any comments, Mr. Superior."

"Yeah," Lycaon went on, ignoring the arguing boys, "we were running late today and my father was 'helping' us to be as 'efficient' as him." Ly looked at her shirt again and sighed. "I'll be back in a moment. Remus, watch these, please." She dropped her recent purchases in his lap and headed off towards the bathroom.

. . .

Remus watched her leave and shook his head.

"Here, try one of these, Rem." Sirius held a pumpkin pastry out to him.

"Thanks, Siri."

"So, Moony, are you thinking of falling for a girl any time soon?"

Remus choked on his pastry. "What? What are you talking about?"

"Well, I've got Lily," James said.

"_Got_ Lily?" Sirius interrupted.

"Sirius fancies Crystal," he went on, ignoring the outburst. "I was just wondering if you or Pete are next."

Remus and Peter exchanged glances.

"James, I've seen how many times you've humiliated yourself for a crush. I'm not going to try that any time soon."

"Come on, it's a good cause."

"Besides," said Sirius, "I'm not going to embarrass myself. Humiliation isn't a mandatory thing; James is just an idiot."

"I resent that!"

"All the same," Remus smiled, "I don't fancy anyone just yet. I guess I will sometime. I mean, I _have to_, right? Just not right now."

James had a peculiarly thoughtful look on his face. "So, Rem and Pete, if you had to choose a girl who would it be?"

Remus thought for just a second. _Amy_. He blushed at how quickly he'd decided. "Well, I guess Amy . . ." He confessed. "But just because she's the only girl I know well besides Ly," he added as James gave him a knowing look.

"And you, Pete?" James asked as Sirius sat beside him, contentedly munching on a chocolate frog of which one leg was still kicking.

"Probably Mary," the boy said bashfully. "She's the only girl in our year I feel comfortable around. Plus, we already know each other pretty well."

Sirius snorted.

"What?" Peter asked, blushing madly.

The boy grinned and swallowed his food. "I was just thinking . . . If we all picked by the girl we knew best . . . We'd all end up with Lycaon."

James snorted in turn. "That's ridiculous. It'd be like . . . like a bloke dating his _sister_."

Remus felt a little pang for Ly. He really hoped she'd end up fancying someone other than Sirius. For her own sake.

"Woah, woah! Just picture it, James: Pete and Ly!" Sirius laughed raucously.

"Hey!" Peter cried out, very red in the face.

"Oh, Merlin! You're going to make me puke, Mate!" James complained, doubling over. In laughter, of course.

Remus shook his head.

"What are you lot doing?" Lycaon asked, slipping into the compartment. "I could hear you laughing from outside."

Sirius grinned up at her. "Wait, you tell us, Ly. If you had to pick a bloke in our year, who would it be?"

Almost imperceptibly, Lycaon stiffened and her cheeks became tinged. "What are you talking about?"

"Come on, Ly! Pete and Rem spilled, so now it's your turn."

"What'd they say?" She asked genuinely.

"Rem said Amy and Pete said Mary. Now how about you?" James prompted.

"If I absolutely had to?" Ly plopped into her seat.

The two raven-haired Marauders nodded.

"Or else the human race would die out?"

They nodded again.

"I'd let the human race die out."

"Give it up, Ly! There's got to be _someone_!" Sirius demanded impatiently.

"Well, if there _is_ I don't know him well enough to tell!" She crossed her arms.

"You're no fun." Sirius crossed his arms in turn, pouting.

"On the contrary: if I was no fun the lot of you'd have left me behind long ago."

. . .

"Wait . . . where do we go to get up to the castle?" James frowned.

"Do you know, Ly?" Peter asked.

"Erm, not the boats?"

"I know!" Sirius interjected heroically. "Follow me."

The boy darted off, leaving the others standing in his dust. Remus watched him, unsure.

"Well," Lycaon said, "let's follow him!" She started out after him, trotting.

"What if he's wrong?" Peter asked.

She turned and grinned, jogging backwards. "Then I guess we'll find out, won't we?"

_She's probably a better match for him than Crystal, too._

Peter looked and Remus and James. James shrugged, and followed Sirius and Ly. Remus upturned his palm in a 'what can I do' gesture, to which Peter gave a hopeless look before scurrying after James. Left with no other options, Remus followed suit.

Upon catching up to the others, Remus slowed to a stop with his breath a little ragged. Immediately the wide grin he had worn all the way from the train was wiped from his face. There, in front of the other four, was a black carriage being led by the most hideous animal he had ever seen. It looked almost like a black horse. But it had bat-like wings, and it looked . . . as if it should be dead. Every bone was clearly visible, and most horrible of all were the eyes. The awful, milky, pure-white eyes . . . like those of a blind man. Or a corpse.

"What are you talking about?" James was saying.

"There's this-this . . . thing in front of the carriage!" Sirius proclaimed loudly and gestured wildly at the horse-like beast.

"Are you kidding? There's nothing there." James pushed Sirius playfully. He turned to Lycaon and Pete. "You guys don't see anything, right?" The boy watched both carefully. Worriedly.

Remus walked closer.

"_I_ don't see anything." Peter offered meekly.

"I see." Lycaon whispered hoarsely.

"What? Are you guys pulling my leg?"

"No . . ." Remus stepped up. "I see something, too."

"I think . . ." Sirius said slowly as he approached the strange creature. "I think these are called thestrals."

"Thestrals?" James asked, confused. "I think I've heard that name. What are they?"

"They're these ugly animals. In all honestly, it looks like the evil version of Pegasus." Sirius stuck his hands out and ran it over a fleshless shoulder blade. His eyes shut and he became visibly paler. "Some people can see them and some people can't . . . I forget why."

Lycaon shuffled towards the thestrals, her arms wrapped tightly around herself. She exuded fear and distress but still she walked on. A thing which entirely baffled Remus. Just standing where he was, Remus was afraid of the beast, and _Lycaon's_ fear was so immense he could feel it in the air. There were only a few things Remus could think of that could compel a person to act separate of such fear: foolishness, desperation, and insanity.

"What are you two doing?" James asked of Lycaon and Sirius.

"Touching it." Sirius said, still stroking it's shoulder.

"Experiencing a nightmare while still completely awake." Lycaon had one hand set lightly on the thestral's rib cage.

"Are they really that bad?" Peter had his arms drawn up to himself.

"Not really . . ." She said. "But . . . a person can only see a thestral when . . ." her face was sickly, "when they've seen someone die."

"If you knew that why didn't you say so?" Asked James, his fists to his hips.

"I only know about them from texts. I'd never seen one to know what I was looking at."

"And we have a painting of one in my house," Sirius said.

"That's twisted," Said James.

"I know."

"Let's just get in the carriage." Remus said softly.

Though he wondered who Ly and Sirius had seen die, Remus knew that all of the Marauders were aware of what death he had witnessed. Had even executed . . .

"Look its Lily!" James grinned.

"Oh, Lily! Flower of dreams, iciest of hearts, the stuck up skirt that James wants to-"

"Shut up, Sirius!"

The boy merely laughed at his very much smitten and very pink friend.

"You really are quite pathetic when it comes to Lily," Lycaon commented.

"Do you lot mind if I try and ride with her?" He looked to the other four.

They glanced around amongst themselves knowingly. Amusedly.

Sirius looked at James with a smirk and a single brief nod.

James sat still, visibly eager.

"Well, what are you waiting for, Lover-boy!" Sirius barked.

'Lover-boy' jumped in his seat, and then—to a background of chuckling from his friends—to his feet. He hopped out of the carriage and began off towards Lily with only one scowl back at the other Marauders.

As he began to talk to the red-head Remus couldn't help but smile.

"Sometimes I think he's too good for her," Lycaon said, peering out the window. "She'll never find anyone more devoted than James."

Remus, Sirius, and Pete nodded quietly even though she couldn't see it. The three watched as James and Lily talked, then as Lily gestured to the other second year girls, and then as Crystal walked up and left with Lily in tow.

"What happened?" Peter asked as James re-entered their carriage.

"She said her carriage was going to be full and when I offered to let her ride with us she said that she'd already told the other girls she'd ride with them. Then Crystal asked if she was going to go or not . . . and she left." The boy sat down, defeated.

"Don't worry about it too much, James." Lycaon said.

"Yeah, there's always the return trip!" Sirius furthered.

"Yeah," James smiled, "I guess you're right."

"You guess so?" Ly and Sirius said almost simultaneously.

They shot each other an appraising look and then each shook their head.

_Better match_, Remus thought ruefully.

"Of course we are," said Sirius.

. . .

After an uneventful sorting and feast the Marauders sat in the 2nd year boys' dorm, very happy just to laze about.

"Why don't you take off your robe, Ly? It's got egg all over it. Plus, it's not like you don't have a uniform underneath it." Sirius said lazily.

"I don't feel like moving. Besides, I don't have anywhere as much egg on me as Snivelly does."

"Yeah, Peeves really must have something against him, huh?" James grinned.

"Must." Lycaon affirmed.

There was a silence.

"So . . ." James said awkwardly. "When are you going to ask Crystal out, Siri?

"I dunno."

Another silence. _I hope you never get around to it . . ._

"Do you wanna do it now?"

Sirius gave the other boy a thoughtful glance. "Sure."

_Bullocks_. Lycaon's heart found its way to her throat.

The two stood as the other three watched on.

"Do you lot want to come watch?" James asked.

"Sure!" Peter said.

"I don't see why not." Remus shrugged, something in his eyes amiss.

"Okay," Ly said, trying her hardest to appear natural.

The Marauders filed down the stairs to the common and, in horror, Ly watched from the bottom step as Sirius approached his soon-to-be girlfriend. _This would be bad enough, but the fact that it's __**Crystal**__ is just salt in the wound._

Lycaon held back the almost canine whimper she wanted to emit as Sirius sat himself onto the arm of the chair in which Crystal sat, flipping through a magazine. Though she quickly stopped that. The girl smiled precociously, her eyes blinking heavily. Sirius smiled back charmingly, his lips moving as he spoke. She laughed with her hand to her mouth and he kept talking with a goofy grin he normally only wore when talking about pranks—a grin Crystal should never have been allowed to see. She leaned in, saying something with a beam and heavy-lidded eyes. Sirius' smile grew even wider and Lycaon could see his mouth move for six little words that made her want to be violently ill: will you go out with me. The blonde smiled further and, though maybe Ly was only imagining it, there seemed to be something malicious in her manner as she announced her delight.

Sirius threw a wink at the Marauders and turned back to Crystal, who had begun to speak rapidly.

"Well, it looks like that went well." James muttered darkly.

"What, are you jealous?" Lycaon teased, secretly thinking that _she_ was.

"A little!" James admitted. "Why can't any of my attempts to go out with Lily go that well?"

"Because Lily doesn't like you." Ly said casually, turning back up the stairs.

"You're _heartless_."

"Isn't it fantastic?"

"Yeah, and I hope it helps you with your essay," James sneered.

"_Bullocks_! I'd forgotten."

"You'd better start that as soon as we get up to the room," Remus warned.

"Oh, I _will_!" Lycaon rolled her eyes.

"Do you think you'll finish it?" Peter asked.

"Of course I will!"

"Are you sure?" Ribbed James.

"Yes! Now would you stop _pestering_ me?"

The three behind her snickered.

"Gits! The lot of you!"

. . .

"Rise and Shine!" A light, sing-song voice met Ly's ears. "Today's our first day as second years; you wouldn't want to be late!"

"_I_ would!" Lycaon called miserably from her bed.

A tinkling laughter followed. "It's nice to be back rooming with you, too, Lycaon." Lily said.

Lycaon made no response other than to groan as she dragged herself out of her bed. She tripped on nothing, muttered something inappropriate, and grabbed her uniform. Once she changed she staggered into the bathroom and, as she did, she noticed that Crystal was leaning over the counter, applying pale blue eye shadow. For a minute she stood and stared.

"Is there something I can help you with?" The girl asked in a sickly-sweet voice.

"No, actually." Lycaon replied moving on towards her hair brush.

"Were you wondering why I look so positively _radiant_ today?" Crystal went on.

"No, actually." Ly said again.

"Then perhaps you were wondering why I'm smiling even more beautifully than usual." Crystal said, having attracted the attention of all the girls.

"No, actually." Ly gritted her teeth and shut her eyes with her fingers tight around her brush.

"Well," she said excitedly, looking around to all the girls, "it's because-oh, I'm not sure I want to say!" She turned back to the mirror.

"What is it?" Mary asked immediately, falling right into the trap.

"Well, if you _must_ know . . . Sirius Black asked me out last night!"

Lily, Amy, and Mary let out a collective.

"And now we're going out!" Crystal squealed, obviously relishing the attention.

Lycaon rolled her eyes, brushing her hair roughly.

"Oh, that's great, Crystal!" Mary cried.

"I'm happy for you," Lily smiled.

"Yes, congratulations, Crystal!" Amy said happily.

"Yes," Lycaon said derisively, "we're all _very_ happy. We hope you have numerous children and get obscenely fat, blah, blah, blah." She set down her brush with more force than was strictly necessary and walked out of the bathroom.

"I'm sorry, Saer." Crystal said in that entirely fake sweetness. "I didn't mean to make you _jealous_."

"Jealous of _you_? I think not." Ly scoffed.

"I think so. I mean, what chance has a girl like you got in getting boyfriend? And then that I'm going out with a boy as cute as _Sirius_-"

"Oh, please!" Ly set her fists to her hips. "Sirius is like a _brother_ to me!" The lie hurt even as she flung it from her lips

"I never said you were necessarily jealous because of _Sirius._" Crystal went on. "It's just that you'll _never_ be with a boy like _him_." The girl paused and then let out a small laugh. "I bet _you_ couldn't even get a decent date to the Halloween ball."

"_I_," Lycaon said, "could get an _excellent_ date to the Halloween ball, but_ I_ don't have to slap on some _cheap_ make-up and go out with some boy I don't really know to make myself feel like I'm worth something."

Lycaon spun on her heel, snatched up her bag, and exited the dorm before Crystal make any further remarks. _Smug, little_-

"Perfect timing, Ly!" James called out. "Ready to go to breakfast?"

Lycaon smiled, grateful for a friendly face. "As ready as I'll ever be."

. . .

"Merlin's beard!" James cried out. "Is it just me or does that class get longer every time we go to it?"

"Careful, James," Ly grinned, "Minerva might just hear that."

"Nah, we're out of ear-shot."

"Did you see the announcement board in the Common, James?" Sirius asked.

"No, should I have?"

"Well, there was a note for Quidditch try-outs."

"I'm in! Especially with my new broom." James beamed.

"Oh, yeah, the new Cirrus? I'm jealous, Mate. That thing's supposed to be _beautiful_." Sirius shook his head.

"It is." The boy smiled, earning a scowl from his best mate. "Don't worry, I'll let you try it out some time."

Sirius rolled his eyes.

"How about you, Ly? Are you going to try out? You're pretty quick."

"No, I like flying but I was thinking I'd let you two test the waters before I decided whether or not it was worth it. Besides, I'm not sure I want Minerva to be able to hold that over my head."

"Suit yourself," James shrugged.

"I'd try out, but I'm rubbish on a broom." Peter blushed.

"You're not that bad, Pete." James was saying as Ly was tuning out.

"Oh, Sirius!" A painfully familiar voice was calling. "Do you mind if I walk with you?" Crystal strutted over, cutting Ly off and pushing her away whereas she _had_ been walking beside Sirius.

_Stay cool . ._ .

"Here, let me take those books." Sirius offered. "Why are you carrying all of them?"

_So that you can carry them._

At that point Ly had to look away. She couldn't risk the embarrassment of decking Crystal for no apparent reason. Instead, she fell back and walked beside Rem.

"Are you okay with this?" He asked suddenly, very quietly, in her ear.

"With what?" She gave him an intentionally strange look.

"With this," he gestured at Sirius and Crystal.

"Why wouldn't I be?" Ly asked stuffily.

Remus gave her a stern look.

"Well?"

"Because you fancy Sirius," he said flatly.

She nearly tripped over herself and dropped her books. She did, however, manage to regain composure and her grip on her texts.

"You knew?" She whispered intensely. "How long?"

"A few months." Remus shrugged.

"Am I that obvious? Do you think he knows?"

"First of all," Remus gave her a disbelieving look, "this is _Sirius_ we're talking about. He wouldn't notice a flood until he was drowning."

Ly had to nod assent to this. She seemed to recall having said the same thing, actually.

"And no, you're not that obvious. I just know you well enough to tell."

Lycaon sighed. "At least I know I can trust you to keep it between us."

"Of course," Remus said. "But _you_ should tell him."

"What? And ruin _everything_?" She thought for a minute that Remus must be losing his mind. "Look, I can't do that. Never. And especially not when he's going out with _her_."

Remus gave her his tender, tired smile. "If that's what works for you."

. . .

"Do you guys want to work on the _project_ tonight?" Ly asked the other Marauders at supper on Wednesday while Crystal wasn't paying attention.

"I guess we could," James said contemplatively.

"The thing is," Ly continued, "I can only work on it in your dorm. The other girls would bother me in my dorm and there's no where else private."

"Alright," he nodded. "How close are you?"

"Two more to go." Ly said, taking a bite of potatoes.

"Ha! I'm going to beat you," Sirius grinned. "I have _one_ more."

Lycaon gave him a quizzical look and then swallowed her food. "Since when is it a competition?"

"I'm not even half-way done yet!" Peter complained.

"Same here, Pete." James said. "Don't worry about it. It's just because these two shut themselves up in their rooms as much as they could this summer."

Lycaon and Sirius both shrugged it off. It was true, after all.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" Remus asked nervously.

"Positive." "Completely." "Of course!" "One hundred percent."

He smiled at the broken chorus of affirmation and that was all Lycaon needed to assure her that it was all going to be worth it.

"Not to sound terribly sappy," Ly said before she could convince herself against it, "but I would do this a hundred times if I had to, Rem."

There was a general murmur of agreement and the boy before her blushed. _Yes, I certainly would. I could never abandon someone so . . . good. Not someone so really and truly good._

. . .

When at last supper finished and the gang was able to steal Sirius away from Crystal, they holed up in the dorm and settled themselves around the room. Lycaon opted to take all the pillows in the room and place them on the floor as a nest of sorts.

"So who's going to go first?" James asked.

"We're going to take turns?" Ly asked mildly.

"How about we let Sirius go first since he's only got one to go?" Remus suggested.

"Fine with me," Ly said, rolling onto her back.

"Same here," James nodded.

"Well then," Sirius flopped onto his stomach, "I guess I'll go. You lot just stay perfectly quiet."

Immediately the room was eerily hushed.

The boy gave his friends a disgruntled look and then let his face lay into his mattress. In all honesty, Lycaon was curious as to just what it looked like from the outside when this happened.

As she watched, Sirius' shoulders moved up and down less and less until they reached steady, shallow movements and he looked as if he was asleep. He looked very peaceful, though she couldn't see his face. But then his body stiffened and he began to jerk as if experiencing a seizure and the sudden movement came more and more frequently. In horror Lycaon watched as the shudders grew so close together that he seemed more to be shivering with an unnatural violence. He looked as if he was dying and at last Lycaon could look no more.

. . .

A color entirely out of the normal light spectrum swept through Sirius. It was a color he thought he might more easily display with piano than a set of paints. More importantly, it was something that hadn't ever happened to him before. The color blanched rapidly until it reached paleness more intense than even white—paleness that he felt might soon blind him. But as rapidly as the color had appeared or turned to light, the blinding brightness faded down and he was suddenly in a dark, dusty room. In the Black Manor. _He was vaguely aware of navy walls and a dark Persian rug, but over all else was the sickly sweetness of medicines and balms that reeked in the room. _

_Before him sat a cast iron bed with easily a dozen pillows and a plush, grey comforter. And in the bed lay a tiny, bony woman who was slowly sinking into the numerous, marshmallow-ish pillows. Sirius felt a stiff color too tight on his throat and a perfectly ironed blazer pulling his shoulders as he slumped. He kicked his brightly polished shoes at one another, scuffing them._

"_Sirius!" His mother hissed from beside him and, despite himself, he jumped._

_The old woman in the bed chuckled. "Could you bring me some tea, Walburga? My throat is parched."_

"_Of course, Mother!" Mrs. Black stood immediately "Graggly!"_

"_No," commanded a harsh voice, almost too strong to be coming from the inhabitant of the bed. "I'd much prefer if _you_ would bring me tea, Walburga. _Personally_."_

_The other woman bowed her head. "Of course, Mother."_

"_Besides," the gray-haired woman beamed, "I shall have plenty of company in young Sirius."_

"_Yes, Mother." Mrs. Black made a small bow and slipped from the room._

_Sirius found himself trying to look anywhere but the bed and hoping that Regulus_ _would come back from the loo soon so that _he_ could entertain their Grandmother instead._

_"Two sons and a daughter, can you imagine?" The woman was saying. "I would have thought Alphard, at least, would be here. I knew Cygnus wasn't coming."_

_Sirius swung his legs to and fro. _Hurry up, Regulus . . .

"_Sirius!" The woman barked and, again, Sirius couldn't help but jump. And, again, his grandmother laughed quietly._

"_Yes, Grandmother?" He asked in his young, presently frightened voice. _

"_You're a fine lad, Sirius. A fine lad indeed. I fear, however, that you may not make a proper heir to the House of Black."_

_Sirius watched her curiously. How could he not be a good heir when that's all he had ever been?_

"_Oh, I may be wrong." The old woman went on. "I am, after all, only a Black through marriage. But I think my husband has been a fine example."_

"_Excuse me, Grandmother," he said quietly, "but why do you say that?"_

"_Say what, boy? Be specific."_

"_Why do you say," he asked carefully, "that I may not be a good heir?"_

"_Oh, that," the woman said detachedly before her eyes refocused on him. "You see, Sirius, lines like that of the Blacks—or even my own—consist entirely of cold men. Whenever a boy demonstrates any kind of goodness . . . he becomes like a weed in a garden. Do you understand?" _

_Sirius nodded._

"_If my daughter heard me say this, she'd ask who I was and what I'd done with her mother, but . . . I think it's better that you try and be good, Sirius. And I don't mean in the way your mother wants you to be good when she tells you to behave. I take some pride that my son Alphard is a good man. I just wish he could have found a wife. He sits too quietly with the family, though. I want you to be a good man who isn't afraid to stand up for what he believes in, understand?"_

_Again, Sirius nodded._

"_It may hurt a little—I have to warn you—but it's a far better thing to be unaccepted and good than terrible but accepted. I only wish I'd had the courage to do the right thing in my lifetime. Now, as I lay here," she looked away with a horrible expression on her face, "_dying_," she turned back to him, "I regret it. I regret having been what I was. I regret having been unkind to my daughter, my sons, __and my husband. . . and to the world. Alphard, I think, was lucky as the youngest. Still I wasted my time wth him. I regret that I didn't just run from my arranged marriage to live with the man I could have loved . . . Whatever you do, Sirius . . . be sure that—when you lay in some God-forsaken death-bed—you won't regret it. Do what your heart says . . . and never forget that you have one."_

_Sirius stared as her eyes became suddenly unfocused._

"_Mother, I have your tea." Mrs. Black said quietly, walking in as a house-elf held open the door._

"_Thank you, Walburga, but I feel suddenly that I won't be needing it." From amongst the pillows the woman smiled._

"_Oh," the younger woman looked slightly frustrated as she sat the tray she had been carrying onto the bedside table._

_A sigh came from the bed and Sirius' attention was directed back at his grandmother. She looked to him and smiled fondly. Then she turned to watch her daughter, as if waiting._

"_Do you need something, Mother?" She said as she seemed to realize the sudden attention on her._

_The elderly woman shook her head slightly. So slightly it seemed only a tremble. "Just to say . . . Good-bye, Walburga. Wish your brothers well." She smiled widely and shut her eyes._

"_Mother?" Mrs. Black had worry in her voice. _

_Sirius noted in horror that his grandmother's chest no longer moved in slow, rasping breaths. That her chest no longer moved at all._

"_Mother!" Mrs. Black cried almost hysterically. She hurried to the bedside and grabbed one claw-like hand. "Mother," she moaned._

"_I think . . ." Sirius said quietly. "I think she's dea-"_

"_I know she's dead!" His mother screamed madly. "Get out! Get out, now!"_

"_But-"_

"_GET OUT!"_

Suddenly Sirius felt himself gasp for air and he was almost aware of his body, but his mind was trailing off somewhere else entirely. Half of him seemed to be in the dorm where Lycaon was standing over him worriedly and the other half of him was running down a tunnel . . . chasing something. His lungs were burning and suddenly he could see the end of the tunnel and in it the silhouette of an animal. He ran harder, pulling further and further from where James was coming 

into the corner of his vision and Ly had her hand stretched tentatively towards him.

The closer he got to the end of the tunnel the clearer a view he had of the animal waiting for him. He could see . . .

He could see . . .

See a . . .

a . . .

. . .

Lycaon felt herself almost ready to cry as Sirius shivered in a pale sweat and his breathing came hard and ragged. What had she gotten them into? Perhaps James and Sirius had the right notion about dark magic. Her fingertips met the damp temple of the boy before and he sat bolt upright, gasping wildly for breath. His pupils were almost lost in his gray irises and his eyes were unfocused, still completely somewhere else. One of his hands was grasping onto her arm and the other onto James'. His fingers were digging into them and both winced. James tried to pry him off but Lycaon let him do what he would. _I have to let this run its course._

"A dog." He rasped.

His breathing began to level off.

"A big, black dog. . ."

For a moment his eyes returned to normal and, though pale and sweaty, he was Sirius again . . . but as quickly as he had come back, his eyes shut and he fell back onto the bed, asleep.

"Do you think he's alright?" Peter asked from a few steps away.

"I hope so." Ly said.

"I think he's just asleep," James offered.

"He looks pale," Remus said.

"Well," Lycaon looked away from all of them as she went to grab a pillow, "he just re-experienced the thing that most changed his life. That's pretty powerful, and with a family like Sirius' who knows what it was?" She walked back to the bed and lifted Sirius' head carefully, placing the pillow underneath before gently resting him back. Her hand rebelled against all her logic and smoothed Sirius' hair from his face.

"Before he passed out," James frowned, "he started talking about a dog."

"I'm guessing that's his animagus form." Lycaon seated herself on the bed.

"A dog?" Peter asked.

"It says a lot, actually." Remus said.

"Yeah," Lycaon furthered, "dogs are loyal, they love people and attention, they can be protective and stupid . . . and he said it was a big, black dog."

"Do you think it was . . . like a grim?" James gave her a strange, curious look.

"Maybe." She looked down on the sleeping boy. "But if your animagus form is really a symbol of your future . . . I hope not. For his sake."

There was a heavy silence in the room.

"Do you want to take your turn, Ly?" James asked quietly.

"Well, I don't _want_ to," she replied darkly. "It is, after all, my most frightening memory. But what the Hell? I've already been scared shitless one time tonight, though." She looked around and smiled bitterly.

"Ly, you don't have to." Remus told her quickly.

"Remus," she threw at him what she hoped would be her most piercing of glances, "I've come too far to turn back now. Please don't ask me to."

The boy looked away and she sighed.

"Let's get this over with." She nestled herself into the pillows on the floor. "Could you lot put out some of the lights?"

Instantly a gust swept through and half of the candles in the chandeliers above were out.

Lycaon heard herself let out a nervous laugh. "Magic castle."

The others only watched her solemnly.

She looked down. "Right." Ly laid down on her back and shut her eyes against the remaining light. There were butterflies and flutterbies flitting to and fro in her stomach but she willed them away with thoughts of Remus covered in bruises. _Nothing, no one, nothing, no one . . . nothing, no one, nothing . . . no one . . . nothing . . . no one . . . nothing . . . no . .. one . . . no- . . . nothing . .. no . . . no . . . no . . ._

_Little by little a gravel walkway surrounded by trees sprung from the darkness that had flooded her mind. The sun shone happily upon her but a pair of hands shoved her from behind. She lost her balance and dropped her school bag but managed to catch herself as she fell. Ly rolled onto her back and pulled herself up to a sitting position. She looked up to the girl before her, thoroughly confused._

"_Wh-what was that for?" She asked of Tara._

_The girl gave her a nasty look as she stood at the head of a pack of girls, most of them a year or two older. This confused Ly further. Why were older girls there? She didn't know any of them. _

"_What do you want?"_

_Tara made a horrible sneer. "What do _you_ want?"_

"_I want to go home." Lycaon said honestly. "We have a lot of homework tonight."_

_The girl was now hovering over her and chuckling. She looked to the girls behind her and they laughed, too. "You just want to go home?"_

_Ly nodded._

_Tara's face became serious and all of the laughing stopped. "You can go home in a little bit." _

"_Why not now?" Asked Ly nervously._

"_Because we're doing something!" Tara yelled and slapped Lycaon across the face. "That's why not now!"_

_Lycaon held the side of her face and looked back up at Tara, horrified._

"_I'm going home now." Lycaon grabbed the strap of her school bag and began to scrabble to her feet._

"_You're not going anywhere!" Tara knocked her over._

_Frantically, Ly tried again to stand but this time an older girl pushed her down and before she could try to even crawl away Tara kicked her in the side._

"_Stop!" She told them, only to be kicked again. "Stop!" She yelled, pulling to her hands and knees._

_The girls were closing in around her and one of them kicked her in the side._

"_Agh!" Lycaon grabbed her side, trying to at least reach a kneel. "Stop!" She screamed._

_Someone kicked her other side forcefully and she fell over onto another girl's shoes. That girl kicked her off and Lycaon began to cry._

"_Stop it! Stop . . . Stop it!"_

"_Shut up!" A girl said angrily, kicking her jaw._

"_Please!" Lycaon cried out, covering her face with her arms._

_The girls were kicking her two or three at a time and she couldn't have kept track of it if she tried. The air around her seemed to be disappearing and her lungs couldn't gasp in enough of it. She cried out for help just once and one of them landed a hard kick to her head. She dared not try again and she even stopped trying to scream at all. Lycaon only cried and her sobs racked her body as the girls went on, relentlessly. It seemed to go on forever though in whatever rationality remained in her she knew it couldn't have been very long at all. There was nothing but the pain for a long moment and she couldn't process it suddenly. She was and she felt and she . . . she was . . . but she . . . wasn't. She wasn't sure where she was anymore and the concepts of space and time seemed to have gotten lost somewhere along the way . . . all that was definite was the pain. Sharp and brutal pain sending shock lights through her mind._

_Then the ache seemed to ebb and become a throbbing pain . . . dull like a butter knife. She became conscious of her lungs taking in full, deep breaths. And of the quick, intense twinge caused by that. Her eyes focused and she saw nothing but blue sky. Blessed blue skies . . ._

"_Have you had enough?" Said a voice her mind stretched to recognize._

_Ly looked around dazedly to see that she was still surrounded by the others. _Not good

"_I _said_," Tara fell to her knees and pulled harshly on one of Lycaon's pony-tail's, "have you had enough?"_

_Lycaon tried to nod but the sting in her scalp was too much. "Yes," she croaked._

"_What was that?" The other girl jerked the hair harder._

"_Yes!" Lycaon said loudly._

"_Don't you yell at me!" _

_Lycaon was thrown down onto the ground and she thought for a minute her head would split. She winced and then looked up to Tara._

"_Who do you think you are, looking at me?" The girl asked, yanking Ly up by the hair when she made eye contact. There was a murmur of unrest amongst the group._

"_I-I didn't mean anything by it-"_

_The back of Tara's hand crashed on Lycaon's cheek. "You need to learn who's in charge here, Saer."_

_Lycaon dared not look up. Her eyes were watering too badly to want to receive any more blows._

"_Who's in charge here?" Tara asked._

_Lycaon's hands trembled violently._

"_Who's in charge!" The girl wrenched Ly's hair viciously._

"_You are," she croaked_

_Lycaon snuck a glance out the corner of her eye and saw that Tara was smiling._

"_That's right."_

_Again Tara threw Lycaon to the ground. This time Lycaon had to bite back a cry. She didn't dare make a sound, lest it should provoke them further. She kept her eyes closed as well, not wanting to unwittingly look Tara in the eye. The coppery taste of blood filled her mouth._

_She heard the girl stand. "Tcht. What a worm."_

_All of the others laughed._

"_Come on; let's not waste any more time on such a worthless brat."_

_The girls continued to laugh and someone spit on Ly. It landed on her cheek and she winced, too disgusted for anything else. At herself above all. She played dead until she couldn't even hear their footsteps. Her eyes opened and her sleeve rubbed away the spit on her face. She rubbed away the tears that flowed freely and spat the blood from her mouth. She glanced briefly at her dusty bag that the girls had made a point of stepping on and carefully laid back down. Her eyes looked only to the cloudless sky that no longer meant carelessness and her bones chilled as the thought reached her that, for all that she had just been through, she didn't have a hope in her heart that they were really done with her._

Lycaon's eyes opened slowly and she jumped when they focused. It was, however, only Remus. Her hand was at her throat and she focused on trying to regulate her breathing.

"Are you alright?" He asked.

"Yeah," she answered breathily. "I'm fine."

"You had us scared there, Ly." Pete said.

"Yeah," James interjected. "You were crying and you just kept screaming and then you got real quiet . . . and you were barely breathing. I had to hold Remus back when you were screaming; he was throwing a fit. He was going to try and shake you out of it."

Lycaon only smiled weakly. "Let's call it a night, boys."

* * *

NOTE: Um . . . so what's up? How've you been :dust pours forth from the mouths of the readers: Uh, right. Now, I could explain . . . but that would be really long . . . so I'll just say this: finals, editing and compacting LiMM, internet sucks, three weeks away from home, internet _really_ sucks, don't lynch me.

-old-

With the next update you will also get DUN-DA-DA-DAAAA!

**The Love is Misery's Mask Soundtrack! **

This was first mentioned last chapter. These are not only the songs I listen to while writing LiMM, but they also tell the story of LiMM and the sequel to LiMM. As of right now there are 71 songs on the soundtrack. The details of each song are not necessarily the details of the story, but the general feel of each song characterizes a part of the story. The songs are in chronological order, but the number of songs which represent the same thing do not necessarily correlate to amount of time over which that particular event takes place. I will, in the last chapter of LiMM, explain my thinking behind each song that is meant to represent the plot of LiMM. Likewise, I will explain my thinking behind each song that is meant to represent the sequel in the final chapter of the sequel. If you choose to accept the soundtrack challenge, I suggest that you listen to as many of the songs as you can and find the lyrics to those that you can't. If you particularly want access to a song but can't find something on it, feel free to e-mail me and we might be able to work something out.

-old-

Thank you for your eyes, ladies, reviews are appreciated and can be submitted by clicked that button below! .

v


	15. Rise

Disclaimer: Not Mine.

Author's Note: If this is the first update you've had since March 2005, **READ CHAPTER 14**. If you read the last chapter already, I hope you enjoy this one, too. Here's the **Lyth update**: Sophomore year began August 10th. Crazy, I know. I already had two clubs and had a part as an understudy, and a job as stage manager--AKA martyr, and a major role in the one act competition. I also had a principal role in a three-act play called 'Our Town' and I gave my best performance to date as Emily Webb-Gibbs. We went to go see a professional production of the same play later that week and I kicked their Emily's ass. I worked on the spring musical, too. We did Grease and, let me just say, _never_ **_ever_** try to be a part of a production of Grease. It is a waste of time. I then worked my ass off for a production of The Diviners that had great potential but fell terribly short of said potential. Then, of course, there was regular school crap, ended May 26. And daydreaming. And an awesome online RPG called Ragnarok is taking lots of my time. So please try to understand, I must live in a world outside of this story. As unfortunate as that is.

**REGARDING THE 6th BOOK!: **I hated it. So, my response to that book, especially where _this_ story is concerned, is . . . fuck it. Fuck it right in the ear. I don't give a damn. My Zabini is Italian, and Peyton Kinnison is the Potions master. _And_ Remus would _never_ be with Tonks. Ew! Every time I think about it . . . just EWW!

**CHANGE IN MY THANKS TO REVIEWERS**: from now on I will be using the tool most graciously provided by in order reply to reviews, except in the case of the first reviewer who will, in stead, receive my reply both there _and_ here. I have implemented this change on previous chapters as well.

--COVET IT! --

Anne79: I LUVS JOOOO! Why thank you, I'm very proud of that scene. I thought that that was rather clever, and I'm actually a little fond of Sirius' grandmother. Then again, I just like old people. As for Ly's tormentors . . . shit happens. It just so happens that it happened to Ly. Girls have been known to form loose mobs with indefinite hierarchy in order to let off steam. Often times that means handing off their pain to someone else. Isn't Ly funny? It drives me nuts. I can't believe the things I do. Yes, well, Crystal isn't meant to be a likeable character. I myself am not quite sure how she got into Gryffindor. And _of course_ Rem knows. He's Ly's best friend. How can he _not_ know? I'm sure you'll have been alerted by for this chapter.

--COVET IT! --

* * *

The Zinnia Blooms--Rise

* * *

"Who put this up?" Sirius found himself frowning at a paper pinned to the notice board in the commons.

"Put what up, Siri?" Crystal was suddenly looping her arm around his.

Sirius felt a slight warmth spread to his gut at this but suppressed the ridiculous smile he could feel coming.

"This notice." He pointed to a piece of paper held up by spell-o-tape. "It says that my cousin Molly got married. I think I'd know if one of my cousins had gotten married."

"Well, from what I understand, Molly eloped with a wizard named Arthur Weasley. He's pureblood but very poor. I'm sure your family disapproved." Crystal pulled herself closer to him and Sirius could feel his stomach writhing. "I can't wait to go watch you at Quidditch try-outs this afternoon. I'm sure you'll be picked."

The closeness to her was awkward. It was both pleasant and nerve-wracking. He wanted to run at the same time that he wanted to get closer. This, however, wasn't the first time he'd felt this way around Crystal. Actually, he felt this way around Crystal rather often; just about every time she sidled up to him and looped her arm confidently with his.

"Well," a thought came to him, "you can sit with Remus, Peter, and Ly, if you like. I'm sure they'd be glad to have you sit with them."

A look of displeasure ran through Crystal that vaguely reminded Sirius of his mother. "No, I already promised I'd sit with Lily."

Sirius opened his mouth to say that they could all sit together when, very suddenly, Crystal scowled over his shoulder.

"I'm going to the library to finish my Herbology essay." She looked to him with a brilliant smile. "Would you like to work on it with me?"

Being in the library . . . with Crystal . . . alone . . . "Sure!"

"Fantastic!" Crystal beamed and began to lead him towards the exit, talking faster than he could possibly understand. Yet again.

"Sirius!"

His head turned behind him and he saw Lycaon, jogging from the stair leading to the girl's dorm. She gave him a puzzled look and sped up. Simultaneously, Crystal pulled harder on his arm and, with a helpless shrug to Ly, Sirius followed his girlfriend out of the Common.

(Ly's POV)

As she watched the portrait close behind Sirius and Crystal Lycaon was a little miffed to say the least. He hadn't even said 'hello'. No, of course not, he had just let himself be led like bloody cattle away from her and off somewhere with Crystal. Crystal. What the bloody Hell kind of name was Crystal anyway? Pouting and seething, she slammed herself onto a sofa. Once again, she attracted unnecessary attention to herself. Muttering uncomplimentary things about Crystal, blue-bloods, and life in general, Lycaon headed to the boys' dorm.

Upon entering she flung herself upon Remus' bed and cast him a moody glance.

"Same problems as ever?"

She nodded.

"You're too temperamental for your own good. You and I both know how things work."

Lycaon looked over to where James and Peter were engrossed in a Chess match. "Maybe, but it's not as if it's all my fault. I am provoked, you know."

"I know," Remus replied, "but you need to learn to stop rising to the bait."

Lycaon glared at him and rolled over, grumbling into the comforter. "I hate it when I know you're right."

"But I am right."

To this Ly could only reach out and sock Remus' knee. He laughed and she continued to attempt to suffocate herself on his bed.

...

Sitting in the first row of stands at the Quidditch Pitch between Rem and Pete, Ly continually adjusted her scarf and coat against the unseasonably chilly wind. Crystal sat alone a good three meters away and so Lycaon was able to ignore her. For the most part. Lycaon watched loyally as all of ten of the hopefuls competed for the one spot on the team. It was, if she remembered correctly, the position of Chaser that Gregory Wood had vacated to play Keeper which was empty after Arthur Weasley graduated. Then again, she could be wrong. There were just so many names to remember and none of them meant a damned thing to her.

When Sirius and James lapped the stadium with the other students Lycaon rooted for both. She noticed, however, how much better that James did than Sirius, even though he hadn't been allowed to use his new broom. Then the second test came up to try and get Quaffles past Wood. Lycaon, again, called out encouragement to both Sirius and James. And again she noted that James had beaten Sirius, if only by two goals. James was simply a born Quidditch player and that was all there was to it. And Lycaon imagined the fact he'd be riding his new broom in a game wouldn't hurt his chances at all.

Beyond the competition between James and Sirius, though, Ly was afraid she didn't notice much else. She was—and she was shamefully aware of this—too busy watching Sirius to have really seen the others. _This isn't healthy_.

Once all of the players had thrown what Quaffles they could past Wood, the tall and gangly young man landed and seemed very intense for a minute. _James Potter, James Potter . . ._

He pointed into the group of waiting Gryffindors. James pointed to himself questioningly and Wood only nodded. Even as far from him as she was, Ly knew James was grinning as he jogged over. Her eyes, however, found themselves falling on Sirius. He seemed to be doing well, though. He was, she noted, even cheering. And her feelings for him only grew stronger with this.

_Damn_.

Afterwards, in the dorm, Ly and Sirius sat alone. Remus and Peter had gone to the library so that the former could assist the latter with Transfiguration. James was hunting for Lily with the intent to embarrass himself again. Therefore, both Sirius and Lycaon had opted to hole up in the dorm where Ly found herself becoming Sirius' temporary confidant.

"I know James deserves that spot on the team," Sirius was speaking almost absently, "but that doesn't change the fact that I really wanted to play this year."

"Don't worry so much," Lycaon's gaze was flitting from one perfect curve of Sirius' face to the next. "You and I both know you'll make the team next year. Besides, you know it's not fair that last year's team kept their positions automatically. That's bad form."

"Yeah." A smile stretched out on Sirius' mouth and Ly swelled at the idea that she had put it there. "You know, you're pretty good at this for being so blunt the rest of the time."

"Gee, thanks." Lycaon rolled her eyes, amused but trying not to show it.

Sirius' laughter burst forth, loud and honest. "You know that's not what I meant!"

"And what did you mean?" She teased.

"That you're easier to talk to than you let on." Sirius watched her with his usual, goofy grin that said he was being perfectly candid. Sometimes when she was with Sirius Ly felt like a mere mortal in the presence of a saint or an angel.

"Well, I thought you might have caught on to that a while ago." Vainly, Ly tried to make sentence less serious than it was with a smile.

"I guess is a year is a while to get to know someone."

Lycaon shifted on the bed, not a meter from Sirius, and began to fiddle with the hem of her shirt. What was she to say to a comment like that?

"Why don't you and Crystal get along, Ly?"

Ly looked up, feeling like a deer in the headlights of a muggle car.

Sirius waited patiently for a response.

"Well, we're just too different, I guess."

His gray eyes were suddenly sharp and attentive, threatening to see right through her vagueness.

"I mean, I'm such a tom-boy," words she wouldn't normally use to describe herself, "and she's so proper . . ." which was an understatement at the least. "I'm not the type she wants to be around, and I can't possibly be around anyone who thinks they're too good for me." _Frank at last_ . . .

"Oh, come on-"

"I'm serious! She thinks she's better than me!"

"Well, if she's so horrible why didn't you say anything before?" Sirius said as if it were impossible for Ly to have a response to such a clever remark.

"Because you wouldn't have believed me anyway."

He opened his mouth to retort.

"And don't you deny it!" Ly pinned him in that moment with one finger. "If I had tried to tell you I thought Crystal wasn't a good pick you would have refused to hear a word of it."

"That's because she is! I think you were right when you said you're just too different."

"See? You won't even listen to me!"

"It's not like that-"

"Isn't it!"

There was silence in the room.

"Look," Lycaon spoke in a determinedly lowered voice, "let's just drop it. It's obvious neither of us is going to change point of view."

"Fine."

The air became heavy and Lycaon could feel anger bubbling hot in her stomach. He was supposed to be the one who always laughed with her but sometimes Sirius could just get her so irritated . . . She looked over to where he was sitting with his arms crossed, looking at the wall. Tragically handsome. As she watched he snuck a look and then dropped his gaze immediately. Ly sighed.

"I'm going to . . . I'm going to take a walk." She stood. "Have a nice night, Siri."

Sirius made a strange grunt in way of reply.

The very sound of it—the implications of slight contained therein—set Lycaon's blood to boiling all over again. Her gut went about its terrible churning and her eyes began to sting. Beyond all else, her eyes began to sting. Sometimes when she was around Sirius she felt as someone who was being persecuted for what was not their fault. Filled with this swirl of emotions, she wrenched open the door, stormed through, and slammed it shut behind her with all the might she possessed. There was a sudden lull in the noise from the common below. Fantastic, she had once again attracted more attention to herself than was strictly necessary.

After darting into the hall—without looking up once—the feet attached to Lycaon's legs led her down said hall. Where down the hall, she wasn't quite sure. All she knew was that there was absolutely no one to lend their ear to her at the moment. Remus was in the library and . . . and there was simply no one else she was ready to admit this embarrassing crush to. Over a period of time she realized that, while not precisely lost, she had absolutely no destination and was walking the same circuit repeatedly. All this while wishing she had somewhere—just one place—where she could sit alone and cry. At the moment that was all she was interested in doing. She didn't want a solution and it was completely irrational but she just wanted to sit in a corner and be thoroughly miserable with no one to bear witness to her shame. She just needed somewhere that no one could find. Except for perhaps Remus.

Not a long period of time later Lycaon had gone in an unintelligible tangle four—maybe five times, and became conscious of the fact that there was a door on one wall she wasn't sure she had ever seen before. Had it been there before? Had she been so preoccupied with her self-pity she had missed it? Was this on the map? Furthermore, what was behind it? _Well_, she reasoned, _there's only one way to find out_.

Feeling like an adventurer on uncharted grounds despite her already overwhelming emotions, Lycaon reached out and grasped the golden handle. The minute the door opened, Lycaon was struck dumb. Past this heavy wooden door was a small, dimly lit room with pillows and blankets strewn about the floor. What kind of room was this? It certainly wasn't a broom closet or certainly not any other kind of storage room. It was, however, perfectly wretched and therefore perfectly suited to her needs.

After checking both directions to be sure that no one was about Lycaon stepped into the room and shut the door behind her.

(Remus' POV)

"Are you sure we can't just practice a little more, Remus?" Peter asked nervously.

"Yes," Remus opened the door to the boys' dorm, "I'm sure."

"If you say so . . ."

"I say so. Hey, Sirius." Remus greeted the boy who was lounging on his, Remus', bed.

"Hm," Sirius flipped the page of one of James' quidditch magazines.

"James still off hunting Lily?"

"Mm-hm," another page was flipped.

"Do you know where Ly went off to?"

"I haven't the slightest." Again, the rather moody young man turned the page.

"Do you know when she left?" Remus felt a frown pull at his brow.

"I'm not her keeper, alright?" Angrily, Sirius turned yet another page that he couldn't reasonably have been done with.

"Sirius, did you and Ly fight again?" Remus asked very seriously.

"Yes, okay? I can't help it when she's so disagreeable all the time!"

"What was it over now," Remus went on tiredly.

"Crystal."

"Oh." Remus found himself genuinely surprised.

"'Oh' what?"

"'Oh,' that's a new subject."

"Yeah, well, add it to the list because we didn't exactly finish it up." Sirius turned the page rather violently, tearing it slightly and then cursing.

"Did she say anything about where she was going? I'd wanted to talk to her." Remus went to sit down on James' bed only to realize just in time that Peter was already there, interestedly watching his dorm mates.

"I don't know, I wasn't listening."

"It's no wonder she gets upset with you," Remus muttered.

"I heard that!" Sirius cried.

"Well, good," Remus replied. "I don't know about you, but your little fights with Ly are really starting to wear me out."

"Wear _you_ out?" Sirius complained, his voice breaking.

"Of course," Remus shrugged. "Who do you think she complains to?"

Sirius could only nod assent while Remus found and scanned the map.

"So, where is she?" Peter leaned over to look at the map.

"I don't know I don't see her." Remus' eyes moved from one possible hiding spot to the next but all of the usual places came up clean. "Strange." Then Remus saw a small room off a hall with Ly's dot. "Oh, there she is."

"Where?" Peter asked.

"There," Remus pointed to the exact spot.

"There?"

"Yes, there."

"Rem . . . there's nothing there." Peter gave him a funny look.

"What? Oh, you're crazy. I'm going to go find her." Remus folded up the map and stood.

"Good luck," Sirius scoffed. "She's downright disagreeable today."

Remus could only smile. "I'll watch my step. Though I suspect she'll go easier on me than you." With one last wave Remus left. It took him only a few minutes to get to what he assumed was the door to where Ly was hiding, but he couldn't recall having seen it before. No matter, it was where Ly was. He grabbed the handle but it wouldn't turn. He sighed and knocked.

"Ly? It's me, Remus. Open up, I want to talk."

"Leave me alone," replied a muffled voice.

"Oh, come on. You're being unreasonable." He leaned against the door, waiting, as usual, for her to realize that she could trust him inside her walls.

"So? I have the right to be unreasonable sometimes, don't I? Everyone else does it. But not me, no-o . . ." Lycaon's words became too difficult to decipher after this and Remus had to heave another sigh.

"Of course you have the right to be unreasonable, but you'll feel better a lot faster if you let me talk to you. I'll let you be unreasonable if that's what you want so long as you unlock this door."

There was a dead quiet inside the room and then a rustling and the click of a lock unlocking. Remus turned the knob and slunk inside, locking the door behind him before really looking up. When he did look, his eyes did not go far. They lingered on Lycaon's hunched over frame. She sat in a pile of pillows with a blanket pulled tightly around her and Remus thought only to move to her and comfort her.

"Are you okay, Ly?"

"Okay? Okay? Yeah, sure I'm okay. I'm just great. I mean, why else would I come and cry my eyes out in some closet?"

This, of course, only made Remus want to fix her problems faster. "It's Sirius, right?"

"Who else? Prince of bloody heart-break, himself. Really, though, how can he hurt me this much without even knowing that he can? Can you imagine what would happen if he knew how much he can do to me?"

"You know it's not like that-"

"Do I? Do I really? Because I don't think I do. Oh, I never want to be with him. It would kill me! It would absolutely kill me!" In utter frustration she hugged her knees and hid her face.

"But you do want to be with him. And that's the trouble."

"So how do I fix it?" Lycaon faced him again with a forced calm. "How do I forget about this stupid little crush?"

"Well . . . I'm no expert but I think you're just going to learn how to deal with it and hope for the best."

"Fantastic." Lycaon fell back on her pillows, half-serious and half-acting. "I hate my heart. My stupid, stupid heart. Rip it out, Rem. Do me a favor and just rip the stupid thing right out of my chest."

"Sorry, but I can't."

"You're no use."

Remus laid down on his stomach next to her with a smile. "Of course not."

Lycaon sighed, calming noticeably with his proximity. "Why don't I have a crush on you Rem? Why can't I have a crush on someone who would be good for me?"

"Because, as I think you know, you like this too much."

Green eyes turned mournfully to him "I'm crazy aren't I?"

"Yes," he smiled, "but in the best way possible."

Again, she sighed, which made Remus laugh, which made her indignant, which made Remus give her a reassuring hug.

"Come on, let's go back to the tower," Remus said, patting Ly's shoulder.

"If we have to," Lycaon rolled her eyes and together the two walked back towards their place in the school with Lycaon asking if she looked like she'd been crying and then moving on to things of far less importance and far greater interest, Remus having forgotten completely what he'd wanted to discuss.

(Ly's POV)

"Come on, Ly, why can't I work on transforming?" Sirius whined from where he was lounging on his bed.

"Because I want to finish up, alright?" She threw the last of the pillows on the floor and fell onto them.

"But the full moon is in a week, if I can transform-"

"No!" Remus and Lycaon said simultaneously. The two exchanged glances.

"First of all, you will _not_ go alone." Lycaon stated firmly. "I don't care how big your animagus form is, it's not a match for a were-wolf." Sirius began to pout. "And you probably won't finish in a week's time, anyway."

"Fine, you've made your point. Just do it already." Sirius continued to sulk.

"Git," Lycaon muttered as she laid down. Almost all light disappeared and she shut her eyes.

She shifted and began to pace her breathing. Her heart was pounding in her throat with fear and excitement. She initiated her ritual mental chant and slowly calmed. Then a buzzing grew in her ears and her limbs all began to fall asleep at once. This sensation intensified to the point where she wasn't sure she'd be able stand it then another sensation replaced it. This sensation was unlike anything she had ever before imagined, but before she could ponder this a strange noise rang in her ears. It was, she thought, what it might sound like if all living things had a voice and were to sing simultaneously. All things escalated to a point of overwhelming madness and then, like an explosion, there was pure white that threatened to blind her and pure silence fit to deafen. Everything deteriorated instantly and Lycaon was in a familiar place and time.

_There was a deep scarlet under her eyelids and by opening her eyes she traded that for a soft, dawn grey with the sun yellowing the world around it. Forget-me-not blue was emerging little by little in the sky. As she sat and watched, each brick building seemed to come to life as the sun reached out it's fingers and wrapped them around the corners. Slowly, London became special and warm despite the chilly wind that penetrated her nightgown and the blanket she had wrapped around her. Even in November she loved to watch the Sun rise from the roof of Aunt Lynne's apartment building._

_"Isn't it beautiful?" Aunt Lynne asked, her breath visible against the cold air._

_"Yes," Lycaon answered quietly._

_"I'm glad you came to visit, Ly," the woman said. "You seemed to need some time off."_

_"What for?" Lycaon turned her eyes from the sunrise to her aunt._

_"I'll be honest with you, Love: your parents asked me to try and 'talk sense' to you. They said that your teacher had been complaining that you weren't social enough. I may be your mother's sister, but I know your Father well enough to know he's probably been a right prick about it. Am I right?" Lynne turned to Ly as she finished._

_Lycaon looked away, back to the rising sun. Even when Aunt Lynne was the questioner that wasn't a question she was comfortable answering. _

_"Your father can be difficult to deal with, Ly, I completely understand. I myself haven't the slightest as to why Claire married him. The fact of the matter is that, for one, he's your father, and, for two, there will always be difficult people in this world. They tend to be especially difficult for people like you and I. We have a hard enough time dealing with the rest of society, don't we? I imagine the other children aren't any nicer to you than they were to me. That being the case, I have to wonder if you're as miserable as I was."_

_"It's not so bad," Lycaon lied as her throat tightened.._

_There was a pause as the woman beside her examined her. "Come now, Ly. I know you better than that. This will be much easier if you'll just confess."_

_Ever fiber of Ly's being ached to tell but trembled at the thought that anyone else should know. It was, to say the least, not a source of pride. She'd been in this situation before and the headmistress had asked all kinds of questions. Who was there? Did they hurt you? Do they do it often? Do they pick on you? _

_And Ly had only confirmed that which she could not deny. Bruises are too material to be denied but all else can be played with. Including causes._

_"It's not so bad," Lycaon repeated tremulously, not daring to make eye-contact lest she should completely break-down._

_"Fine." Lynne's voice was soft and somehow injured. "If you won't talk to me I guess I'll just have to talk to you."_

_There was a moment of unmarried and pregnant silence in which Lycaon attempted to look as far from Aunt Lynne as physically possible. _

_"When I was a girl I had a lot of troubles. Claire was always the pretty one, the one my mother loved dressing up, my father's little girl. I was awkward. I was heavy, painfully shy, and until I was ten I had leg braces. After the leg braces I had regular braces. And when I say heavy I don't mean apple-cheeks or hour-glass figure." The tone of conversation was surprisingly casual. Light-hearted, even. " Everyone would call me 'The Tank.' I started to thin out at around sixteen, but the damage was done and I still had the braces. The only time I was ever asked out was as a joke. I didn't have any real friends until I was seventeen. Needless to say, it was a terrible time."_

_A silence fell between them and as Aunt Lynne seemed to be waiting for Ly to break it.._

_"So, what did you do?"_

_"I did the only thing I could reasonably have done: I was for myself what no one else would be. I had to learn to stand up on my own two feet when everyone else was either knocking me down or looking the other way. Because I was willing to be my own protector and comforter I was able to come out a lot better for the whole thing. There were a few others in similar positions that weren't able to do the same. For them those years were even worse. I've been able to live my life happily because I learned to do all those things. There were times where I wondered why I had ever been born . . . but I came to realize that no one knows that. No one knows much about anything. We all just press on day after day, hoping for an answer. But we try, we wait, and we learn to love what we have for as long as we have it. I can only hope that you'll do the same, Ly." Lynne's eyes fell on her. "I want you to be far happier than I ever was."_

_The words in Lycaon's mind struggled through her tightening throat that they might fall gracelessly from her lips. "I want that, too. It's just so hard . . . sometimes . . . sometimes I feel like it won't ever get better."_

_"I know dear, I know." _

_Lynne placed a gentle hand on Lycaon's shoulder and rather suddenly everything that she'd been fighting to hide for so long was laid plainly at her aunt's feet. Aunt Lynne's soothing voice cooed reassurances and her hand stroked back Ly's hair. After a long moment when the worst of the sobbing was done, Lycaon's head laid cradled in her Aunt's arms and turned softly to the East. In her ear she a heard a faint whisper that, if miniscule in its volume, was great in it's wisdom._

_"Even as the sun must set, so must it rise."_

_As resolution was building in her chest Ly began to drift away from that London rooftop. The Sun rising over the skyline became interrupted with flashes of forest, just after dusk. She was staring up into the dark, cloudy sky through a strange canopy—the likes of which she had never seen. It was not a rainforest at all but it was not quite like any forest she had ever known. Something about the trees was not right. Eventually the city of London left her completely and with a strange calm she rolled over, aware that she lay in a pile of cool leaves, and in the distance she saw an animal. This animal approached slowly and she began to recognize it slowly. Canine and terribly full of grace . . . before her stood a wolf with a grey-brown coat and white under-belly . . . before her stood her namesake._

...

Lycaon's eyes opened and light was coming from all the wrong places. Groggily she rubbed away sleep and took a look around. It was the boys' dorm. And as soon as she saw this fact, blearily though she saw it, she realized why she was there. The boys must have thought it better not to wake her. She rose slowly to her knees and saw that all of the pillows were still there. The four of them had slept without pillows for her. Peering around further, Ly saw that it was approaching 11am. Luckily she had beat noon. From the bathroom she heard running water, but found herself unable to conclude anything from it.

"Mmm . . . good morning, World," she sighed, stretching up and then hoisting herself to her feet.

Ly gathered the pillows from the floor, wondering what certain persons had thought or were thinking. The sound of water stopped and a moment later the door opened.

"Oh, you're awake!" Sirius exclaimed, the perfect picture of candor and straightforwardness. Not to mention a few other things. He readjusted the towel he had wrapped around his waist and smiled carelessly. "I didn't bring any clothes in there with me."

"Oh, alright." Lycaon kept her eyes well away from him by putting the pillows on their respective beds. "Did you lot sleep in?"

"No, well, with the exception of you, of course." A mischievous grin spread on his face and he looked to her.

Realizing that she had been staring at him Ly quickly fluffed a pillow that didn't need fluffing.

"Well, may I ask why you took a shower in the middle of the day?"

"Oh," Sirius chuckled, "that." He shook his head as he walked to the bathroom, clothes in hand, as Ly admired the slinking of his shoulder blades beneath his skin. "Crystal and I had a bit of a . . . spat, if you will."

"You did?" The idea of it was genuinely surprising to Ly. "And here I thought you only argued with me."

"Well," Sirius paused in the doorway to speak to Ly, "that used to be the case. Now you have competition, though." He smiled, a little weaker now. The combination of that smile and the idea of Crystal taking her place was almost enough to break Lycaon's heart. "No worries though, you've still got a leg up on her."

Lycaon smiled, "Well, that's good to know but what does this have to do with showering?"

"Oh, well this is the best part!" Sirius' eyes sparkled. "I didn't know people actually did this, anymore, Ly! Everyone was cracking up, you should have been there. We were arguing in the Great Hall, right? And I don't even remember what I said but she stands up—oh, you'll love this—she stand up and pours her pumpkin juice right over my head!"

The more and more Sirius carried on, the more and more confused Ly became and the more oddly amused as well.

"And you're actually happy that she poured pumpkin juice on you?" Lycaon continued putting pillows back on beds.

"Well, it was hilarious, Ly! I mean, really, it was so stupid! It was ridiculous, and childish, and clichy-"

"You mean cliché?" Ly gave Sirius a doubtful look.

"Yeah, that, and it was just—I don't even know what it was!" He laughed. "It was just . . . so . . . so . . ."

"Poetic?"

"Yeah! It was so perfect. I have to admit, I feel very accomplished. I'm well on my way to being the biggest heart-breaker in this school, Ly!" He shook his fist in air, grinning and Ly couldn't resist an eye-roll.

"Well, congratulations." She turned around to readjust a pillow and had to raise her voice as she heard the door close. "You are officially out of your head."

"And this from the first explorer!" Came the muffled reply.

"Oh, stuff it!" Lycaon set the pillow in it's place and bit her lip. Running in her head were flashes of Sirius' neck, his clavicle, his shoulders, his spine—

"Bloody Hell, I'm hopeless."

TIME WARP

Lycaon sighed heavily as she trudged into the girl's dorm, thumbing the note in her pocket thoughtfully.

"I have to say, Lily, I don't know why you didn't accept Potter's offer," Crystal said just as Ly stepped inside.

"You know very well why! Don't even get me started on why I won't be seen with him. William, though, he's driven and intellectual-"

"And mature," interrupted Crystal slyly.

"And respectful." Lily put her hands to her hips.

"Yes," Crystal smiled, from where she lay on her bed, "he is cute, I suppose."

"Oh, you!" Lily grinned, going after Crystal with a pillow.

Lycaon shared a glance with Amy and both shook their heads. Somehow Lily and Crystal as friends was just so strange to Ly. In reality, Lily wasn't half-bad. She was, where James wasn't concerned, a very forgiving and understanding individual. Where James _was_ concerned . . . Ly supposed they were both somewhat biased. As Ly pulled out her pajamas Amy climbed over her own bed towards Ly's.

"Say, you don't have a date to the ball, do you?" She whispered intently.

"Well, no, but I'm afraid I just wouldn't be comfortable going with you-"

"Oh, store it!" Amy punched Ly's arm lightly, a habit she had only learned since meeting Lycaon. "I just didn't want to be the only one without a date. Well, besides Mary, of course."

Lycaon got a slanted sort of grin. "Well, if you want a date I could probably get Remus to-"

"Oh, stop!" Amy blushed wildly, pushing Ly away.

Ly could only laugh in response as she climbed through her bed curtains to change.

"Date or no date," Amy said, "I'm still glad my dress robes look nice."

"I'm not even sure if I want to go," Lycaon replied lazily.

"What?" Came the startled response.

"Well," Lycaon pulled back her curtains, "what's the point? It's just not that interesting to me."

"What's the matter, Saer?" Crystal inserted herself into the conversation from across the room, apparently bored now that Lily had gone to wash up and Mary was absorbed in homework. "Are you upset because no one has asked you to go with them? You can't have expected them to."

"Oh, store it, Crystal. The only reason anyone puts up with _you_ is that they want something." Lycaon pulled the corner of her comforter up, not at all in the mood for this.

"Well then why by Merlin's beard do they put up with you? At least I'm easy on the eyes."

"Fine!" Lycaon turned around and put her hand to her hips. "Do you want to insult me, Crystal? Please, just get it over with because I don't have time for your stupid games!" Her voice was full of venom and her stomach was lined with white-hot rage.

"No need to get touchy!" Crystal simpered, taking visible pleasure in Ly's unhappiness. "I can't help but speak the truth."

"Then speak it," Lycaon said with a step forward.

"Well, if you insist." The girl's attitude became at once serious as she sensed that Lycaon was calling her to the plate. She tossed her hair in preparation. "You might as well be a boy for all the chance you have of being asked to the Halloween Ball. Goodness knows you have the figure of one. And I think you told me once that you saw Sirius as a brother? He and the other boys you know feel the same of you. You can pretend not to be interested as much as you like but we both know that isn't true."

The truth of it stung but more than that it stung that someone like Crystal could possibly understand her. For a long moment she stared Crystal dead in the eye.

"You're full of shite." The response seemed to surprise Crystal significantly. Lycaon began to turn around to go to bed and then a thought came to her. She turned back with a leaden hatred in her gut. "And for your information I was asked to the Halloween Ball today."

Thrown though she was, Crystal attempted to retain composure. "Please!"

"You want proof?" Lycaon grabbed her school robe and dug out a note. "Eat your heart out." She threw it on the floor and stood confidently knowing that, shameful as the act would be, Crystal couldn't help but pick the note up. And Ly was right.

"It's probably a nobody," Crystal muttered as a self-preservation tactic while she unfolded the note. She read through it briefly, making faces at various lines but Lycaon knew the minute she had read the signature by the look on her face.

"Who is it?" Amy, who had remained carefully silent until now, asked eagerly.

"You wrote this." Crystal said. "There's no way Avery Carew _actually_ asked you to go to the ball with him."

"What?" Exclaimed Mary, unable to focus on her work any longer.

"Avery Carew?" Amy asked.

"Avery Carew," Lycaon repeated. "Rising quidditch hero of the Hufflepuff team." She took a moment to seem casual. "I'm still considering, of course, but I think I may accept."

Crystal steamed and searched for a response that might in some way restore her. The thing, however, seemed to escape her.

"Oh, you should, Ly!" Amy affirmed. "He seems really great. Oh, you two would look so nice together, I'm sure of it!"

"He's really cute," Mary said.

"He's thoroughly boring," Crystal said, refusing to admit defeat.

"He's far better than you could get," Ly crossed her arms, buckling down. She was vaguely aware of Lily reentering the dorm.

"Oh, right! I'm only dating the most handsome—not to mention richest —boy in our year with possibly the most upstanding family. Obviously your second-rate, second-class Hufflepuff is better."

"First of all, you're still full of shite," Lycaon stepped forward, seething. "Secondly, if all you see in Sirius is looks and money—though I never expected you to care for more than that—then you also _are_ a worthless piece of shite and you don't even come close to deserving him!"

Something in Crystal's expressions changed at the final part of this retort as if she'd had a thought, but Lycaon supposed herself to be imagining it.

"You can keep the note if you like. I'm done here." She turned back to her bed and climbed in.

As she pulled her curtains shut Crystal attempted to continue the battle but Lily hushed and scolded her. With a sigh, Lycaon shut her eyes for the night.

...

In the Great Hall for breakfast with more than a day between the present and the time of the decision, Ly was waiting for Eros to swoop over the Hufflepuff table. She was far too nervous to eat, but tried to remain inconspicuous by sipping on her pumpkin juice. Remus watched this, periodically shaking his head between bites of his breakfast. On the other side of her, Amy patted her arm and whispered reassurances from time to time. There was, rationally, no reason for Lycaon to be nervous. After all, Carew had already confessed a crush on her, hadn't he? Remus knew those things, but he understood. The mind loses all rationality when involved in matters of romance, after all.

So he endured Lycaon's nervous habits. Like the way she jiggled her leg at a thousand beats per minute and looked impossibly nervous to anyone paying the remotest bit of attention, which neither James nor Peter were. Of Sirius there needs be no special mention.

"Ly, take a deep breath and relax," Remus coaxed. "I promise on my life he won't reject you."

"Well, that's kind of the problem."

"What?"

"Remus, how is this supposed to work? I have no clue how to do this sort of thing," Lycaon said. "Plus, I'm not even sure I want this. I mean, I want to shut Henley up, but this is quite a hassle just for that."

"Well, I'm not going to pretend it's not wrong to toy with Carew's emotions—"

"Oh, I'm not worried about that."

Remus paused internally. Who did he think he was talking to? Of course that wasn't Ly's concern. She wouldn't think of that until much later.

"But what will he expect of me, Rem?"

"Well, probably a lot—"

"Oh!"

" . . . in the way of personality. Why?"

"I don't want to have to . . . do anything" her eyebrows moved dramatically, "just to irk that wench."

"You really are selfish."

"Oh, Remmie-kins! What am I to do?" She threw herself on him, the height of melodrama. He could naught but roll his eyes.

It was then that the explosive noise of hundreds of wings entered the Great Hall. Lycaon's eyes scanned rapidly down the Hufflepuff table and back up again. Remus watched the air, deciding Eros to be more recognizable than the back of Carew's head.

Remus didn't find Eros until the bird was leaving the crowded Hufflepuff air, but beside him Lycaon was tense and focused on one particular head of blonde hair. This person suddenly turned to the side and engaged in conversation with his neighbor. The neighbor patted Carew on the shoulder and dreamily the boy looked right at Remus. Remus turned around quickly.

Beside him Ly was eating a piece of toast and chatting easily with Amy.

_How is this the girl I know?_ Remus asked himself. The answer was instantaneous.

While the girl beside him was, in fact, Lycaon Saer, she was not Ly. Ly was the girl who loved Sirius, would put her own life on the line for Remus's happiness, and cried in closets. The Lycaon Saer of the present moment was the one who would always distrust Slytherins, would never like her father, and would do anything to keep from being wrong or vulnerable.

* * *

NOTE: OH MY GOD! MOTHER OF CHRIST! I UPDATED:collapses in chair: Believe me when I say I'm sorry, but I did the best I could. Anyway, you probably want the Playlist, huh? Okay.

**-old-**

I'll explain this one more time, in case anyone doesn't remember the deal. These are the songs I listen to while writing LiMM and they also represent the story of LiMM. The number of songs that relate the same even do not correspond to the amount of time over which the event takes place. Details in the lyrics may not accurately describe the actual story of LiMM. Rather the feel of the songs is meant to correspond to the feel of a part of the story. I will explain my choices and thoughts on this list in the final chapter of LiMM.

Reminder: Some of these songs may be more difficult to access than others. If you find that you are unable to find what you want on a number of songs my suggestion would be a free trial of Rhapsody. It'll allow you to search for and listen to almost all of these songs. If you think you may forget to cancel your account, give them the number of a maxed out Visa or American Express gift card.

--

The Key:

" Important to the plot

"" A Kick-ass song

""" A Kick-ass song that's also important to the plot

--

Artist: Album: Song If you don't own the CD this song is on, buy it. (Unless you're one of those single-genre people . . .)

Artist: Album The album _should_ be in your collection, but this song is on the same album as a song listed somewhere above.

The Ramones: Loud, Fast Ramones- Their Toughest Hits: Beat on the Brat

Billy Talent: Billy Talent: Try Honesty

AFI: Sing the Sorrow: Bleed Black"""

AFI: Strength through Wounding

Modest Mouse: Good News for People Who Love Bad News: Bukowski

The Sex Pistols: Never Mind the Bullocks Here's the Sex Pistols: No Feelings""

AFI: Answer That & Stay Fashionable: Don't Make Me Ill""

Ben Jelen: Give it All Away: Give it All Away"""

Ok Go: Ok Go: You're So Damn Hot""

Something Corporate: North: As You Sleep"""

Franz Ferdinand: You Could Have It So Much Better: Well That Was Easy"""

Lola Ray: I Don't Know You: Automatic Girl"""

AFI: Sing the Sorrow: The Great Disappointment

Sugarcult: Palm Trees and Power Lines: Counting Stars"""

Hot Hot Heat: Elevator: Dirty Mouth"""

The Ramones: Loud, Fast Ramones- Their Toughest Hits: Glad to See You Go

Franz Ferdinand: You Could Have It So Much Better: Walk Away"""

Sugarcult: Palm Trees and Power Lines: Crying"""

The Killers: Hot Fuss: Smile like You Mean It""

Razorlight: Up All Night: Vice"""

Evanescence: Fallen: Bring Me to Life

The Ramones: Loud, Fast Ramones- Their Toughest Hits: I Wanna Be Sedated""

Jet: Get Born: Look What You've Done

Dresden Dolls: The Dresden Dolls: Coin-Operated Boy"""

Incubus: Make Yourself: Drive

Franz Ferdinand: Franz Ferdinand: Auf Achse"""

The Bravery: The Bravery: No Brakes"""

Rooney: Rooney: I'm a Terrible Person""

Hot Hot Heat: Make Up the Breakdown: Oh, Godamnit"""

Breaking Benjamin: We Are Not Alone: Break My Fall

The Killers: Hot Fuss: Change Your Mind"""

Breaking Benjamin: We Are Not Alone: Forget It"

Rooney: Rooney: Stay Away""

Sugarcult: Palm Trees and Power Lines: Memory"""

Breaking Benjamin: We Are Not Alone: Sooner or Later

Sugarcult: Palm Trees and Power Lines: Over"""

Gwen Stefani: Love, Angel, Music, Baby: The Real Thing"""

Modest Mouse: Good News for People Who Love Bad News: Float On""

The Sex Pistols: Never Mind the Bullocks Here's the Sex Pistols: Pretty Vacant""

The Bravery: The Bravery: Give In"""

Ewan McGregor and Nicole Kidman: Moulin Rouge Soundtrack (1 or 2): Come What May"""

AFI: Sing the Sorrow: The Leaving Song"""

AFI: The Art of Drowning: 6 to 8"""


	16. Interlude

Disclaimer: Not mine.

Author's Note: As I type this I sit at school, a High School Senior now. There are less than four weeks left until I am a graduate. So much has changed but here sits this story, untouched for so long. I apologize and, though I could try to explain…it would be fruitless. More than anything, I know that the only way to truly apologize is to finish this story. I know, have known, how this is going to play out and end. All that's left is to write it. I will probably also rewrite the first chapter or two as I feel, having reread them the other day, that they are not as appealing as the rest of the story and, therefore, do not do it justice. Because I so adored the seventh book I'm also considering putting in a thing or two about Lily and Severus being friends.

I recognize that the majority of my original readers are probably long gone, done with this story and possibly done with fanfiction altogether. All the same, I see it as a matter or principal. Whether or not they will ever read my apology, I feel the need to write it.

In the mean time I do hope that others will enjoy this story because I hereby reopen LiMM as TZB and pledge an update within a week. Also, to make this chapter in compliance with the rules I will now write a very short bit of story. It's actually part of the story line so I suggest you pay attention.

* * *

The Zinnia Blooms--Interlude

* * *

"When are you going to tell the others?"

Lycaon looked at Remus carefully. "I'm not."

"What? You can't hide it, Ly—"

"I'm not!" She let out a frustrated sigh. "I'm not going to hide it. But I'm sure it will come to them soon, and if they ask I'll tell them. There's just no reason to bring it up. I mean, really, it's not even official yet."

"Not official yet? How—"

"Remus, he got my response letter, what, twenty minutes ago? As far as I know, I've never even spoken to him face-to-face. It's not official yet."

"I guess not," Remus replied with a hint of bewilderment. "But have you really never even spoken to him?"

"Well," Lycaon sat down in her chair in the Transfiguration room, "maybe I bumped him in the hall and told him to move or something, but nothing personal. No."

"Wow."

"'Wow,' what?" Ly asked as she pulled out a text book, quill, ink well, scroll, etc.

"I just can't imagine writing a love-letter to a girl who doesn't even know who I am."

"I know. He's a beast."

Remus sat still for a moment as if waiting for Ly to explain herself but then must have given up when she started swearing in her search for her homework. She found hair bands, crumpled notes, a few pieces of flattened gum . . . everything but homework.

"Oh, Hell and Damnation!" She dropped her bag. "I've lost the bloody thing. Lost it! And I actually worked hard on that one! What?" Having turned to Remus somewhere in her rant Ly was both mystified and aggravated by his patient smile. "What?" She repeated.

He pulled out a scroll and placed it in front of her. "I found it this morning in the dorm. You must have forgotten it."

Ly unrolled it to see her own name at the heading. "Well, thank you, Rem. You've saved my arse yet again."

"Well, it wasn't easy. Sirius wanted to burn it," he said.

"Yes, that sounds like Siri."

"Hello, you two," Peter said, falling into the chair beside Ly.

"Hello," Remus said.

"Hello, Pete," said Ly.

"What going on?" Remus shifted in his chair for the all important view.

"Well, apparently Crystal has a lot more power than I do."

"Take your spot?" Remus asked, knowing the answer.

"Yeah," Peter replied.

"Well, if you really want to go back you could let Sirius put his hands up your shirt. Worked for Crystal."

"Ly!" Remus gave her a look of indignation.

"No, I'll just sit with you. It's not like there aren't worse places to be."

"Gee, thanks," Lycaon rolled her eyes.

"Not like that!"

"Alright!" McGonagall shut her door, silencing the room.

The professor began her class and, as she did so, Ly gave Peter a pat on the shoulder. Really, though, she'd had just about enough of Crystal. Lycaon expected Crystal to use her new authority to bump Ly around before Sirius even gave said authority to the girl. Ly had prepared for it. But to bump around the others, who had never done anything to her . . . that was out of line.

The more Ly thought about it, the more her blood boiled, but as she pressed through the writhing heat in her gut it told her something: only the giver of power can take it away, and Sirius was simply too thick.

* * *

Author's Note: Well, that's all for now, Loves. As I said, I promise by next Tuesday to have an update. It will, technically, be the sixteenth real chapter but I will update as a seperate 17th chapter just to take advantage of notification...Hope the Soundtrack has kept you company.


	17. In Preparation

Disclaimer: Not Mine.

Author's Note: Here it is, the promised child. I said I would do it and I am. I propose to make updates weekly: by midnight every Tuesday I will post a new chapter. I'll try to keep the chapters at a minimum of 10 pages on Word, as well, to prevent myself from becoming lazy. You guys deserve better. Also, I graduate on May 24th, so after that I should have ample free time! At least with the exception of vacations, my summer job, and any college preparations. So, we'll see.

--COVET IT!!--

X23 Maximoff: You are the light of my life. I find it difficult to transfer my transcendent elation upon reading your review into mere words. The fact that you are an authentic, living, original reader fills me with delight and purpose. I thank you for your loyalty and encouragement and I dedicate this chapter to you. I am overwhelmingly overjoyed to present this chapter to you and hope it is up to your standards. Hopefully the rest of the story will also be fulfilling.

--COVET IT!!--

* * *

The Zinnia Blooms—In Preparation

* * *

The bell rang out to warn the students of Hogwarts that in two minutes they'd be late for their next class. Lycaon was both thrilled and mortified by the butterflies in her stomach. Up next: History with Hufflepuff. Peter seemed a little aware that Ly wasn't precisely herself, but James and Sirius remained oblivious to her nervousness. What would this be like? Who and what did this bloke expect her to be? Who and what would the bloke himself be? Racked with questions and tense with her emotions, Ly almost flew out of her skin when Remus tapped her shoulder. He was trying hard to suppress a laugh, Ly knew.

"Ly, loosen up. What happened to the girl who's going to trample over this poor bloke's heart?"

"You make me sound so mean, Rem!" Ly said.

"Getting there."

"Prick."

But the boy before her only smiled. Ly shook her head and resolved to move on. She wondered briefly if he'd approach her before class, during class or after class. She would have liked to think that one of these options might result in fewer explanations to Janes and Sirius, who would tease her mercilessly, but that was simply not true. Even if the boys were temporarily occupied they would eventually begin to probe. Soon there would be no denying her situation. Although it made her feel like an outright cad, Lycaon was aware that she wanted Sirius to be upset. What a terrible thought when she was going to begin some form of courtship with someone else. Would they, she wondered, spend time together? Or were they simply going to the ball together—nothing more. She suddenly realized just how unprepared for all of this she was and that made her extremely uncomfortable_. This really isn't worth it._

A hand tapped her shoulder gently just as she went to step through the doorway to Professor Binns' classroom. She knew and turned, stepping to the side so as not to block traffic. There was Avery Carew smiling nervously. She smiled in return and was a little bit taken aback by how easily his natural energy won her over. Perhaps she was more ready for this than she had thought.

"Hello, Lycaon," He said.

"Hello," She replied

He smiled and then laughed, looking down and kicking at the floor. He looked back up, head cocked, "I'm normally much better at conversation, I swear."

"It's fine," Ly said.

"Honestly, I didn't think you'd even respond, let alone accept."

"Is it a little disappointing that I did?"

"No, not at all!" Avery responded quickly. "I couldn't be more excited. I am the opposite of disappointed."

Ly continued smiling, recognizing that she was absolutely in control. _This isn't so bad. And he isn't so bad. He's no Sirius but he's cute in a way. Blue-eyed blond. Athletic and all that._ "Well, not to be pushy, but is there anything in particular you wanted to say to me?"

The boy blushed. "Of course, sorry I wasted your time. Actually I was wondering if maybe you'd like to, I dunno, go for a walk or something later?"

Ly pursed her lips and thought. She could probably spare one night. _What a strange day to pick, though. Wednesday, really? Oh well._ "Sure," she said, "I can do that."

"Excellent!" He grinned. "Then I'll meet you in the Astrology tower after dinner. How does that sound?"

"Sounds good."

"Excellent!" He said with even greater exuberance. He placed one hand on her forearm and gave it a little squeeze. "Well, we should probably get into class, but I'll see you tonight."

With his glad, frenetic energy Ly thought for a moment that he might just kiss her. But he just gave a wink and headed into the classroom. She stayed on the wall for a moment and took a deep breath. Somehow she hadn't been expecting such a rambunctious individual. She hadn't actually expected there to be a real human on the other end of the note, if she was perfectly honest with herself. _How is my world always so much simpler in my mind?_ She tried to shake the thought from her head as she entered the classroom.

As she took her seat beside Remus he looked questioningly up at her. She shook her head ever so slightly to indicate no verbal interaction would take place. With Binns preparing to start class, Ly pulled out a piece of parchment and began to scrawl a note to Remus.

_'It was nothing. Carew just wanted to talk to me. We're meeting up after supper. Nothing.'_

Just as Remus finished the note and went to stash it, however, Sirius turned around with a bored and haughty expression. He caught sight of the note and, wordlessly, snatched it. As he read it Ly saw a singular eye-brow rise. She watched his eyes rove over the paper a second time. Then she met his gaze as he looked at her.

"What's this about?" He asked with a strange pitch deviation.

"Exactly what it sounds like."

"Well, it sounds like you were asked out."

Ly looked over to where Crystal scratched something in her notes, obviously perturbed by the conversation. "I was. What of it? A tad jealous, Siri?"

That comment was enough to curb Sirius' curiosity. Rolling his eyes, he threw the note back at Remus and about-faced. Ly watched a second longer as he put an arm around Crystal's shoulder but when the girl threw a quick gloating look back towards her that was the end. It was like watching as a lion ripped apart her legs: it was going to hurt no matter what but while pain was easy to forget, the images of the carnage would be impressed upon her brain forever. She looked, instead, around the room. She allowed her eyes to rest upon Avery Carew. He really wasn't half-bad. In fact, he was considerably better than she deserved and she hadn't the slightest idea as to why he was interested in her. She was aware of her outstanding plainness and less-than-charming mannerisms. Did he find her well-known restlessness and rebelliousness so attractive that it so outweighed the prettiness and quiet charm possessed by her classmates? If so, oughtn't she think rather highly of his intellect? Perhaps the shock of it all was simply too much for her at present. After all, had this note come from a student of any other house she might have thought it a cruel prank but such cruelty was simply not in the nature of Hufflepuffs. Which was a lucky thing for Ly.

Avery must have felt her eyes upon him for he turned and smiled at her. It was a rather winning smile and made Ly blush—the fact of which greatly outraged her. She turned her face quickly to her desk and began copying Remus's notes as he took them. _Perhaps I ought to just concentrate on my work._

. . .

Lycaon's classes dragged on that day. She was waiting somewhat anxiously, although not precisely with bated breath, for dinner to come and go. She was both excited for what she supposed would be her first date and yet so frustrated by the whole business of emotions that she simply wanted it to be over already. She tried to occupy herself with thoughts of becoming an animagus. She was to be a wolf. The North American Grey Wolf, to be precise. She'd spent hours flipping through pictures in the library to find just the right one to be sure. She had known since the moment she saw it, though. What she didn't know was what that meant. What did that say about her future? Wolves were pack animals but other than that . . . Ly could gather nothing. James and Peter were coming along quickly through their memories. Although Peter had a head-start initially James quickly caught up in the name of competition.

It was still the case that all five of them gathered in the room when any one of them wanted to work on becoming an animagus. There was a horrific fascination in watching one another and also a deep sense of community. These were deeply personal moments. Also, none of them knew what the precise effect of interruption would be and so it was safer to have all of them in the room. The whole process was frightening but not, Ly figured, half as frightening as what Remus faced. She'd spoken with him about what it was like. He had told her just how scared he was that one day the wolf would kill him. She thought of this as well for the full moon was on the 11th. A week from tomorrow. She made Remus's pain her pain in the hope that, somehow, it would save him.

After an eternity, Ly was able to escape the Great Hall. As she stood James and Sirius jibed at her playfully. She stuck out her tongue and kept going. She wondered briefly if she oughtn't prepare somehow—brush her hair or something. Ultimately she decided that, on top of feeling entirely too indecisive, this was how Avery like her anyway: exactly as she was. Or at least that had best be how he liked her because nothing was going to change any time soon. So she bounded up to Astronomy tower. Her heart beat a million times per minute, she did declare, as she burst up onto the roof.

Avery sat on the ramparts waiting for her. The gracious smile on his face sparked one on Ly's. Sitting there he looked so kind and relaxed that she decided once and for all that she approved of him.

"Hello, Lycaon," he said.

"You can call me Ly," she replied, approaching the spot where he sat.

The broad and genuine smile he wore then made her glad she'd given him that small gift of familiarity. It had, after all, cost her nothing. The gentle give and take of their relationship thus far seemed both simple and profitable.

"How was your day, Ly?" He asked, leaning and smiling. He seemed to never stop smiling.

"Long." She hoisted her self up onto the rampart at a comfortable distance from him. "And yours, Avery?"

As the boy smiled ever broader Ly realized she had never spoken his own first name to him. "Also, long."

"Avery," Ly said, "if you don't mind me asking . . . why exactly did you ask me to ball?"

The boy looked at her, face pink, obviously taken aback. "Well . . . I wrote it in the note, I thought."

"Not really."

Ly watched as Avery pondered deeply and started, more than once, as if he might explain himself. But he seemed unable to voice what the felt.

"If it's too uncomfortable," Ly said, "I'd understand-"

"No, no!" Avery interrupted. "I guess . . . you seemed so active and carefree. I always thought you were pleasant and funny. In classes you're never intimidated or ruffled by anyone or anything. And I think you're rather pretty."

Ly laughed aloud at this summary. "Are you certain you're thinking of Lycaon Saer?"

"Absolutely!" He defended.

"Alright," Ly said after a moment. "I'll buy it if you do."

He looked slightly put off and Ly decided that she liked him less when he was serious.

"What about you?" He asked. "Why did you accept?"

Lycaon pursed her lips. She honestly hadn't seen that coming and, now that the question was posed so bluntly, she wasn't sure what to say. Should she tell him the truth? A half-truth, perhaps? Whatever it was it needed to happen quickly.

"Well, I suppose I accepted because I had no reason not to. I had no date but felt it would be appropriate to have one. And I knew who you were—I had no objection to you. My decision was really very simple. I didn't have anything to lose by accepting. It's not as if I have other offers pending."

Her answer was harsh and she knew it. It was not pleasant nor was it particularly active. _Perhaps I should have lied. A partial truth is as bad as an untruth anyway_. A silence fell between them.

"Ouch," Avery said. "I guess it was silly of me to hope for more, though. After all, we'd never spoken. Thanks for your honesty, I guess."

"You're welcome," Ly said, feeling like a complete hypocrite. "I commend you, by the way, on writing that note even though we'd never talked to one another. It was pretty gutsy."

His boyish smile returned then. "Well, thank you!"

"But of course."

"You up for a walk?"

"Why not?"

The two of them slid off the ramparts and made their way back into the castle. They walked about for an hour or so, chit-chatting about nothing. When they found themselves at the bottom of the astronomy tower they came to a stop.

"I think that's enough for one night," Ly said.

"Yeah, I think so. It's been great talking to you, though."

"Of course, of course."

"Well . . . I guess I'll see you around then?"

"Yeah . . ." Ly felt suddenly awkward, knowing that it was up to her to decide how they would part. While she felt absolutely no compulsion to kiss him she did feel compelled to send him off with at least a small smile. "I'll see you around," she took a step in, "but, really, Avery," she took his hand in both of hers and gave it a gentle squeeze, "it's been great."

He smiled and he returned the slight pressure. "Great, we should do this again some time."

"Sure."

"Goodnight, Ly."

"Goodnight, Avery."

. . .

Although Ly did have to bear with slight teasing from James and Sirius("Ooh! Did you kiss him, Ly?" "Are you in love?" "How many children are you going to have?") her life went on smoothly. She made plans with Avery for the 13th and got to work with James and Peter on the business of Animagi with renewed vigor. She caught Sirius leafing through her books on more than one occasion as she had refused to tell him how to transform.

Ly knew that the minute Sirius became a full-fledged animagus there would be no stopping him from joining Remus. If he went alone the results would be disastrous. So he would not be allowed to transform until everyone else could. In fact, Ly was tempted to make him go last, so great was Sirius' indiscretion. To be perfectly honest, she was becoming restless herself. It had become more difficult to all be together at once with no distractions. Ly knew that if she wanted this to happen in the next few months then she needed James and Peter to finish delving into their memories.

"Mates," she said as they strolled to breakfast, one of the few times Crystal was not odiously present, "I've been thinking about the project. We really need to get through phase one."

"Well, I'm ready to start phase two," said Sirius.

"You're not ready until James and Peter are ready," Ly quipped, earning a heavy glower from the boy. She did her best to ignore him. "Now. . . they way I see it is this: we never make time to work on the project. If James isn't in quidditch practice then Sirius is probably off with Crystal. If neither of those, then the three of us are probably in detention. Or there's just too much work to be done for classes—but there's really only one part of that we can control."

The boys watched her guiltily and perplexedly.

"We can curb detentions. But I know _I_ don't have the will-power to abstain for abstaining's sake. . . so I propose a contest to give us extra motivation: the marauder who loses the fewest points for the house—either directly or by design—by the time we are all ready to transform will be the first to do so. That's the prize."

James, Sirius and Peter looked to one another and then back to Ly.

"Lycaon," James said slowly, "I accept."

"Might as well give up now, James," said Sirius. "I've been waiting far too long to let you beat me now."

Peter only smiled quietly at Lycaon. He had a good shot at winning for once.

On the other side of her Remus smiled appreciatively. "Pretty clever."

"Thank you. I try."

. . .

Remus sat in Professor McGonagall's office the evening of the eleventh. He couldn't stop his leg from shaking nervously as they waited for Madame Pompfrey. His transformation in September had been gruesome. He'd lost a critical amount of blood. This year they planned to try a few new procedures. One of them was a series of charms that would alert Madame Pompfrey if Remus needed immediate medical care. It was one of those charms that alerted the nurse that, in the wee hours of the morning, Remus had been at Death's door from anemia. Something in his own saliva, it seems, prevented his blood from clotting quickly.

Today Madame Pompfrey wanted to discuss some alternatives. When the woman arrived she was carrying a small leather bag.

"Hello, Remus. Minerva."

"Hello." "Hello."

Madame Pompfrey seated herself and launched immediately. "Now, Remus, you know why I'm here. We absolutely can't have another incident like last month. Furthermore, we have to find a way to assure that nothing like that happens during the summer. So we must find a solution while you are here."

Remus caught what was implied in those sentences. What good was a dead Remus Lupin, after all? "Understood," he said. "What did you have in mind?"

"Well," Madame Pompfrey said, "I was considering sedatives. Actually, a mixture of sedatives and paralyzing agents."

The idea of it sounded terrible. "Have you and Professor McGonagall discussed this?"

"Yes," replied the nurse.

"Do you two think it's a good plan?"

"It's the best we have," she said with a note of hopelessness.

"Then I'll do it."

"Mr. Lupin, are you certain?" Interjected Professor McGonagall. "Although it _is_ our best plan, it is not without it's share of risks."

"She's right," said Madame Pompfrey. "We don't even know if the potions will be effective when you transform. We have no idea how you will react—if your body chemistry will change at all. There is a great deal of risk for your safety and health. There is a possibility that these potions could only worsen your Lycanthropy."

"How is that?" Remus asked.

"Well, said McGonagall, "your whole body does change. You and I know that your mind is not your own when you transform. Your strength is tripled at least, your actual body mass expands—it's a very different organism that we're trying to control."

Remus sighed and looked down into his lap. He found himself incapable of thinking thoroughly about the situation. The slowly rising moon was driving him nearly mad. All he wanted was for all of this to end. The potions, the secrets, the lies, the struggle, and the constant fear. All of it came together to make the already horrible process even worse. There needed to be a solution for some of it.

"I'm willing to take the risk."

. . .

Sirius strolled into his dorm and saw immediately that there was a girl lying on his bed. Perhaps this fact would enthuse some young men but, in his case, any enthusiasm was crushed immediately by the fact that is was Lycaon Saer. He rolled his eyes and began to remove his vest.

"Ly, why can't you lie on . . . not my bed. Remus's is open, after all."

"Oh, as if it matters," the girl replied, eyes not budging from the paper before her.

"What are you looking at?"

"Remus. I'm watching him on the map."

"Is he doing anything interesting?"

"Well, he's in Minerva's office-"

"What a shocker-"

"And Madame Pompfrey is there." She shot him an icy glance.

Though he was hardly immune to such things, especially when they came from the master herself, he ignored the non-verbal chastisement. "I'm sorry, Ly, but that just seems dull. And also a bit like a stalker."

"You asked what I was doing," she sighed. "I only answered. The truth and nothing more."

Sirius only put forth enough effort to form a strange sound that was a mix of 'mm,' 'eh' and 'ng.' He took off his shoes then and flopped onto Remus' bed.

"I just want it to be Friday," Sirius groaned.

"Why? Not as if you have plans this weekend."

"For your information," Sirius snapped, "James is going to let me ride his Cirrus for the first time on Saturday afternoon. So, yes, I do have plans. Additionally, I plan on sleeping in."

"And all of this is riveting information."

"You're just charming today, aren't you?"

Lycaon sighed heavily and looked to Sirius. She caught him with her eyes and, for the first time in weeks, her simple stare made his blood run cold.

"Sirius, I know you don't exactly live on this planet, but do you remember Remus's transformation in September?"

Sirius thought for a moment and, indeed, it was only a moment. Remus had been out for almost a full week. "Yes," he replied grimly, "I do."

"Well, that's why I'm not exactly sunny. He nearly died, Sirius. I'm sure he didn't feel it appropriate to spread that fact, but there it is. I just hope that Pompfrey does something to help."

"We really need to become animagi already, don't we?"

Ly and he exchanged glances again. Then she looked down and nodded. _The world really can be awful._

* * *

Author's Note: Hurrah!! You have it, it's here, it's not quite what I wanted it to be but it's not half-bad. I'm not sure if this will update by midnight so hopefully I will get my updates in sooner in the future. At any rate, thank you very much for reading but, while you're on a roll, why not add a review? Go to town with it.


	18. A Childish Waltz

Disclaimer: Not Mine.

Author's Note: It is now Wednesday. I'm still very much on a roll from last chapter, although I feel that "In Preparation" was of lower quality than is acceptable. It wasn't so bad that I felt bad about posting it, but I did feel bad that I procrastinated and, consequently, had to slop something together just to keep my promise. However, after that torturous process—because I had no idea what I even wanted to write about—I am excited to write this, Chapter 18. I expect that I shan't have any trouble meeting my ten-page requirement. In this chapter I will lead into Hallow's Eve Ball, amongst other things. I'm really looking forward to writing this and I hope that you all have looked forward to reading it.

--Covet It!!--

X23 Maximoff: Don't worry about the minor delay. I'm actually still just pumped to get reviews. It's as if everything is brand new. And, believe me, I understand the business of AP tests. I kicked off the AP season at my school with AP Government on Monday. One down, two to go. And I understand that it may, at times, be difficult to feel very passionately about the going-ons at Hogwarts—more than ever now that the series is all wrapped up. All the same, I'm ecstatic to know that my little date scene was at all emotionally impactful. And I, too, love Remus. Personally, I obsess over Sirius just a bit but I just adore Remus. We would be BFF's. I'd make sure of it. As for Siri and Ly, I too am somewhat amused by it. I'm currently working on the interpersonal dynamics of relationships in all my stories and I think I'm pretty decent at it, if I do say so myself. But I wonder, and I hope you can help with this, if I'm too revealing or too . . . anything actually. Terribly sorry for my errors. I just respond horribly to deadlines, even when self-imposed. So the last chapter was a tad rushed. I will, however, try to do a better job with this chapter. Also, how do you feel about the new title? I'm not sure how well it fits the feel of the story so far but I think it's less embarrassing to say aloud. Furthermore, I feel tempted to change Crystal's name. While it's true no name could be stranger than Ly's I still have some reservations about the appropriateness of "Crystal" in a MWPP era fic.

--Covet It!!--

* * *

The Zinnia Blooms--A Childish Waltz

* * *

It was the twelfth and, for the life of him, Sirius could not sleep. Something about the great, barely waning moon shining through the window and the anxiety kept him awake. His anxiety had been building over the past week or so. And he couldn't even use pranks to blow off steam. So, after tossing and turning in his bed, Sirius finally gave up.

He shuffled down to the common and was, somehow, not surprised to see a familiar form sitting in an armchair next to the fire.

Ly's small face turned to him, eyes glittering in the firelight.

"What's kept you up?" She inquired as he sat himself near her.

"Everything," he lamented. "I'm sick of waiting to become an animagus. I'm not used to James being gone at Quidditch practice—required to be somewhere for hours. Used to be if either of us had to be anywhere it was detention and, for the most part, we were in it together. And would it make me sound like a cad if I said I was becoming bored with Crystal? Because I am."

"That's quite a load." Ly replied. "And, for the record, it does make you sound a bit like a cad. Even though it _is_ Crystal."

"Well, what about you? Why can't you get to sleep?"

Ly got a strange expression on her face but it passed with the flicker of the fireplace. "Mostly it's Remus. I know it's normal for him to stay out the next day but I'm still so worried about him. I've been watching the map, though, so I know that he's alive for now at least. When I woke up today or yesterday maybe by now . . . he was already in the hospital wing."

Sirius watched as the fire danced to and fro for a moment and then he looked to Ly. "Should we go then?"

"What?"

"Should we go? If we take the map it'll be a piece of cake. We won't even need James' cloak, since he _does_ get kind of moody when we use it without permission."

Ly laughed a little and then looked more levelly at Sirius. In the sharp contrast of light and shadow her hair and eyes seemed almost black, which made her look suddenly small. Was she always like that, Sirius wondered. Somehow in his mind she had always been larger . . . not really taller or broader but somehow. . . larger.

"Sure," she said. "Let me just get something for my feet."

"I'll be right back, too."

Sirius stole back into the dorm to grab his shoes and a robe. It was already too chilly to run about in just his pajamas. Back in the common he had to wait a moment for Ly but she arrived fully dressed and fully equipped with wand and map. Sirius swore a little.

"What is it?" She asked.

"Forgot my wand."

"How muggle of you! One should probably do us, though."

"Alright, let's go then," Sirius said, feeling somewhat emasculated but knowing that it was, in fact, unnecessary for him to go get the thing.

Ly whipped out the map and brought it to life. "You watch the map."

Sirius took it and followed her into the hall. They ignored the fat lady's drowsy inquiries and took the shortest route possible to the Hospital Wing. The map had truly opened new doors for them. Not only did they know when someone was coming they knew when someone definitely _wasn't_ coming. Consequently, they could walk through the main hall with lumos up and no fear of being caught, as Ly and Sirius did most of the way to visit Remus. It was only upon reaching door to Hospital Wing that things became a bit cloudy. Although Madame Pompfrey was safely in her quarters there remained the possibility that she was awake or that she was ready awaken her if the slightest noise came from Remus's bed. They sat in silent deliberation, hoping there would be some clear clue of safety.

After a while Ly sighed. "Let's just go in."

"Whatever you say, M'lady."

Sirius received a light punch in the arm for his smart mouth before the two slowly opened the door and then quickly slipped through it. Sirius deftly folded up the map and stuck it up his sleeve. Ly made a bee-line to a bed with white curtains drawn tight around it. Sirius wasn't quite sure how she moved so fast while remaining so quiet but was grateful that he only had a short distance to cover and therein to catch up.

Inside the heavy white curtains Ly stood at Remus' bedside, worriedly searching his face for any signs of trouble as she whispered hello. Remus' eyes fluttered open and he started but calmed immediately at Lycaon's quiet shushing.

. . .

Remus was, naturally, somewhat perplexed by Sirius and Ly's presence. But he didn't worry about it too much. He was too groggy to worry about it too much.

"Hey there, Rem," Ly said. "How's my big brother? Is your throat okay?"

"Yeah," he breathed softly. "I'm fine. It wasn't so bad this month." He heard that statement and realized how ridiculous it was. "Well, it was awful, but I wasn't critically injured."

"Well, I guess that's one thing to be glad for. Did you do anything different this time?"

"They sedated me," he offered lamely. "Did a bloody good job of it, too." He was somewhat surprised to hear himself swear. "I could hardly tell which way was up. It started to wear off after a while but any length of time I'm not trying to eat my own legs—arms . . . well, it helped I suppose."

Ly laughed a little and climbed onto the mattress. "Are you bruised?"

"Not severely." Remus watched calmly as she nodded and situated herself next to him. She set her head upon his shoulder and curled up to him not like a lover but like puppy whose eyes still haven't opened snuggling amongst the litter. He looked to Sirius.

Sirius gave a small nod in Remus's direction. "Do you think you'll be back tomorrow, then?"

"Most likely," he said. "But, if you don't mind me asking . . . why exactly did you guys come?"

"Neither of us could sleep," replied the raven-haired boy with a small shrug.

"And I was worried. It was Sirius' idea, though."

The other boy only shrugged, seemingly embarrassed by the unusually perceptive show of compassion. Remus sighed and glanced from Sirius' slumping shoulders to Lycaon's tired face to his averted eyes and to her fingers wrapped loosely around Remus' own hand.

"Thank you for visiting," he said. "Is it selfish that now I'm looking forward to you lot becoming animagi? I mean, I'm still terrified something will go wrong . . ."

"Everything will be fine," Ly cooed, her thumb rubbing his slowly. "I promise it will."

As strange as Lycaon's methods of comforting Remus were, they never failed to soothe him. He lifted his hand and placed it on her shoulder.

"You two should probably be heading back now."

Ly nodded and vacated the bed. She'd really only lied there a few minutes but now Remus felt cold. Half-delirious as he was he almost told her to hop back in. She seemed, however, to have completely snapped out of whatever spell she'd been under. Lycaon pulled her wand from her robes and turned her face to Sirius. They had a brief, silent conversation of light breathing and mouthed words and then she turned back to Remus.

"We're on our way, then." She placed her hand on his forearm. "I'll see you tomorrow."

"See ya, Mate," Sirius said with a wink.

Then the two disappeared behind the curtains which surrounded the cot and Remus heaved a little sigh. _Now I'm not tired at all ._ . .

. . .

All that Saturday Ly felt focused on animagi. She spent a large portion of the day holed up in the boys' dorm checking and double checking that she fully understood what came next. She was beyond tempted to try it. But Remus was quietly reading beside her and she knew he'd never allow it. Not without everyone there and not so soon. Indeed, despite Rem's confession in the Hospital Wing she wondered if he would ever get over the danger of the process. _Probably once the first one of us succeeds_. Setbacks aside, Lycaon _did_ have their recent progress to be rejoice in. James and Peter were moving along at an admirable pace. She had proposed her little competition just over a week ago and so far none of them had lost any points. Minerva and Peyton seemed to be particularly suspicious of the group, however. They were sure that the five of them were up to something and Ly had a feeling that it would soon reach the point that, should anything go wrong, they would immediately be blamed and punished. As unpleasant as that sounded, it did not, technically, put anyone out of the running for the contest. So Ly tried not to think about it too much.

As the hours passed and the sunlight began to wane her restlessness got the better of her. She was forced to set off in search of adventure. Mischief on her lonesome, however, didn't sound particularly interesting. Remus was still too tired, Peter was hardly a worthy accomplice, and James and Sirius . . . were probably free. With a smile on her face she scurried off towards the Quidditch field.

Sure enough, they were the only two still on the field. They seemed to notice her as she came across the field towards them but she waved to be sure and they waved back.

"Oy," she said, "what're you lot up to?"

"Actually I was just about to get a shot riding James' Cirrus."

"Really? I would've thought you'd done that already."

"Wood is a madman," James muttered. "We just got back from eating lunch."

"Well, that's a tad ridiculous."

"Tell me about it!" Sirius groaned. "I've been waiting all day to ride this bloody thing."

Ly laughed and James just shook his head.

"Was there something that you wanted?"

"Well I was kind of hoping we could work on the project."

"Oh, don't tear me between two thing I love, Ly!" Sirius protested.

"No, no, I won't," she assured him.

"I mean, it can wait until tonight, can't it?" James said.

"Well, it could," she said, "but I'm meeting up with Carew-"

Sirius elbowed James and chuckled indiscreetly.

"So that'll take away from our time. And I swear, Sirius, I really a going to kill you one day."

He laughed. "Well give me my fun and we can get down to business. Now," he threw one leg over the broom, "if you'll excuse me." The boy gave one strong kick and jettisoned up into the air.

Ly heard him let out a loud curse, half in excitement and half in terror, and neither she nor James could withold the laughter that began to bubble forth.

"Got it there, Siri?" James yelled after him.

Sirius replied with some kind of indecipherable shout.

"I think he may have told you to sod off," Ly grinned.

"Probably."

Lycaon watched as Sirius steadied out and began to experiment with the brooms turning. It was something like the flight of a bumble bee. Watching him wasn't nearly as exciting as she'd hoped it would be. All she could see of him was a blur of colors. Especially as he started picking up speed. She tried to imagine the way his hair must be blowing in the wind and the smile that was surely lighting his face but they did nothing to amuse her. Which was strange and a little unsettling.

It was true that she had been less obsessive about him lately but she had chalked it up to her worry for Remus. But that didn't explain everything. In her heart she knew the truth and it made her hate herself more than anything else in the world: her relationship with Carew, as shallow as it was, was all it took to keep her mind off of Sirius. Of course Ly was thinking of Sirius every other moment that she was actually _with_ Carew and this whole situation was all a result of her feelings for Sirius and the ensuing tension with Crystal . . . but she could use other boys to quell her appetite for affection and that was precisely what she was doing. She was starting to replace him in her heart and it made her a little ill.

. . .

Lycaon stood atop the astronomy tower, the sun's light keeping the sky from darkening completely just then. She stared out over the grounds and tried to look forward to her date. They'd worked quite hard on memory recollection, though, and as the time for transformation drew nearer she only grew more worried. It seemed somewhat ridiculous that she could be there waiting for Carew when she had such important matters to deal with.

_But_, she reasoned, _getting_ _under Henley's skin is also very important_.

"Oh, you beat me up here," Carew said from behind her.

"Well, I wasn't very hungry." She turned to have a look at him as he approached.

"Were you nervous?" He asked almost hopefully.

"Hardly," she scoffed.

He merely smiled and nodded, more or less having expected such a reply.

"You really go for all of that stuff, don't you?"

"What stuff?"

"The really embarrassing and awkward stuff related to immaturity in romance."

The boy laughed. "I guess so."

Then a thought came to Lycaon. "Say, Avery . . . did you happen to send me a valentine last year?"

His face turned violently pink. "What?"

"You heard me."

"No, I didn't send you anything."

Lycaon laughed at the futility of his denial. "No, it all falls into place. I just wish I still had it."

"You threw away my valentine?"

Ly pushed him lightly and laughed hard. Carew remained vibrantly flushed as he tried to talk his way through or out of his embarrassment. No matter what he said Ly just kept laughing. _I definitely have to do this again next week._

. . .

The subsequent weeks passed fairly normally for Ly. There had been a few developments. She had, for example, prodded Remus into asking Amy to the ball. They were going as "just friends," but that was enough to satisfy Ly. Also, James had been unable to restrain himself and, on the 19th , he had placed a sticking charm on Snape's chair. Unfortunately for James, his professors were one step beyond him in wits. The professor had immediately checked the last spell of everyone's wand and, as James had failed to foresee this, he caught the boy with ease. Gryffindor lost five points and James lost a Saturday to detention. One down, two to go.

Quickly enough, Hallow's Eve and its ball were upon the Marauders. The feast would be quite a feast and the ball would be quite the ball but Ly realized quite belatedly that they had planned absolutely no prank. It seemed wrong.

When Ly was finally able to approach the other Marauders about the subject they seemed far less concerned than she was.

"Well, it makes sense, doesn't it?" Sirius said. "It's our ball, too, this year. I don't want my things ruined."

"Oh, foo! The picture we took at the end of last years was ours as well and you were keen to ruin that."

"Plus, we're a little out of habit," James added. "I've trying my hardest _not_ to think of pranks these last couple weeks."

Ly looked to Peter and Remus for some kind of support but received only shrugs. "What is wrong with you lot? Pranks are part of us! Since when have we held off for anything? Why is this even happening? I feel like we're hardly all together any more. Do you realize we haven't gone out to the forest in more than a _month_? Where's the fun gone? Where have the _Marauders_ gone? Because I'm really starting to miss them and, y'know what? I don't exactly like their replacements."

"Ly-"

"No! I don't want to hear it. Now I'm just angry. I . . . I am leaving."

She stood and charged for the door.

"Lycaon, would you quit it?" Remus said as he grabbed hold of her arm.

"You quit it! And let go of me."

"No." He stared evenly at her. "No, I will not."

Some of her anger melted in the face of Remus' unshakable calm.

"Well," she said. "What do you want?"

He said nothing but just stared at her. She sighed, taking the hint.

"Fine, maybe I overreacted."

"Maybe?" Sirius asked derisively.

"Not helping, Sirius." Remus warned.

"What? Me?"

Ly closed her eyes and breathed deeply. "I really am going to kill you one day."

"What? Nonsense. You know you love me!" Sirius flipped his hair and posed in what must have thought would be a seductive fashion.

It was just like old times and Ly laughed.

"So," Peter said, "did you have anything in mind, Ly?"

A smirk found its way onto Lycaon's face. "A thing or two . . ."

. . .

The evening of Hallow's Eve was one of utter chaos in the 2nd year girls' dorm. Crystal was venting her stress through out-right aggression and was beginning to bother even Lily. The other girls were fairly nervous and five girls on edge with just one bathroom did _not_ make for a very safe situation. Recognizing this, Ly tried to instigate as little as possible. She ran about in her heavy dress, working up a sweat and lamenting that the floor-length black robe only seemed to make her disappear. The wide white sash did a little something to make her look more substantial, but not much. The robe was a lost cause. She turned her attention to her hair. Probably a lost cause as well. But she migrated into the bathroom and began brushing in the hope that she could make her mane lie flat. To her dismay, it seemed that the more she brushed the more volume it gained.

"Godric," she muttered, "it's just too light."

"Here," said Lily from beside her, proffering a jar of some thick pink cream, "if you put a little of this on it'll help."

Ly looked at this strange beauty product and then to Lily. "Thanks." She put two fingers into the cool substance and rubbed it in her palms.

"You're welcome!" Lily said with a heaven-sent smile.

_She is undoubtedly prettiest when she smiles_. Miraculously, Lily's muggle-goo seemed to work. Ly's hair was still . . . Ly's hair but it was far better than she had anticipated it looking. The muggle-goo did, however, make Ly think: perhaps Lily's gorgeous hair and flawless complexion weren't _completely_ genetic luck-of-the-draw after all. She moved back into the dorm to find her dress shoes.

As she rummaged under her bed Amy came out of the bathroom.

"Ly, what do you think? How do I look?"

Ly looked up prepared to lie or mask whatever horror might strike her but there was no need. Amy's hair fell in styled curls and her cheeks were rosy with anticipation.

"Positively charming," Ly said.

"Oh, do you think? You look lovely, Ly."

"Well, thank you. And no, I don't think. I know—am 100 percent sure that you look positively charming."

Amy laughed nervously and then looked very seriously at Ly as she sat upon her bed with shoes in hand.

"Do you think Remus will like it?"

At this Ly couldn't contain her laughter, which drew some curious looks from the other girls and much blushing from Amy.

"Yeah, just friends. I believe that."

"Hush, you!" Amy hissed. "We _are_ just friends."

"Except that both of you would like to be more."

"Remus wants to be more than just friends?"

Ly laughed again and Amy pouted. After all this time she still wasn't able to tell what were opinions and what were guaranteed facts when Ly was talking. Of course, sometimes Ly _did_ say misleading things just to throw her off.

"Well, I'm going down to the common. Are you ready?" Ly asked.

"No, not quite."

"Then I guess I'll see you in a few. If not, then at the ball." She made her way toward the door.

"Alright, good luck, Ly."

"Good luck?" She paused in the doorway.

"You never know what might happen on Hallow's Eve," Amy explained with a wink.

The prank surfaced in Ly's mind. "Yeah . . . Good luck, Amy."

The boys were waiting on the couches of the common. Not just the Marauder boys but many more in the house. These were the boys who were keeping it within the family, one might say. Sirius and James looked dreadfully bored and rather displeased to be dressed up. They hadn't done much differently other than throw on their dress robes.

Ly rolled her eyes. "Sirius, do you realize that up in my dorm Crystal is working herself into a right fit about how she looks? She may be my mortal enemy but I still think you should try to meet her half-way."

"What do you want?" Sirius replied. "I showered this morning."

"Go back up stairs and at least brush you hair."

Grudgingly he rose and Ly happily stole his seat.

"You look nice, Ly," Remus said.

"Why thank you," she replied. "So do you. Oh, and Amy is quite worked up as well."

Remus blushed and attempted to stammer out a denial but Ly wanted none of it. She turned instead to Peter.

"You look great, Pete. I really like what you did with your hair."

"Thank you!" Peter grinned.

"James . . ." Ly looked at the sullen, slumping boy. "You look awful."

He grunted in reply.

"I have to say, if you're going to be like this every time we have to go somewhere and Lily has rejected you . . . we just can't be friends."

"She has a point, James," Remus admitted. "You could have asked almost anyone else with more success. You can't act like is the first time."

"And any of those girls you asked afterwards _probably_ would have said yes," Ly added, "_if_ you'd asked one of them first. But no one likes being plan B."

"I know," James said. "I know. I know. I know. Godric, I know. But I'm just . . . I'm upset, y'know? And I can't bear to think of how she's going to look tonight. Tell me, Ly, what's the damage?"

Ly just shook her head and James groaned loudly.

"Are we talking about Lily-flower again?" Came Sirius' voice from behind.

Ly whipped around to examine him. Shoes were shiny. Robes were clean and, actually, quite nice. Ly began to think of Sirius's shower-fresh body underneath that robe. Hair was significantly better. _Hmm, I kind of like it brushed back like that_. Expression was an adequate mix of self-satisfaction and playfulness. _He looks good. Perhaps _too_ good._

"Well?" He asked. "Does Lycaon approve?"

"It's decent."

"I'm sorry, Ly. It's just that when you're this handsome to begin with there's really no improvements you can make."

She rolled her eyes. "Right."

"How long do you think they'll be?" Peter asked, gesturing to the girls' dorms.

"Just however long it takes to gather the courage to walk down," Ly replied. "We'll see who's really worthy of their sorting." She checked her watch. "Actually, you lot will. I have to go meet up with Avery."

"Oh, that close now, are you?" James asked with a smirk.

"We've gone on four dates now. I'd say that's long enough to use his first name."

"Four dates!" Sirius exclaimed. "I didn't realize there'd been so many." He leaned forward with the eyes of a carnivore. "So you've gotten to second base, then?"

"Don't say stupid things, Sirius," Ly replied as she stood. "Now, if you gentlemen will excuse me, I will be on my way. And don't forget your wands, any of you. Peter."

"I'd forgotten." The boy blushed.

"See you there, Lycaon."

"Have fun!"

"I expect you home by eleven o'clock!"

"Don't be afraid to just say 'No,' Ly! Just say 'No!'"

Ly flipped James and Sirius the bird quickly before she hopped out of the common and into the hall. All her crazy emotional confusion aside, Ly's feet sped her towards the Great Hall where she knew Avery would be waiting. She thought of his warm smile and wondered how he looked in his dress robes.

These musings carried her all the way there, her heart beating ever faster as the noise of music and multudinous voices comingling grew ever louder.

* * *

Author's Note: I'd actually wanted to cover more but it's almost midnight on the day after I was supposed to have already been finished. Oh well. I've surpassed my minimum 10 page requirement. I'm also fairly happy with this. As ever, though, I am open to any comments or feeling my readers may have. I'll see you again next week with the Hallow's Eve Ball itself, the Marauders' prank and possibly even the first Quidditch game of the season! And of course Remus' next transformation is coming up.

Thanks for reading! Review at your leisure.


	19. Friends First

Disclaimer: Not Mine.

Author's Note: **BIG DEAL: I find Tuesdays awkward and will be moving updates to Saturday. I will now update every Saturday. Obviously, I am late either way this week. **In other news. It's smack in the middle of AP season. I still have my Econ test as well as my finals to take. I hope I'll have all A's, not that it really matters at this point. The completion of this update will find me with only one left until graduation. Oh, happy day! I've also posted a new soundtrack on my forum, but this one is considerably less plot oriented. It just suits my current tastes better. Chapter 20 will find me done with all of high school. It's all very exciting, needless to say. With such monumental weights and opportunities pressing so near I begin this chapter and hope you, my readers, will enjoy it . . . although I'm still not certain what I want to write about in it.

--Covet It !!--

X23 Maximoff: Well, I just officially added your pen-name my Word dictionary because, no, Bill Gates, I am not trying to describe the location of Maxim. As for the title change, our sentiments are basically the same. I think that so far the story has been rather playful. I try to be representative of actual life and of the story and therefore the story contains some darker aspects but, as a whole, it's upbeat. I guess I'm an optimist because I believe that, too, is representative of actual life. To me the title "Love is Misery's Mask" just seemed so juvenile, which is probably why it seemed to flow with the story. I think your description of the new title is pretty on-target, though. Heavy. But as long as you're satisfied with the various things I asked about then I'm satisfied with them as well. I really enjoy writing about the nuances of a 12-year-old's perception of love. Every now and then I wonder if I make them behave a bit too old. But then I remember the lesson that Harry Potter taught me: when I read the books at age 10 I thought everything was age-appropriate but five years later I was surprised at how advanced some of it was. I had forgotten what it was to be 12. On the subject of Remus, I don't think it's overly revealing to say that no, he doesn't have romantic interests in Ly. I absolutely understand, however, where that thought comes from. I think that all throughout our lives but especially when we're young, as are the Marauders . . . love is something which we try and fail again and again to classify and quantify. I would say that while Remus is far from in love with Ly he does love her from the bottom of his soul and she him. They have a closeness which is not romance because it is stronger, deeper, more constant, and less selfish. Yeah, seven years of observing my contemporaries left me with some very strong views on interpersonal relationships. And forget about this "wearing out your welcome." My response is more than 300 words long. I mean, God, my essays for my college application (I only filled out one) could only be 200 words each. I actually had a fair friendship with another author here on the net years ago when I was first writing LiMM. I'm very personal with my readers/authors.

--Covet It !!--

* * *

The Zinnia Blooms--Friends First

* * *

Avery stood in the hall outside the Great Hall searching for Lycaon's face. He had no idea what she'd be wearing or how she'd wear her hair. Would she wear it down? He'd only ever seen it in a ponytail and found himself anticipating a change. It would likely be as wild as she. Yes, he hoped she'd wear it down. Mostly, however, he hoped she wouldn't come down in a group with all her friends. He always felt nervous around them. Judged, as it were. And also somewhat jealous.

Then he saw her distinct figure descending the stairs in the distance. _Thank Merlin, she came alone_. He waved but she appeared not to see him. Making his way through the crowd, Avery was sure to never lose sight of her. Though he knew then what she looked like for the night she was so small that he feared to lose her in the sea of people. As he reached the foot of the staircase so did she. There she saw him and smiled brightly.

Her hair fell in large, lively waves. For once she wasn't swimming in a lumpy sweater but the fit of her dress did nothing to make her appear any sturdier. Standing on the step before him she was a hair taller than he. Her face glowed with excitement and her eyes were brilliant with that passionate life she held. She had no idea how adorable he found her nor, he knew, would she ever.

"You look great," he told her, unable to shake the smile she always put on his face.

"Well, thank you," she replied, stepping down. "If that's the case then we're well matched."

He laughed and felt his cheeks flush at the compliment. He proffered his arm to loop with hers.

"Should we go in, then?"

"Let's!"

With the ease of habit Ly locked her arm with his and led him into the Great Hall—a fact which was perplexing as Avery seriously doubted Ly had any experience with this at all. Ignoring any inconvenient truths she charged in and all he could do was follow. Sometimes following Lycaon was the loveliest, loneliest thing on Earth.

. . .

Remus had sat in the commons for an overly long period of time watching the stairway to the girls' dorm. As much as he enjoyed his friends he could in no way enjoy the ridiculous Quidditch conversation they were engaged in. He didn't really follow the sport and his acrophobia kept him from having any desire to play the game. He was fine with it from the stands a few times a year when there were only four teams to keep straight but beyond that it was just useless to try.

Then from the stairwell emerged the girls. Crystal headed the group and went like a heat-seeking missile towards Sirius. Her yellow hair billowed out and the skirt of her blue robes swayed as she, with haughty expression, tried to look her most beautiful. Then went Lily, quickly scurrying out of the commons. Remus stole a glance at James, who was doing his best to look as though he wasn't watching Lily's black-clad form as she left. Mary came down with watery eyes, visibly nervous as she crossed her arms in front of her. Last was Amy.

She approached him slowly, dropping her gaze now and again. He bore witness to her slow passage and smiled a little when she finally made it to him. He took quick looks here or there trying to find something charming to say.

"Is that purple?"

That wasn't quite what he'd had in mind. He'd hoped maybe a quote would come to him. Although it was apparent to him then that even that would have been impossibly boorish. _I'm hopeless._

Amy blushed and clutched at her skirt a little. "It looked black in the store. Now I look a little ridiculous."

"It's not ridiculous," Remus said. "It's pretty, actually. Very royal."

She looked at him with a small, secretive smile and suddenly Remus felt less hopeless.

"Alright!" James abruptly stood. "Let's go."

Remus offered a shrug and a smile to Amy. She knew by now—everyone did—that James was over the moon for Lily. So she had to understand from whence his brevity stemmed. Her wistfully pitying expression reassured Remus that she did. She did not, however, understand everything. Her crossed arms reassured Remus of that. _Not like I have it in me to hold her hand._ He thought about the mortifying comments James and Sirius would make, likely in her presence. _No . . . I'm a lousy Gryffindor_.

So the group left towards the Great Hall almost in pairs. Remus and Amy walked behind the others as they formed a desperate gaggle. Sirius had his arm around Crystal's shoulders, she around his waist. James tried to walk close to Sirius for comfort while Crystal did her best to monopolize his attention. Peter gravitated thoughtlessly to James and poor Mary was left to scuttle alongside Peter.

"Ly already left, then?" Amy asked.

"A while ago, yes. She had to go meet up with Avery."

Amy laughed. "Even you call him that now?"

He felt himself blush inexplicably. "I guess I must have picked it up from Ly.'

Amy just laughed in her light, tinkling way and Remus could say nothing. He could only watch as her curls fell over her shoulder and the dim light caught in her clear, blue eyes.

. . .

Lycaon had, upon entering the Great Hall, found it inconvenient to walk forever by Avery's side. In stead, she'd clasped onto his hand, which allowed for significantly greater mobility without fear of losing her date. Avery didn't seem to mind and Lycaon wasn't so clueless as to miss why. She wasn't Sirius, after all.

She and Avery wandered about, speaking relatively little. It was loud in the Great Hall for one and, compounding the matter, Avery wasn't much of a conversationalist when he got to this stage of delirious joy. Ly liked him when he smiled but she liked him best when he spoke with smiling eyes. When he did that she began to think that she liked him for who he was and not merely as a distraction. At the moment he was smiling silently, every once in a while giving her hand a gentle squeeze to get her attention—at which point he proceeded to smile broadly at her or, occasionally, wink. It was very sweet but somewhat annoying.

_I can always call it off_, she mused as he brought her cup of punch_. If he becomes absolutely too obnoxiously I'll simply break up with him. No big thing to do_. The thought caught her off guard, then. She'd been thinking such things quite a lot—almost constantly while she was with Avery. Somewhere in her mind there was always a little portion of her looking for the moment when she would have to wash her hands of this small romance. _What does that say about me?_

"Are you having fun?" He asked.

_What an impossibly dull question. _

"I suppose so. The decorations are lovely, the people are dressed lovely—for the most part. I'm just not sure what I'm supposed to be doing."

"Well," Avery surveyed the room, "I believe we're supposed to do a little dancing sometime tonight."

The answer surprised Ly slightly. She looked at the mass of people on the dance floor down by the stage. They somehow managed to avoid looking like idiots but she wasn't so sure that she possessed that same skill. But the music called to her and music always had the mystical quality to make her heart beat slow and so full of joy that it felt like sorrow.

"Shall we, then?"

"Right now?"

"There's no breath like that in your lungs."

He smiled then and sat his goblet down. "Alright, let's go."

Ly followed suit and as she turned he caught her hand. He'd never initiated contact like that before. _Getting comfortable, is he . ._. But Avery flashed his winning, genuine smile and with his aura of pure, uncomplicated gladness he made way for them to the dance floor. Lycaon could hardly protest.

They dove deep into the jungle of the swaying bodies and for the first time in a long time Lycaon worried that she would make a fool of herself. She watched Avery for cues but his smile was too dazzling. All she ever saw was his smile. It so overrode her senses that she began to lose track of time and space. It was a sedative; it slowed her thoughts. Her only consolation was that it wasn't addictive or habit-forming. She didn't always like what replaced it, but she never missed it in and of itself when it was gone.

So she tried to not think of Avery or his mind-numbing smile. She instead listened to the music and began to mimic movements made by the other dancers. These motions were not her own but nor were they those of the other dancers. These were the motions of the music and they were all helplessly trailing in the path left by the singer's emotional tenor. Something about them evoked the image of kelp swaying in the water.

Ly felt Avery calling himself to her attention. She had been dazing. _Godric, I'm a pretty awful date_. He only smiled as they moved in time. He had been following her so perfectly she hadn't even realized he was trying to dance with her. She had overlooked him, for the most part, and assumed he would dance near her. She hadn't even thought about the hand he'd never let go of. Was she thinking at all tonight? _It must be that smile of his._

"Having fun yet?" He asked.

"Getting there."

Avery's head tilted to the side as he laughed. "You're unbelievable. I never know what to think about half the things you say."

"It's not important," she replied. "I'm bored to death with half the things I say by the time I say them."

At this Avery looked deeply confused. _Congratulations, Ly, on your failure to master the English language_. To Avery's confusion Lycaononly had one real reply: she shortened the gap between them and gave him her other hand. _That ought to distract him._

It did the trick beautifully.

Something about her mastery of Avery's emotions made them considerably less interesting to Ly. Perhaps she was too busy wanting the things she didn't have to be glad of what she did. Then again, what triumph was there in making him her tool? _It's not like I ever wanted him to love me. I just wanted to irk Henley. If he's happy it's just a side-effect._

"It's kind of strange seeing everybody so dressed up, isn't it?" Avery noted.

"Yeah, it's almost like they have distinct personalities. I'd never notice it in those uniforms."

Avery chuckled in appreciation and Ly watched his eyes watching her. _It_ _might be nice to have someone love me one day, though_. _I'd like to know what it's like. It might be nice to be really valued._

"Oy, Ly, look at you!"

Despite her grand conjectures Sirius' voice was still the only made her heart skip a beat.

She stopped dancing and turned to look at him even knowing that it was rude to Avery. It was as if Ly had lost all control over her body.

"Fancy seeing you here! I wouldn't have pegged you as the dancing-type, Ly," Sirius said as he approached, more gorgeous than Lycaon remembered—with the exception of the growth on his arm.

The growth was looking on Ly with clear and evident disdain. The fact that Crystal was truly prettier than Ly had any hope of being didn't make her any less of an eyesore.

"Well," she replied, "it wouldn't be the first time you were wrong about me." Then she had an urge to make Crystal feel like an outsider. So she adopted a pathetic female-impersonating-a-male voice and began to quote a former conversation. "'You're pretty good at this for being so blunt the rest of the time.'"

Sirius rolled his eyes at the slight and as his eyes settled somewhere to Ly's right her stomach sank. She'd done it again—she had completely forgotten that Avery was there. That stupid little comment which was hardly a prick in Crystal's dragon-thick hide must have been absolutely alienating to him. She looked to the blond, hoping that, perhaps, he'd been distracted and hadn't heard.

No such luck. His discontent was visible within his tense smile.

"Good luck with this one, Carew," Sirius said. "She's been nothing but a pain in my derrière for more than a year now. I mean, really, she's awful. She's bossy, belligerent—abusive, actually, is a better word."

"Sirius you're so full of it!" Ly reached out and punched him in the arm.

"See what I mean?"

"Somehow I think I'll be fine," Avery said, putting a hand on Ly's shoulder.

_Is he claiming me? _But the world spun too fast for thought when Sirius was present.

"That's a brave soldier! Put up a strong front for the folks back home and keep the intense emotional trauma on the inside . . ."

"Oh, away with you, you git! I won't have you harassing my boyfriend."

"Boyfriend! So you really have gotten to second base."

"Death!"

"Alright, alright! I can tell when I'm not wanted."

"Good job: you understand spoken language."

"Do you hear this? Do you see what I have to put up with?"

"Sirius Canis Black!" Ly struck him again. "I don't see you leaving."

"That anxious to watch me walk away? I must say, that's quite inconsiderate—and right in front of both our dates!"

"I'll jinx you straight to next Tuesday!"

Sirius laughed in his loud, unrestrained barks, completely unafraid. "Okay, I really will go now. It was nice meeting you, Carew."

"You, too," Avery replied half-heartedly.

Crystal sneered prettily at them as she and Sirius began to turn.

"Oy! And, Sirius," Ly called after him, "don't forget!"

He paused not at all but waved her off as he disappeared into the crowd. That would have to be enough for her. She looked at Avery. His face was unemotional but something in his eyes spoke of displeasure. Wordlessly, she grabbed his hand. Instantly he came to life.

"So . . . they're quite the pair."

Lycaon could only roll her eyes and resume dancing. "That's one way to say it."

"And her! No wonder you two don't get along. How does he date someone who's so awful to his friend?"

"Him?" Lycaon laughed. "He's thicker than the Berlin wall, that's how. He wouldn't notice a flood until his was drowning in it. Do you really think he sees her for who she is? Of course not. He just sees a pretty face." She paused. "And breasts."

Avery laughed with his kindly tilt of the head. Ly watched his hair fall softly across his brow and his eyelids flash open to reveal his vibrant eyes. _Sometimes humans are beautiful._

"And you're still his friend?"

"Of course." Ly felt her eyes widen in surprise. "So he makes poor decision. So he isn't always quick on the uptake—that says nothing about him as a friend. He is an extremely generous, loyal friend."

Avery nodded quietly.

"Now," Ly continued, "that doesn't mean you have to like him. He can be a really huge git, after all. But at the end of the end of the day he's still going to be one of my very closest friends."

Then the song ended and the lead singer cleared his throat. "Now, I know it's still early in the night but I think we're over due for a slow-dance. So, couples, take the floor."

"It's all fine," Avery said, moving Ly's hands to his shoulders. "Let's just dance."

"Okay."

. . .

James sat a table near the edge of the room, miserably watching on as his schoolmates had the time of their lives. Even as Pete and Rem sat chatting with the girls they were enjoying themselves beyond measure. He hadn't seen Lily since she'd left the commons. He might have been able to withstand the fact that she'd rejected him with a little more strength if not for the fact that she was going with someone else. He'd been unable to discern who—she'd had several offers and wasn't telling anyone. Not even Crystal knew. Not that Crystal liked him enough to share confidential information.

He had a small hope in his heart yet that maybe, just maybe, she was going with someone as a friend. _Fat chance. What bloke could look at her and not be crazy about her?_Then his thoughts took a dark turn. Perhaps that's the case._ Sweet Lily might think she's going with some sod as friends but I'm sure he's got other thoughts. Oh, that wanker. He plans to make her feel comfortable and take advantage of her kind nature. The slimy bastard! Not while I'm around!_

James resolved that he would protect his innocent Lily-flower that night. Even at the cost of looking somewhat like a stalker.

. . .

Sirius's torso was pressed against Crystal's as they swayed to the music. He couldn't get over how she looked tonight and understood why Ly had so admonished him. Crystal was a beautiful sea nymph in her silky blue robe and, though Sirius, was only slightly taller than her, every time he looked down to her he saw straight down her dress. Which was delightful. Once or twice he was afraid Crystal had caught him staring but if she had she'd said nothing. Sirius loved how she indulged him. For all the senseless whining that he _did_ have to endure, Sirius was never berated for staring at her breasts or letting his hand slip . . . to touch her breasts.

He had free range over Crystal's breasts. Which was delightful.

Suddenly he thought of how much fun it was to tease Ly about Carew. It was almost as good as teasing James about Lily-flower. He really had brought getting to second baseup one too many time but the very idea of the two of them getting there was laughable. One, becauseLy was untouchable in every other aspect so how in the Hell did that work? And two because Ly was probably the most flat-chested girl in the world. What point was there? So he thought of it as a childish fumble.

Yes, it was almost as much fun to tease Ly as to tease James. The difference, Sirius sensed, came from the fact that, when he teased James, the other boy became indignant for the sake of the girl but when he teased Ly she became upset out of injured pride. She cared significantly less for Carew than did James for Lily and that took some of the fun out of it. But since he only wanted to make her angry enough to _nearly_ blast him into smithereens . . . attacking her worked well enough.

"Sirius," Crystal cooed up to him, "kiss me."

He obliged quickly. Actually, he wasn't feeling incredibly kissy at the moment. So it was a short, staccato peck. Crystal frowned. _Oh Merlin_.

"Sirius!" She whined painfully. "That's not what I meant."

"Crystal," he sighed, "I'm not going to do that right in the middle of the dance floor."

She smiled and her deeply pink lips looked suddenly, impossibly fuller. Her eyes, however, narrowed and darkened. "Fine. Let's get out of here."

She had never been so insistent and the offer was tempting despite Sirius' non-kissy mood. But he had work to do.

"Crystal, I don't know-"

"Sirius Black if you don't take me outside and snog me this instant, we're over!"

"Well, can we make it quick?"

Beyond poor word choice.

Although the minute those illimitably stupid words emerged from his mouth Sirius knew them for what they were he was powerless to stop them. He could nothing to stop the scowl forming on Crystal's face or her nails digging into his skin on the backs of his hands. He had royally screwed up.

"Crystal-"

"Ah! None of it. If you don't have time for me then you can just forget about. I won't bother you ever again."

"Ever? Don't you think that's a little-"

"We're through, Sirius. I'm breaking up with you. Don't talk to me again."

Sirius struggled to put his shock and outrage into English as Crystal walked away. She was out of sight by the time he found them in a single word: bitch.

But there was no purpose in saying it aloud now. Crystal couldn't possibly hear him over the roar of the crowd and the music as fast as she'd walked off. And he didn't precisely cherish the idea of causing a scene at this moment. So he sighed and left the dance floor. What could he do? Girls were baffling. Instead of indulging in an overreaction Sirius dedicated his concentration to finding James. It wasn't difficult. James was sitting at a table in the corner, keenly observing the room as Remus and Peter conversed idly with their dates. _Looking for Lily, like as not._

The smoother raven-haired marauder sidled up and sat next to the more disgruntled of the two. As intent as James was on the room he _did_ notice his friend's presence. He even tore his gaze away from the crowd to examine Sirius's expression.

"Something the matter, Mate?"

"Well, I'm not feeling bad _per se_ but Crystal broke up with me."

At this James attention shifted more fully towards Sirius. "She what?"

"I know," Sirius chuckled, "it's preposterous. Unbelievable, actually."

"Well, Merlin's Beard, Siri! What happened?"

"She wanted to snog," Sirius began, addressing the table, "and I didn't want to put myself in a position where I wouldn't be ready for later. Then I said something stupid and that was pretty much it."

"That's all?" Remus asked.

"Pretty much."

"You'd think she'd be used to your insensitive comments by now," James said with a hearty chuckle.

"Hey! I resent that. I'm not insensitive. My mind is just a few moments behind my mouth, is all."

"Well, I don't think you have much to worry about, Sirius," continued Remus. "Easy come, easy go. And the other way around, too, I'm sure."

"Honestly, I was just telling Ly a while ago how bored I'm becoming with Crystal. She called me a prick but," the boy shrugged, "I was planning on breaking it off soon anyway."

"Suit yourself, Mate," shrugged James in turn. "But I'm fairly certain you could get back into her good graces without even apologizing."

"What? How?"

"Snog her." James replied, grinning widely.

"Are you daft!?" Sirius barked. "She'd slap me across the face. Even I can see that."

"Actually," Remus interjected, "James has a point. If that's what she wanted then giving her that would be _almost_ a non-verbal apology. It would probably work."

"Actions speak louder than words," offered Amy.

Sirius sat pensive. He stared at the table, his shoe and then each of his friends individually, although Peter wasn't precisely paying attention.

"Do you really think it'll work, mates?"

"Yeah!" "Sure." "Hm? Oh, yes?"

"Amy?"

"Knowing Crystal?" The girl gave a small, almost apologetic smile. "Yes."

Sirius sighed and kicked his feet onto the table, reclining and reconsidering his situation. Remus scolded him but the comment went almost unheard and certainly unheeded. Sirius could let Crystal be for a while as he _was_ rather annoyed with her at the moment. His pride was still smarting. He would have to make amends with her tonight, though, he sensed. And he'd better do it a while before he had to help in the prank. He sighed again. _At least I know what to do for once._

"Well," Sirius put his feet back on the ground, "that's settled then. In the mean time, care to dance, Jamie-boy?"

"Don't be daft," the other boy replied, his attention back on the crowd.

"Afraid you won't see Lily-flower, are you? Not as if you can see the other side right now."

"Well," James growled, "if we're both moving the odds of me seeing her are next to none."

"So . . . you're just going to sit here all night and wait until she passes?"

"Er . . . yes!"

Sirius could only blink for a moment. "Mate, you're a real creeper. Come on." He grabbed hold of James' arm and began to pull the boy to his feet.

"What? No! Sirius, GERROF!"

James' angry protestations only served to amuse Sirius. "Now, now, Jamie-kins! You'll never win her over like this. Just how charming do you think staring at Lily from your seat all night would be? Not very!"

At that James ceased to resist. "I guess you have a point."

"You guess!? Of course I do! I am, after all, dating basically the most beautiful girl in our year. Or was and will be, which is practically the same thing."

James glowered at Sirius.

"What? Sorry, Mate. Guess red-heads just aren't my thing." Sirius shrugged as he pulled James along. "Though, I cannot tell a lie, if Lily was interested, you're the only reason I wouldn't go for her."

"Glad to know I at least weigh into the equation."

"Friends first, Mate! Now let's dance with some pretty upperclassman, shall we?"

"What! Sirius, I really don't want to-"

"Ah! I'm simply not going to handle that kind of talk, Mr. Potter. You're going to dance with one of these girls and you're going to like it!"

Sirius threw an arm about James' shoulders and examined a table of girls. They appeared to be third years and, therefore, still within reach. The height difference became too awkward with older girls, in Sirius' opinion.

"Now, because I'm such a good friend," Sirius began, "I'll give you first pick."

James sighed beside him but began to give the girls a once-over. "The blonde on the right is pretty, don't you think?"

"Sure," Sirius agreed flippantly.

"Alright, so I'll take the blonde on the right."

"Well, good. You can have her. I'm after the brunette on the far left."

"What? Her?"

"James Harold Potter, do you _see_ her chest?"

James blushed and Sirius shook his head.

"You have fun with your blonde. I'll be pressed up against those."

"Sirius, you make me ashamed to be male."

"Oh, get off your high-horse, why don't you. We're heading in . . .now!"

Sirius gave James a little pushed and locked eyes with his target, smiling broadly._ Breaking up with Crystal is fantastic_.

. . .

James danced with his pretty little blonde for quite some time. She had a kind of dainty charm but none of the fire and substance which so impressed him in Lily. She was sweet, though. She spoke softly and was only barely taller than him, which meant, sans dress-shoes, she wasn't taller at all. Sirius' brunette was a few centimeters taller than was he and James had understood the grin on his friend's face. He also, however, understood that Sirius was a ladies' man. That meant he always, inexplicably, charmed girls senseless. Even when all he had on his mind was anatomy.

After a time Remus and Amy joined them on the dance floor. It wasn't until he saw the two of them flailing confusedly that James even pondered whether or not he was a bad dancer. He took the fact that he noticed their lack of skill as a good sign.

Then he saw her. Lily.

She was even more beautiful than he remembered. Maybe he'd been staring at this plain and telling himself she was attractive for too long and that was why she seemed so beautiful. It hardly seemed possible that her hair could have become more lustrous—that her cheeks had become more rosy or her eyes more green. But there she was. It was as if she was the only colorful thing in the world. James couldn't move; he could hardly breathe.

And he remembered.

Who was she with? He couldn't see him for the crowd. James began to walk closer to get a better look. He heard Sirius asking him what was the matter and Remus calling his name apprehensively but he cared not. He only cared to see this horrible devil's face. Who was this?

His blood turned to ice in his veins and his spleen half-exploded in pure rage.

He felt his body moving roughly forward, completely beyond his control as his eyes followed them. His muscles were tensed and his right hand was reaching for his wand. _I'll curse that bastard straight into the Hell_.

"James!" Sirius hand caught his arm painfully.

"Let go!"

"What the bloody hell do you think you're doing? Put that wand away, will you?"

"But look-" James protested as Sirius manhandled his would-be weapon.

"What?"

"There's Lily and, Godric, look who she's with."

"I can't see, Mate."

"It's Snape. That slimy bastard. It's Snape. What is she doing with Snape?"

"Snape!?"Sirius exclaimed, peering hawk-like for the boy in question. "Blimey, James, no wonder you looked like you were about to murder someone."

"What's the matter?" Huffed Remus, arriving belatedly.

"Lily came with Snape," James answered with a baleful tone.

"She what?"

"Alright," Sirius addressed both boys, "let's kill him."

"Alright," James replied, brandishing his wand anew.

"Stop it, both of you!" Remus hissed. "Sirius, don't give him any ideas. Really, James, killing Lily's date probably isn't the best way to win her over. Don't you think?"

James nodded and retired his wand.

"Remus, you are always the one who ruins our fun," Sirius groaned.

"I also keep you out of Azkaban or St. Mungo's. Heaven knows someone has to."

"Yeah, yeah," Sirius waved him off. "Let's get back to dancing. Those girls are waiting for us."

"Do you blokes mind if I just leave, actually?"

"Er—yes!" Sirius half-shouted. "We have things to do, James."

"You really have to learn to just keep going," Remus added. "You can't let girl trouble-"

"Lily-trouble!" Sirius interrupted.

"You can't let Lily-trouble put a damper on your fun."

"Friends first, James."

James smiled. "Alright, I get it."

"Good!" Sirius grinned. "Now, let's really go. We can't keep those lovely girls waiting."

"Are you not planning on patching things up with Crystal, then?" Remus asked.

"No, I am. I'm just taking my time. I can't afford to look desperate, you know."

"It's really up to you," Remus said, "but you only have about an hour till the ball is over."

"Just a few more dances, then, I suppose."

"Of course." James rolled his eyes.

"Oh, store it, James. You wouldn't understand. You only believe in making a fool of yourself for girls."

"Well, it's not like you really have feelings for Crystal."

"What are you talking about? Of course I do."

James suddenly became aware that he was on dangerous ground. "Not like I do for Lily, though, right?"

"Not like that."

"Alright then, there you are."

"Alright then."

The awkward turn of the conversation was cut mercifully short by their reunion with their respective dance partners. Once in range of the brunette Sirius was all smiles and suavity again. It was a small miracle that someone as thoroughly clueless as Sirius could be so clever and even manipulative when he set his mind to it. That was where his upbringing came in, James supposed.

. . .

After two songs Sirius decided it was time to detach himself from the brunette and reclaim his original date. The upperclassman was proving to be almost as much of a chatterbox as Crystal and, unlike Crystal, she also insisted on personal space. It had become clear to him that it was a lost cause. A convenient distraction, perhaps, but little else.

"I think that's all the dancing I can do," he said, feigning an apologetic smile. "I'd best be off."

"Would you like to sit with me, then? It's been so nice talking to you."

"Oh no," Sirius replied with an exaggerated facial expression. "Don't want to intrude. It was great, though. I'll see you around, alright?"

"Alright," She smiled.

"Alright, then," Sirius smiled and winked. "Good night."

Her tiny wave and coy smile were the last he saw of her before he spun on his heel. He doubted he would have need to speak to her again. Which was and excellent thing because he'd never actually caught her name. Actually, he wasn't even sure what house she was in. Ravenclaw or Hufflepuff, he deduced. Had to be since he didn't know her. The time for distractions had passed, however, and Sirius was off to find Crystal.

He knew better than to hope to find her from the dance floor. Sirius began by checking the tables. _Silly, Sirius. As if she'd be sitting about moping._ So Sirius climbed atop a chair and scoured the crowd. He located his date before any of the professors could even spot him standing atop the furniture.

Crystal was, naturally, dancing with someone else. Although Sirius had expected as much the fact still filled him with moderate annoyance._ She has no shame_. As Sirius approached his own pretty blond his annoyance grew into aggravation and when, in the last few meters, he saw how close she was to this boy . . . it became, at last, anger.

His kiss would be no apology, it would be a hot iron to brand her lips as his until he bloody well said otherwise.

Sirius didn't ask politely if he could cut in, he didn't even say hello. Sirius reached out and grabbed Crystal's shoulder. As she turned he stepped in and, before she had a chance to say a word, he kissed her. When he was satisfied that the matter was settled he looked at the boy she'd been dancing with. It was an older distant cousin of his who stood there dumbfounded.

"Sorry about that, Rodolphus. I'm afraid you'll have to find someone else for the time being."

"Not at all," the older boy replied, his face still a perfect mask of surprise.

"Come on, Crystal," Sirius growled, then, grabbing the girl's hand and leading her out of the hall.

She seemed not to mind at all.

* * *

Author's Note: There's almost no point in apologizing for the lateness of this chapter or for the fact that it's not even long enough to warrant that kind of delay. But I'll say it anyway. I'm sorry. Now, however, I am a high school graduate. I have my graduation party this Friday and two 18th birthday parties on Saturday, one of which is that of my bff, nickname--Taco. But I have nothing to do tomorrow except walk a dog and go buy Taco's birthday present, so I should be able to write quite a bit. Strange that I actually intended to finish up the ball in chapter 18 and, turns out, it's going to be chapter 20. Oh well. One rarely gets what one plans for in life. I mean, I didn't get the dorm I was planning on. I didn't get a call back from any of the dozen places I applied to like I was planning on. I got a little less money for graduating than I was planning on. But whatever, right? It's no big deal. Life goes on. Getting caught up in those silly every-day, commonplace thoughts is how we forget that we are a soul with a body, not the other way around. Also, I've realized how absolutely retarded it is for me to post partially finished chapters and then just keep replacing them with still partially-written chapters. So I vow not to do that again. I just felt so bad for not updating . . . But, yeah, I still plan on having a new, 10 page update by midnight on the 31st. Much love,

Lyth.

P.S.--I really love reviews.


	20. Accomplishment

Disclaimer: Not Mine

Author's Note: Well, life goes on peachy-keen here in Lythland. I saw a Slytherin shirt at the mall for 5 but, unfortunately, it was just too big and I don't really need anymore poorly fit clothing. Yes, I'm a Slytherin. I'm at peace with that fact, especially after learning more about Severus Snape. Who didn't just love him after the 7th book? I was proud to have worn the "Snape is Good" sticker at the late-night book gathering. Sucks to be one of the stupid little tricks wearing "Snape is Evil" stickers. Fools. And that's exactly why I'm Slytherin. Honestly, though, I don't think there's a big difference between Slytherins and Gryffindors. Leastways not so much of one as most people assume. Moving on, I don't know if you guys remember that my PC's name is Amy but, poor thing, her keyboard is wearing out. I typed about half of the last chapter on my brand new laptop because the b and n key mysteriously quit working. They're all better now, though. But yeah, my laptop is a black Sony vaio named Andor. He runs a little hot but man is he fast! Like a Kenyan. But I think that's quite enough of that. Any further Lyth-ranting will be put into my ending note. Now a thanks to:

--Covet It !!--

X23 Maximoff: I suppose it is all very relative about the age. I never experienced most of the normal things for this age-group myself. I just got to listen to my classmates when they either thought I couldn't hear them or forgot that I was there. I was an awkward child. So I spent a lot of time in introspective thought. So I guess I have a lot of detailed thoughts on my surroundings and, as such, I find it difficult not to pass some of that on to all of my characters. I'm especially bad about this with Ly because A)she's a girl and I feel like we have that in common and B)because she's my own creation so I don't have J.K's truths staring me in the face and telling me she's a clueless prat. I mean, Jesus, could you believe Remus' freakout when Tonks was preggers? I was right with Harry when he was telling him off. Then again, that whole relationship fill me with nothing but rage. I do really enjoy writing Sirius, though. I love the duality of his character. On the one side he's this great person and on the other side . . . he's a Black. And I just really believe he was a heart-breaker. I do have to keep in mind, though, that Hogwarts is actually pretty small. Approximately 5 students x 2 genders x 4 houses x 7 years a mere 280 students. So about 150 girls total to choose from . . . it's mind boggling for me. My graduating class alone was almost 400 students. Still, I do so love Sirius and Sirius just loves women. I also love the site Harry Potter Wiki. My one-stop source for whenever I get confused. Especially useful since it has dates. Too bad I just recently found it because now I'm a year off on the dates of the full moon. Yes, I use an actually database for that. God, I'm such a nerd. Also, may I confide, I am terrified to start writing about the war. I have a while to get to it but I don't do well with action. I'm more of a character-driven story kind of author. But there is no ignoring the impact of the first wizarding war on the growth of the marauders. And wars don't just spring out of nowhere. To ignore the subject would be like writing about Germany in the six years leading up to WWII and leaving out the growing political strife. On a personal note, don't sweat the college essays. If your stats are competitive the essays are just icing on the cake. Then again, I didn't shoot that high. I could have gone to several better schools with my SAT but oh well. I chose my school for my specific program and I know it was the right decision. And be aware: every deadline is March 1st. Just throwin' that out there.

--Covet It !!--

* * *

The Zinnia Blooms—Accomplishment

* * *

The front man of the band adjusted his tie casually as he cleared his throat. "It's almost time for the festivities to end tonight. We'll play just a few more songs and then wrap it up with a slow dance so I suggest you find your partners."

Sirius looked to said partner. He had thus far been unsuccessful in devising a way to sneak away from her long enough to help with the prank and not fall out of her favor. It was a bloody shame he couldn't have waited until after the ball to make amends with the girl.

He looked down at Crystal and she smiled back up at him. He smiled in return but there was no smile on his mind. On his mind were a million excuses.

"I'm a little tired of dancing," he commented rather honestly.

"Aw, Sirius! I want to dance the last dance with you."

"Alright, then you'd better let me rest before then."

Crystal pouted but nodded.

"Excellent. Then you can go take a seat—I think everyone is over in the corner—and I'll get some punch or something."

"Okay." Crystal smiled and put her forefinger to the tip of Sirius' nose. "Just don't take long," she said in a sing-song voice. She gave him a kiss on the cheek and the minute she'd turned away Sirius transformed into his rambunctious, troublesome self.

He pulled his wand from his sleeve and, standing under a torch, watched the room as he muttered a spell.

"Amplincendia!" He could see the resulting increase in light and hoped the others would notice. "Amplincendia!" He saw no reply but continued with the protocol. "Amplincendia!"

The resulting light from his last cast seemed brighter than the previous two and Sirius slunk along the wall. He kept his eyes open for any similar changes in lighting. A few moments passed, giving his stomach ample reason to turn. _What's taking the buggers so long?_ Then there came three flashes from the left of the stage. James was in place. Three flashes from the opposite side of the hall told him that Peter was ready. Remus inserted his three flashes from the other side of the entrance and, in the most difficult place of all, Ly sent up her three flashes from directly behind the stage. The fact irked Sirius even at this moment of excitement. He'd wanted the glory for himself, naturally, but now wasn't the time for that.

As the first person to light his torch Sirius was the one to alert the others that everyone was, in fact, accounted for. He pointed his wand towards the main chandelier and, elated, he hissed his spell.

"Amplincendia Maxima!"

The near-blinding light produced by his spell caught everyone's attention and the band skipped a beat—there was a lull in the noise of the hall. Sirius hadn't realized just how powerful that would be. But his pride was offset by his anticipation of what came next.

. . .

Ly set the tip of her wand against the wood on the back of the stage. She took a deep breath and felt her hand begin to shake. _This could be a complete disaster_. But her window of opportunity was small.

"Incendio!" She swiped her wand along the back edge of the stage, creating a line of fire. "Amplincendia Perpetuus!" The flames reached high and began to advance "Incendium Subsisto! Incendium Infitialis!" The flames stopped in their tracks and became harmless.

Mischief managed.

Lycaon had to run and fast. Soon the others would contribute their parts but for now her work was receiving all of the attention—meaning that every professor in the room was running towards her. She absolutely could not be seen there. She only wished she could have done all that with one spell. It seemed to her she'd only wasted time. Perhaps if she could learn to do it without incantations?

She had successfully merged into the crowd and around the edges of the hall the candles were being extinguished. Remus and Peter were hard at work. Then off to her right she heard a few good screams. A flock of chickadees rose above the crowd, alerting her to James' readiness. Ahead of her and to the left a flock of blackbirds terrorized her fellow students. It was her turn.

"Pollus Reproba!" She breathed. "Vestigia Unum!" A large, black one appeared on the side of the summoned chicken.

The chicken squawked indignantly and ran into the crowd. Ly heard two more baffled and chickens and felt herself smiling in approval. _Excellent. This is working out splendidly_.

With her spirits high Ly made her way to the corner where Amy and Mary were still sitting, understanding that the chaos was, likely, the doing of their own classmates. The boys were only a few steps behind her.

"Where's Crystal?" Sirius asked of the girls.

"She ran off to find you," Amy replied.

"Merlin! If that isn't a dead give-away I don't know what is." Sirius sighed and ran his hand through his hair. "I have to go find her."

"Wait, Sirius!" Lycaon caught the boy's sleeve. "At least give me your wand before you go."

He handed it over and Ly unhanded him. Just like that he was gone.

"Deletrius," she whispered, waving her wand over his. Something about the contrast between his dark walnut and her simple ash struck her. His wand had no flexibility at all.

The other three boys proffered their respective wands and Lycaon cleared each of them. Mahogany, chestnut, and willow alike were cleared of any blame.

"Should I cast that on yours?" Remus asked.

"No," Lycaon replied, quickly taking all three wands. "If someone's last cast is going to be deletrius it might as well be me." She looked at the five wands and then to Amy. "Could you do us an enormous favor?"

Amy pursed her lips.

"Could you hold onto these? No one will suspect a thing from you and this way we won't even have our wands with us. Please, Amy?"

Amy nodded and held out her hands. Quickly the wands disappeared in the folds of Amy's dress. Precisely how, Ly was unsure.

"Do you think Sirius remembered to mark his chicken with the number four?" James asked.

"I haven't the slightest," Ly replied, her hands to her hips as she surveyed the chaos she had created. "You'll have to ask him later, I suppose."

"Now what?" Pete asked, face flushed and eyes sparkling.

"Now we try to look like everyone else," Ly replied with a light smirk. "But, if you lot will excuse me," she shook her hair and smoothed it from her face, "I must find my date."

"Tcht," James rolled his eyes, "you and Sirius with your little boyfriend and girlfriend are what's really taking time away from our pranking."

"A tad jealous, Jamie-kins?"

"Oh, go on, will you?"

"At your behest only," Ly purred sarcastically.

"Behave yourself, Ly!" Called Remus as she walked away.

Her fingers extended in a wave on impulse. Swimming through the swarms of distressed students Lycaon could hardly see to search for Carew properly.

"Avery!" She yelled into the din. "Avery!"

Her chest began to tighten with something akin to panic. _Where could he be?_

"Lycaon! Ly! There you are!" Avery shouted from between Ly and the stage.

He put one hand on her shoulder and grinned with warm relief. _I worried him_.

"Can you believe this? It happened so fast," he said, disbelief and confusion distorting his smile.

Grabbing the hand he'd placed on her and seeing Avery's expression amidst all the chaos Ly was unable to withhold her laughter.

"We did a bloody good job, didn't we?"

Carew looked adorably surprised. "You did this?"

"Some of it, yes."

"I love it!" Carew's bright, infectious smile reappeared.

Lycaon looked around at the Great Hall one more time and felt a bubble of pride well up somewhere between her diaphragm and her clavicle.

"Let's leave."

"What?"

"Let's leave. I think I've all but ended this ball anyway."

"Just about," Avery assented. "I don't know if they'll even get a final song out."

"C'mon, then."

She grabbed his hand and led him out into the corridor. She wasn't sure where she was headed or where she wanted to be but she knew she was done with the Hallow's Eve ball. She'd overindulged herself there. Indeed, she'd have to resort to a kind of ascetism to balance it out.

So, hand in hand, she and Avery wandered the halls. Curfew was dangerously close and when they drew too near the Great Hall they could still hear the white noise of it all. They could only 

afford a few minutes before the confused contents of the hall emptied into the nearby corridors on their ways towards the four house commons.

"I'm glad you went to the ball with me, Ly." Avery's voice was quiet as they paced the dimly-lit corridor.

"So am I. It was much better than trying to cheer James out of his Lily-induced stupor."

Avery chortled good-naturedly. "I've seen him ask her out more than once."

"Last time I tallied them up I think James had asked Lily out a total of twelve times."

"Twelve! How can he handle that many rejections?"

"And he only asked her out for the first time on Valentine's Day last year."

"So that's twelve attempts in maybe five months?"

"Something like that, yes."

"Unbelievable." Avery shook his head. "I barely managed to ask you out the once and that was with a letter. I can't imagine what it must feel like when you go up to a girl who's already turned you down eleven times. I guess that's when the Gryffindor bravery kicks in, eh?"

"Or some kind of madness. That's the definition of insanity, you know: trying the exact same thing repeatedly and expecting a different result."

"Hmm," Avery replied deeply.

Bored of the conversation Ly began to look about. Nothing caught her attention and she could think of nothing especially clever to say. From a distance she could hear a song being played, meaning that order was restored and soon the corridors would be full of giddy ball-goers.

"I'd best head up to the tower," she sighed.

"I'll walk with you," answered her date, nearly hopping with exuberance.

He offered her his arm and she interlocked it with her own.

"Seriously, though, Ly, I'm really glad you're my girlfriend."

Ly smiled to mask her confusion. Then it dawned on her: she had given them that status earlier. She had been so flustered by Sirius's comments and so distracted by his presence that it had just . . . come out. She really needed to start thinking things through before she said them. There was absolutely no taking this back.

"Well, Avery, it's been truly enjoyable the past few weeks. It's a good to have someone to talk to besides the boys."

"I've never had anybody I could just talk to like I do with you. You're really something special, Ly."

Lycaon was, in a word, flabbergasted. "Thank you, Avery." She found herself wishing she could say something to balance out this conversation. She felt as though she owed him something for these compliments. "You've been nothing but wonderful."

The awkward, fumbling conversation lasted all the way to the portrait of the Fat Lady.

"We're here!" Ly heard a note of desperation in her own voice. "I guess it's goodnight."

"Good night, Ly," said Avery as he leaned in for a hug.

Ly patted his back awkwardly but he seemed not the least bit perturbed by her stiffness.

Then as he pulled away Ly thought she heard the strangest combination of words.

"I love you."

"Excuse me?" Ly's heart nearly stopped.

"I love you."

Yes, her heart had stopped and fallen straight through anything in its way to rest somewhere near her stomach.

. . .

Remus sat on his bed, skimming an essay for spelling errors with Ly lounging beside him. She had her wand out and was practicing moving small objects without spells. That day it seemed she had more pressing uses for her mouth.

"I can't explain it, Rem. It was as if he was possessed."

"Well, what exactly happened?"

"We walked up to the entrance and he had been talking too seriously the whole way up but we stop and I say goodnight. He says goodnight back to me and we hug, right? Then, out of nowhere, he says 'I love you.' Nothing else. Just that."

"Are you sure you heard him right?"

"Am I sure! Of course I'm sure. I made him repeat himself, which was just awful."

"Perhaps he just got caught up in the moment?" Remus suggested.

"Maybe," Ly sighed. "I don't really understand it." She rolled onto her back and began to swing Remus' bed hangings to and fro. "Oh well, it doesn't really matter. I broke up with him anyway."

"I guess I shouldn't be surprised. You got what you wanted from him, after all."

"Remus!" She cried. "It's not like that and you know it. He shouldn't have said something like that so soon. It's—It's weird!"

"Naturally. And you and I are what? Normal?"

"We certainly don't confess love for people we've only known a few weeks."

"Then we must be normal, hm?"

"Except on full moons, yes."

. . .

"I'm ready when you lot are," James said impatiently.

"Alright, alright," Sirius replied, "don't get your knickers in a twist."

"You're the one always getting on _my_ back about keeping _you_ from transforming! This is my final memory and I want to find out my animagus already," James quipped.

"Now, now, boys," Ly interrupted, "let's all behave ourselves for just a few minutes."

"It takes bloody forever," mumbled Sirius.

"I heard that, Sirius!" shouted Lycaon.

"Ready or not, I'm starting," James warned, lying down on his bed at last.

The other four in the room quieted almost instantly. James shifted uncomfortably and closed his eyes. He'd never really sat back and thought about what the most life-changing moment in his existence was. James didn't do a lot of reflecting. He also hadn't thought seriously about what his animagus form would be. _Guess I'll find everything out now_.

Slowly he took in as much air as his lungs could hold. He breathed slowly and deeply, concentrating only on that despite the encroaching black on his mind and the disconnection from his body. He felt almost as though he would cease to exist and in one exquisite moment everything changed as it never had before. He was so hot he was cold and realized in a fraction 

of a second that he was less than a speck and yet greater than infinity. He was everything and nothing. He was full to bursting and yet empty. And then his senses returned to him. He felt himself seated in his dining room back home. _Everything was much larger in comparison to him than he remembered; he was a small boy. He was five. His parents were standing anxiously beside him. He looked up at his mother who smiled and squeezed his hand. A small, artfully wrapped box sat upon the table._

"_Tansy," called his father. "Tansy, will you come in here?"_

"_Yes, Master!" Came the high-pitched voice which preceded the body of its owner—an elderly female house elf—by only a few seconds. "Tansy finished washing the dishes, Mistress. How can Tansy help, Master?"_

"_We were wondering if you might open this present for us," Mr. Potter replied, handing down the box._

"_Certainly, Master!" Tansy smiled widely. "Is this a present for the young master?"_

_James grinned hopefully._

"_Actually," Mrs. Potter said as she squeezed James' hand a second time, "it's for you."_

_Tansy froze, looking at the perfectly formed white cardboard box. She turned her face up to the family, eyes wide. "For Tansy, Mistress?"_

_Mrs. Potter only nodded._

"_Go ahead," urged Mr. Potter._

_James began to squirm_. What's in there? Why don't I get anything?

_Tansy excitedly removed the last of the ivory wrapping paper and sat it neatly on the table. Then she sat the box upon the rug and kneeled before it as a worshipper at the altar. Her fingertips pushed against one another as she squealed. The very presence of the box had done this for her. If her gift were a rock, James realized, she wouldn't care. It was a gift and she loved it._

_With trembling hands Tansy lifted the top of the box. Only white tissue paper was visible and, as she pulled it back, each sheet seemed to hold a new wonder for the house-elf. James felt himself leaning forward in his chair to get a better look as the tissue was removed with torturous slowness. _

_Then a gasp._

"_No! Master, No!" Tansy began to shake and cry. "Tansy can't take it. It's too beautiful."_

_There in the box was a simple white dress tied around the waist with a blue ribbon._

"_Tansy," Mrs. Potter whispered, kneeling to the house elf, "please take it. You've earned it."_

_Tansy stole a quick, tremulous glance at the dress and then turned her large blue eyes to Mrs. Potter. "Tansy doesn't want to leave, Mistress. Tansy will if you want her to . . . but Tansy wants to stay."_

_Mr. Potter lowered himself to one knee and smiled at the sniffling house-elf. "You can stay as long as you want, Tansy. We'd love to have you here . . . as our guest."_

"_And if you went," Mrs. Potter added with a smile, "I'm sure James would miss you terribly. Wouldn't you, James?"_

_James nodded. "I would."_

_At that Tansy broke into tears again. "Tansy will stay. Tansy will always stay if Master and Mistress will let Tansy."_

"_We're not Master and Mistress anymore," Mr. Potter corrected with a gesture to the dress still nestled amongst the paper in its box. "You can call us Mr. and Mrs. Potter if you like but I would love you to call me Charles."_

"_And call me Dorea, if you would."_

_Tansy nodded solemnly and took her new dress in hand._

"_Why don't you go put that on, hm, Tansy?" suggested Mrs. Potter._

"_Yes, Mis-Dorea."_

_The house-elf disappeared into her room under the stairs and as she did James frowned._

"_Why did we set Tansy free?"_

"_Well, Son," Mr. Potter put a strong hand on James' should, "there comes a point when a person realizes that he's been a little selfish. It took almost nothing from us to set her free, after all, and look how happy it's made her. Besides, the good things you do for others become good things that others do for you."_

"_And sometimes," Mrs. Potter interjected, "a body just knows it's time to do the right thing."_

_His mother's words struck something deep within James, even as young as he was. They filled him with shame and a duty to undo it. He closed his eyes and the eternal part of him, which, he knew at that moment, would remain unchanged from birth till death, was all that existed. That was James' conscious self as he opened his eyes in a field of swaying gold grass. It was warm __and the sun shone down graciously. His soul was at peace and, atop a nearby hill, he saw it: himself. _

_He saw the stag._

* * *

Author's Note: Well, I did, technically manage this in a week. This final scene with James' final memory, actually, gave me significant trouble. I knew basically what I wanted to write some 26 hours ago but was unable to quite get out. The prank . . . let's just not even go there. I'm not really and an action writer and I find it impossibly difficult to come up with pranks. Largely I allow them to come to me. I had to seriously go looking for that one and, now that it's over, I have to say that I don't think it was even that amazing. Tolerable, but not my most brilliant stroke. In other news, I have seriously been looking for a beta. I PMed a good dozen or so people and so far have only received one reply which was, of course, in the negative. No can do. So I'm going to keep looking. Also, I think I may sponsor a child in another country. I'll wait and see, of course. Decide if that's something I really want to do or if it was just a whim. I'm not even going to lie and say I think that I can get another chapter done in two days. Nope. Not happening. I will, however, definitely have it up by the 15th. That works out well, actually, because it gives me two extra days to make up for the two days I'm losing to my college orientation. I will continue to look for a beta, but, really, I think they see "OC" and gtfo. It frightens people and for good reason. Most OC's are pure, unbearable, over-perfected self-insertion.

At any rate, thanks for reading! As always, I would love to hear from you in the form of a review.


	21. How Little

Disclaimer: Not Mine.

Author's Note: Well, my friends, I think I may be one step closer to finding a beta. By that I mean that I may have found a beta. It's pretty exciting. On a more personal note . . . do you remember Taco? Well Taco forgot to apply to college. How in the _hell_ do you forget to apply to college? What am I going to do with that boy? He drives me crazy. Back in news that has anything to do with TZB: I really want to have most of this chapter done before I go to orientation seeing as I'll only have two days until deadline when I get back. I'm trying to be better with deadlines. So far I don't think I've actually posted a single chapter on time. But I have posted four and a half (chapter 16 was so short) chapters since just before school ended despite how hectic my life has been. So perhaps I should be proud of that and stop beating myself up so much. I'm just afraid that if I give myself an inch I'll take a mile. Also, I've been poking around databases and found the Potters on the Black family tree. So I'm going to change their names accordingly. I also found out that Sirius' cousins are a lot older than him, as are the Weasleys . . .but that takes too much effort to correct. So that's staying. Further Lyth-info, including an update on college conditions and the beta situation, will be accessible in the ending note. Right now I want to thank all of you but especially

--Covet It !!—

Laochra: Just the fact that you reviewed has encouraged me tremendously. I was seriously beginning to wonder if XM was the only person who read this story anymore! So I sincerely thank you for taking the time to submit that review. I am also happy to tell you—because I'm a freak and I have a word document with all of the reviews I've ever received on this story—that you have, in fact reviewed before. I log a single review back in 2005, before I condensed the chapters, on chapter 24/now 13. In case you were wondering. Additionally, I appreciate the comment on the change in my writing. I think a lot of it is about time. A few years bring a whole lot to a person as far as experience and breadth of knowledge. As for getting back into writing, that was a long personal journey for me. I lost writing altogether in the fall of 2005 and was only able to seriously pick it back up last summer. I credit two events with my regained ability to write: finding spiritual calm and my brief but impactful first relationship. Hopefully this isn't too heavy a thing to discuss but those things really helped me see my future with clarity. Like Jane Eyre I had to prove to myself that I was strong and independent through my dealings with these situations which, respectively, make it easy to be content with a troubled present and make it easy to let others make up your mind for you. I think that shows in my writing. Also, my insecurity had a lot to do with losing writing. Writing is my first true love but I lost it because I let my romance with the language leave the process. I was so caught up in my imperfections that I lost the joy of it. The joy returned when my self-confidence did.

--Covet It !!—

* * *

The Zinnia Blooms—How Little

* * *

Peter felt wholly, suffocatingly, unbearably anxious. Upon James' completion of his memory searching the weight of the project fell on him—little Pete. He was the only one who had not finished that stage—the only one who didn't know his animagus form. He knew that at the next possible moment he would have to face his defining moment and his animagus. He would have to face and share himself. Perhaps he wasn't as charming or witty or talented or quick as the others but Peter was not completely stupid. He had watched as Sirius, Ly and James finished their parts. There was no self-control there. They spoke their parts aloud in frightened, childish voices. What would he say? What would he tell them about himself?

The idea of revealing himself to the group was the most frightening aspect of all. He felt keenly the disparity between himself and the others. Even Ly, the girl, fit more easily than he in the group. Remus, shunned by society for years, blended seamlessly in. Pete fell to the wayside. He was an afterthought. What if he managed somehow to make himself a burden? He knew that he didn't contribute enough to warrant any extra effort from the Marauders.

But when he had these thoughts and these horrible crushing feelings he tried to remember the night that the lot of them had celebrated the completion of the map. He took a deep breath and remembered that they had saved him. He was weak but they were strong and they would always save him. And for that he would face anything—even himself.

. . .

"Sirius!" Ly hissed. "Hurry while she's distracted."

"Oh, go away, you git!" Sirius swatted at Ly and knocked her off the arm of the couch.

Pete watched from a few steps away as the girl glared up from the floor and Sirius turned his attention back to Crystal. Crystal was still talking animatedly to poor Amy, who had been offered up as the distraction. Ly rose to her feet and leaned over the arm of the couch. Her hands were set upon Sirius' shoulders and there in her right hand was her wand. Ly's eyes glittered darkly and as she spoke into Sirius' ear Peter couldn't discern what she was saying but from the pale, sober expression Sirius wore Pete gathered it wasn't good.

Ly stepped back to the others with a wink and a satisfied smirk.

"Ly, what did you say?" Remus asked.

"Nothing," she replied with a shrug. "Just that I'd jinx Crystal's pretty little head right off her pretty little neck."

"I'd rather not be in the middle of that fight, thanks," grumbled Sirius as he made his way towards the dorm.

"Come now, Siri!" Ly teased after him. "It's not as if it would take me long to take her out. Give me a little more credit than that."

James laughed from just behind Peter. "What's the matter, Siri? Afraid you won't like her as much after Ly's turned her into a newt?"

"A newt! That's far more elaborate than what I had in mind," exclaimed Ly.

"Ly, you couldn't change Crystal into a newt if you tried."

"I could so! I could turn Henley into a newt with one hand tied behind my back! It wouldn't be so hard; she's already got a heart the size of one."

"I'll-"

"Into the room, both of you!" Growled James. "We've got more important things to do that listen to you two nit-wits argue."

As they entered the dorm Sirius appeared determined to have last word. "Ly, if you weren't a girl I'd hex you straight into oblivion."

"And if you weren't a girl you might actually be able to do it," Ly sneered.

"Why I-"

"Oh calm down, Sirius." James rolled his eyes and pushed the boy backwards onto the nearest bed.

"She's just trying to get a rise out of you," Remus said, sliding onto his bed.

"Not trying," corrected Ly, "succeeding."

"Well the both of you can just store it for the time being. The sooner we let Pete finish up the sooner we get to transform," James said.

"How'll we decide who goes first, anyway?" Sirius asked. "James is the only one who's gotten detention so far."

"Worry about it later," replied James. "It's not as if you'll get to do it tonight anyway."

"Alright," Sirius sighed.

"It's all you, Pete," Remus said with a smile.

"Thanks, Rem," Peter replied weakly.

He laid himself down but was bothered by how uncomfortable his pillow was. He punched it and felt his sweater bunching up under him. He had to pull it straight and when he did he suddenly discovered an itch on the back of his leg. Naturally, it needed to be scratched. Peter heard someone clear his throat and someone else sigh.

_Alright, Pete_, he took another deep breath_. Alright, alright. Think of nothing. Oh, I just hope I can do this. Nothing, Pete! Nothing. Nothing, nothing, nothing . . . _He inhaled fully_. Nothing, nothing, nothing . . . _His head began to swim_. Nothing, nothing, nothing. . .The overwhelming aroma of tea roses rolled over him. The soft but heavy heat of summer enveloped him. A rustle came from beside him where he hid in the bushes. There was a moment of mindless terror and then the beast revealed itself—it was only Clint, his muggle-friend. Peter was almost nine and old enough to understand what this meant. It meant that unless Clint just happened to show magic soon—one in a million odds—all of this would end. For years Peter had attended a muggle school alongside Clint but next year would likely be their last. But maybe, just maybe . . ._

"_Peter," Clint smiled widely and produced from his shirt a white napkin, filled with lumpy treasure, "take a look."_

_The other boy unrolled the napkin to reveal three golden biscuits and a small jar of some beautiful golden-orange jam._

"_What is that?" Pete asked._

"_This?" Clint replied impishly. "This is my mum's favorite orange marmalade. She only buys one jar a year."_

"_Wow," Peter breathed low, mesmerized by the way it caught the sun even in the bushes._

"_I've only had it once," continued Clint. _

"_Why does she even have it if no one can eat it?"_

"_She had it on her honeymoon."_

_The significance of that escaped Peter, even in his older mind._

"_Clint! Where are you?" His mother called out. Her speech was a little slurred—only enough to be noticed by someone who knew her. Peter was almost nine and old enough to understand what this meant. "Clint," the woman whined, "mummy misses you."_

"_C'mon," Clint re-wrapped the biscuits and marmalade with a quick, angry movement. "Let's go to your house."_

_The other boy stood and began to walk between the bushes and the house._

"_She's going to see you," Peter cautioned._

"_Oh, no she won't. And I can outrun her anyway."_

"_What about me?"_

"_Quit worrying-"_

"_There you are, Clint! Oh, darling. Come inside with Mummy. I want you with me."_

"_Bullocks!"_

"_I told you so!"_

"_Just store it and run!"_

_In shock Peter watched his friend make for trees. He was leaving. Clint was leaving him to fend for himself. Peter began to run. Even with his emotions high it was a slow, labored run. Then, in the distance, he saw Clint drop something. He paused not at all but Pete knew what it was: the marmalade. If Clint's mother found out she'd be furious. He had to get it before her, he felt. So he pushed as hard as he could and, wheezing, he picked up the jar._

"_What is that?"_

_Peter looked behind him. It was all over._

"_What—Why do you have that? You-You little maggot! Give me that!"_

_The woman took the jar roughly and as she did Peter looked around for some sign that Clint would soon come to his rescue. There was nothing._

"_Where did you get this? Sneaking into my house! I'm going to call your mother right now and tell her what a worthless little thief you are. See if that wipes the smug look off her face!"_

_Peter felt himself about to cry at the injustice of it all. Where was Clint when he needed him? Surely he was ready to jump in at any moment. He was just waiting for the perfect opportunity—surely._

_As the angry woman before him grabbed him by the wrist it became very clear that Clint wasn't coming to his aid. It became very clear just how little Peter meant to him. Peter looked up to the clear blue sky in despair and as he did it darkened. A ceiling of concrete appeared between he and its cloudless loneliness. He was trapped in some variety of tunnel and as he looked around he could hardly see anything. Then he felt water filling the tunnel. He couldn't tell from whence the water came but it came rapidly. He crawled forward, hoping for some respite or some escape. There was no sound of rushing as the water reached his chest but in the distance he heard movement and, insensibly, moved toward it. The water rose and rose—soon it would reach his neck. He moved faster towards the sound of movement and splashing in the water. And a high-pitched squeaking. The water rippled just below his chin and he came directly upon what he'd heard. As the water covered his mouth he saw it struggling there in the dark: a rat._

_. . ._

"Alright," Ly threw her robe over Remus' bed, "who's up for a little misadventure?"

"Count me out," replied Remus from his desk.

"Me too," said Peter.

"Well, fine. But I'm pretty sure my prize would interest you. What do you say, James? Sirius?"

"Sure," James said with a shrug.

"It depends," Sirius gave her a wary look. "What were you thinking?"

"There's a book I want-"

"Forget it!" James yelped.

"Aw, come on. It's in the restricted section, you know."

"What do you want from the restricted section?" Remus asked slowly.

"It's a book that has some stuff about the interpretation of animagi and patronus charm personifications."

"Why's something like that restricted?" Piped Sirius, lounging on his bed.

"Well, it's what else is in the book that's restricted. It also has some . . . er, darker stuff in it."

Sirius groaned. "Oh, Ly! You want me to help you steal a book about dark magic?"

"Mostly the history behind it," she replied as soothingly as possible.

"It all sounds very Slytherin to me," James commented.

"Exactly," Sirius said. "Ly, this is something I would expect out of one of my cousins."

"So, what?" She put her fists to her hips. "Are you two telling me you won't do it?"

She watched the two as they looked to each other and shrugged.

"Well, fine! Can I at least use the cloak?"

"I don't know. . ."

"Listen, I'll go right now. It's getting late, there's hardly anyone around, and I'm sure it won't take but half an hour."

"Alright!" James raised his hands in defeat. "You can use the cloak. You had better not get caught, though. If you lose that-"

"I will be as devastated as you," Ly snapped. "I'm not an idiot, James. Honestly!"

Ly crouched next to James' bed and pulled out the box in which their precious cloak was kept.

"Sirius," she called over her shoulder, "do you still have the map?"

"Hm?"

"I asked," she stood with the cloak in hand, "if you still have the map."

"One minute." He slid half-off his bed to lift his school robe from the floor. From its pocket he produced the map. "There you are."

"Why'd you have the map?" James asked with a light smirk.

"I just had it for when I'm about," the boy evaded.

"You mean when you're about with Crystal and want somewhere secluded?" Ly put forth.

"Ooh!" Exclaimed James. "Now what could you possibly be doing that you need to be somewhere secluded?"

"As if you don't know!" He growled with his cheeks ever-so-slightly pink.

"Oh, calm yourself, Sirius," Ly said. "Of course we know. If we were to forget we could find out all over again during charms, transfiguration, or history."

"Don't you have Slytherin things to do?" Sirius barked.

"Well, I think badgering you is fairly Slytherin," returned Ly, "but yes, I do have things to do."

She quickly put on her robe and tucked the cloak and map inside it.

"Be careful!" James warned as she opened the door.

"Happy hunting," called Remus.

"Good luck!" Pete yelled.

"I bloody hope you get caught!" Shouted Sirius.

"Of course," Ly laughed in reply. "See you lot later."

With her mood improved from aggravating Sirius, Ly quickly made her way to the library. Once there she slunk into a far corner and threw the cloak over her. Alone in it's folds Ly couldn't help but notice that the cloak dragged on the floor and that reminded her of why she'd gotten upset with the others in the first place. Ly was forever helping them carry out whatever devious little plans popped into their devious little brains but they were always too good for her plans unless there was something in it for them.

But there was never time for moping because, as ever, she had mischief to manage and her own back to watch. Both were high-risk tasks, but Ly was aided by the map. She pulled it from her pocket.

"I solemnly swear I am up to no good," she whispered.

Even before the map was fully visible she knew where to find the library. She found her own dot and lightly folded over the map so that she could only see what she needed to see. Her path looked clear. She raised her eyes to walk but glanced back frequently to be absolutely sure that she would get caught. To be caught now meant more than detention—it meant the loss of the cloak and possibly even the map. That was the danger of working alone.

Then, as she looked down, the movement of a particular dot caught her eye: Severus Snape. His dot moved within speaking-distance of Madame Pince at the front desk and then both dots began walking in the same direction. _He can't possibly be headed where I think he's headed_, Ly thought. She watched, distraught, as Madame Pince left Snape at the door to the restricted section. _Why_, she asked a higher power. _Why, just once, can't things go as planned?_

Towards the restricted section she walked, regardless. Snape would leave sooner or later. Probably sooner as Madame Pince had _probably_ told him exactly where to find his book. So Ly took a deep breath and sat outside the doorway, waiting for Snivellus to leave.

When at last the greasy little blighter emerged Ly had half a mind to trip him but alone it seemed too perilous. Snape had been getting more and more retaliatory as of late. Instead she slipped into the room and began to search for her book.

It was Monsters of the Mind by Quail Ostericud. She looked to the shelf and saw something by a Mr. Caelum Sols. Walking further up the alphabet, her eyes flitting up and down to find her prize. The seconds fell heavily in her gut but finally she came upon the O's. _Let's see . . . O'Conner, Olson, Ortiz . . . O'Sullivan_. Her breath stopped in her lungs. There was no Ostericud.

_Impossible_, she thought furiously. _It wasn't checked out when I looked at the catalogues earlier._ And then a horrible thought stuck her: _Severus Snape_.

_No_, she tried to rationalize, _that can't be. What possible use would Snape have for that book? Then again, what else would he need from the restricted section? Oh, what are the odds?_

Ly took a deep breath. _Okay, Ly, there's a simple way to find out. We'll just look at the catalogues._

After consulting the map Ly shuffled behind a shelf to remove the cloak. With as much composure as she could muster, she walked to the cabinet which held what she needed to know. It was a large, unwieldy thing, filled with years of dates for dozens of books and it took her some minutes to find the sheet she needed.

There, upon the lightly battered page, sat the magically-penned words which told her that, yes, Severus Snape had checked out the exact book she had meant to steal moments before she could lay her hands upon it.

_Unbelievable_. She sighed and shut the cabinet. _Now, I have to wait Godric-knows-how-long to get it back._

_Or . . ._

It was almost too perfect.

_I'm sure the boys would **love**__to help me now that Snivelly is involved_.

. . .

Sirius watched detachedly as James and Peter played chess—scratch that—as James handed Peter miserable defeat with chess pieces. His resulting boredom almost, just almost, made him wish he'd gone with Ly. Perhaps it was just a book but he might have been able to make something more of the expedition.

"James! Sirius!" Ly burst through the door and quickly shut it behind her. "You'll never believe what happened!"

Sirius sat up, greatly intrigued. "What is it?"

"While I was in the library putting on the cloak someone else went into the restricted section and checked out my book."

"Godric, Ly," James whined. "What do we care?"

"Well," Ly said, tilting her head as she had begun to do right before releasing pivotal information, "you might be interested to know who it was."

Sirius and James frowned at one another.

"Was it one of my cousins?" Sirius asked.

Ly laughed. "No! It was none other than Snivellus Seeps!"

"Snivellus!" James cried. "Merlin's beard! Who'd right him a pass to check something out from the restricted section?"

"He is quite good at Potions," Remus said over his book. "And Kinnison is the head of his house so I'm sure he did it."

"Well," Sirius said, "you certainly know how to get my attention, Ly." He swung his legs off his bed and grinned widely at her. "I'm in."

"Really?" Ly grinned in reply.

Sirius nodded. "Anything that involves upsetting that slimy little blighter is worth doing."

"Yeah," James stood with a dark expression distorting his feature, "I haven't forgotten about the ball."

"Wonderful!" Ly tossed the map and the cloak onto the bed. "I want that book as soon as possible."

"Consider it done," replied James.

"Well," Sirius looked around the dorm, "how should we go about this?"

* * *

Author's Note: There is only sadness, regret, and remorse, my sweet, sweet readers. You deserve better than all these delays but, unfortunately, I am the only one who can write this. I will continue—I will persevere. I just keep hitting difficult-to-write patches, though! Peter's memory was especially trying. And then the set-up for what's coming the next chapter had to be done…I really wanted to write about Quidditch but there are just all these things that need to happen first. Oh well. We'll get there. I justify it by the fact that so little happens, comparatively, in the latter half of the school year. I just really want to be done with 2nd year. I'd really like to be on say…4th year? Yes. I want to get to 4th year already—sweet Jeezabus!

In Lyth news: visited my college for orientation and now I'm pumped. I loved it, which is good because I didn't even apply anywhere else and I'd never even visited the campus. Talk about a leap of faith. But I'm all set. I paid for housing for the first semester today and I'm already registered for classes. I'll have to keep a 3.75 to be in honors…but I'll figure it out. Somehow. ALSO!! I HAVE A BETA!!OMG Yay. I just got back chapter 1 today. Yes, yes, we're starting from the top. That way she gets into the story better and, also, this way I can do audio recordings of betad chapters. Exciting. SO that's part of why this has taken a while. I'm working for you, my darlings—always for you. Or for a great day out with my friends, which is really necessary so I A-don't get burnt out B-don't forget what it's like to hang out with friends.

Thank you for reading! I would love to hear your thoughts.


	22. Lose Some

Disclaimer: Not Mine

Author's Note: Well, I spent one good afternoon away from my laptop, in my friend's pool. Honestly, I don't think I've stayed dressed all day a single day in weeks. Oh well, it _is_ summer. I find, also, that I never manage to get home quite when I thought I would. I stayed out with my friends until almost ten on Monday—which seems reasonable until you realize that I picked up my friends at 1:30 to go to the Japanese grocery store we love. At any rate, it was refreshing afternoon and now I'm going to attempt to get down to business. Let's see how fast I can finish ten pages, shall we? I am going to try to make up for lost time by completing this chapter in less than a week. I will be leaving for Michigan on the 8th so…I have five days. Technically, it's more like having six nights as I'm going to be rather busy in the upcoming days what with the Independence Day and a few birthdays. Yeah, I think I can do this. If not, I'll just finish the chapter up there and go find Wi-Fi somewhere. It seems like there's Wi-Fi everywhere these days. Also, I was reading through 'Quidditch Through the Ages' and realized that, since the first Nimbus was released in '67, James was probably riding either the original 1000 or something later. So I'm gonna go back in and change 'Cirrus' to 'Nimbus 1001' but, for now, just know. Moving on I thank you all for reading but I enthusiastically thank my reviewers and especially:

--covet it!!—

X23 Maximoff: I'm so glad to know that you appreciate the bit about Peter. I think, as a writer, it is unfair to me and to all of the marauders—not just Peter—to portray him as a two-dimensional low-life. It says something bad about all of us. I try to make sense of it in my story—to explore why Peter was able to do what he did and yet be a friend to the marauders and, ultimately, spare Harry's life. I try to explore the complicated nature of all of the marauders, even when they do things I don't approve of. Sometimes, though, I look back at a scene and have to write Peter in because I realize he hasn't said a thing. I'm glad, too, that you saw some improvement in my action. I think the higher thought content added to it quite a bit. The characters are allowed to be a lot of things that I'm not. We'll still have to see about chapter 25 but here's a quick turnaround for you. After all, I'm still only preparing for college—at my college freshmen register for classes and attend a 2 day orientation long before school starts. It'll be mid-August that you need to worry about me losing time to college. Wow, just had a little day-dream about meeting an amazing, intelligent, hot guy at college. I'm sure it won't happen—just as it hasn't happened any other time I've dreamt about it. But here it goes! I hope you enjoy.

--covet it!!—

* * *

The Zinnia Blooms—Lose Some

* * *

Sirius thought for a straight hour about how best to get to Snape. It was quite possibly the longest that he had ever thought continuously about anything. As it turned out, after a straight hour of thought his ideas became less like Siri, the Marauder, and more like Sirius Canis Black, son of Orion and Walburga Black. Even Sirius noted with some alarm the change in himself. His plan was totally unlike himself. His plan violated several of his own moral codes. His plan was perfect and, despite several hard-spent moments, he couldn't talk himself out of it.

"Well, Mates," he began heavily, "I know how we're going to do this."

"Oh?" Ly asked, her temperament altered for the worse after attempting the same thing unsuccessfully for an hour. "Do tell."

"Can't," Sirius replied more heavily than before.

"Well!" Ly bristled. "How, precisely, do you expect me to help you, then?"

"You don't have to."

"What about me?" James asked quickly. "You can't keep all the fun for yourself, you know."

"You can come, James."

"That's ridiculous!" Ly snapped. "It's my book we're going after."

"Mostly it's Snape _we're_ going after," Sirius drawled with frightening expertise.

He didn't like himself very much right now but, as ever, he liked Ly considerably less. He would always play favorites where he was concerned.

"Good!" affirmed James. He smiled, then, at Lycaon. "Look at it this way, Ly. You can sit back and relax while Siri and I take care of the hard part."

The girl sighed and slumped melodramatically. "Fine, just do it then already."

"Only at your behest," Sirius replied, unable to help but smirk.

"Oh, away with you, you little git!" She growled. "Hurry before I hex you right out of your skin."

"As if you could," he rolled his eyes, grabbing the map.

"Try me." She pointed her wand toward him with a kind of insolent languor.

Somewhere in his mind he wanted to brandish his wand and teach her once and for all not to treat him so poorly.

"I swear," Remus interrupted his thoughts, "you two can't go one day without getting into a fight with one another."

"It's him or you," Ly replied, turning her wand on her own best friend. "You choose."

"Don't be a prat."

"Remus!" Ly gasped and, just like that, her anger was gone. "You mistreat me, so! And watch your mouth!"

Sirius couldn't even pretend to understand. Instead he rolled his eyes again and threw the cloak to James.

"You ready, Mate?"

"Sure," James said. "Mind telling me where we're off to?"

Sirius smiled then, feeling more like himself for an instant. "The Slytherin Common."

"What!?" Ly yelped. "You're going to the Slytherin Common and you're leaving me behind?"

"Don't be dense, Ly," Sirius said. "There isn't enough leeway in this plan for two accomplices. I'd just as soon go alone but I'd like the back-up."

She smiled wistfully. "Another time, then?"

"Not if I can help it," Sirius replied, opening the door to the hall.

"We off, then?" James asked, tucking the invisibility cloak inside his robe.

Sirius nodded.

"Wish us luck!" James urged.

"Good luck." "Good luck."

"Don't get caught."

Sirius tilted his chin down to stare at Ly more disapprovingly. "Blacks _don't_ get caught."

"Since when are _you_ a part of that?"

"Oh, store it."

"Good luck."

"Don't need it."

Sirius shut the door roughly behind him and to his right James merely chuckled.

"What's so funny?"

"I just can't wait until she really does jinx you one day."

"Oh, har har har. Very funny. You can put the cloak on now, you know."

"What? Sirius, the door can't open with no one there—people will notice."

"I know that, James! I'm not going to be under the cloak."

"At all?" James looked a little crest-fallen.

Sirius gave him a crooked smile. "Nope. Sorry, Mate. Don't need it this time around."

James smiled sadly in return. "Alright, I understand. I'll stand here all by my lonesome."

"Oh, quit it, you prat!" Sirius punched the other boy's arm lightly.

James laughed as he disappeared. "We can go now, then."

"Glad to have your permission."

James snickered as the two descended into the Common. Sirius felt a bit like a lunatic and was certain that, if he were to say a thing to James, he would look like one as well. Once in the hall and reasonably far from the Common Sirius brought out the map. Assured of their solitude he began to mutter over his shoulder to James as they walked. Walking lazily toward the Slytherin Common Sirius felt his stomach crawl. He wasn't especially nervous about carrying out his plan—he was confident in that, but he realized that, had he not met James and Ly on the Hogwarts Express this walk would be his life. Before him sat what could very well have been his home. It was a less than pleasant realization.

"We'll get there in a moment," he murmured to James. "When we do, stay on the opposite side of the hall until we see the actual entrance. The wait along the wall next to it."

"Got it."

And no sooner had Sirius folded over the map and stuck it in his pocket than a Slytherin girl walked up, eyeing him curiously, as she did her best to be in her Common by curfew.

"What are you hanging about for, Black?" She hissed when she decided that Sirius wasn't leaving.

Sirius looked her over as she stood uncomfortably by the entrance—clearly unwilling to say the password in front of him. _Blast_, he thought. _I know who this is. Come on, now . . . Adara? Yes. Now what's her last name?_

"Actually, I wanted to see someone," he replied in his least interested tones.

"I'm not letting you in."

Sirius' eyebrows arched of their own accord. "Excuse me?" He said without thinking. "Of course I'm not going into that hole-in-the-wall but you ought to think a little harder before speaking to a Black like that, Burke."

_Well would you look at that, I remembered her name_.

The girl, although older than him, looked physically upset. True to her house, however, she remained cool.

"Who is it that you wanted to see?"

"Bulstrode, if you will. Marcus Bulstrode."

"Alright," the girl sighed. "I'll send him out."

"Thank you, Burke."

She shot him one last half-humiliated, half-indignant glance as she put her hand to a particularly worn stone and whispered something unintelligible. As the stones rearranged themselves behind her Sirius could hear James shuffle over towards the wall. Sirius only wished that he could have asked for Snape directly, but that would hardly have been feasible. A tall, broad-featured sixth year emerged after a few moments.

"What do you want, Black? Adara said you wanted to see me?"

"I have a favor to ask." Sirius replied in a voice which made it clear this was to be less of a request than a command.

Bulstrode frowned. "Why would I do you any favors?"

"Come on, Marcus!" Sirius grinned. "We're cousins, aren't we?"

The young man scoffed. "You're closer cousins with the Potter boy."

"True," Sirius conceded.

"So, it's settled? I'm not doing any favors."

"Actually, you are." Sirius pursed his lips. "Perhaps you remember when I visited your family, oh . . . summer of '68?"

Bulstrode's frown deepened, but his eyes said that he understood.

"Maybe you don't remember everything, but I certainly do. And, somehow, I feel you'd prefer to keep that between the two of us. Well, three of us, to be fair." Sirius smiled at his beautifully 

executed black-mail and tucked his thumbs in his pockets. "That's why you're going to do me this favor. Really, it's a small favor in comparison to what I'm doing for you."

"What is it?"

"All I want," Sirius replied coolly, "is for you to get Severus Snape and his school things—especially the book he checked out tonight—out here. It would be nice if he left his wand in there," Sirius pointed at the worn stone, "but he absolutely can't know that it's me out here."

"What should I tell him?"

"Be creative."

As the wall closed again James poked his head out of the cloak.

"Can I come out now?"

Sirius shrugged. "Sure."

"What exactly do you have on him, anyway?"

"Likes men."

"No way!"

"Mm hmm."

James shook his head. "How do you even keep something like that a secret?"

Sirius just smiled. "Not well."

"So. . . you've been holding on to that for years to use as blackmail?"

Sirius saw the troubled look in his friend's eyes.

"Not to use as blackmail, really. I just held on to it. Believe me, James; you're lucky that your parents have retired from all of this family business. I know worse things about more important people and, frankly, some of it I wish I didn't."

The stones began to shift then and Sirius drew his wand.

"Lily?" Snape asked, his voice sounding almost friendly.

"Not likely," James replied, grabbing hold of Snape's robes and pulling him into the corridor.

"Potter!" He shouted.

"The one and only."

"How-?"

"Me," Sirius answered. "That was me."

Sirius kept his wand pointed at Snivellus. He had learned not to let his guard down just because he had the upper hand.

"Black," Snape said. "I might have known. Hardly brave enough to come alone, hm?"

"Maybe you haven't noticed," Sirius took a step forward, "but you have two wands pointed at you. So, go on. Give us one more reason to turn you into a giant pimple."

"Hardly a transformation," remarked James.

"Well, not to rush, but what exactly do you nitwits want?"

"The only nitwit I see is you, but you have a book _we_ want," Sirius replied. "Let's see where it is."

He crouched to rummage through Snape's bag. He threw out a bottle of ink and listened with satisfaction as it broke and Snape swore. He tossed texts and notes over his shoulder until he came upon a small, dark book with the appropriate title emblazoned on the spine.

"Funny," Snape said as Sirius stood, "I didn't peg you as type."

"Well, for once you're right."

"Surely Potter doesn't want that book!" Snape continued even as James began to grind his teeth. "Oh, I think I understand. You're here on an errand for the girl."

"Listen you slimy little git-"

"No, no, I understand. She's too much of a weakling to come and get the thing herself so she sent her goons."

"Snape, I am going to start firing spells soon," Sirius warned, his wand pointed directly at the other's pale face.

"I am hardly afraid of a Black. Between you and your cousins it's no wonder it's a dying family."

"Sirius," James said, "let's just kill him."

"And while we're on that vein—who really believes Lupin's mother-"

"If you ever want to talk again you had best stop right now!" Sirius's wand emitted red sparks that he hoped burned as he pressed its tip to Snape's throat.

Snape's black eyes glittered darkly. "Lupin on the other hand, I'd believe it if someone told me _he_ was dying."

"Alright," Sirius pressed Snape to the wall roughly. "Go ahead. Say one more thing about my friends and see what happens. I dare you."

Snape sneered. "What friends? You're a Black, aren't you? All is a pack of unfortunate-looking tools."

. . .

Looking at James and Sirius sitting in the hospital wing, bandages here and there distorting their sullen faces, Ly felt something between triumph and rage.

She glanced down the room towards a closed curtained that housed Snape.

"So," she crossed her arms, "this is what happens when we let Sirius decide what to do."

"It was a good plan," he protested.

"Except for the part with Snape. Wouldn't it have been easier to have Bulstrode get just the book?"

There was a moment of silence.

"I didn't think of that."

"Of course you didn't."

"It's okay, Mate," James said with a toothy smile which was made to look somewhat comical by the swelling of his upper lip. "I got a few really good ones in on Snivelly so it's all fine by me."

"You're both hopeless. You use up a blackmail-

"It's still perfectly good-"

"get your faces all garbled-"

"I think it adds character-"

"and have nothing to show for it! You didn't even get the book."

"Give us a break, Ly," Sirius complained.

"Where are Rem and Pete, anyway?" James asked.

"You don't want to talk to Rem right now," Ly said. "As is I think he's going to rip you a new one over all of this. And I don't think Lily is ever going to talk to you again, James."

James groaned. "How did Lily find out so fast, anyway?"

"Peeves," replied she. "He's not an idiot and he isn't very fond of either of you. So he went around immediately to tell everyone what had happened."

"I'd kill the prick if I could," Sirius muttered.

"Too bad you can't," Ly smirked. "I'm sure he's off making a mess so you have something to do for detention. I wonder just how many points you'll lose."

Both boys groaned but Sirius was particularly distressed.

"So bloody close! I thought for sure I was going to get to go first."

Ly saw his frustration in the crease in his brow and couldn't help but laugh. "Looks like it's between me and Pete now."

"You?" Sirius perked up. "Oh, no, Lycaon Saer. You take the fall for this one, too."

"What? Why?"

"This was all your ruddy idea, that's why!"

"It was not! You came up with the stupid plan that got you in trouble, not me."

"We'll see what Remus has to say about that," Sirius said.

At this Ly could only laugh again. "If you think for one minute that he'll side with you, you're sorely mistaken, but okay. We'll ask Remus."

James shook his head and chuckled. "I just can't wait until she gets you one day, Sirius. It's going to be beautiful."

"Store it," grumbled the now irate Sirius Black.

Even with his face down-turned Ly couldn't help but look at him. He wore everything so well. Bruises and bandages and swelling only enhanced him. It was horribly unfair.

"Well, I'm going back to the tower. You can tell me everything when you get in."

"See you there!" James waved as she took a few steps backwards.

"See you, then!" Ly replied, turning on her heel.

"Aren't you going to wish us luck?" Sirius called after her.

Ly stopped to grin over her shoulder. "I thought you didn't need it?"

The unjustly attractive boy made no reply.

"Sorry, Sirius. There's no helping you now."

. . .

Outside the weather was gloriously autumnal and just cloudy enough to be perfect for a game of Quidditch. James sat in the locker room in his quidditch uniform with his eyes closed and a looping image of himself doing a victory lap around the stadium. In his mind he grinned triumphantly with the wind ruffling his hair and in the stands people cheered—including a particular red-head.

"Alright!" Woods shouted. "I hope you lot remember everything we've gone over. The variables are Zabini as a seeker—though at least this why he won't be blatching near as much, both of their new beaters, and the new chaser. Now, I'll make sure the new chaser isn't a problem and I know I can count on the Daniels brothers to keep the bludgers from killing any of us, so, it's down to you, Mill." The two boys grinned at one another. "I'm counting on you to get the snitch before Zabini does."

"I'll see what I can do," Henry replied, still grinning.

Oh, how James wanted to win. Winning this game was right up there with winning over Lily Evans.

"Well, then, time to line up!" Announced Woods. "DeWitt, Johnson, Potter."

James jumped from the bench to stand behind the other chasers.

"Daniels brothers—Martin first, and Mill."

Woods slipped into line just behind James.

"Nice broom, Potter. Show us what it can do."

James only nodded, and the seven of them stood against the wall, looking out on the quidditch pitch and up to the stands.

"Welcome, boys and girls, to the first match of the '72-'73 school year! Today we have a riveting match-up between the Gryffindors with one new player and Slytherin with three brand new punching bags!"

James could hear McGonagall clear her throat warningly and smiled.

"Let's go," Wood said.

They walked out onto the pitch, and, as they did, James became unable to gauge the crowd's reaction. He was absorbed in keeping pace and not falling all over himself.

James didn't even notice that Greggor was announcing the team until he heard his name and saw a few jets of light from the Gryffindor stands. He had the best mates in the whole wide world.

Then, from the opposite side of the pitch, the Slytherin team emerged. Even with three new members it was clear that this would be no easy match for the Gryffindors. If nothing else, both of the Slytherin beaters were large and with considerably more muscle tone than their predecessors. They also looked significantly cleverer—which was never a good quality in someone whose job it was to injure other players. James noted with some internal confusion that one of these was a certain Marcus Bulstrode. Knowing the most intimate secret of a stranger was not a pleasant condition to find one's self in.

James knew the first rule of a beater: take out the seeker. He looked down the row to Henry but the boy seemed not at all intimidated by the other team. Henry was calmly eyeing the sky, oblivious to any earthly woes.

Unable to rise above, James stared solemnly trunk which contained the four fate-governing balls of the game.

Madame Hooch saw that the formalities of the game were taken care of, and as Wood stepped back into line she threw open the trunk and undid the restraint with the blow of a whistle.

James shot up into the air, peering about to see where the quaffle had landed. It was in the hands of one of the Slytherin variables. Name or not, James then invested a significant portion of his energy into hating this boy who looked perhaps Henry's age.

Knott sped up beside the boy and shouted the word 'hawk' to the boy and Flint. It was a play, James realized. Knott was calling plays to his team, another advantage that the Slytherins had over them. All the way at the hoops Wood couldn't possibly call plays.

This disadvantage angered James.

"Martin!" He yelled. "Get this wanker!"

The beater looked somewhat surprised but greatly amused. He zoomed off as if to get hold of a bludger.

The Slytherins were moving quickly towards the goals and while Johnson and DeWitt flew alongside them, looking for an opening, James caught up quickly. His broom was faster and he was lighter, after all. There was no hope of stealing the quaffle from behind but as the goals drew ever closer James had a sudden thought. He dropped five feet and flew below. Then there was the tricky part.

James couldn't possibly hope to snatch the quaffle with one hand. He tightened is legs on his broom and lifted his arms. The wind against his stretched out torso threatened to unbalance him, and any second the Slytherins would become fully aware of his presence. He made one quick go for it and watched, heart in his throat, as the quaffle fell from its place and into his hands.

Perhaps he had been wrong for it occurred to him that now was the tricky part. James needed only a nanosecond, however, to regain himself. He pulled the quaffle close to his chest and turned towards the other side of the pitch. DeWitt managed to position herself just a bit below and behind him. The Slytherins gained on him quickly but Johnson did his part to block them. James pressed on with as much speed as he could glean from his broom.

"Potter, look out!"

A bludger was coming from his left, set to collide with him any moment. He couldn't afford to lose speed so he did the only thing he knew to do: a sloth-grip roll. Hanging from his broom, James watched the bludger fly exactly where his head would have been. The Nimbus brought him closer to the goalposts at a rate that seemed almost faster than his heart-beat. He righted himself as he approached the scoring area. Then the decision: would he pass or would he take his first-ever in-game shot?

James crossed the threshold and took the breath before the moment of truth. He closed his eyes, searched for peace or focus, and swerved sharply down and to the left, exposing himself to the wind as he made his shot with all of his strength in the throw.

The force of it threw him off balance and he spun before he could recover. The crowd roared, assuring him that he'd done it. Yes, he'd done it. In his head was the image of that victory lap. On the pitch, amidst all the action, James couldn't hear a thing Greggor was announcing. It was all just background noise, fading away as the wind blew in his ears.

Knott had the quaffle, then, though, and there was no time for James to revel in small victories.

. . .

The score stood 100 to 30 with Gryffindor in the lead. Ly stood with her stomach in knots as she watched. A ninety point lead was impressive but far from unshakeable. With the snitch worth 120 points and the Slytherin chasers wearing Wood down quickly it was imperative that Mill 

catch the snitch. Frankly, it had been quite long enough anyway. Quidditch games were expected to be as brief as possible—if they ran too long it mean that the seekers were talentless. Prolonging the game did neither Mill nor Zabini any favors.

"What a game!" Greggor yelled. "We have had nothing but action here from our teams. The score is holding at 100 to 30 but Wood appears to be tiring. Hold in there, old boy! Zabini and Mill continue to circle the pitch looking for the snitch, which seems to be particularly elusive this game, as Gryffindor takes hold of the quaffle again. Johnson has the quaffle as Potter and DeWitt zag about near him, which appears to be intimidating the Slytherins nicely. Knott is trying to edge in but Potter is having none of it. A bludger catches Flint's shoulder and--oh! Bulstrode repays the favor with a bludger straight to Johnson. The Quaffle is in Rosier's hands now. Knott is mimicking Potter's tactics, only at about twice the size this is impenetrable. They're racing towards the goals. Better start prepping for another great block, Wood, because the shot is coming for you fast. Rosier approaches the scoring zone and Knott enters! Knott has the quaffle and Merlin's Saggy-"

"Greggor!" Minerva shouted.

Daniel Greggor wasn't the only Gryffindor swearing loudly. Beside Ly Sirius let a number of inappropriate oaths fly. Seeing Crystal's frown at this almost made-up for the opponent's scoring for Ly. The idea that Crystal was so unused to that rougher side of Sirius pleased her tremendously.

"It's in. The score stands 100 to 40."

Ly sighed, her face flush and her blood pressure higher than usual. They ought to have beaten those bloody Slytherins five minutes ago.

"At last Mill seems to have spotted the snitch! He and Zabini are racing towards the center of the field. Their courses are merging now and Mill is pulling ahead. Come on, Henry! Seal the deal! It's a close call with Zabini just barely behind Mill. Zabini is pushing hard as the two gain on the snitch. Show 'em-OH! MERLIN'S BEARD! THAT CAME OUT OF BLOODY NOWHERE! A bludger gets Mill at the last bloody second and Zabini gets the snitch! Unbelievable!"

As Minerva attempted to keep Greggor from swearing any more severely Ly, Sirius, and the many of the Gryffindors picked up where he'd left off. Madame Hooch blew her whistle signaling the end of the game and motioned to the Slytherin team to officially pronounce them victorious. The stand shook with the frustration of dozens of students. The teams landed and Woods jogged immediately to Mill who lay on the ground, seemingly unconscious.

Looking from Sirius' tantrum to Remus' indignity and worry to Peter's bitter disappointment Ly could hardly bear to think what James must be feeling.

"Come on, Mates," she said over the commotion. "I have a feeling there's a Marauder down there who needs a little cheering up."

* * *

Author's Note: Can I just say that I truly hate writing about Quidditch? It's pure drudgery for me. I hope it doesn't show. Hopefully that will change after I've seen/played a few games. Did I mention they play Quidditch at my college? Because, while I'm not sure how they do it, they do. Each of the four buildings in the Meyers quad has a quidditch team and they play in front of the Honors dorms. I'm quite giddy at the prospect of inviting the quidditch team to see the next Harry Potter movie with my friends and I. We decided that we needed more boys to go see it with us and I realized—aha!—I can invite the quidditch team. They'll all be nerds, relatively successful--academically speaking, and one of them is bound to be attractive. So I look forward to that immensely and, as I said, maybe it'll change my outlook on writing about quidditch. Perhaps I should consider reading a few sports columns?

BUT after some confusion and some stressing on my part—apparently I become really stressed out when dealing with Betas—I have a really amazing Beta who I am thrilled to be working with. She also writes about the marauders. Remus/Sirius, a pet paring of mine. Check her out, though. Enjie Yekcam. This means that soon I'll be able to put out the audio chapters of TZB. Stay tuned!

Hope to get a review from you soon.


End file.
